November 04, 2013

The state of the Union

Since the inception of this blog, I have never once gone a whole month without blogging. Not ever.
Until now. October 2013...who's to know what happened during that month?! Because I did not write on this blog, we'll never really know.

But in all seriousness. Apparently parenting two children, Brett working nightshifts, and writing a "book thing" ( which I think is an appropriate name for it at this point, because its neither a book or a thing..but together I think its fitting), oh and lets be real I also really like me some fall TV, blogging came in dead last. So did my kitchen floor. Its never been so dirty. I wrote about it being dirty last month and it turns out it only got dirtier. I mean, it got a little cleaner a few times...but turns out we all insist on using our feet in that kitchen sooo...

But this post is not about my kitchen floor.

It's about the state of things. I was thinking last night that one of the things that has kept me blogging over the years is how very much I enjoy being able to look back over my life and remember things I ordinarily would not remember. Its helpful.
It's like being a parent of two children. With the second one you tend to be less stressed because you remember that with the first these things didn't really last forever ( which is why I'm overdue in writing a letter to my future self about 3 year olds and how they probably won't be the death of me...but they'll sure try). In the past I've had tons of patterns reveal themselves on my blog, like how every time we move I have a breakdown around month two into our new home where I bemoan not having friends ( then I usually make friends in month 3). Or how I tend to find all things bleaker early in the morning and late at night but that half way through writing about it I usually can find a glimmer of hope. And the times that I can't find that glimmer of hope, I best stop writing and start praying immediately. 

So, if you'll indulge me, I will now sip my coffee and give the state of the union November 2013.

I'm currently sipping coffee while Tabitha crawls after a balloon on the floor. Balloons are good crawling exercises because they tend to stay just out of reach of those pudgy hands. She really doesn't need practice though more like motivation. My daughter is incredibly laid back ( bless her) and I think the only thing stopping her from crawling a month ago was the drive to want to do it. Once she found something far away that she wanted more than what was in front of her then off she went. I love being her Mommy. She's just so easy. And sure I've had to stop her from destroying something twice in writing this paragraph but such is the state of this un-childproofed room.

Ransom is sitting on the couch across from me throughly enjoying extra morning ipad time. Neither Brett or I is a morning person and sometimes ( at least twice a week is just "sometimes" right?) we break the rules just a little bit and let him watch an extra half hour of Daniel Tiger so that we can continue to wake up. And wake up we must because Ransom is going to be a FULL TIME JOB from the moment that ipad closes ( and usually before) until he hits the bed again that night. People told me 3 years old was worse than 2...which I thought was just RUDE to say! But since 2 wasn't that bad, I figured people were just exaggerating...WRONG. We had our first public display of tantrum last week. I got to be that person leaving the store in the middle of a shopping trip that people shake their heads when they see. I took pictures so that  future Ransom would know what we had beat out of him and could thank us later on ( only partly kidding here). I then sent those pictures to my sister and was like. "HOLY TARGET TRIP BATMAN!! PLEASE TELL ME YOUR 3 YEAR OLD IS TERRIBLE TOO!"  And of course, her three year old IS terrible too...which only made me feel a tiny bit better.

I'm turning 30 this month which I'm totally excited about. I feel like 30 gives me a tiny bit of legitimacy as an adult like maybe I'm not just pretending that I know some things and maybe I'm comfortable with the person I am and have at least half way figured out the person I want to be and how I can hopefully become that person. I will say that I'm a little disappointed that I am not quite as fabulous as I wanted to be at 30. The last 15 (!!!) pounds of pregnancy weight have yet to leave-which I blame more on the fact that I have a pretty awful case of Plantars Fasciitis in my right foot that enables me from doing any walking/running and lets be real-with two kids those are my GO TO exercises-and I blame it less on the fact that I have a raging sweet tooth that I seem incapable of reigning in. Incidentally I did also figure out that those 15 pounds are almost CERTAINLY linked to the fact that a TALL Pumpkin Spiced Latte from Starbucks is 300 calories! WHAAAAAT?!?! Back when I was stuck in the hospital on bed rest for a month I had one of those babies almost every oops.
I'm also a little sad that after 30 years on this earth I'm not just a little bit more disciplined. But I'll let 40 year old me have that one.

Brett and I are enjoying his current work schedule and I have learned that these things tend to ebb and flow. We've experienced EXTREME pressure in the work department and now we're experiencing the lack of such pressure and it turns out they both have their issues to work through. I'd say that the lack of pressure is waaaay nicer, but that's just me. ;-) Sure, we have no stable work schedule ( sometimes Brett works weekends and has a day or two off in the middle of the week, sometimes we have no days off for two weeks, and then five days off in a row...sometimes all that changes and he works nights or mornings or late afternoons/ never really know.) but the fact that I see my husband getting to relax and actually enjoy life from time to time and see his kids and spend time with them while not being ridiculously tired. Well, that is worth my weight in gold ( which lets not forget is pretty substantial! ha!).

When we came to San Antonio we knew that we would once again be stretched and grown when it came to our relationship with the Lord. I knew that ministry would once again look drastically different. And those things are all very true. Of course, what I thought different and hard would look like is not it at all ( of course.). And from day to day I realize how little I know. How much I must depend on the grace and mercy of the Lord and how easily I forget what a BIG and MIRACULOUS God He is.

Which is why I'm writing that Book Thing. Every time I sit down to write I realize more of how miraculous things that happened to us really were. I also realize that sometimes miraculous things are incredibly hard. Last month my little friend KJ went to be with Jesus. He was 12. His parents who lost their only child, I pray for them daily. It does not seem miraculous At. All. for a sweet and kind beyond his years twelve years, little boy who loved starwars and corny jokes to die. What is miraculous are his parents, the fact that they continue on, they strive to go each day without their sweet boy. It is miraculous that KJ knows things now that the rest of us struggle to grasp. These are all things I'm trying to figure out. These are the thing that writing the Book Thing are helping me with. I'm also learning that in my limited ablilities writing a Book Thing are basically writing a really really really long blog post. So, if you don't like my blog posts than you best put the Book Thing out of your mind, because its gonna be awful when it's done. Which, since it's taken longer than Ransom's 30 minutes allotment of Daniel Tiger ( he's now watching The Lion King which he found all on his own...thanks Apple products for being so intuitive) to write this post, it may never be finished.

And so, that is where we stand on this November morning in 2013.