August 31, 2006

" I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness and speak comfort to her." ~ Hos. 2:14

Tonight, I got this verse, and my first reaction was to reject it even though I knew it was speaking directly to was funny, because for some reason I was scared...

Oh, but the Lord is Faithful.

"But we have this treasure in EARTHEN VESSELS, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be OF GOD and not from ourselves, we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed, perplexed, but not despairing, persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed, always carrying about in the body of Jesus, that the LIFE of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. " II Cor. 4: 7-

Funny thing just happened....I was reading back through my journal and on one page I'd written in quotation marks ( as though I was speaking to someone) the following questions: "What are you doing? I feel like you aren't in the best of places, yet what ARE you reading?! What ARE you watching?"

It was funny because when I first read it I immediately thought of those questions applied completely and totally to ME...but then, I remembered-when I wrote the questions I was actually speaking in frustration about SOMEONE ELSE!
HA! Talk about casting the first stone!! How awful!

But, it was a good lesson for tonight...oh that I would truly Love.

just what we need...

Ok, so you what is something we havent done in a LONG time?! And what is also something I really NEED to do today?!


1. Johnny Cash. Honestly, made me stop crying. Thanks Johnny. ( and why dont i actually OWN any Johnny Cash CDs?!)

2. The most adorable 82 year-old ( as of yesterday!) little lady that came into my office today...she was SO energetic and HAPPY and POSITIVE. I just LOVED her!

3.Emails from Tabitha and Mel. I mean, dont get me wrong, I love emails from EVERYONE but these two never EVER fail to lift my Spirit. And THATS just priceless.

4. Unseasonably cool weather. I mean, I know it sounds crazy...that its possible for 90 degrees to be considered "cool"...but at least its not "opressive"

5. My eyes turn green when I cry. Its weird. But also kinda cool. So there's always that.

6. Arrested Developmen. Its hard for me to decide WHO my favorite character actually is...possibly Job...possible George Michael...but does it matter? they are all great.

7. Gmail chat...shhhh....nothing like talking to friends while you work.

8. Church. Man, I honestly understand why people would want to become nuns...or priests...or monks or whatever. Because, there is really a Peace there, that cannot be replicated.

9. The fact that I get Monday off from work. sweet.

10. The knowledge that..."for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye-" Zech. 2:8...its been on my fridge for the past two weeks...its probably going to stay.


So, I got out of my doctors appointment relatively quickly...but I had to drive around until I stopped crying...

Yeah, I know that sounds dramatic. But, before you get overly excited...its no big deal. Turns out that I MOST PROBABLY have just a kidney stone here...and if you push through all of the annoying things that doctors say so that they wont get sued- Unless its "really bothering me" I should just let things be....

I cant talk about this.

I'm going to cry again.

I am so very tired of THIS. I'm discouraged like you wouldnt believe.

August 30, 2006

With that said...

Ok, so I think we've established many times that I'm really very good at being single...

but with that said...

I have NEVER. EVER. wanted a husband like a did tonight.

Whhhhy, you ask?!

the story:

I headed to wal mart around 8:40 tonight to pick up all the ingrediants I needed to make a really "special" cake ( and by special I mean it has all kind of weird and random things in it...and I honestly dont know HOW its going to taste good by the sound of of course I just HAD to try it...) that I am making for Billie and Steve and my family, if you know Steve, as many of you do, you'll know that its REALLY important for me to make a REALLY good cake. Not because he'd be mean if I made a bad cake...its just that you just WANT to please him so badly! ( I promise to tell you about my cake tomorrow-but for now the details remain a suprise)

Anyway, long story short I head home around 10 till 9....

take out all my ingedients...and....NOOoooOooOOo! I forgot EGGS!!!!

Back into my car....back to wal mart ( eggs are located at the VERY back of the store)....

Home again 9:15.

Start making my cake....its going well, I'm reading everything carefully...all the way to the last ingred....waaaaait...OOOOH NOOOOO! I didnt see that I needed SOUR CREAM!!?!

For half a second i thought about just skipping it...but I knew that would be wrong. And it was at THIS MOMENT that this thought came into my mind:

"wow. if only I was MARRIED. My husband could run to Wal Mart for me...."

The rest of the story is pretty much as you would expect, except that I ran past Jordan in Wal Mart this time around, I yell incoherent things at him as I passed...hopefully that made up for my rudeness ;-)

The moral of this story? Obviously, without realizing it, I was under the impression that husbands are really good for running errands at 10:30 at night. But, now that I actually THINK about it...realistically what are the odds that my husband would actually run out and get me the sour cream when *I* was the one stupid enough to forget it TWICE?! I guess if he reeeeeally loved me ;-)

One day I'm going to get my self a real live boyfriend ( hahaha) and I want you guys to remember to ask him the "hypothetical" question of whether or not he'd go to wal mart TWICE for things that *I* forgot....I think then we'll know if I have a keeper or not .

mental note

Interesting turn of events...I think someone should make a movie about someone who only makes decisions based on online quizzes...

You Should Date A Swede!

You're a romantic, albeit an understated and practical one.
It's more about a steady partnership for you, not unrestrained falling
Your Swede will give you the unwavering love you crave
While making up some mean pancakes and meatballs on the side!

I just looked at the little picture on the quiz results...what the HECK is that girl DOING?! Pinching his forehead?! Weiiiird...

Oh, and then, I took the quiz listed under the foreign guy one...and the results were totally wrong. I'm pretty sure my track record proves I'm WAAAAY more scary than THAT!

You Are 38% Scary

You scare men off ocassionaly, but only very weak men.
You're a normal woman. You're not perfect, but you're pretty darn close.

"Frou Frou"

I've been listening to them all day...I looove this music.
Its made my day just a tad better.

I've been productive today, which is nice.
But, I still feel like I'm treading water at my job. *sigh*

My office is FREEEEEEZING. Its worse than the hospital in here.

In other news: Season Three of Arrested Development...well, its fabulous. I dont understand TV watchers-and why they'd let a gem like this show go?!

So are the days of our lives...

Read a good bit about "waiting" this morning...go read Morning and Evening by Spurgeon if you havent already. But, I was thinking about the idea that we as humans are forever impatient. Maybe it has something to do with our underlying sense that this life does not last particularly long...I dont exactly know why it is-but whatever the case, we are constantly desiring the NOW to be EVERYTHING.

Am I making any sense? I feel like I'm talking in code here for no particular reason. I hope that's not the case.

All I am saying is that Patience is what I am praying for today. Patience...and...endurance.


In other news, I had chocolate cake ( thanks Katie!) for Breakfast this was good...but possibly TOO good. Now I fill ill. ugg. I bet this coffee will help...

So where is everyone this morning? I only have one blog update...and ZERO emails. odd.

August 29, 2006

blasted all...

I wrote this totally long ( and dare I say perfect) post only to have it get deleted.
Of course, since there is no proof on just HOW perfect it was...I'm just going to go ahead and say it was THE best POST ever.

This post, however, will be a mere shell of what once was.

I think I'm coming down with something...probably the Broncitis that everyone and there DOGS It doesnt help that I was at work until 8:30 last night ( meeting dragons or something of the like) around TONS of people. And it rained.
Not that that really makes any difference. But it makes it SOUND more dramatic.
Anywho, I went home and went ( almost) directly to bed...stopping to drink the nasty vitamin drink that Aunt Donnave reccommended to me a while back...I drank it while I was in NZ and it kept me healthy then...buuuut...even though I drank it last night, and then slep till 8:30 and drank ANOTHER dose, I'm still feeling uggy.

But, enough about my ever recurring health problems. I like to think of myself as the 22 year old that sounds like an 85 year old.

So, I want to give major props to my readers who look at pictures WAY TOO CLOSELY. Seriously, you guys must have rocked at Where's Waldo ( I dont know what the French version of that is...but google it or something if you dont know what I'm talking about). It excites me that you all have plenty of time to scrutinize my pictures and that the fun isnt even over...Now that I know you will look so closely, I will try and "leave suprises" for you in my next installments of what I like to call "Abigail's Castle: A life of bugs, bad plumbing, but otherwise adorableness"

Yes...I just came up with that title for the pictures of my apartment....a little something extra that wasnt in my first ( though perfect) post. Anyway, you can look forward to those pictures when I get around to it.

In other news, I am getting my hair cut today...its been in this ackward "ugly" phase for a good two weeks now...and its really time to move on and be the beauty that we all know and love ( HAHAHAHAHA! who am I kidding?!)..but seriously now, I havent really decided if:
A. cut a good portion off and continue to have short-er hair..
B. just get a trim and start the ever-growing-out process so that one day soon I can be mistaken for a Pentecostal again ( boy that will forever be one of my FAVORITE stories).
C. Cut my bangs ( fringe, whatever) so that they are definitely bangs and not annoying pieces of hair that dont do anything.
D. Not cut my bangs and grow them out so that my hair is the semblance of the same length.
E. None of the above...dye it purple, get a tatoo and join a rockband.

I honestly havent thought much about it...except to write this post ( oh, and that other post...that was perfect) I will probably just sit like a dud in the stylist chair and let my hairdresser do whatever he wants...of course, you, my readers always have a HUGE say in life decisions ( as is this) so let me know before 3pm ( my time) about any hair preferences you may have. I may take it into account.

I'm going to actually do some work now...after I take something to stop all my bones from aching.

August 28, 2006


Internet access galore!!!!!

I wont tell you HOW long it took me to set up the internet in my office, or how I had to MOVE furniture...because, it was ALL worth it.

So here I am, email me where ever...send me blogs...links to youtube...ebay...this is fabulous!

But, above all, I cannot work without being INTERRUPTED by FAULTY internet access.

Today is crazy busy.


August 27, 2006


I just had to cancel Bible Study tomorrow because I FORGOT that I have to work at Meet the Dragons ( the start up "event" for the high school football team)...selling my Evil Raffle Tickets....and believe me, the irony is NOT lost on me...that after spending my high school days HATING and BOYCOTTING the football team and cheerleaders and anything else remotely related...I am now seriously PRAYING that they play well this year...because, then hopefully I'll sale more Alumni Shirts....and the fact that I'll be going to all the home games to sale said shirts...well.....Luckily, I live to be ironic.

Honestly....what have I become?!

In other news, this weekend I have been a social butterfly. I've had some sort of social engagment every single night. Crazy. But fun. But also by tonight I couldnt DO it anymore....I dont know why i have more pain at night...and early in the morning...but I do, and tonight its been especially bad.

I cant believe tomorrow is Monday....*sigh*

Its August, but I am thinking about getting out my NZ hoodie just for the comfort that it brings.....sometimes you just really need something snuggly to make you feel better....and since there is no one around to give me a hug- turn up the air conditioner and give me my hoodie!

as promised...

And you'll notice, for the sake of keeping this "realistic" I didnt really pick the shoes up off the floor...or straighten my can thank me later.





Its technically Sunday

I'm up late.
Talked to Emma and Lydia on the phone. Both dear sisters. How blessed I am...

I saw a falling star tonight. I was so happy just to be able to even see the stars...I forgot to make a wish-but even if I had-it wouldnt have been as good as this which is already true:

Ps 33:
4 For the word of the LORD is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.

5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

6 By the word of the LORD were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars [a] ;
he puts the deep into storehouses.

8 Let all the earth fear the LORD;
let all the people of the world revere him.

9 For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations;
he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.

11 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
the people he chose for his inheritance.

13 From heaven the LORD looks down
and sees all mankind;

14 from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth-

15 he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.

16 No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.

18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

August 26, 2006

creating a monster...

I dont know exactly how many times I am going to have to clean my house before I feel like I'm just cleaning MY dirt and not the person before me's dirt...but honestly, I found myself on my hands and KNEES scrubbing the kitchen floor today...I mean, honestly now...eww.

In other news...I got my new duvet cover today...its way cute. But, very...ummm....colorful. But, then again-its either THAT or painting my bedroom...and well, as much fun as that would be-I just cant at the moment.

So, it wont be long before I'll post bedroom pictures... but a few more things to do before then... maybe kitchen pictures will be next.

August 25, 2006

not to overshadow...

I hate to post right after posting pictures of my adorable living room...because I hate to over shadow them...but, then, who am I kidding...even MY words cant over shadow big ol' pictures.

So, my night was really interesting. One of those nights where you think: "huh. God SO had His hand in all that!"

Basically, my evening was going to be a lowkey affair at Mary's house with the some of the twenty-somethings from church...and i say "some" because Anna wasnt there...and we ALL know how much it cramps my party skillz when I dont have Anna there to play off my jokes *sigh* But, anyway, I digress...

So, I was there at the get together when I SUDDENLY remembered that I absolutely HAD to call my ex-boss Dr. G because I was still having problems with my new insurance and my OLD insurance had sent me some bad information JUST today...and I knew that HE was the ONLY person that HAD the information I needed...and I ALSO knew that HE was going to Hawaii for two weeks tomorrow ( yes, it is a tough tough life) I get his number from trusty Aaron and the Dudley household and I make a "quick call" to see if he'll mail me the info I need before he heads out tomorrow...

Long story short. I end up driving out to the Grohman's house ( yessssss....first time ever that I've used there REAL name on my blog! wooo hoooo! no longer employed!! ) and what transpired was no less than perfect.
I wont go into it-but I had a very important conversation with Dr. G and his wife in an area that is pretty much my one and only expertise...they just so happened to be facing something that *I* could offer some insight into...and as I was talking to them it wasnt even MY words coming out of my mouth! And then we had a really cool little prayer time...after which I drove back to my previous party...but the totally crazy thing was the WHOLE way I was driving I COULDNT stop praying...I mean, it was weird. I dont know what I was praying about really but I am glad I could be a part of that.

Honestly, I tell you this because it was the best part of my day-and it was the best part of my day because it was a little tiny reminder about a much greater scale....that our Lives...the very HOURS that we live are not our own. I had tonight all planned out in a nice tidy package- a small hanging out with friends...instead I got to visit some really sweet people and talk about God and actual IMPORTANT stuff....and pray with them...and as we all know...I Looooove to pray with people!

So, there you have it, my night was fantastic.

Oh, and Mary makes the BEST pie ever. I mean, rock ON...that pie was goooood.

one room at a time...

Here is my living room..notice the artistic angle of this first picture....that would be an accident. ;-)



Bite the Bullet.

So, this morning started off with an "apology email"...honestly! How do I get myself into this?!
I feel much better now, but I hope I've learned my lesson ( again) about the importance of counting to ten-even in the proverbial sense!
I am totally and completely happy its Friday. Very, very, very happy....
Java Jacks rocks my world.

August 24, 2006

Great Expectations.

Take my heart, and my make me new.
I am ready for you.
So come and fill my soul.

"A man of sorrows, acquainted with grief" ~Is 53:3

O my God, do not be far from me! Make haste to help me.
O Lord, my salvation." Ps 38:21-22

A broken people, not whole...tossed about and struggling in this fallen world, in fallen bodies....
A Savior. Perfect. Complete. Full of Love, Unconditional.


I am so loved.
Undeserving. But loved.

I want to come.
I want to bow
I want to kneel
I want to see the way that You see.
Open my eyes so I can see You.


So, I changed my email link...over in the righthand corner ( says something like, "comments not enough, email me HERE") so that it takes you to my gmail account...

I ultimately still love my yahoo ( just because of the first samuel part) so...keep in mind that the gmail is a BACK UP.

Work Related Evil

OK, so today I'm pretty much over the $900 mistake that the previous girl made ( that I found yesterday)...afterall, Its not my fault and I'll do everything I can ( pray like nobodies business) to try and deal with said why cry over spilled milk, right?
That's right...
So, that means today I'm ultra calm and able to focus on the annoying ANNOYING ANNNNOOOOOOYYYYYYIIINNNG firewalls at this blasted high school.
I am now remembering all the things i hated about this place back in the day.
OK, so not only am I not able to read your blog posts ( especially if you still havent clicked on "publish all" under your preferences ( whhhhy???) and I'm still not able to read my emails..but ALSO I can't get on WORK related sites.
I cannot WAIT until next week when I get my DSL line put in and I can "stick it to the man" and do all sorts of school-illegal activities  right here in the school...oooooh....I think my first order of business will be to watch something on YouTube...because THAT will be just SCANDALOUS!
Can anyone else just not wait until this week is OVER?! Is it just me or is the month of August possibly the longest month in the history of MONTHS?!
September: I've never loved you so much, or longed for your arrival so much, I've never desired the taste of quasi-fall ( since in Texas anything but summer doesnt exist) so much...
~ I just want to put my first month of work behind me...but I'm pretty sure its going to stretch on until eternity.
~And speaking of work, and feeling stupid and useless ( you mean, I wasnt talking about that?) I am sooo hoping that there is a "FrontPage for Dummies" book out there because this Microsoft Press book is TOTALLY USELESS. I feel like an idiot. I will NEVER create a webpage...does anyone know ANYTHING about this program?!
*tears from heaven*
~ OK, I'm going to end on a happy note-I've been moaning this whole, as you may or maynot know...I've been watching Prison Break pretty much SOLID for the past two weeks...and I have a pretty major crush on Wentworth Miller/Michael Scofield
And that's totally not normal.
I dont GET crushes on fictional people...
I mean, dont get me wrong I totally loved The Captain from Firefly....but it was more in a " I realize this is fiction" kind of a way...and I honestly dont know if my little mind has grasped that I cant MARRY Michael Scofield...hahahah!
Anyway, I find it really funny that I've become this sad and pitiful. And that is why I share it with you now...because obviously if we dont laugh at me right now-than it'll just be a waste.
Oh, and here's another thing ( since I'm obviously into this "too much information" thing)...I dont think its realistic at ALL that I'm so into these mono-syllible guys on TV...because, really, I'm all about people TALKING to reality It'd probably drive me crazy that this guy is looking at me with those brooding eyes but not actually SAYING anything. It'd get old fast.
So, I'm going to try and convince myself that Michael Scofield is fictional and that I actually need to start looking for some guy that LOOKS like a brooder, but in reality ...isnt.
OK! Now that you've lost all respect for me! Have a good day...

August 23, 2006

the evils of email.

So, today, it turned out that work was SO insane that it hardly even bothered me ( that much) that they had learned my "tricky" way of getting into my Yahoo! email account..and had thus blocked it.

I know...normally that would have practically sent me home.
But, I had bigger fish to fry.

However, if you want to email me ( and I recommend that you do...) in the next week ( because after that, I'm getting SEPERATE internet so that I dont have the evil firewalls) than email me at my gmail account, ok?

Speaking of emails...its a tricky business.....I sometimes think I say too much in emails. Or I say things badly....why do I keep writing? The written word is so easily twisted! Not that I'm ANY better in person....

I am good at putting my foot in my mouth-whether in person or via the written word.
And just so you know, I am crazy enough to worry when you dont reply to my emails....because I WILL worry that I've DONE something wrong...and yes, I suppose that DOES make me self-involved as though everything has to do with ME...but, that's just how I am...I'm.... eccentric(?)...or special (?).... And I'd like to think that its an endearing trait, one of those things that when you think about it, you smile because you like the fact that you have weird friends like me...but that's probably being TOO positive.
So instead, I'll continue to pretend that I dont care. And that I'm ultra confident about every word that comes out of my mouth ( or my fingers).


Its a miracle I have any friends at all.

it'll all shake out while the water boils....

I am not even going to tell you about my day. Let’s just say I am very glad its over ( as far as work goes). I didn’t KNOW people ( as in the person who had my job before me) could mess up that badly!

But, as I was driving, running my last work errands of the day, God really gave me som e much needed comfort. So…

I came home turned on some music and I’ve been cooking Indian food ever since…I wasn’t even hungry…its just that I find that cooking is actually really relaxing.

Now, if I could just get up the strength to clean I’d be a house wife waiting to happen…but looks like as long as I continue to have pain… I’m safe. ;-)

August 22, 2006

sleeping dogs lie...or something

So, who ARE you "Molt, Montana"? I dont think I know anyone in Montana...or dooooo I?!
You've been visiting my blog ( on your Mac computer) the last few days...and that's all I know...( I wish Sitemeter gave me more details so i could stalk my readers better)

I know its useless to ask that you tell me who you are, or even you got here....but I'm going to ask anyway.

P.S. On a totally different note: I am totally and completely in love with the song "Hide and Seek" ( Imogen Heap). I literally have it on repeat at the moment.

itunes test

Got this off of Mel’s blog…thanks Mel, deary….it was fun

The way it works:
1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How am I feeling today?
Indulge Me~ Olive. ( hahaha! “my pretty little dress starts to look a mess.” I did get toothpaste on my shirt this morning…)

Will I get far in life?
Holy, Holy~ Breakaway Ministries
(“We lift are hearts and sing praises to the king”- with a life like that, I suppose it’ll be far enough.)
How do my friends see me?
Love Remains~ Collin Raye
(“in spite of what’s been lost and what’s been gained, we are living proof that through it all love remains…” –I like that. )

When will I get married?
Are you gonna be my girl? ~JET
“1,2,3, take my hand and come with me” Yeah, that has nothing to do with the question…hahaha…I don’t know HOW to read into this one.

What is my best friend’s theme song?
“How Great is our God” ~Chris Tomlin
(Since one of my best friends gave me this CD…and the fact that so many of my friends proclaim that to my daily. This song actually WORKS!

What is the story of my life?
Beauty for Ashes~ Shane&Shane
Whoa, now THIS is so true!
“Beauty for ashes…take this heart of stone and make it yours…I delight myself in the richest of fare, trading all that I have for all that is better.”
The story of a life saved by grace.

What was high school like?
Twisted Logic~ Coldplay.
AAAAAAHAHAHAHAH! Yes, the title says it all..

How am I going to get ahead in life?
More than Life ~Hillsong.
“Stand by everything You say, stand by the promises You’ve made. Let go of everything I’ve done. Run into your open arms…”
Yup, that seems like a good plan to go by!

What is the best thing about me?
“As Time Goes By” Casablanca Soundtrack
ummm….I don’t know? I’m just like a classic love song…I’m good for a very sappy evening?! Hahah.

How is today going to be?
You call it Madness ( I call it love)~ Nat King Cole
Yup, today was pretty crazy…but I don’t think it was necessarily “lovable”!

What is in store for this weekend?
When I look to the Sky ~Train
“When I look to the sky something tells me you’re here with me, and you make everything alight.”

What song describes my parents?
Looking~ Ziggy Marley
“Looking you will find, find you will define.”

your grandparents?
Stand by Me~ Ben E King
(awwww….good one!)

How is my life going?
I did it~ Dave Matthews Band

What song will they play at my funeral?
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger ~ Daft Punk
(hahahahah! Interesting choice…)

How does the world see me?
Lovely~ Shawn McDonald

Will I have a happy life?
Breathing~ Lifehouse
“ falling back to the arms of grace…I’m hanging on every word you say even if you don’t want to speak tonight that’s ok all I want is to sit outside heaven’s door and listen to you breathing”
Sounds good to me.

What do my friends really think of me?
Uninvited~ Alanis Morisette
( uh-oh, no good!)

Do people secretly lust after me?
Grease Lightening~ Grease Soundtrack
“I’ve got chills, they’re multiply’n…”
looks like it..hahahah!

How can I make myself happy?
Jesus Generation~ Hillsong
Yup, that’s about right..

What should I do with my life?
Your Body is a Wonderland~ John Mayer
Sounds like an interesting life plan…)

Will I ever have children?
They Can’t take that Away from Me~ Robbie Williams
(I guess that’s a yes?!)

What is some good advice for me?
When you Love Someone~ Bryan Adams
(Ok…I’ll keep that in mind..)

What is my signature dancing song?
When you say nothing at all~ Ronan Keating
Obviously my signature dance is a sloooow dance. Whatever, it’s a good song.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Enough~ Jeremy Camp
(“You are my supply…you are my reward, worth living for, all of you is more than enough for all of me…you satisfy.” )

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Joy of Man’s Desire~ J.S. Bach
( cool!)

What type of men/women do you like?
Don’t Know Why~ Norah Jones
(“I don’t know why I didn’t call…” –that’s the I must like someone who doesn’t pay any attention to me…)
Play hard to get I guess. ;-)

What kind of kisser are you?
Don’t Panic ~ Coldplay
I have no idea what this means.

What’s your style?
The very thought of you~ Tony Bennett
Sure, that’s a style…

What kind of lover are you?
Consuming Fire~Third Day
(eeeeee! No comment.)

What would be playing on a first date?
Amazing Grace~ Hillsong
(HAHAHAHAHA! So who’s the gracious one? Me or him?)

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Complicated~ Avril Lavigne
The question is…why do I own this song?

the way of my mind..

So, honestly, do I seem different to you?
Hahaha! That's one of those really awful questions that people start breaking out in a sweat when they hear...but I'm SERIOUS.
This morning I was getting ready for work, and I was in a goodly amount of pain ( the mornings are the worst) and I was thinking about how LONG it had been ( several months isnt that long I guess) that I'd been in some simblance of pain. And I'm MUCH has it effected me (besides me talking about it all the time)?
I am kind of serious about you answering that question...not that I think very many of you WILL...but its worth a shot.
Anyway, I'm just dissatisfied with myself this morning, it seems that everything I touch kind of falls apart or gets grimy finger prints all over it. Thankgoodness for the Grace of God or honestly, I'd be nothing more than a SHELL of a thing...and we're talking just because of who I am...not because of any added pain.
Its just that the pain made me think about it.
Yes, I think its been kind of good being "less than myself" because ultimately, its shown a really big spotlight on my substitutes.
Do you know what I'm talking about? The things that we turn to when we need comfort. The things we turn to when we need to fill up that little niggling empty space that comes when you are overly tired, overly confused, overly worked, overly stressed...overly.
Suprisingly ( or not) the things I've found myself turning to are not what I'd have thought....
On the good side, I find that I'm praying when I wake up in the morning. Dont get me wrong-they arent some beautiful dream-prayers...they sound more like, "Pleeeease help me today! I am weak..."
Its as though the start of the sentence happened even before I was completely awake. Even my subconscious knows I cant do this by myself.
On the bad side, I look for comfort in other people...oh, I do it really subtly so even I dont realize that I'm trying to soak up a little bit of comfort, acceptance, love.. from those that God's put in my life...instead of just going directly from the source ( God Himself).
I keep thinking, "Well, God doesnt give me hugs, and He doesnt write me happy emails when I need them and He doesnt come right out and tell me that it'll be ok..."
Why oh why do I keep looking for someone to make me feel better..instead of Him?!
Its truly the thing that grieves me the most about myself.
I'm actually angry that I feel so alone.

August 21, 2006

the night I took up drinking...

So, this morning I had an IVP...which for those, like myself ( before two years ago) who dont know what that is...basically I had dye injected into my veins which then slowly filled up my kidneys and then proceeded down into my bladder...and I had pictures taken of this process ever couple of minutes.
too much information, huh?
Well, anyway, the results were good...though also bad...turns out while the radiologist ( I get personal service now! woo) saw some stoneage up in my kidney on the right side...he saw nothing at all abnormal on the left. ( which is the side that has been hurting me for the past eight or so weeks off and on).
I've officially stumped the doctors.
I've officially stumped myself...and I'm starting to seriously consider the, "its all in my mind" idea. what do you think? I'm crazy? We've always suspected as much now we'll know for certain...
Anyway, back to the doctor I go...hopefully he'll have new and exciting ways to spend money.
Last night, to prepare for my IVP I had to drink this really nasty concoction that "cleans you out".
So, to make the process of drinking the stuff "more fun"...I watched the movie Blue Crush, and took a swig of my nasty drink everytime the words "surf" "wave" or "water" were said. Turns out it really didnt help at all.
Oh well, I tried.

August 19, 2006

the princess story: part dos

To catch up on last week's part one

The Princess immediately headed out to visit the Fairy who had given her the magic necklace that kept her from doing anything wrong. She felt sure that there MUST be something wrong with her necklace, otherwise the magic forest woud have let her pass through.

The Fairy was not particularly happy to see the Princess, and her reason soon became evident.

"When I gave you that necklace I was a very young fairy," she explained.

"I really didnt have very developed magic yet and I honestly didnt know WHAT I was going to give you ( for all the fairies in the land were required to give a gift to every royal child at its birth) and I could barely set a spell on household objects much less do anything worthy of royalty...however, as luck would have it, on the way to the castle I came upon a shrivel up old man who was walking suprisingly quickly for someone so old.

'Were are you headed, old man? ' I said.

'Away, away, away...' said the old man.

I could tell that he wasnt in the mood for talking so we walked on in silence, until finally my curiosity got the best of me and I pressed him for more details. It wasnt long before I got his story.
He had been working for the Master ( you know, the one..the most powerful magician in the land-it was said He had ALWAYS been in the Land..if that's possible.) and had been working for Him for many years, now before I could exclaim about how exciting that must have been, and what a wonderful honor it was to work for the Master, the Old Man stopped me.

'Oh, it wasnt as great as all that, in fact, I got tired of it,' sneered the Old Man.
'I mean, I learned sooo much, and yet would the Master let me do anything? Heavens no! He always did everything fun and imporant Himself, and I honestly got tired of it. Finally, I'd had enough of his highandmighty attitude and I decided to leave. I'd learned all the important stuff, anyway. So last night, I left a "goodbye present" and departed.'

I asked him what his goodbye present was and he said he had been practicing on of the Master's most important magics and he had finally perfected it. He had then placed the magic spell on one of the Masters possessions and taken it leaving only a note saying his good riddance.

“So he actually STOLE something from the Master?!” exclaimed the Princess, who had been listening intently to the Fairy’s tale.

“Yes, infact, to be honest I think he was thinking a little less of his “bravery” the farther he walked. Which is how I came to attain his stolen treasure…”

“You…you mean…the?” studdered the Princess .

“Yes, I got that necklace for a very fair price.”

Stay tuned....

i am still a dropper...

remember...oooooh....last week, when I dropped the drier door on my foot?!

Well, TODAY, I was trying to kill one of the hundreds of wasps that hang out by my front door...when one of them flew towards me in a menacing sort of way...and being the total GIRL that I am...I screamed, ran backwards, and in the process dropped my full can of bug spray directly on the top of my foot...there is now a lovely knot on the top of my foot, with a little blood blister to top it off...

Sitting upstairs at Java Jacks with a piece of ice propped on top of it...normally I dont sit upstairs but I felt like it probably wasnt coffee house rules to put your foot up with ice on it.

August 18, 2006


I found pictures…lots of them.
Old ones.
Obscure pictures.

How much do you love pictures that capture a moment?
Tonight I basked in some memories…

I pushed my face hard into the bare mattress and was ANGRY at God
…I looked around at Lydia’s room…the posters still on the wall, but everything else piled up in boxes against the wall…
That moment was both horrible and yet entirely good/necessary.
I would go back to Texas after that.
And I would be glad that Kristy had gotten out the camera in that significant moment.
To remind me why I couldn’t stay.

We laid there in the sun…not saying anything and if we did it didn’t have any weight…it just floated away on some summer breeze. Moments like that are why I love summer, why I love my friends, why I love afternoons. And ultimately why it was so hard to LEAVE.
Hastings 2004

We’d been driving for hours, down dusty highways…stopping for ice cream and dips in the river…and critters that crossed the road. Listening to Coldplay and the soundtrack to Save the Last Dance. I honestly didn’t care if we EVER got to our destination…

We stood on the dark, cold, bare campus of a University that none of us attended…just there for the weekend. But as we began to sing and pray it was as though it was day, and warm…and home.
bootcamp prayer

They had dug a hole and put a trampoline in it. Genius.
We loved “they” for it…though we just came to the house for “weekends away”…an empty house with a baby bed in the back bedroom. Odd.
We would fill the house with laughter, deep discussions, new inside jokes, prayer, pranks and food…and then we’d pack up and leave. But not without taking home some memories of starry nights on the trampoline.

Once the music started, once we were dancing all together in a big group.. it didn’t really matter what our dresses looked like, or if our hair was working for us…besides, no matter how hard you try-you’ll make a face like this too…ah, high school…

Life was truly beautiful, it was paradise, and no matter how hard you pinched yourself you really didn’t wake up…in Fiji one can hardly contain the joy of life…we didn’t even try…

Another kind of Review...

I'm totally the fan of soundtracks...its like the mega-version of the "mix tape"...or the "mix CD" ( which I've raved about my particular delight of these on this blog many times)...

So, you can imagine how happy I was when I heard that the "sequal" to the Garden State soundtrack was coming soon in the form of "The Last Kiss" soundtrack.

And my happiness was not disappointed. I'm totally loving this soundtack. I must admit I actually own a good number of the songs already ( Imogen Heap, Snow Patrol, Coldplay, Rufus Wainwright, Amos Lee...) but the thing I think I love about this CD is that all these songs are now married together in some special way, conveniently located on one CD for my listening pleasure. They flow nicely so you can leave it on and not worry about being jarred awake by some weird random song that doesnt fit.


In other news: Thomas played the good brother today and hung my pictures and mirrors in my living room...rock on.

Have a good weekend everyone. I plan to stay in bed as much as possible.

the week in review...

I dont even know why I gave this post such a comprehensive title when I most probably wont review anything...hahaha...
But, Friday's always have the tendency to make me look back over the week and wonder if it went ok....
So, once again I'm going to bring up the thorn in my side. The kidney stone was pretty painful last night-and then all night ( I know this, because I kept waking half way up because of the pain)....I've been praying about it, and I feel like I've really not been praying as I should-if that makes any sense.
So, I am now officially on the praying for healing war path. I confess that I lack the faith to believe that God can totally and completely heal me of my kidney stones...not in the sense that I dont think He has the POWER to do it...but that He just WONT.
Horrible. Shocking.
I had no idea that my faith in His love was so weak and flimsy!
I am now not just praying for healing, but simultaneously praying for the faith to pray for healing. (yes, thats possible to do!).
I feel a lot like the women who came up and touched the hem of Jesus's cloak...she'd done everything, spent all her money, spent years doing everything that would eventually fail-and now she turns to Jesus for salvation.
Sure, it hasnt been "years" ( well, i guess it has) and I havent spent all my money ( though if I didnt have such kind parents I'd be in trouble for sure!), but I have sort of lost faith that the doctors will come up with a solution. And now, now that my insurance has failed me too...I just really see no hope.
No hope at all. And I feel that it is only NOW that I start pushing through the crowd.
I guess I'm encouraged by the fact that its ok that I've turned to EVERY other possible solution before REALLY turning to God about this. I know that was wrong of me, but then again, I also know that GOD knows how weak and sinful I am. He's already forgiven me for my lack of faith...
So, that's where I stand. I'm praying. I'm going to pray for something big here. I didnt realize it would be so hard.

August 17, 2006

finders keepers

I just bought season two of Arrested Development for $ was stuffed between a copy of some 80s B movie and Queen of the Damned. mmmmmwwwwahahaha! I feel so special :-)

the great physician

This was in my Morning&Evening this morning...
John 11:4
This sickness is not unto death.
From our Lord's words we learn that there is a limit to sickness. Here is an "unto" within which its ultimate end is restrained, and beyond which it cannot go. Lazarus might pass through death, but death was not to be the ultimatum of his sickness. In all sickness, the Lord saith to the waves of pain, "Hitherto shall ye go, but no further." His fixed purpose is not the destruction, but the instruction of His people. Wisdom hangs up the thermometer at the furnace mouth, and regulates the heat. 1. The limit is encouragingly comprehensive. The God of providence has limited the time, manner, intensity, repetition, and effects of all our sicknesses; each throb is decreed, each sleepless hour predestinated, each relapse ordained, each depression of spirit foreknown, and each sanctifying result eternally purposed. Nothing great or small escapes the ordaining hand of Him who numbers the hairs of our head. 2. This limit is wisely adjusted to our strength, to the end designed, and to the grace apportioned. Affliction comes not at haphazard-the weight of every stroke of the rod is accurately measured. He who made no mistakes in balancing the clouds and meting out the heavens, commits no errors in measuring out the ingredients which compose the medicine of souls. We cannot suffer too much nor be relieved too late. 3. The limit is tenderly appointed. The knife of the heavenly Surgeon never cuts deeper than is absolutely necessary. "He doth not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men." A mother's heart cries, "Spare my child"; but no mother is more compassionate than our gracious God. When we consider how hard-mouthed we are, it is a wonder that we are not driven with a sharper bit. The thought is full of consolation, that He who has fixed the bounds of our habitation, has also fixed the bounds of our tribulation.
I've been praying about healing the last few days...I dont know why I'm so afraid to ask for it? Its so strange that I would hold back like this! Lack of faith I suppose...but this passage did encourage me to keep praying about it. This is important...

blast from the past...

Had the previledge of hanging out with favorite cousin Joel today...seriously, he is fantastic.
But, has it REALLY been almost three years since i last saw him?!

P.S. my new phoneline is working...OOOoOOOOooo even recorded my generic message of "you have reached *says number* leave a message."...honestly, it was ALL I could think of at 11:30 at night!

P.P.S. feel free to call and leave me clever messages in reply. ;-)

August 16, 2006


just found out that my kidney stones/anything related to...will not be covered by my insurance.
Man, this is NO GOOD.

August 15, 2006

A desire for something new...

I would really like something NEW…and I’m not talking “things” here…I’m talking….I don’t know, something less tangible.

Like, saaaaay a new problem. This old problem, specifically, this kidney stone…is truly a thorn in my side in EVERY sense of the word. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the pain. I’m tired of giving people updates on whether or not I can feel it today. I hate that not because I dislike talking to those who so obviously care, but more that I wish we could have something ELSE to talk about....something that seems more important. I feel like I'm wasting valuable time and energy on feeling pain. It sucks at life.
It sucks away energy and conversation and relationships and sucks at my very life.
I went to see a movie with my sister, I’d been feeling positively great since Saturday…but then, during the previews… it was back.
I just said, "The kidney stone is back."
Because it was...and it is.

And honestly, I wish I was better at the pain. I wish I could just totally and competely ignore it. But, I cant, because even though most of the time I can do everything that I would normally do in a day, there is something missing...and I cant even put my finger on it exactly, but there is some tiny something that pain steals.

I want this to be gone from my life. I want it to steal from me no longer....but let me say this...until it is gone, may it teach me patience, may it teach me sympathy for others in any kind of pain.
Because that is what I've learned. Pain, in all its various forms, comes to steal...

the morning version of me.

Well, it seems the fates have come against me and I am doomed to become a FORM of a morning I was awakened by a very irritating scrapping seems my landlord has deemed it necessary to paint my garage.....and either they have VERY harsh paint brushes-or we are still at the annoying phase of scraping off the old paint. ugg.

Anywho, I finally got out of bed. defeated. and here I am in the kitchen drinking coffee.

I wouldnt mind the painting job so much if it wasnt for the "early mornings"...and the "workmen that stare".

So, anyway, here I am...and I still have a good 15 minutes before I need to think about leaving for work. Nice.

I slept well last night. First time in days. Rock ON. Who knows what it was? maybe finally getting to go to the gym again? The kidney stone decided to stop hurting. Maybe actually having Bible study go well-even WITH three new, I was seriously praying hard about that one...which reminded me how little praying I WAS doing for my girls. Honestly! Pitiful.
Or, maybe the good slee was because I was just waaaay tired. ;-)

Hey, so I gotta say, my comments on my last post-not encouraging...hahahaha! You girls! I was trying to say I DIDNT want to be the spokeswomen for singledom!! No, no, I dont mind...infact, I was talking to my sister last night ( and, you know, she's MARRIED) and she agreed with me on EVERYTHING. So I think I'll be a spokeswomen forever...its not going away. Because ultimately we're fighting a cultural battle that's existed since....ooooh Adam met Eve....and basically its not a being an advocate for being SINGLE necessarily, its being an advocate for being what GOD WANTS YOU TO BE FOR RIGHT NOW...and, well, that works all the time, in every season.
Someone did ask me to remind them of the facts, but I'm really too muddled in the mornings to review them just now-how about you just go back and read my ( rather violent) take on the rules from back in November 2005...check the second post on the 5th....I would link it, but I cant be bothered. hahaha!

Oh, man....I just re-read that post. Boy, I was ticked off that day....hahahaha! Righteous indignation. or something.

Alrighty, I'm off to work now...gotta go run by the me today people-I honestly havent gotten an email at work since I started...let's all try to remember even *I* have to take breaks from working sometimes! ;-)

August 14, 2006


I feel like a broken record.
So you know how I've been reading the book Searching for God Know's What ? Well, one of my favorite things about this book is that it reminds me of the "God shaped hole" that each and every one of us has.
It's been good to be reminded of that hole-because now I am MUCH more conscious of what I try to fill the hole with..and you know what I have found to be the MOST common of all fillers?
The desire for relationships.
Its not just a "joke" when mothers complain about their daughters not being married yet...and it cant just be a "conversation filler" when people ask me if that's a wedding ring on my finger...and its not a "coincidence" that of the three friends that called me today, two were calling about relationship dramas....I mean, WHY?!
Oh, and its not just other people...its me too.
I spent a better part of the weekend hashing out my own sorry issues.
So, honestly, I have nothing profound to say-except that I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like a broken record when relationships are brought up (even with myself)-constantly having to go over the facts*...I hate that everyone thinks that I'm somehow Miss Spokeswomen for the Single Girl. Because honestly I'm a big proponent for marriage and all that. I mean, come on, I'd looooove for God to just be like:
 "Here, Abigail, I brought you a Man today.."
Oh, that WOULD be scary/great wouldnt it?!
But, here's the thing...
I have a feeling my issues would still be there...and I have a feeling that ultimately I'd still have to spend my days reminding myself and others what the facts* are....because we're fallen.
I'm broken.
I'm empty, and I constantly look for my filling from the wrong places.
* I've talked about the facts many a time in my blog...and in many a conversation. Like I said, I feel like a broken record...but if you need reminding..let me know. I'll hook you up. ( new favorite saying).

August 13, 2006

Wifi in the kitchen...

Just last week ( I think...but honestly, I have no concept of time) I was talking to Paul about the ethics of "using wifi that isnt yours"....I dont remember what the conclusion of our conversation was-except that I am currently using "Lydsym" which currently shows up in my kitchen.

I will eventually get internet in my house ( hopefully this week) but until then...ROCK ON FREE INTERNET IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

So, church this morning: Man, do I loooooove church.

There is truly something powerful about the House of God. Whatever form that takes, a house church, a mega church...whatever. There is just something irreplaceable about being where the Holy Spirit is, with other fellow believers.

I'm not doing a good job at expressing this-so, I'll just give my example.

I didnt get to sleep last night until TWO. was noooo goooood. And the worries of this and that just seemed to accumulate above my head. All the things I'd struggled with all week-even the things I THOUGHT I'd had victory over...well, they all huddled there above my bed like a very dark dense immovable cloud.

But, as dense and immovable that cloud was in my little personal "just me" world, it was completely blown away with the course of some fellowship a beautiful sermon and hymns to life the heart.

Honestly, why do I think I can do this on my own?!
Its funny, because, I've never thought of myself as a loner or anything remotely connected to that-I mean, I think my blog is a good example of that-I'm constantly looking for the validation and the help and support of my readers ( its true...)...But, I guess in some ways my pride...and whatever else does keep me very often alone. Alone with a cloud over my head.

So here's to Sunday's and clear skies.

Blessed week dear friends, blessed week....

August 12, 2006

the return of the princess...

Once there was a princess who was very very good.

In fact, when she was very small a fairy had come and given the princess a necklace that kept her from doing anything wrong. Ever.

Now, this was lucky, since the Princess lived in an enchanted kingdom ( arent they always?!) where the only way to get food was to go through an enchanted forest to an enchanted barn that was stock full of all sorts of good food...but, unfortunately, the only way to get through the enchanted forest and into the enchanted barn was to be without fault. As in, the person had to never do anything wrong. Ever.

So, since she had been very small the Princess had brought food to her kingdom by trampsing through the enchanted forest to the enchanted barn and gathering food for the people.

One day , however, as the Princess was entering the enchanted forest a giant branch from a nearby tree came barreling down and smacked her right between the eyes. Not only did that leave a nasty bruise, but it seemed that no matter how hard she tried the Princess couldn’t get past the offending tree. It just kept on making swipes at her with its long branches.

The Princess returned to her castle and put ice on her bruise and wondered what had just happened. She guessed that the enchanted forest had just made a mistake and that probably if she went back the next day it would surely let her pass…afterall, her necklace still kept her from doing anything wrong. Ever.

So, the next day, the Princess headed back to the enchanted forest and walked right on in. This time a giant bird from the top of one of the enchanted trees flew straight at the Princess and pecked her squarely on top of the head. Not only did that leave a nasty knot, but it seemed that no matter how hard she tried, the Princess couldn’t get past the pesky bird. It just kept making swipes at her from the sky.

The Princess returned to her castle to put more ice on her bruise and now the bump on the top of her head. This time she was really really concerned. After all, once again she was returning home empty handed. And as we all know when people go without food for long enough they get low blood sugar. And well, low blood sugar usually leads to petty arguments amongst the people of the land. The princess thought long and hard and finally decided that something must have gone amiss with her magic necklace that kept her from doing anything wrong. Ever.

Yes, she must go visit the fairy that gave it to her and find out just what the problem was….

stay tuned next week, for the exciting conclusion of this princess story...

August 11, 2006


So, once I went to New Zealand for a whirlwind catch up was fantastic, so fantastic that I took very few pictures...and mostly the only pictures that happened where when other people took them....but since i know some people are "visual" people-here are some of the people that made my stay Perrrrrfect.

First I visited Carmi...and we spent very romatic time together, praying and shopping and watching sunsets, playing "who can say the most inappropriate thing as someone walks past on the street"....honestly, someday some guy is going to be SO LUCKY ;-)


then I went to Dunedin where I was met by my very own Carebear...."funshine"bear and I then spent glorious days in dreary Dunedin-the company was FAR from dreary however...


Emma and Lydia are always stretching me and teaching me new things...this trip included "Teach Abbey how to light a match" was tramatic, but I can now do it. whew.


I honestly think Thida got MORE beautiful since the last time I saw here...inside AND out....but unfortunately we had a hard time taking a picture that truly captured our beauty-not for lack of trying however...


Oh man! how happy I was to spend time with Tabitha, just seeing her smiling face from afar brought tears to my eyes!


of course, it wasnt ALL roses...Emma and I stood for three hours over a hot stove making pancakes from the Women's Breakfast...and of course, I burnt my finger. It was sad. But I was brave.


And the women's breakfast was totally wonderful and worth a burnt finger...once again seeing terrific people like Mel. Truly like Pancakes for the soul!


Oh, and here's a great picture that totally expresses my time in Wellington-laughter. lots of it.
Why dont I have any good pictures with Louise?! booo....

Oh...and just to wrap this up ( tired of downloading pictures)


New Zealand is still the most beautiful place in the world....


But freeeeeezing in winter! ( that's a heater that I'm straddling)

I came home and faced the real world......but not without a great deal of wonderful memories and rekindled friendships to help with the load.

The end.

the weeks end.

I honestly cant believe its friday! I guess I should be happy ( and I am).
But, then again, I'm like..."what did I accomplish this week, was it enough?! "
Anywhos..last night, I was doing laundry, and interesting note is that my drier door falls completely off every time you open it-forcing you to spend the next five minutes trying to get it back on ( ooooh yesssss its fun)
Anyway, I was running "late" to bed-and had to get my last load of clothes out of the drier so that they wouldnt wrinkle over night and I pulled the door open and it landed SQUARELY on my right big toe.
It hurt SOOOO badly I nearly threw up right there on my little laundry landing ( if you could see it you would see how aptly named THAT particular alliteration actually is!). I put ice on it-but today I'm hobbling around and I had to spend a good ten minutes trying to find shoes that didnt hurt HORRIBLY.
At the moment ( as in last night and thursday night) I am trying to come off my "sleeping aid" ( aka. Benedryl) which I've been pretty much taking every night since coming back from NZ two weeks ago ( its only been TWO WEEKS?!!!!!!) -it wasnt TOO bad on Thursday night, probably went to sleep around 12:30. But, LAST night...I think the toe incendent really through me for a loop. boo. So, I'm tired.
So, I thought a lot while I was lying there trying to sleep...and now, in the light of the morning I'm trying to distinguish between whether or not some of my life decisions last night were "nighttime crazies" or if they were valid. I know that sounds strange. But, do you ever say to yourself " I need to do ____ and this is why that is a valid God-Solution. So tomorrow I will start to think and act thusly." ?!
Maybe its just me.
Sitting here thinking about it, I realize my decision that I made at 1:34ish AM last night was actually very valid-even if it WAS late...and its just that I dont want to DO IT...Oh, Lord give me the strength to be stronger than I am....

August 10, 2006

high school.

It smells exactly the same.
We're talking stale food and bodies, and possibly some generic cleaning supplies mixed in. I've been sitting in the high school commons since 11am this morning ( and as I write this on a scratch piece of notebook paper its almost 2:30pm)  I've been selling raffle tickets to the few parents that actually come with their kids to pick up their class schedule-its made me forty dollars today-but otherwide I've spent some quality time people watching the adults of tomorrow.
I honestly cant tell you how fasinating it is to observe the high schooler of today from a distance.
I mean, obviously, we arent talking a far distance- I mean, I'm only ( quick math in my head) five to nine ( AAAAAAAHHHH! really?! ) years older than they. So maybe it isnt actually that far-but now its seeming farther ( after the actual math).
But, anyway, I saw lots of cute shoes-and lots and LOTS of little short shorts and plaid...and long wrap around necklaces. I would say that after today I understand the teen culture trends pretty well....and I have to say, its generic. But, isnt it always? Everyone fighting really really hard to stay "cool". To fit in, to not stick out.
The kids that draw my eyes are the ones who arent following the trends down to the "t". Those who have some how held onto a shread of their individuality through the tests of teenspirit.
I forgot how hard it was.
I forgot about the games, and the boys....
High School boys are such an interesting brand of boy.
They are very very simple trying very very hard to act complicated.
And the girls trying very hard to seem interesting when really it all boils down to what the people around them think.
Today reminded me of the insecurities that we dont necessarily LOOSE when we leave high school-in fact, we can often get new ones...most of us just do a much better job of hiding reminded me that kindness goes a long long way-especially for the most sullen and defensive of people.
And even though,  in the past few weeks I've never felt so "adult" in all my life, and I've never wished I WASNT an adult so much as I have during this, I was reminded that I wouldnt trade the bills or the responsibility or the worry for being a teenager today for one second. Not one.
It was fun at the time, but how great it is to grow up.

the air I breath...

So, in the past two weeks I've had to stick to only Christian music.
I've never been one to shun other types of music, to say that they are "evil" because they arent Christian...or anything like that...BUT, there are times when life is SO full on stressful that I actually have to be really really careful that every possible opportunity of "refreshment" comes from somewhere that is actually "real" refreshment.
hmmm...havent been doing so well with the DVD watching. Probably should think about forcing myself to cut down on that activity. Its just so easy....
Anyway, that was strangely not what I was going to write about this morning. But, now, I cant remember what I was GOING to write about. So, there goes that!
I have spent the last thirty minutes replying to emails that were long overdue for replies. In fact, if you still havent heard from know that I am working on it!
ALSO, its killing me that I cant comment on blogs at the moment. Its dreadful! I read them...and I'm like, "THATS GREAT!" ...but I cant tell the person! Booo!
Let's all work together to come up with a plan so that I can somehow communicate how much I love you guys without comments....yes...get back to me....via comment ( irony).
Anywho, I am leaving you with quotes today that lifted my soul -and since I cant check my blog to see how my posts look-can someone tell me if this turns out as italic?!
In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
       let me never be put to shame;
       deliver me in your righteousness.
 2 Turn your ear to me,
       come quickly to my rescue;
       be my rock of refuge,
       a strong fortress to save me.
 3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
       for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
 4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
       for you are my refuge.
 5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
       redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
 6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
       I trust in the LORD.
 7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
       for you saw my affliction
       and knew the anguish of my soul.
 8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
       but have set my feet in a spacious place.
 9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
       my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
       my soul and my body with grief.
 10 My life is consumed by anguish
       and my years by groaning;
       my strength fails because of my affliction, [a]
       and my bones grow weak.
 11 Because of all my enemies,
       I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
       I am a dread to my friends—
       those who see me on the street flee from me.
 12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
       I have become like broken pottery.
 13 For I hear the slander of many;
       there is terror on every side;
       they conspire against me
       and plot to take my life.
 14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
       I say, "You are my God."
 15 My times are in your hands;
       deliver me from my enemies
       and from those who pursue me.
 16 Let your face shine on your servant;
       save me in your unfailing love.
 17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
       for I have cried out to you;
       but let the wicked be put to shame
       and lie silent in the grave. [b]
 18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
       for with pride and contempt
       they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
 19 How great is your goodness,
       which you have stored up for those who fear you,
       which you bestow in the sight of men
       on those who take refuge in you.
 20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
       from the intrigues of men;
       in your dwelling you keep them safe
       from accusing tongues.
 21 Praise be to the LORD,
       for he showed his wonderful love to me
       when I was in a besieged city.
 22 In my alarm I said,
       "I am cut off from your sight!"
       Yet you heard my cry for mercy
       when I called to you for help.
 23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
       The LORD preserves the faithful,
       but the proud he pays back in full.
 24 Be strong and take heart,
       all you who hope in the LORD.
~Ps. 31
One of the most inspiring things in life is to see God change a person from the inside out, to remake them in His image. Yes it would be amazing to see great miracles, but I would rather never see one great miracle ever, than see one person transformed by the love of God, which is the greatest miracle of all. ~ Tabitha Trott

August 09, 2006

a reminder note to self.

So, remember when I posted yesterday? And you could tell I was a TAD upset?
Weeeellll....even though I was upset I still had to DO something about all those raffle tickets-so I made some phonecalls. And NOW in a matter of minutes I will be speaking to the entire faculty and staff of Nacogdoches High School...and since that OBVIOUSLY isnt scary enough for one day, later on...I will be speaking to Rotary ( which, for those of you that dont know-its this ultra club where business-y men and women get together and have lunch and discuss ultra important stuff. hehe) which is actually REALLY scary. Now, my little "speaking engagments" will only last for a total ( both together) of maybe four minutes...but maaaaaan...its scary, right? I could trip-I could fumble with my words-I could totally forget what I am going to say-I could have that horrible wavery sound in my voice that happens when you get nervous. All of this could happen.
And that is what I was thinking about last night, and then it hit me.
All of my nerves, all of my fears have to do with ME making a fool out of ME ( oh, and possibly the orginization that I work for..but probably not). And so my fears all relate to PRIDE.
Further more, I realized that my JOB if it where to fail-that too wouldnt particularly matter. I mean, God got me this job to begin with...I sure didnt think I could do it. And I still dont...but GOD seemed to think differently.
Soooo, if it ends tomorrow, He'll have a new plan.
And if I mess up today, than that too will not matter.
Yes, the last week and a half have been, well, difficult. And I would have to say its fully grounded me on this earth. But, oh, to see Heavenward, to know that THIS doesnt matter in the long run. That my prayer today should not be that I please not make a fool of myself, but instead that somehow today I can bring His love into someones life, that I can honor Him in some small way. Yes, THAT is my prayer today.
Today is not my own.

August 08, 2006

a present...

of hate...
SooOOooooooO, when YOU leave a job do you ever saaaaaay...just dont do anything for the last MONTH ( maybe two) that you are at said job?!
Seems like that was the plan of SOMEBODY.
Today's revelation:
I have over a THOUSAND raffle tickets to sell before September 1st.
Because somebody bought a thousand raffle tickets that are all pretty and have the date of the raffle and the type of raffle printed on them. I havent gotten the exact figures on how much that cost to get done, but I'm guessing a couple hundred dollars. Sooooooo, at 2 dollars a pop I need to sell a couple hundred just to hopefully break even.
I am trying to not hate somebody right now.
On a happy note:
"Would anyone like to buy a raffle ticket to get SEASON TICKETS to the Dragon football games this season, PLUS other cool dragon-y prizes...liiiiike travel mugs, or a pair stadium chairs?! I KNOOOOW you want one ( or twenty)."

August 07, 2006

The Monday

Much better thank you.
Seriously, I mean, the kidney stone is technically still there...a constant reminder that I am, infact, human beyond belief.
Not that I <em>needed</em> reminding really...I feel that at my job anyway. But, today has been mildly better...In fact, I even wrote a totally great ( I think so) article for the fact, I feel even better about it, because I think it might actually make someones day ( the person I was writing about was a teacher who just retired. Unhappily retired.)
When I talked to her on the phone, she almost cried.
Honestly, <em> I</em> almost cried.
So, yes...
I was also totally encouraged at church on Sunday...its so wonderful to know people are praying for you. Spiritual Family. Its a wonderful, priceless thing.
Also the sermons were really good...and I also got some much needed, "Its going to be ok." comments about my job.
I mean, I KNOW that's silly that I actually need to hear that..but I do.
I DO need to here that...because sitting here, in this office right now, well, it doesnt seeeeeem like its going to be OK.
Oh, and for you nosey-because-you-love-me people out there, I have a Doctor's appointment ( the specialist) on I just pray they know what to do with me and my stone-making kidneys.

August 02, 2006

The last two days...

Well, I reached my maximum potiential for the day about ten minutes ago-but since I technically should have left work an hour and a half before that...I guess its ok that I'm going to blog now....
Honestly friends and family, I dont feel like my head is properly attached and I CANT WAIT till I have a handle on this job. Until that moment comes I will probably be just a tad stressed. But I expected that. And that is why I gave myself the "you can be a workaholic for two months" clause. Otherwise I would be afraid that I would become just that...but for now, I'm glad I gave myself two months and not just one...because, MEEEEH! there is so much to do! So much to learn! So much to find!
I've spent the past two days making hundreds and hundreds of lists.
So, since my mind has been so very consumed with my job, you might ask if there has been anything to actually get my mind OFF said job?
Well, FUNNY that you should mention that...because last night the most HORRIBLE, TRAUMATIC thing EVER happened... In fact, I dont even know if I can write about it. So all I'll say is that my new apartment had one MAJOR flaw...and lets just say it involved a toliet and a whole lot of towels and tears-and me spending the night at my sister's house.
But apparently the "situation" has been rectified by my landlord and hopefully I can get over the mental scars that have been left in order to actually go home tonight.
The other thing that got my mind off of my job was a phone call from Brett. Who, hopefully wont mind me mentioning his news here, has been removed from Ranger School for the time being. After getting off the phone with him and while I was doing my QT for the evening I came up with all sorts of encouraging things to tell him about this setback-but, yeah, I can never think of such things in the moment. I hate that.
So there you have it: The life and times of Abigail Abt. NHS Alumni Extraordinaire. ( which is the new title I just gave think I can get away with putting that on my business cards?! Let me know what you think.)  

August 01, 2006


Yesterday I literally hobbled into feet were
actually SWOLLEN from work!
Yup, apparently cleaning two apartments ( the old and
the new), unpacking heaps of stuff and doing tons of
little odd errands was all just a little too much for
my little feet to handle. ;-)

Today was my first day at my new job. I am a bit more
positive about it today than I was yesterday...but I'm
so super tired that I actually cant put convincing
sentences together to prove that fact.
You'll just have to believe me.

More tomorrow maybe. Though internet access officially
limited since I cant yet be bothered to get access for
my new apartment as of yet.