February 28, 2006

conversations about the weather...

This evening Katie, Matt and I sat on our balcony for the longest time talking about randomness...well, Matt did....Katie and I mostly listened and laughed accordingly. But, you know what was REALLY great? The weather. Seriously, it is gooooorgeous in Nacogdoches Texas at the moment...its the kind of weather where you think, "Man...being indoors totally stinks."
Its the kind of weather that makes you really wish that the Nacogdoches was a 'walking friendly' town.Sadly this is not the case...in fact, as if God was just reminding me that walking isnt a good idea-I kid you not, two minutes after thinking how nice it would be to take a walk...I had two guys drive by as I came out of the supermarket and yell at me....( seriously, WHYYYYY is this done?! It is SOOOOOOO awful! meeeh...I felt like i had been violated :-( )
Wait. We were having a positive post...what happened? Ok. Back on track...yes. right. So, sitting on the balcony for a few hours was perfect. I feel refreshed. Possibly too refreshed to go to sleep. So here are some talking points:

-Gilmore Girls was particularly good tonight.

-I made the solid decision to do NOTHING to my hair....I will now pretend like it is long and not brush it accordingly...I mean, when my hair was long I only brushed it after I washed it...and darn it, what makes my hair think its special now just because its short?! Fingers work JUST FINE. So, those of you that see me on a semi-regular basis...you will notice that NOTHING will change about my hair...I have a strong suspicion that brushing my hair was actually not changing my appearance at all...it was just taking time out of my already packed life ;-)

-I bought Lady in the Tramp at the Supermarket ( why they were selling it is beyond me...but I was glad...) and even the catcalls coming out couldnt kill my totally happy buzz. I cant REMEMBER the last time I was this excited about a movie. Wait. I think it was about Beauty and the Beast ....I think if we physco-analyzed me right now we would find that I am seriously attracted to "bad boys" who could possibly save me if I was in some sort of fix involving, say wolves or very very mean dogs...and this can be directly related to Disney movies of my youth...and seriously, I would have a HARD time not falling madly in love with someone who gave me a giant library full of books...or got my muzzle taken off....metaphorically speaking, of course ;-) hahahah!

-I have tomorrow off from work and I have very exciting things like "pick up dry cleaning" and "buy greeting cards" on my to-do list. Of course, I plan to write "Watch Lady in the Tramp" in bold letters too....

Songs I've listened to whilest writing this blog:
"Painter Song" Norah Jones
"Parachutes" Coldplay
"Peace Train" Cat Stevens
"Perfect Sense" John Mayer
"Perfect time of Day" Howie Day
"Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor OP. 18" Rachmaninov

licking the bowl.

So, last night the girls and I were talking about "growing up" and those random moments when it hits you that somewhere along the way you grew up....usually, they arent cool moments...they're moments like getting up and going to work when you dont want to...or worrying about paying bills...you know....adult-y stuff.
BUT. There are times when I think...wow. I'm a big girl. I can do what I want.

So, what does Abigail DO with her wild and crazy adult self?

She bakes a cake.

And she licks the bowl.

Life as an adult can be reeeeeally yummy.

Time will tell...

Abraham and Sarah had to wait until they were reeeeally old before they had their promised baby.
Jacob worked for 14 years total so that he could marry Rachel.
Joseph spent two years AFTER the time he thought he should have gotten out before he was released.
David lived, for year, running from Saul living in caves. Then after Saul's death it took seven and a half more years before he would be made King of Isreal.

How many years of SILENCE between the Old testament and the coming of Christ?

These are the kind of things that make me realize, I am looking at my life ALLLL WRONG. The Lord's timing is perfect in all things.

February 27, 2006

Not Sorry.

So, turns out I'm not sorry about last nights mini-rant. For one thing I was really overcome by the emails I recieved in response. Brought to tears actually. Which isnt really cool at 7:58 in the morning, when you're expecting doctors to arrive at 8am. In a lot of ways I am always honored when people share with me, when they share the same gritty stuff that I try to be honest about in myself. Honored, doesnt even cover it.

February 26, 2006

Not given lightly

...that's the name of the Chris Knox song that I'm listening to at the moment ( can you believe it, I'm in the "N" section of my songs now!) I've always liked the song, and its always made me think of New Zealand.
Its kind of been a weird "I miss New Zealand" day, actually....I made Indian food for my parents which makes me think of where I first learned to love this particular food-group, and for dinner I had one of Lydia's favorite snacks ( Thai Chili sauce, cream cheese and crackers)...plus the fact that I dreamed about Carrington last night ( I've been having lots of dreams lately, I blame it on my allergy medicine)...plus the fact that I miss so many of my dear friends, and I feel like some of them are drifting away from me...sometimes because of my own fault...sometimes just because....either way it makes me sad. It makes me confused. I dont even know WHAT I want! meh. I secretly feel that if I went to New Zealand right now, it would be awful. I dont know why, but at the same time I am scared I'll never get to go back....I am afraid those friendships will slowly drift away until they are just pleasant memories of people I "knew once".
I guess that isnt so bad...its just that I devoted so much of myself...and I guess my stubborn nature will make me the last to let go....yet my pride will make me retract into a shell and pretend that I dont mind. Ugg. Sometimes I dont like the way I am. Sometimes I wish I didnt have such a complicated life. Sometimes I wish things were more straight forward. Sometimes I wish God would give me an itnerary for the next year just so I'll know a "general outline" of what is to come. Sometimes I feel like optimism is overrated. Sometimes I wish I didnt care as much as I do.

As you can see, I am in no frame of mind to blog...and yet, here I am...In the morning, I will most definitely wish I hadnt posted that messy paragraph above...


I just feel blah. No reason. I just do.

February 24, 2006

poll results: loving you...

I like to think that a majority of my blog-readers are my friends, and I'm probably right on this assumption...or at least, I would like to think we've become friends if we werent before. Anyway, its interesting to see what really tugs on my friends heart strings, and its also interesting ( from my perspective) to see if I've been fulfilling my friends needs.
So here are the poll results for the question: "For Abigail to get in my good books.."

0% of you want me to do some act of service for you. In a lot of ways this is a relief...I am pretty bad about being super thoughtful when it comes to acts of kindness...something I still feel like I need to work on. Yet, its nice to know that most of you arent feeling unloved until I get my act together ;-)

7% of you want me to shower you with meaningful presents. Actually seven percent equals to only one person...I kind of wonder who the person is, because I need to make a mental note that this is the way to make you happy. I personally LOVE to give presents, especially when i KNOW the person is going to really dig the present...

21% of you desire words of appreciate and encouragment. Now, this I can do! I'm kinda disappointed that so few of you want words...because, with a majority of my friends at the moment it's about allll I can give. It stinks when you're so far away! I'm kind of limited to emails and phonecalls...so, hey, maybe you'll make an exception?

36% of you want to hang out and spend quality time together. Hey, I feel ya. There is nothing I would rather do with my friends. And I try very hard to take time out to spend with those I love, but, like i said...when you live a million miles away...its hard ;-)

36% of you want a hug. Really?! Seriously? I am sooo bad at hugs :-( But, I'll try...and if you want one, I guess all you have to do is ask...

Alright! Thus endeth that little poll question...on to bigger and better things:
My personal favorite topic of conversation...what people like to do in their down time, it was hard to come up with only a few options, so forgive me if your personal favorite isnt there...if its not, pick the "next best thing" and leave a comment confessing your FIRST favorite... ;-)
Get answering!

highlight(ers) of the day thus far...

It is NICE to already have highlights for the day...especially since its only 10am. But I do, and you can thank the fact that my trusty Lord of the Rings highlighter finally gave out and said it didnt have any more ink left to highlight quotes...so I had to come in from my sunny/morning breezy balcony to rustle up a new one.

That was highlight number, one just in case you didnt catch it...reading Lord of the Rings with the company of the morning sun, a cup of coffee and tiramisu ( from La Madeline's in Houston )...oh...and with a multi-vitimin chaser...hahaha.

I also had a lovely quiet time at the kitchen table with that morning sun aluminating the words...my journal happily keeping me company and my Bible and Daily Light Devotional punctuating every sentence.

Other than that, I have just an over all happy wellbeing-y feeling happening here...probably due in part to the quiet time and the 10 hours of sleep last night....

( oh, and just in case you feel totally left out on my yesterday's activities...I was in Houston for a much needed "girls day" with my mom and my sister...yes, all three of us played hooky from work, we are baaaad..hehe. Also for a quick update on health issues, since so many of you have been so wonderfully faithful in praying: My fathers hiccups have had two/three re-occurances, but he is doing MUCH much better-and he what he really needs now is some serious resting up from his three weeks of back to back illness....I, on the other hand, am still battling(?) my itchiness...i had my steriod shot yesterday morning, which hurt like nobodies business by the by, and it seemed to midly help for much of the day, but by the time I arrived home at 9pm the itchiness was back in full force and I am itchy at this very moment...to tell you the truth, I feel like I am possibly crazy, since no cause and no solution has been found as of yet..meeh. Just praying that I'll just be able to "live with it" for a while.)

OK, so back to today...which is a GOOD day, no matter how annoying the itching may be, I am now planning to read in the sun for a little bit longer and maybe do a little writing on an "essay" ( for lack of better word) that I am writing...then, finally, off to work at 12:30. :-)

February 22, 2006

probably an ancient torture method...

If we could ONLY find out what was making me so itchy it would be a fantastic way to torture terriosts into telling us where Bin Laden is.....not that "we" actually torture terriosts...anyway....whatever....I digress.

So, today was a hard day for me, and I think its mostly the being itchy thing...I dont really know how to discribe it exactly, I feel sort of stupid, especially since there are no outward signs of the actually itchiness ( besides me constantly scratching) ...but, tonight I was complaining to God about the whole thing, and it was extremely hard for me to concentrate on the prayermeeting at church....but now, now I am feeling much better-because I'm getting a shot tomorrow! Woooo! Steroids!!
I guess this means I'll probably fail my olympic blood tests and my olympic dreams arent going to come true....bummer.

Anyway, tonight I got an email recommending a particular comic strip ( which I DO read already, but it shows your excellent taste that you'd mention it, Brett) ...and I realized you guys ( my readers) were missing out on a very valuable part of my day....every morning after reading my two online devotionals My Utmost for His Highest and Spurgeon's Morning and Evening ( I read the morning AND the evening in the morning...hehehe)....I read several comic strips...and seriously, they never fail to make me laugh: Baby Blues, Dilbert, Get Fuzzy, Pearls before Swine and Zits...you can find all of these ( and more) at the Houston Chronicle Comic page, which was shown to me sometime a few months ago and it has delighted me to no end since...

So, there you go....a little part of my morning routine...and yes, of course, feel free to laugh along with me on those comic strips ( Pearls before Swine is my newest addition, I dont even know why its so funny...but it makes me giggle)

Shocking news.

I just ate several carrots... I will pause a moment to let that unbelievable ( inconceiveable!) fact sink in...

OK, so its not as bad as it sounds, they were from the hospital cafeteria and they were part of a mixed veggies ensemble and were cooked to such an oblivion that you couldnt actually distinguish any one tasting veggie from the next. Of course, the fact remains that I ate them, and I feel pretty good about myself...somebody should give me a pat on the back ( or even better, a cookie) or SOMETHING. And while we are on the topic of me being ultra-healthy...I also took a multi-vitimin today...thanks to my wonderful roommate ;-) Man, at this rate, I'll probably live forever. HAHA.

Man....I'm bored....and sleepy....and well, I am half praying someone will email me with some interesting news, or tell me a joke, or just flat out scream...so that I'll be jolted back into consciousness.
And its not like work has been slow today, its really been very average. Maybe that's the problem...everything feels "average" at the moment. blah.


I am officially sick and tired of those this particular line of questioning...uggy, the only problem is, I dont believe I am in the frame of mind to creatively come up with a BETTER question for the next time...one can only hope I'll be in a better frame of mind in the next few days, right? Slumps cant last forever...
so. they. say.


is it just me, or is this week going by INSANELY SLOW?! I mean, seriously, I did more yesterday and monday than I normally do in a week! ugg.
Anyway, today is my "ten hour+" day at work so you could get multiple posts...hehe. yes, I know, I bet your excited too.

Then on the other hand, I'm spending a majority of my energy keeping my eyes open and speaking in a "cheery" voice... so who really knows if I will be able to produce any abstract thought...

February 21, 2006

drama, drama, drama

I spent almost three hours in the middle of the afternoon looking after my father...who's hiccups ( yes, hiccups) have advanced to such a point that he is, at times, unable to breathe...which is disconcerning to say the least. He called me while I was at work, asking for "a favor"- so I knew it must be really bad for him to let me leave work to take care of him...

Anyway, after several hours of making executive decisions, making the situation "calmer", talking to his Doctor, talking to his Doctor's nurse, tracking down my mother and getting his medicine situation taken care of...I finally returned to work, and as I was driving I thought to myself,
"Wow, I think I really must be a grown up!"

In contrast, work is a breeze...hehehe...

P.S. where are all my readers today? The blog traffic is down to a dribble!

February 20, 2006

Goosebumps: LotR quotes

"So Pippin poursed out his tale, reaching up and touching Gandalf's knee with trembling hands. "Cant you save Faramir?"

"(The door) stood wide open, and the porter lay before it. He was slain and his key had been taken. 'Work of the Enemy!' said Gandalf. "Such deeds he loves, friend at war with friend; loyalty in confusion of hearts!' "

"..I will not be thy tool! I am Steward (of Gondor). I will not step down to be the dotard chamberlain of an upstart. Even were his clain proved to me, still he comes but of the line of Isildur. I will not bow to such a one, last of a ragged house long bereft of lordship and dignity....I would have things are they were in all the days of my life, and in the days of my longfathers before me: to be the Lord of this City in peace, and leave my chair to a son after me, who would be his own mater and no wizard's pupil. But if doom denies this to me, then I will have naught, neither life diminished, nor love halved, nor honour abated."

How often is this the reply one gets from those not willing to give their life COMPLETELY to God...we have such pride within us! We dont want to give up our own "power", our own dreams..so often this seems to be the case within myself...it looks so ugly here in Denethor, yet, we except it so easily from one another..

"The knowledge which (Denethor) obtained (by looking into the palantir) was, doubtless, often of service to him, yet the vision of the great might of Mordor that was shown to him fed the despair of his heart until it overthrew his mind."

"Then an old wife who served in the House of Healing, looking on the fair face of Faramir, wept, for all the people loved him. And she said: "Alas! if he should die. Would that there were kings in Gondor, as there were once upon a time, they say! For it is said in old lore: The hands of the king are the hands of a healer. And so the rightful king could ever be known."

Then Gandalf said, "Let us not stay at the door, for the time is urgent. Let us enter! For it is only in the coming of Aragorn that any hope remains for the sick that like the House."

Where's My Mind at?

Is that the name of the song that plays at the end of Fight Club? Does anyone know this particular fact?!
Anyway, I was reminded of the song today...I have been TOTALLY unable to concentrate on anything.
First of all, I am extremely itchy. I know, weird...because I dont have, like, a rash...or any bites or anything....infact, according to the Physicians Assistant that I went to today, my skin is "Baby smooth." Soooo, I've been itchy for DAYS now...and even though its totally against my nature, I havent really complained about it ( Unless you count the half a dozen times I told my mom and my sister that, "I am going to DIE.")...but the last two nights I havent been able to sleep well because I feel so itchy all over. So, this morning I went to the doctor...or should I say my doctor's PA ( she turned out to be really hot...so if you want a hot PA to check you out...go to Dr. Cline's office and ask to see the Wendy.)
Anywho, I've been given allergy medicine...medicine I cant actually take until tonight, because it makes you sleepy... so...I am still itchy, and still pretty much clueless about WHY ...I am possibly going insane.

Secondly, my poor father is still in a lot of pain, plus he has these INSANE hiccups that have been going NONSTOP for 48 hours...I saw him today and he looked totally crazed, bless his heart.

Soooo...I'm worried about all of these things.

February 19, 2006

deserving of its own post

On the ongoing Lord the Rings topic:

I have a lot of new quotes built up ( afterall, I've been reading lots this weekend)...and they'll be coming soon... BUT...once again, I am above and beyond blown away by the character of Faramir. Seriously, it is the perfect picture of service and love of a Christian for their King...this is truly the most desirable thing I can see in any person...and your heart just BREAKS over it...

"Suddenly Faramir stirred, and he opened his eyes, and he looked on Aragorn who bent over him; and a light of knowledge and love was kindled in his eyes, and he spoke softly. "My lord, you called me. I come, What does the king command."

OOOOH MAAAAAAAN!!!!!!! How wonderful is THAT?!

the cold shoulder...

...and toes...and fingers...and arms...and legs....

This morning I was late to church. Slipped on ice coming down my apartment stairs..wearing heals, no less...and STILL managed to stay up! a true modern-day miracle!
Found that my side-view mirror on my car has fallen off, and is now dangling by a few wires...that cant be a good thing.
Nice Neighbor poured water over my windows so that I could see to drive and didnt have to continue the slow/unsuccessful process of scrapping the ice off with a Hallmark GoldCrown Card....
Car was running on empty, had to fill it up while standing in the INSANE cold....I cant find any gloves. Decided its probably because i havent needed them since I moved back to Texas.

I am in bed again....it truly is the place to be this weekend...if only I had someone here to bring me another cup of tea...

February 18, 2006

LotR: quotes keep coming...

I will probably have to get a new highlighter by the end of this...but its just so good I cant help myself!


" But soon there were few left in Minas Tirith who had the heart to stand up and defy the hosts of Mordor. For yet another weapon, swifter than hunger, the Lord of the Dark Tower had: dread and despair."

"So it was that Gandalf took command of the last defence of the City of Gondor. Wherever he came men's hearts would lift again, and the winged shadows pass from memory. Tirelessly he strode..from north to south about the wall; and with him went the Prince of Dol Amroth in his shining mail...Men that saw them whispered saying: "Belike the old tales speak well; there is Elvish blood in the veins of that fold.." And then one would sing amid the gloom some stave of the Lay of Nimrodel, or other songs of Val of Anduin out of vanished years."
And yet-when they had gone, the shadows closed on the men again, and their hearts went cold, and the valour of Gondor withered into ash. "

"Poor Faramir!" (Pippin) thought. "I must find Gandalf. Poor Faramir! Quick likely he needs medicine more than tears. Oh, where can I find Gandalf? In the thick of things, I suppose; and he will have no time to spare for dying men or madmen."

"Old fool!" ( The king of the Nazgul) said. "Old fool! THis is my hour. Do you not know Death when you see it? Die now and curse in vain!" And with that he lifted high his sword and flames ran down the blade."
Gandalf did not move. And in that very moment, away behind in some courtyard of the City, a cock crowed. Shrill and clear he crowed, recking nothing of wizardry or war, welcoming only the morning that in the sky far above the shadows of death was coming with the dawn. And is if in answer there came from far away another note. Horns, horns, horns. Rohan had come at last."

"Now is the hour come, Riders of the Mark, sons of Eorl! Foes and fire are before you, and your homes far behind. Yet, though you fight upon an alien field, the glory that you reap there shall be your own for ever. Oaths ye have taken: now fulfil them all, to lord and land and league of friendship!" ...Forth now, and fear no darkness!"

Merry himself felt as if a great weight of horror and doubt had settled on him. His heart beat slowly. Time seemed poised in uncertainty. They were too late! Too late was worse than never! Perhaps Theoden would quail, bow his old head, turn, slink away to hide in the hills. Then suddenly Merry felt it at last, beyond doubt: a change. Wind was in his face! Light was glimmering...morning lay beyond them.

But Theoden was utterly forsaken. The knights of his house lay slain about him...Yet one stood there still: Dernhelm the young, faithful beyond fear; and he wept, for he had loved his lord as a father. "

"Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me! ( cried the Lord of the Nazgul).
Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm laughed, and the clear voice was like the ring of steel. "But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Eowyn I am, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him!" ...
Very amazment for a moment conqured Merry's fear. He opened his eyes and the blackness was lifted from them. There some paces from him...loomed the Nazgul Lord like a shadow of despair. Facing him stood she whom he had called Dernhelm. But the helm of her secrect had fallen from her, and her bright hair, released from its bonds, gleamed with pale gold upon her shoulders. Her eyes grey as the sea were hard and fell, and yet tears were on her cheek. A sword was in her hand, and she raided her shield agains the horror of her enemy's eyes."

"Farewell, Master Hobbit!" Theoden said. "My body is broken. I go to my fathers. And even in their mighty company I shall not now be ashamed. I felled the black serpent. A grim morn, and a glad day, and a golden sunset!"

"Eowyn! Eowyn!" cried (Eomer, her brother). "Eowyn, how come you here? What madness or devilry is this? Death, death, death! Death take us all!"
Then without taking counsel or waiting for the approach of the men of the City he spurred headlong back to the front of the great host, and blew a horn and cried aloud for the onset. Over the field rang his clear voice calling: "Death! Ride, ride to ruin and the world's ending!"
And with that the host began to move. But the Rohirrim sang no more. Death they cried with one voice loud and terrible, and gathering speed like a great tide their battle swept about their fallen king and passed, roaring away southwards.

Thus came Aragorn son of Arathorn, Elessar, Isildur's heir, out of the Paths of Dead, borne upon a wind from the Sea to the kngdom of Gondor; and the mirth of the Rohirrim was a torrent of laughter and a flashing of swords, and the joy and wonder of the Ciry was a music of trumpets and a ringing of bells.

And so at length Eomer and Aragorn met in the midst of the battle, and they leaned on their swords and looked on one another and were glad.

saturday without work=

the equation:

1 queen-sized bed +
5 pillows +
1 over-fluffy devet +
1 pair of PJs +
1 oversized NZ hoodie+
2 socks+
1 glass of water+
2 cups of white winter Earl Greytea +
754 songs yet to be listened to+
1 book ( Lord of the Rings:return of the king+
1 highlighter +
1 bowl of Mac and Cheese+
5 more hours before I have to actually move+
actual cold weather outside
perfect day

Seriously there is NO PLACE in my house I would rather be, my bed is truly a wonderful wonderful place...I believe in big beds.

February 17, 2006

Poor papa.

My poor father had the flu all week...and then tonight...a kidney stone. I think its a sign from the coffee-gods that he needs to fall off of this "Only Water" wagon ( he hasnt drunk anything but water for a whole month) ...it cant be good :-(

But, seriously, though I feel so bad for him...one thing about having kidney stones myself is that while I cant actually feelothers pain...I do know that it is WORSE than you can possibly imagine.
This is what drugs were invented for.
Pray for him please?


Do me a favor...

Would you go to this cool window site and fill it out for me? thanks

wait, what was the question again?

Ok, so I got reeeeally confused about my latest poll that I posted...a reminder: the question was " To get in my good books..."
Now, I personally meant this to be one of those "fill in the blank" type deals where you pick the answer that fits you best, however, it seems that instead ( and I now see that this too makes perfect sense) people picked what they thought I'd choose...as though it were a right/wrong type deal. So, I'm posting the same question again...only this time...I'm changing the wording just a TAD...and to get rid of further confusion please pick what you think YOUR love language is, as in the one you respond to best..not the one that you protray to others best ( Oh, man! THIS is still confusing!) hehehe...

Ok, but since we have a whole bunch of answers here, I am going to take the results as if they were talking about me...and we'll look at it THAT way...and hopefully next time I'll be discussing, you, my readers....got it? Ok, good...

0% chose "buy me a present, even if its something little, its the thought that counts" now, if we are talking about ME here ( which we are) then you're really pretty much right...unless its something i really really want ( ooooh saaaay, the DVD of Lady in the Tramp) then I'd much rather you showed me how much you cared in some other fashion....but, then again, I HEAR that diamonds are a girls best friend. ;-) hahaha!

0% also chose "Wash my car, clean my room...do something thoughtful for me." once again, you guys must know me well! Sadly to say good deads can often be totally lost on me ( ask, Katie...poor baby is truly an unsung hero when it comes to doing actual things for me!)...yup, I appreciate acts of kindness...but they are pretty low on my list. I'm too much of a people person, so lets clean my car together next time ;-)

26% chose "write me a letter, or just tell me how wonderful you think I am." Now, I'm kinda suprised that more people didnt pick this one...I mean, I seriously save just about EVERY letter I've ever been sent, and I pretty much check my email every twenty minutes ( on a good day) and therefore, I have a good feeling I dig words...and I love talking to people...example: Last night spend over an hour on the phone with Lydia.

30% chose "give me a big ol' hug", now if we are talking about ME, than you maybe a little off, but basically I have a wide "personal space" bubble, and I really only like hugs from those I feel comfortable with...and I think usually physical contact comes into play when "words arent enough", "I cant actually FIND the words" or when "I'm crying so hard I cant talk" kind of moments...so, yes they do have their place...and I must admit that more than once I've really craved hugs from some of my overseas friends, or those I havent seen in a while.

43% chose "come and hang out with me, even if we're just sitting around." and yes, its true...there is nothing I like more than spending quality time with those I love, and I really really appreciate it when someone takes the time to spend that time with me, I realize that most people are super busy and so I love the fact that they'd take time out to hang with me. In a way, since many of those I count as dear live far away from me now, I have learned to transfer this particular love into other forms...for instance, setting up a phone date with me is the equivalent of a coffee date...and reading my blog is like stopping to say "Hi" on the street ( though its better when you comment..its like saying "Hi" back)...

OK, so we've gone over the love that appreciate the most, and now I want to know about YOU ( my readers) so we're going to try this poll again, shall we?

Yay! Work!

There are times when you go to bed and you think, "Thankgoodness I get to go to work tomorrow!"

Of course, you'd have to be a crazy person ( I think) to say that EVERY night...but I definitely said it last night...
There is something wonderfully uncomplicated about spending your days soley devoted to making two doctors happy in their working enviroment...whether that's fielding unfortunate phonecalls, hanging their CTs "just so"...or just pretending to enjoy talking about politics....the simplicity can be really really comforting. It is truly nice to KNOW what your job is, and to be able to do it well.

Its often not exactly like that in the rest of my life, sometimes the lines of what I am "suppose to be doing" seem to run together...like water colors in a coloringbook...in the end, no matter what colors you choose, Barbie's face just looks green.

Next up, the long awaited return of "Poll Results".

February 16, 2006

All together lovely, (and more quotes)

I feel better ( and thanks for the encouraging comments, and the comments to make me laugh, I appreciate it more than you know) , and even as I did my quiet time tonight..it was as if I could just feel whatever 'that' was being lifted.Yes, much, much better...Anyway, I didnt want to leave my blog in the shambles that I felt it was in...unrest? Would that be the right word? Anyway, I'm going to leave this day, and this blog with something that I love...more quotes! :-) ( what else?) -And can I just say, if I found a guy like Faramir ( in real life, obviously) ...I'd be in love in a SECOND.


"Yet by a sense other than sight Pippin perceived that Gandalf had the greater power and the deeper wisdom, and a majesty that was veiled."

"Yet in the wizard's face Pippin saw at first only lines of care and sorrow; though as he looked more intently he perceived that under all there was a great joy: a fountain of mirth enough to set a kingdom laughing, were it to gush forth."

"Yes, Master Peregrin, we have this honour: ever we bear the brunt of the chief hatred of the Dark Lord, for that hatred comes down out of the depths of time and over the deeps of the Sea. Here will the hammer-stroke fall hardest. And for that reason Mithrandir came hither in such haste. For if we fall, who shall stand? And, Mast Peregrin, do you see any hope that we shall stand?"

"There go three that I love ( King Theoden, Eomer and Merry), and the smallest not the least, Aragorn said. "he knows not to what end he rides! Yet if he knew, he still would go on."
"A little people, but of great worth are the Shire-folk, said Halbarad, "little do they know of our long labour for the safekeeping of their borders, and yet I grudge it not."
"And now our fates are woven together, " said Aragorn.

"A time may come soon," said Aragorn to Eowyn, "when none will return. Then there will be need for valour without renown, for none shall remember the deeds that are done in the last defence of our homes. Yet the deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised."

Then Aragorn led the way, and such was the strength of his will in that hour that all the Dunedain and their horses followed him. And indeed the love that the horses of the Rangers bore for their riders was so great that they were willing to face even the terror of the Door, if their masters' hearts were steady as they walked beside them.

But when the dawn came, cold and pale, Aragorn rose at once, and he led the Company forth upon the journey of greatest haste and weariness that any among them had known, save he alone, and only his will held them to go on.

"At times some Rider of Rohan would lift up his clear voice in stirring song, and Merry felt his heart leap, though he did not know what it was about."

"A young man, Merry thought as he returned the glance, less in height and girth than most. He caught the glint of clear grey eyes and then he shivered, for it came suddenly to him that it was the face of one without hope who goes in search of death."

( When Pippin saw Faramir's face) he caught his breath. It was the face of one who had been assailed by a great fear or anguish, but has mastered it and now is quiet.

Here was one with an air of high nobility such as Aragorn at times revealed, less high perhaps, yet also less incalculable and remote: one of the Kings of Men born into a later time, but touched with the wisdom and sadness of the Elder Race. He knew now why Beregond spoke (Faramir's) name with love. He was a captain that men would follow, that he ( Pippin) would follow even under the shadow of the black wings.
"Faramir!" He cried aloud with the others. "Faramir!"

"Ever your desire is to appear lordly and generous as a king of old, gracious, gentle. That may well befit one of high race, if he sits in power and peace. But in desperate hours gentleness maybe repaid with death," said Lord Denethor.
"So be it." said Faramir.

ANOTHER clarification!

man, its been a bad blogger day. For real, its days like today that make me wonder what the HECK I am doing writing like this...I should just keep it all to myself..

I mean, today has been FULL of misunderstandings...not only did I get the 'what's your problem?' thing over the "Party Crashes' post ( which was kind of funny when you think about it...since when have *i* been invited to parties that also have "after parties"?! ahahahah! THAT would be the day!)
but then the worst of it came....

Actually, I dont think this has ever happened before, so I'll count myself lucky...but, first time for everything and I'm feeling it big time!

So, there I was writing a little post ( "Forgive me..") about a personal issue that happened back in December...when someone comes along and BAM! Throws something ELSE in my face that, well, I was NOT talking about...actually, I still dont know what "they're" talking about....but, it makes you feel weird, ya know? When people start reading into your posts...when you KNOW they arent on the right track-especially since you know that NO ONE knows about what you're talking about...I guess, you could argue that I shouldnt have blogged about my issues at all...especially if I wasnt willing to name names, or even tell you exactly what I was talking about...but I'll go ahead and tell you WHY I do, it's because I feel like most problems are universal, that someone else is probably going through something similar, granted the details are probably different, but the basic issue is the same....so I give it you, I break my stories, my experiences down into "generalities" and I tell you how I'm dealing with them...I tell you how I'm struggling...I tell you how I'm victorious, or sometimes...I'm not....anyway, deep down I do it because I hope it helps someone, I hope it'll encourage someone....
So, there you go....
I guess I wont tell you to stop trying to "figure out" what I'm talking about, because I probably unbeknownst to me, I am inviting such wondering...instead, I guess I'll just take it day by day and hope the "hate mail" stops...

Wow, I cant wait till this blogging week is over...stop all these bad emails and comments...for real, they're killing me, here!


It has come to my attention that some people misunderstood my post entitled "Party Crashers" in which I went into some detail about a party that I was attending and a party that I WANTED to attend etc etc. Apparently, it was not clear that it was a "story" if anything...and that I was using metaphors to discribe "Life" and my relationship with God and other such matters...like I said at the time, it was really just for ME...and it was something I wrote for myself to help ME realize some things in my own life, ways in which I was missing out on the various trials and delights life is serving up at the moment, because I was daydreaming about the future....So, before you start thinking I am going to "way too many parties"
here's a basic key:
Party Host=God
Buffet=being nourished and fed by God
Party Games=things we do for the Lord...it could be anything!
Party Planner= roughly the Spirit, but it could also be Jesus...
After Party Party= life and dreams, things that have not happened yet.

And...in the future, take note of things that are in italics it often means that it is "fiction" or the "on-goings of my head"

More LotR quotes...

Since I'm not watching DVDs at the moment...means I'm reading LotR a lot more...so while I'm trying to put some distance between my quotes posts...its hard, so I may just post them everyday anyway! ;-)

"Then Lorien must be lovely indeed,' said Faramir. "Perilously fair."
"I dont know about perilous," said Sam. "It strikes me that folk takes their peril with them into Lorien, and finds it there because they've brought it. But perhaps you could call her perilous, because she's so strong in herself. You, you could dash yourself to pieces on her, like a ship on a rock, or drownd yourself, like a hobbit in a river. But neither rock nor river would be to blame."

"Good night, Captin, my lord,' said Sam, "You took the chance, sir."
"Did I so?" said Faramir.
"Yes sir, and showed your quality, the very highest."

"Most gracious host," said Frodo. "it was said to me by Elrond Halfelven that I should find friendship upon the way, secret and unlooked for. Certainly I looked for no such friendship as you have shown. To have found it turns evil to great good."

Frodo: "I'm afraid our journey is drawing to an end."
"Maybe,' said Sam, "but where there's life there's hope, as my Gaffer used to say, and need of vittles, as he mostways used to add. You have a bite, Mr. Frodo, and then a bit of sleep."

Suddenly, caught by the level beams, Frodo saw the old king's head; it was lying rollded away by the roadside. "Look, Sam!" he cried, startled into speech. "Look! The King has got a crown again!"
The eyes were hollow and the carven beard was broken, but about the high stern forehead there was a coronal of silver and gold. A trailing plant with flowers like small white stars had bound itself across the brows as if in reverence for the fallen king, and in the crevices of his stony hair yellow stonecrop gleamed.
"They cannot conquer forever!" said Frodo. And then suddenly the brief glimpse was gone. The Sun dipped and vanished, and as if at the shuttering of a lamp, a black night fell.

Despair had not left (Frodo), but the weakness had passed. He even smiled grimly, feeling now as clearly as a moment before he had felt the opposite, that what he had to do, he had to do, if he could, and that whether Faramir or Aragorn, or Elrond or Galadriel or Gandalf or anyone else ever knew about it was beside the purpose.

Then holding the star aloft and the bright sword advanced, Frodo, hobbit of the Shire, walked steadily down to meet the eyes.

Sam did not wait to wonder what was to be done, or whether he was bravem, or loyal, or filled with rage. He sprang forward with a yell, and seized his master's sword in his left hand. Then he charged. No onslaught more fierce was ever seen in the savage world of beasts, where some desperate small creature armed with little teeth, alone, will spring upona tower of horn and hide that stands above its fallen mate.

Forgive me...

This morning I woke up in the midst of an intense dream...a dream who's main actor I hadnt seen for a while. As soon as I registered the dream and thought about that person, my stomache was immediately thrown into knots.
"Uggg. I thought I was OVER all of that pain?!"

But, luckily, I've done this enough that I know exactly what needs to be done when something "pops up"-you've got to pray it out, right? So I sat down to pray...and hardly anything could dribble out....so I set out to write this person one of those "fake letters you'll never send" letters...and it wasnt until I got to the very end of the letter that I truly understood why the whole situation with that person is still sticking.
I feel guilty.
But, not for making them feel bad, or saying those things...I realize all of that is fine, I make mistakes, it happens...but its not THAT that is sticking, its the fact that I effectively cut off all ties with this person and I will never have the chance to truly tell them what was on my heart for them-I am ALWAYS obedient to tell people whatever I need to tell them, no matter how hard and uncomfortable it may be for me or for them...because God is more important, TRUTH is more important....but not that time. Nope, I let my personal feelings and fears get in the way.... human fleshly insecurity got in the way...and so, in the end, ironically, it was not truth that ended our friendship it was fear and insecurity. Mine. Theirs. Both. Ended, ended so that I never got the chance to tell them Truth.

As I write this, I realize that even this...even these much more important mistakes have been forgiven too. They've been wiped clean. I am constantly having to repeat to myself "There is not condemnation in Christ". For why is it that even though *I* know that the Lord has forgiven me, it seems to take me longer to forgive myself? I've been carrying this baggage around too long...and I've obviously hidden it well so that it fights its way out in dreams. But now that I've caught it, I'll lay it down...down at the foot of the cross where all my shameful mistakes and sins go to stay.

Ah, the baggage....lay down the baggage, my friends-whatever it is...you arent meant to be carrying it.

February 15, 2006

Things you dont read...

For some reason, I have a whole back list of things I want to write about at the moment-yet...I am kind of in a quaundry because I have a feeling if I posted everything I want to post today then many things would end up not being read. And that just makes me sad, because I want ALL my posts to be read ;-)
At any rate, here's something that has been in the 'to be posted' box for some days now and at this moment in time I feel like sharing it.

I think I'll call this segment "Interesting Facts about Abigail" and the subtitle:
"Things that make her cry"

oooh...yessss...good title ;-)

OK, so I KNOW I've mentioned in the past how I NEVER FAIL to cry at the part in the movie version of Lord of the Ring: Return of the King when Aragorn is being crowned king and then he turns to the hobbits and they all bow and he says "You bow to no man." And then EVERYONE bows to the hobbits...Seriously! I have a lump in my throat just mentioning it. So, its funny that while its a very stirring wonderful moment that gets me "everytime" in the movie version...it is a TOTALLY different type event that gets me EVERYTIME in the book, here's the excerpt:

Gollum looked at them. A strange expression passed over his lean hungry face. The gleam faded from his eyes, and they went dim and grey, old and tired. A spasm of pain seemed to twist him, and he turned away, peering back up towards the pass, shaking his head, as if engaged in some interior debate. Then he came back, and slowly putting out a trembling hand, very cautiously he touched Frodo's knee-but almost the touch was a caress. For a fleeting moment, could one of the sleepers have seen him, they would have thought that they beheld a old weary hobbit, shrunken by the years that had carried him far beyond his time, beyond friends and kin, and the fields and steams of youth, an old starved pitable thing.
But at that touch Frodo stirred and cried out softly in his sleep, and immediately Sam was wide awake. The first thing he saw was Gollum "pawing at his master," as he thought....

OK, this portion makes me CRRRRYYYYYY...how tragic is the character of Gollum?! Truly, he is one of the most complicated characters where you, the reader, dont know whether to love, hate, pity or dispise him...And while I cry reading this, I am also so glad that it was written, for it seems that here is a moment where a character comes to the very brink of Goodness and then turns to plunge into darkness...it give me goosebumps.

post valentine confessions

So, I dont think I need to set this post up that much, but as a 'writer' its often good to give a little background on such matters, so that the reader can see the contrast and be truly amazed and astounded, so quickly, background:

I'm ever so single, and I am happy thusly...I could be referred to as bitter and twisted ( and we'll pretend like I am so that the story will be more dramatic). I have self-confessed problems with commitment ( dont make me tell you about the time I broke into a sweat signing a 2-year cell phone contract)...Annnnndddd I dont trust males very much except at arms length and then its really just because I'm near-sided.

OK! I think that sets the stage for yesterday:

I totally fell in love, I mean, I've had this crush for a little while now, but yesterday I spent some serious time with this guy, and well...after spending quality time starring into his big eyes, and looking at his adorable face I was totally smitten...holding his hand sent tingles down my spin...
You could say the moment he started chewing on my shoulder was the moment I was TRULY in love....
noahNoah Scott

February 14, 2006

I've been tagged!

I've been tagged by my (freakishly similar) friend Merissa:

I am pretty sure I did a questionnaire similar to this one, but it was a little over a year ago! And I cant actually find it ( I think its on my deleted blog-so I'd have to be at home to really track it down) But, I dont think it really matters right? I mean, a person cant truly be defined in a couple of questions-so to have a few different answers here and there makes it more accurate...so these are my answers for today!

1. I want to see the Pyramids in Egypt and the Great Wall in China.
2. Learn how to surf
3. Write/Publish a book
4. Skydive
5. Live outside of the United States again.
6. Find a Partner in Crime who truly helps me to love the Lord and seek the Lord harder and better everyday.
7. Above all else, I want to have my Dream House, which is open to all that they may come and stay and be filled....

1. Write well with my Right Hand.
2. Speak anything other than english.
3. Say the word Thesaurus without lisping
4. Be unaffected when those I love are hurting
5. Ride a Bike
6. Rollerskate, rollerbade or anything that might involve the use of my 'weak ankles'
7. laugh quietly or in a "prime and proper fashion"

1. Love and Passion for God ( In fact, I've been down right "attracted" to every shape and size person who's had this particular trait..it is THAT attractive!)
2. Strength of Will and Character.
3. Integrity in all situations.
4. A Sense of Humor ( I would shrivel up and die if someone didnt appreciate my wonderful wit. HAHAHA!)
5. I dig "manly men"...I already have dibs on being the "girl"...and anyone who takes longer than me to get ready in the morning is not in the game. ;-) this means you have about 10 minutes..can you do it?
6. Hands, I'm not sure what about the hands...but I notice them...and they matter.
7. When you talk to them you can see in their eyes that they get what you're saying.

Meeeh! Only Seven?! Fine then! I'm not going to list the Bible because its ALWAYS number one

1. Anything by C.S. Lewis
2. Lord of the Rings
3. Pride and Prejudice
4.Amy Carmichael of Donnavor
5. The Village
6. Beauty and the Beast
7. It's a Wonderful Life

1. I'm dying of ( thirst, hunger, sleepiness...pretty much any emotion I'm feeling)
3. P.S. Followed by some after thought...
4. Meh
5. Woo woo
6. Mother
7. "I hate that dog!"

1. I talk when I'm nervous
2. I have serious trust issues when it comes to guys in general...But I'm working on it!
3. I dont like to talk about New Zealand because I'm afraid I'll bore people.
4. I avoid ackward silences like the plague, but I love people that I can be silent with.
5. I will not turn down any baked goods
6. I never eat carrots or celery unless forced by society
7. I think better after I've "written it all down"

A valentine

Dear Blog Readers,
I am in love with you, its true...I dig your comments like they were clams and I lived in Maine.
We just fit each other so well, It is as if you were a nap and I was a Sunday. I'm all over you like dust on the top of my fridge...
Yes, in a word I am happy we spend our days together...I even took a picture to express the moment ( hey, I was dressed up for a party anyway...why waste the make-up, right?)
So, in closing, please be by Valentine.
Abigail's Day
Happy V-Day

February 13, 2006

the progress....

So, if you remember many moons ago (actually, it was probably a week or so) I mentioned that I was listening to my music "straight through"...and while I pretty much break the pattern by listening to praise music at some point during my quiet time...I have been diligently going through my music-and I am finally in the "D's"
Meaning in the last hour I listened to...
Dance Derek Webb
Dancing Queen ABBA
Dancing with the Angels Monk and Neagle
Danger Zone Kenny Loggins
Daughters John Mayer
Day by day Steve Kinnaird
Daylight Coldplay
Deeper Hillsong
Days Go By Dirty Vegas
Desperado Eagles
Devil of the Fates Star Wars Soundtrack: John Williams
Diamonds on the Inside Ben Harper

An interesting mix if I do say so myself ;-) hehehe...its so strange going from one mood to the next, for so many of these songs bring such different memories and emotions...

Mr. Perfect, a white picket fence and...

I was visiting my parents new house yesterday, looking at their cool new counter tops. And i met the next door neighbors: two ADORABLE basset hounds....awwwwww! I want one! I really really do.
So one day...when I grow up, and I have a house...I'm getting myself a puppy like this:
basset hound

heaviness of heart.

I went to a the Casting Crowns Concert last night...and a couple of things really stuck. I have to admit, I wish they HADNT stuck, I wish I could just leave and move on as though it really WAS all just entertainment.
But, instead I am still saddened by hallowness that seemed to seap from everywhere, a soldout concert to a very large group of people...yet...it was entertainment in the name of Christianity, in the name of evangalism. It makes me want to cry. Actually, I have no more words to discribe. Normally I would go into a big long rant about this...but I am only really good at rants when I'm mad or indignant...I am neither...I am just sad.
Oh, that I would use this burden to pray and not to get lost in what seems to be a hopeless hopeless church.

February 10, 2006

The Party Crashers

The party was going great and I was having a wonderful time with my the other party guests. It seemed that with every conversation I learned more about myself...about the other party guests and really, I was ultimately learning more and more about the Host of the party, for all the party games reflected aspects of the Host, the food that had been so carefully prepared, the guest list, even the very decorations...they all reflected the Host and the Host's amazing Love... It was truly the BEST party I had ever been to, and I was SO glad I had been invited.

Every now and then, I would hear rumors of the "after party" party and it seemed, from what I was hearing, that it was going to be EVEN better than this party-
From what I gathered, what made the after-party party different was you had a partner who hung out with you while you did all the party activities-which was cool, since there were times at THIS party that I would end up in some corner alone...not that that was really a BAD thing necessarily, it was just that it sounded like it would be more fun if I had this partner there to hang out with during those slowish moments, or say, to help me along in conversation when I didnt know exactly what to say, or cover up for me when I spilled punch all over the front of my shirt ( that always seemed to happen!), or to help me out with the answers I didnt know in the party games...yup, I thought...it would be cool to go to this after party party...
I also heard about other after party parties...the one where you got to do really cool things that required all the skills we'd been using when playing party games..the one where you moved to a different party location...each one sounded more grand then the last...

Unfortunately, the wonderful party started to feel less wonderful...I started to get distracted in conversations, during the party games and while in the buffet line...I would look around at the other party guests and wonder which one of them would be my partner at the after-party party, I started to wonder about the party games and whether or not I'd really get to use those amazing game skills at the after-party party, I looked at the pary decorations and thought how pitiful they must be in comparison to the after party party...I started to care less about my friends funny stories ( "I had heard them all before") , heck I was getting more than a little annoyed with the Host of the party ( He always seemed so quiet and unwilling to TELL me WHEN)..afterall, it seemed like TONS of people were already being hussled off to the after-party party. No FAIR, I thought, when WILL this party be over so I can move on to this after-party party?

The Party Planner pulled me aside..."Dont worry, the Party Planner said, At just the right time you will get to go to the after-party party, the Host knows JUST the right moments for these things, He has the best party-timing!"

I felt bad that I had been worrying about it so much, afterall, I KNEW that the Host had invited me to the after-party parties..so no more worrying!
SoI tried hard to focus on the party. But, then I realized how very FUN it was to just dream about the after-party party. In this way I wasnt hurting anybody, I was still walking around having chats with people, playing the party games, eating from the awesome buffet...but all the while I was thinking about the after-party party.... I mean, I was still an active guest at the party...so what were my daydreams hurting?...

So, that is what I wrote in my journal late late last night...yup, I'm a dork...and it probably doesnt make ANY sense to you at all...but it was helpful to me...and I guess the story isnt really over, because I kept writing it in my head...there is a part about a Party Crasher...and a giant fantasy-cake that makes you fat and immobile...but well, maybe some other time ;-) Instead, I'll just say that the words from "My Utmost for His Highest" this morning hit me right in the heart and reminded the great importance of being careful where my MIND is...

"If you have been bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, it will be one of the greatest assets to faith when the time of trial comes, because your faith and the Spirit of God will work together."

I HAVENT been bringing every thought into captivity...and I know that in the end those little stray thoughts get in the way of my Life and my Relationship with God...
*sigh* So much I need to work on! :-)

A different person...

Sooooo...its been a longish morning/afternoon and I'm just now getting to my emails and my blog...awwwww! I've missed you! And I really should feel you in...

According to my father my "after" picture is really horrible...so I dont actually look that bad, and as of today...I dont look that sad either ;-)
Also, for those of you (*cough*cough* Carmi) who felt like my "thing" was my hair...well, that is EXACTLY one of the reasons that threw me over the edge and helped me to cut it all off for those cute kids ( seriously, go to the website..it'll make you cry...and cut your hair off)...so, now that the initial shock is over I am taking it as a challenge to recreate my sense of style so that I am unique again ( I feel like my hair is kinda "normal" now...and well, I dont like normal) and I also...heres hopin...would like to be known for something a little bit less superficial as "the girl with the hair"....so I guess you can stay tuned for THAT...

In other news, I am kinda shocked its Friday-this week sort of flew by...I feel like I've spent the whole week thinking...HARD thinking....at one point I actually whimpered ( to God) that I had had ENOUGH "self improvement" for one week, "thank you very much."
Luckily, THESE verses have helped me out a good bit:

Psalm 31
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.

3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.

5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.

7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.

8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.

9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.

February 09, 2006

For the Love...

So, a few days ago I told you I was going to do something I hadnt done in 6 and a half years...

Well, today I did it....


I cut my hair off...for Locks of Love


Of course, I have to admit that I HATE IT....but...it was for the children....and it will grow back. :-(

Poll Results: Holidays Happen

Well, we've come to the end of another delightful poll...this has to have been one of my favorite questions to ask people-just because there is truly no wrong answer...I mean, give me ANY of these vacations ANY day! ;-)
But...if you had to choose:

19% of you would go straight to the city and all the glitz and glamour ( and maybe some culture) that implies. This is actually, amazingly enough, the lowest on my list of vacation spots these days...I say amazingly enough because it would have only been a few years ago when I thought cities were THE coolest...I wanted to move to New York...or Seattle...or Chicago...) anyway as time has past I realize that I really like Sloooow places much better! When "the girls" and I went to Italy this past summer I was so happy when we got out of the cities into the little villages... However, in saying that..if someone got me tickets to the Late Night with Conan O'Brian I would be allll oveeeer that.

19% of you would head for the hills, or more accurately...the mountains. Actually this choice is higher on my list...yet, since I spent a good three and a half years in various versions of "winter"..I'm not as keen on cold as I use to be ( imagine that!)...of course, snow and all its wonder is all very much more beautiful when sitting by a fire...so...if you have some mountain cabin with central heat, and you invite me over...well, I'd come.

29% of you would dive into the ocean..or the sand...or whatever is closest. You know the Ben Harper song, "She's only happy in the Sun."? Well, I feel that way a lot of the time...I would have to rank my vacation in Fiji as my most ultimate-fantastic relaxation vacation that I've ever had..it was woooonnnndddddeeeeerfuuuuullll....so maybe I'm just partical to the beach for that reason. BUT, remember...I'm partial to tropical islands-dont invite me to South Padre, Texas and expect me to get excited.

33% of you would grab your camera and see the sights. Did you know that one of my TOP TEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE is to see the Pyramids in Egypt? Well, its true...I also reeeally want to go to india...and china...and russia...and well...everywhere. So, to say the least I totally understand if you picked this response. This world is too small for me not to try and see as much of it as I can.

February 08, 2006

In honor of love...

So, I really did forget that Valentine's Day was this month....I forgot until was in Target the other day and I was accosted with the REDANDPINKHEARTSILOVEU!!!!! Aisle of candy and other money making tools...and then I couldnt help but remembered.
And while this post has started out sounding so very negative...that is not my intent really ( sometimes the pessimist just leaks out of me without permission)...no, instead I am here to talk about how delightful it is that one of my favorite all time Romantic movies is coming out of the VAULT...in the month of "love" of all months! Fate? Why I think so ;-)

Its funny really, I was thinking about this post last night ( composing it in my head because I couldnt sleep) and I think its interesting that two of my top romantic movies of all time are, well, animated. HAHAHA! This of course, is one of the many ( and I mean many) reasons why I probably will be single forever...but I digress...hey, I am not ashamed. No, I admit it freely that I spent a good four weeks stalking a guy at Hastings to get my hands on the last copy of the Limited Edition DVD of Beauty and the Beast...and I am not ashamed to say that I am BEYOND excited about Lady and the Tramp coming back...
Yes, truly... it makes the month of February that much more lovable... ;-)

of course, I'm fasting from DVDs until March....

LotR = productive

So last night I did some Lord of the Rings reading...I'm into what I call the "killer section" which is my LEAST favorite part of the books..I personally find Gollum heartbreaking and it is difficult for me to read this section of the book ( the travellings of Frodo, Sam and Gollum)-however, I've come across some beautiful passages ( in my opinion) and I am always struck by the character of Faramir who owns the last two quotes...His character, well, dont get me started...I'll go on for days..

“I do not feel any pity for Gollum. He deserves death."
"Deserves Death! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And
some that die that deserve life. Can you give that to them? Then be not too
eager to deal out death in the name of justice, fearing for your own safety.
Even the wise cannot see all ends.”

For a moment it appeared to Sam that his master had grown and Gollum
had shrunk: a tall stern shadow, a mighty lord who hid his brightness in
grey cloud, and at his feet a little whining dog. Yet the two were in a some
way akin and not alien: they could reach on another’s minds.

“Ach! No!” he spluttered. You try to choke poor Smeagol. Dust and
ashes, he cant eat that. He must starve. He cant eat hobbits’ food. He will
starve. Poor thin Smeagol.
“I’m sorry,” said Frodo, “but I cant help you, I’m afraid. I think this
food would do you good, if you would try. But perhaps you cant even try, not
yet anyway.”

He was now beginning to feel it as an actual weight dragging him
earthwards. But far more he was troubled by the Eye; so he called it to himself. It
was that more than the drag of the Ring that made him cower and stoop as he
walked. The Eye: that horrible growing sense of a hostile will that
strove with great power…Frodo knew just where the present habitation and heart
of that will now was: as certainly as a man can tell the direction of the
sun with his eyes shut. He was facing it, and its potency beat up his brow.

Even to the (Dead Marshes) some haggard phantom of green spring would
come, but here neither spring nor summer would ever come again. Here nothing
lived, not even the leprous growths that feed on rottenness…
They had come to the desolation that lay before Mordor: the lasting
monument to the dark labour of its slaves that should endure when all
their purposes were made void; a land defiled, a diseased beyond all
healing-unless the Great Sea should enter in and wash it with oblivion.
“I feel sick,” said Sam. Frodo did not speak.

Gollum in his own way, and with much more excuse as his acquaintance
was much briefer, may have made a similar mistake, confusing kindness with
blindness. At any rate (Frodo’s) speech abashed and terrified him. He
groveled on the ground and could speak no clear words but nice

It was Sam’s first view of a battle of Men against Men, and he did not
like it much. He was glad that he could not see the dead face. He wondered
what the man’s name was and where he came from; and if he was really evil of
heart, or what lies or threats had led him on the long march from his
home; and if he would not really rather have stayed home in peace-all in a
flash of thought which was quickly driven from his mind.

“Yet (Frodo) felt in his heart that Faramir, though he was much like
his brother in looks, was a man less self-regarding, both sterner and wiser. “

“Whether Boromir erred or no, of this I am sure: he died well,
achieving some good thing. His face was more beautiful even than in life.”

War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would
devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the
arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which
they defend: the city of all the Men of Numenor; and I would have her loved
for her memory, her ancientry, her beauty, and her present wisdom. Not feared,
save as a men may fear the dignity of a man, old and wise.”

February 07, 2006

The Google Image Questionnare

See What YOU find out when you put YOUR answers into "google images"

1.Where were you born?

2.Where do you live now?

3.Your Name:

4. Favorite Food:

5. Favorite Drink:

6. Favorite Superhero


7.Favorite Smell:

8.Favorite T.V. Show

9.Favorite Sport:

10. Book you're reading

11.Favorite Color

12.Current Job ( And seriously this is what came up for Radiology Assist!! HA!)

13. Favorite Holiday

14. Favorite Vacation

New Every Morning..

So, last night I came home from working out...made myself some dinner...and went directly to bed.
At eight.

I then slept till 8, woke up and had my quiet time until I went to work at 9:30. Yay! I totally needed both badly...

I've made some decisions...both of which, I realized were put on my heart Sunday night-but I kind of threw them out of my head until yesterday...both of which were kind of hard and therefore, I must confess, I faught against them all day...It wasnt until I pleaded for help this morning that I was able to really give them up.

One of my big decisions is kind of silly, at least, you might think so...but it turns out its kinda a big deal to me-which was really the problem anyway. Its funny how very earthly things become so important! So, on thursday at 1:45...I am doing something that I havent done in...ooooh...six years and a half years. Its exciting. ;-)

My other decision was actually much easier( once I made it) to make, and is one that has been "niggling" away at me for sometime now...

I have been given SUCH a lovely set up at the moment: a job that is hardly stressful at all ( well, its stressful but only WHILE I am at work) and I am easily able to not think about it at all once I leave the hospital walls...I have no serious/important responsiblities and therefore I really DO have a lot of free time...and what do I DO with said free time? I watch DVDs...I read blogs...I surf around imbd.com and read mindless facts about movies and the like. It's really embarrassing how much time I waste.

So, I'm cutting it out...I am not watching DVDs for a month-and I am truly cutting ALL internet time at home- This is a long time coming. I am truly humbled by how looong its taken for me to do this. pitiful really. But, I am excited now...

Whew, So really its been quite an eventful last few days! ;-)

February 05, 2006

Whew! Busy Weekend!

Man, so I leave for ONE DAY...and my friends have a baby. CRAZY! I went and saw Mr. Noah Thomas Scott today and he is seriously the CUTEST baby ever! I mean, you would never think he was just two days old-normally babies look like raisins for several days/weeks before getting this cute. But, no...seems like Noah is a quick to the punchs. I guess I better ask the parents before I post a picture of their adorable child on the internet...but I'll try to show him off soon....You've gotta check this cutie out-and I as I held him today I thought how it was just a week or so ago that he was kicking me in the side through his mommy's tummy as she sat next to me on a couch...wow.
Note the parents: Put that kid is soccer as soon as you can!

Well, since i cant give you a picture of Noah in all his glory-what's almost as good? Well! A picture of me on a giant TRACTOR! hahahahahaha!
Seriously, my weekend was all that you could ask for good times with my wonderful Pawpaw, a fun Rodeo ( where no one died or got seriously injured-which was kind of touch and go for a while)...annnnd awesome people watching! I mean, no lie, I sat for a GOOD two hours just watching people walk by *sigh* I was in heaven!


February 03, 2006

February...my music month.

OK kids, I've started the looong process of listening to ALL of my music. And i invite you to join me in the process if you so desire. It really is quite fun and really the only rules are that you really DO listen to EVERY SINGLE song that you own...whether that be on CD, tape, mp3...whatever...you can even choose how you do it...in the past I have done it by genre and even by album...but this year I am doing it by SONG...which means I have a very strange mixture of music at times ( this is done much easier when you have itunes-since it puts them all in order for me...its much harder once I get to my CDs that are not on my computer...I'll probably just go by album when I get to that point)

My reasons for having this little "runthrough" is that I definitely get in musical ruts and I forget all about particular songs that I own....and its always great to have a little reunion with a music memory. ;-)

~At the moment I am listening to "A Kiss to Build a Dream on" By Louis Armstrong...followed by "A little less conversation", Elvis.... "A Love Song for No One", John Mayer..".A Natural Women", Carol King...."A Rush of Blood to the Head", Coldplay, " A Whisper", Coldplay...."A wink and a Smile" Harry Connick Jr......( and then I get into all the Arias...hehehe) ~

This will take a while...I have DAYS worth of music....


I am waiting for my sister to pick me up...but while I wait, here are the poll results:

0% of you wait and eat the "bad stuff" on your plate at the very end of your meal-I MUST admit, I was a bit shocked by this...I just so happen to know many of you are chronic procrastinators...but I've learned something interesting: Procrastination does not affect your eatting habits. good to know. ;-)

24% of you wouldnt eat anything nasty on your plate-even if it was put in front of you...fascinating. I really COULD make fun of you at this point and say that you had bad manners, but I wont...I actually envy you. A life without ANY carrots or celery seems good to me!

33% of you would mix the gross food in with the other food on your plate....Which in my humble opinion is a BAAAAD idea...why would you want to poison perfectly good food with BAD food!?!

43% of you would just bite the bullet and eat all the nasty food up front and then eat other food to wash your mouth out....this was my personal choice-but I do admit it, too, has its flaws-afterall...eatting a whole bunch of carrots and celery all at once makes me want to gag...ewwww!

And this is why I have resolved to NEVER eat a carrot again unless it would mean hurting someones feelings for me to not eat it. And Celery...well, if you are ever in my presence when I have to eat this evil veggie-realize that while it may LOOK like I am eatting it...in actuality I am SWALLOWING it....less taste involved.

OK! So on to the next poll-which I will leave with you as I head off out of town for the weekend-it could be AT LEAST a day before you hear from me again...how WILL you manage?!

Lesson Learned

So, all this week we were out of milk at Apt420...and even though i am a "hardcore" coffee drinker-I cannot drink it black....which is how I went the WHOLE week without coffee in the morning ( minus Monday when I went to Jury Duty and had a coffee with papa)...but yesterday, I counted up my pennies and realized that, yes, I COULD afford to buy milk.( imagine that!)
So that is how, this morning, I came to work with coffee in hand...and let me JUST SAY:
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING can compare to coffee goodness...I mean, sure, all week I had substitute caffine fixes...but NOT ONE was able to put me in the happy/functional state that Coffee can.

So, what did we learn? We learned that even though I have "grown up" quite a bit...and I am able to be a functional morning person....only coffee can truly make me a REAL morning person.
I'm changing the rules, I am only allowed to blog in the mornings IF I've had COFFEE...

Besides, tomorrow I get to go see my PawPaw...THAT makes me pretty happy too :-)

February 02, 2006

obviously not a morning person.

Why dont you people remind me not to post in the early morning hours? I NEVER have a nice outlook on life at that time...seriously now! ;-)

Sorry about the negativity....Its just not even called for...and actually I felt totally convicted and guilty today-I saw a dear sister in the grocery store and she asked me if I was ok...and I ( who always take questions like that seriously) , of course, stopped to think about it and then said I was definitely doing ok...to which she replied that she felt that my prayers had been "a bit down" as of late! meeeh! Is this true?!
I mean, prayers definitely reflect the true self, in my opinion, but I was REALLY being honest with her! I AM doing ok! I mean, sure everyday has SOME sort of battle-but they are glorious battles most days! Most days I am truly GRATEFUL for the things I am struggling with...because struggling implies not giving up...
I dont know, I've prayed about it...for I truly desire to be a joyful person, and I try hard to BE joyful most of the time ( I take the meaning of my name seriously)...but then I desire just as strongly to be a TRUTHFUL person and I will always be honest with you if I am struggling-but am I being WHINY?!
maybe I have my balance off?! What do you think?

On a different note, I had the coolest chat with Carmi today! It is TRULY a beautiful thing when you realize you are walking down the EXACT same path with a person! hehehe...its funny, over the past year I've had some very interesting struggles-I was sent down particular paths that I thought were "totally unique" and that no one would understand! But it seemed everytime God gave me a walking companion....truly a blessing! Oh, and Carmi...we didnt have time today, but we need to have a prayer time really soon! :-)

Shortest month...longest week.

oh. my. goodness.

Why is it not Friday yet? Seriously, I feel like I have been working for days and days on end-when in reality its only been two and a half very looong ones.
Yesterday, I actually had ALL the phone lines full and still people were calling, my doctors were stressed and annoyed about all the interruptions...and then, by the end of the day when we were all more than ready to go home Dr. Jesus, ( his nickname among the radiology department because he acts like he is just THAT special) decided to send an OUT PATIENT from his office over to get a CT, requesting that we call him with the results. So, we read it...its 5:30 by now...and then...yes, I call his office and of course, He's gone home for the day so we have to page him!
Now, I know that everyone reading this KNOWS what a sweet, calm little angel I am...and how WELL I take such annoying people. So you can imagine just how silently I took it all...and how I didnt make any fuss at all...and that I didnt have to count to ten....yes...I am sure you know this, and therefore we need not go into the details....

However, in an ironic state of affairs-I must admit I am competely shocked that it is February. I mean, what HAPPENED to January?! Is it really already over?! I mean, if we continue in this kind of crazy-fast-paced frame of affairs this YEAR is going to be over!!!
Not, that I mind really, its just that sometimes I freakout that my life is "flashing before my eyes"...and I am not getting anything really "meaningful" accomplished. *sigh*

On a more positive note-I am going to leave work early today-and go to Java Jacks for a much needed Latte...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I cant wait. I also can't wait for this weekend-I am going to see my PawPaw who I havent seen in A LOOONG time! AND we are going to the Rodeo together! woo hoo! Its gonna be great....

February 01, 2006

Making everybody happy...

Soooo...the poll results are in ( I got tired of it) and so before we move onto something infinitely more interesting-lets look at the results, shall we?

5% of you love it when I share about my (awesome) job experiences-which is interesting since my job is relatively boring to hear about...maybe the person who voted for this just felt sorry for the choice since no one had picked it?

5% of you enjoy my LotR quotes-and since Brett admitted that this was his choice, I will just go ahead and thank him personally for liking these particular posts- thankgoodness! since, even though I would obstinately continue to post quotes and the like-I would always feel a bit annoyed with my readers that no one else "loves them as much as I do"

20% love Episodes with Evil Neighbor. Of course, this obviously means that you, in some small way, enjoy my suffering...thanks, thanks a lot.

30% of you enjoy my minute by minute accounts of my day ( with editoral comment). Gee, this makes me feel special. Since, "minute by minute" can turn into pretty boring times for all involved-but, turns out six of you are into that kind of thing...which is lucky since now I dont have to feel guilty about posting three or four times a day.

40% ( and the winner of this poll...if there were such a thing as winners in this sort of thing) love posts that reveal what is "going on in my head." Wow. Can someone say "stalker"? hehe...just kidding. No, this is truly a compliment since every-single post in some form or fashion reveals what is going on in my head-which MEANS that you must like every single post! awwww...that is sooo sweet. I'm blushing.
NOW, on to are next poll question...this is one of my favorite questions to ask people at parties-perferably when i've never spoken to them before...therefore making the person think I'm totally strange.
I, of course, feel like peoples answers say a lot about them...I will share my thoughts once the poll is completed. mmmwwwwhahahaha