November 30, 2005

Definition of today...

Disconsolate (adjective):Cheerless, Dejected, Downcast.

THAT is how I was feeling described me perfectly.

But, then tonight, at church...the hymn Come, Ye Disconsolate was requested...and it just sang to my heart.
I share it with you tonight...for all those feeling "out of sorts" in whatever way...I hope you realize who brings the Answer to all.

Come, you Disconsolate. whatever you languish-come to the Mercyseat, fervently kneel, Here bring your wounded hearts, here tell your anguish: Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.

Joy of the desolate, Light of the straying, Hope of the penitent, fadeless and pure! Here speaks the Comforter, tenderly saying, "Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot cure."

Here see the Bread of Life, see waters flowing Forth from the throne of God, pure from above, come to the feast of love, come ever knowing Earth has no sorrow that heaven can remove.

"Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal."...Papa mentioned those words again after the hymn was over...he said them with a sense of wonder in his voice...and truly it IS amazing! Such a big statement...especially when i think of all the sadness, confusion, pain that is in this world....and yet, our God IS that big....and yet, not too big not to care for the tiniest worry on our hearts!


I've got my memories on the bookshelf.

The Berenstein Bear's author dies.
I've gotta say I'm kinda sad about this.

nose spray..

is seriously AMAZING.

I mean, I was lying in bed sniffling and sneezing...and I just wanted to SLEEP...when I remembered my nose spray.
Of course, after using it I couldnt sleep because I was so incredibly amazed by its ability to clear ones nose. I mean, I'll say it again: SERIOUSLY, its amazing!

Why have I been having SUCH trouble sleeping? I got home last night just DYING to go straight to bed, but I had to wait and talk to Lydia on the phone ( which was SO worth it by the by)...however, after that...I was WIDE AWAKE...for what seemed like hours.
In other news, today, I realized something stupid I did earlier this week ( yes, it is only wednesday) which I THOUGHT ( well, only when I wasnt being honest) was totally harmless is now going to turn into possible drama. BOO! I hate that! And I have no one to blame but myself.

I know what this person thinks, I know how they feel...a simple "hey, can you answer this question?" email written when bored can be interrupted as JUST ABOUT ANYTHING...and I really should have known that.
Lesson I neeeeeeed to leeeeeearn: Playing with other peoples emotions isnt cool. Ever.
Im a jerk.

November 29, 2005


Sometimes I can be SUCH a dork....
On the plus side, I have very nice, and patient friends.

Yes, those two things ARE related.

I put up some twinkle lights in my room...but, they look "unsymetrical"...i dont know how to fix bothers me.

the one.

My nose is running like the boston marathon. I have one kleenex left. Its 2pm...the odds of this baby lasting until 5 are slim to none...
Which bring me to the irony that, since this is a hospital you would THINK they would have soft kleenex...but, you would be wrong. Its like rubbing your nose on sandpaper and rocks....but looks like I'll be inviting those rocks over for tea in the next few minutes...

"bless you"

Yup, sandpaper here I come.

Nostalgia wins the day!

Today, I had an hour off at 11am to go buy Christmas cards...which took longer than expected and the selection was slim...BUT, in that time I had a fun conversation about New Zealand with the owners of The Good Book...a cute little Christian bookstore downtown..which was well worth it. I realized that, at the risk of boring people, I try not to talk about my experiences very much. Its odd. But, I always feel like, since its SO important to me, I would just go overboard if I ever got started talking about it....meh. Anyway, it was nice.
Then, after buying some Christmas presents and ordering others ( why are all the good books never in stock?!) I went to Hastings..and you wont believe my good luck! I found a Special Edition, two disk DVD of Disney's Beauty and the Beast for the grand price of $13.99....oh, I was happy! I also bought Amy Grant's Home for the Holidays Christmas CD...the tape of this particular Christmas selection was one that I positively ran into the ground during the 90s. I put it in and was immediately transported back in time. Delightful.
In other nostalgic news, I've done two Code Crackers today...thanks to Bing and his thoughtfulness! I've gotta say, the United States is missing out on this particular word puzzle delight...However, today while doing the very first one I was reminded of many moments of procrastination, sitting in the House Tutor Lounge at Carrington trying...or standing in the lunch line holding the torn-out entertainment section of the Otago Daily delightful.

A snippet

By. Ruth Bell Graham

"Pray when in the mood, it is sinful to neglect such an opportunity. Pray when not in the mood, it is dangerous to be in such a condition."

when all your soul
a tiptoe stands
in wistful eagerness
to talk with God;
put out your hands,
God bends to hear;
it would be a sin
not to draw near.

when gray inertia
creeps through your soul,
as though a man
who fights the cold,
then growing languid
and slumbering
knows not
it is death.

when swamped
with sin and shame
and nowhere else
to pin the blame
but your own will
and waywardness;
God knows you,
loves you nonetheless.



Each verse speaks to me with more power and each one seems to speak more about ME....oh, how easily I fall. How easily I fail.
But, He is ever gracious to minister. To forgive. To speak.

November 28, 2005

Always Prepared?

Last night after a hilarious round of The Panel...I layed in bed and starred at walls. I couldnt sleep for ages and I was really hot. Not sure why, the heat was turned off..and it was getting colder outside. But, I was hot...and I couldnt sleep.
I went through various "thought options" in my head and it seemed every topic was off limits.
Off limits because it would just make me MORE awake. One such topic....
"Its almost been a year." (*)

In other news, despite the lack of sleep I got up at 8 and had coffee with my papa and my sister. It was a good thing since right when I was about to leave to do some shopping- Kristy called. Woo! Made me happy, also since I was going to email her today!
Sometimes I actually think we are connected to our friends in more ways than we realize. How else do such things happen? Going to write Louise and email and finding one from her already in the Inbox...
Is it really just coincidence? I like to think not.

Back to work today. Just realized that I got the better end of the stick when I said I would work Christmas...poor D. is practically just getting a normal weekend off...Although I am STILL bummed about missing Church on Christmas day. I am now officially praying for a Christmas Miracle so I can go.

Who else feels like time is flying by without much thought? I cant believe its almost December! which bring me back to (*).
So, on the 13th of December it will be exactly one year since I left New Zealand for the last time. How crazy! It blows my little mind! I want to do something fun/exciting/thought provoking/encouraging to celebrate...Any ideas? You have about two weeks to think about it-so let me know!

November 27, 2005

Back to work.

My four day "holiday" is almost over...back to work tomorrow...which, also sinks MORE because I just found out that I'm the "late girl" again this week...something about getting a holiday and the other girl didnt or something...whatever. BOO! I hate being the late girl...sleeping late is overrated anyway because of the stupid evil dog down stairs. :-( Ah well, I'll just get up early and go have coffee with my papa and my sister. Yes, that'll make it better.

OK, bitter much? hehehe...sorry about that. I didnt mean to rant. My holiday was lovely apart from the cold which is sllloooowly getting better. So I shouldnt complain should I?
Anyway, I added a new link over on the side bar of this blog...please read the Cutting Edge Missions blog which will be updated every so often-hopefully it will remind you to pray for these dear people on their missions trips. :-)
Tonight was a special night at church, heard from a couple who've been long time members of our church who are going to Kenya for a year as missionaries. It was really wonderful to hear their heart for missions but more importantly see their obedience to the call that God has placed on their hearts. It was a special message because its something we can ALL think about, ya know? Made me think about how obedient I am in what God has called ME to do! Makes me think...

November 26, 2005


So, as a girl I have to be careful. Well, probably boys have to be careful too...but probably in different ways...but *i* have to be careful not to watch too many romantic movies or it gives me "ideas" and I want to go out immediately and find myself a HHB....( read the above in a dramatic, a little over the top manner and you've got the idea)....BUT...I make exceptions to my rules when it comes to Jane Austen.

I saw the new version of Pride and Prejudice today... and its very good. While one can never stop loving the 6 hour A&E version ( read:COLIN FIRTH) I will make room for this new rendition...and I do so, because while there had to be generious cutting done to fit it into just two hours, I felt the "spirit" of the book remained...and I actually enjoyed the little "artist's interpretations" that made it very satisfying and delightful.
My favorite things about this newest version of one of my favorite books:

Mr. Colins-he was hilarious and incredibly short...just as he should be.
The first proposal-talk about "whoa" was electric...and I actually liked it better than the second one ;-)
Jane-She wasnt nearly as "boring and dull" as I felt she was in the A&E version...and I have to say this actress was BEAUTIFUL and gave ol' Keryia a run for her money in the hotness department.
The scene between Elizabeth and Mr. Bennett at the end...I nearly cried...its one of those extremely touching moments between a father and his daughter-and I loved it.
And...last but not least Mr. Darcy walking in the fog...that scene could have gone on forever in my personal opinion. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. ;-)

OK, so there you go....that's enough romance for a while...I'll have to have some realism really soon or I'll have to give another "being single is cool" speeches just to remind myself that Mr. Darcy is FICTION. :-P

November 25, 2005

To get in the mood...

White Christmas...this movies is a classic-and the music makes you want to go caroling or something equaling daring... until you remember you CANT sing and your waist isnt as tiny as the character Judy Haynes ;-)
Its a Wonderful Life This movie never fails to make me cry lots of happy tears-it restores faith in mankind...Jimmy Stewart will do that to you.
Miracle on 34th StreetI actually like this remake version better than the orginal-the little girl is particularly endearing...and the scene where all of NYC hangs "we believe" signs everywhere makes you happy.
The Santa Clause This movies such fun! And come cool is the North Pole?!

Home Alone This movie is just fun...and I actually really like a bunch of Christmas song versions in this well as the idea of a big family all together for the holidays-no matter how disfunctional this particular family is.

Ok, so people...go out, rent these movies and prepare yourself for the holiday know, in looking back over these movies-I really can NOT imagine Christmas not being cold ( or at least suppose to be) and New Zealand do you have summer-y christmas movies?! I would love to know what you watch to get in the spirit...ooooor maybe since its summer you watch less movies during the holiday season than we do here since there isnt much to do action wise?! is that it?

and dont you forget it! ;-)

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three.

Captain Jack Sparrow


El Zorro


William Wallace




James Bond, Agent 007


Neo, the "One"


Indiana Jones


Batman, the Dark Knight


The Terminator


Lara Croft


The Amazing Spider-Man


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with

manditory sick day.

why does this happen when you LEAST want it?!
I woke up this morning feeling awful. Sore throat, runny nose, achey allll over. So I spent the whole day on my couch and in bed. No Pride and Prejudice no saying goodbye to my grandfather....booooo!

One of the things I hate the most about being sick is the wierd body tempature...I am either waaay hot or waaaay cold. I just took a three hour long nap but I kept throwing off my covers...and then pulling them back on...and I felt all ekky when I finally woke up at 6pm. uggg.

One of the things that was really awesome about today, though...I went to get the mail and i had three packages stuffed into my mail box ( seriously, I had to work at getting them all out! they were WEDGED!)...I know I've told you this before...but I'll tell you again...I've got the greatest friends EVER! Kristy, Emma and Bing totally made my whole sick day! :-)

November 24, 2005

all day...

I've watched Cary Grant movies....but that doesnt stop me from thinking THIS movie is going to be WONDERFUL!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Looking forward to tomorrow's goodness...but since its already past midnight, I thought I'd take this opportunity to tell you what I am MOST thankful for and to remind YOU of its truths....

I John4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Tell you alllll about it tomorrow :-) Because *i* am off from work for FOUR DAYS! I feel like a queen ;-)

November 23, 2005

birthday cake and coffee=


Yeah, work is sssssssslllllooooooooowwwwwwww.....I think all the doctors in town took off early for Thanksgiving. Not that I blame can one truly be thankful whilest working?

Anyway, the moral of the story is when I looked at my knitting this morning and decided not to bring it to work, that wasnt a smart move. Buuuuuut, I am thinking about taking a longish lunch break and going home to clean some of the apartment.. I cant remember the last time it was cleaned, which isnt a good sign.meeh. And since Katie's going out of town I doubt she's put "cleaning the apartment" on her priority list. ah well, somebodies gotta do it...and "somebody" is probably me.

In other news, tomorrow is thanksgiving ( for my non-united states readers) and the family is having thanksgiving dinner at, wait for it, my parents hotel! I KNOW....but apparently its suppose to be really good and "half the town goes" every year. Well, I guess its the half that I dont know well, because I've never heard of such a thing! But, it should be interesting. Although, seeing the Johnny Cash movie has made me randomly miss my cousin Joel a lot. I soooo hope we get to see him over Christmas! Along with the rest of the family....ahhhh holidays!

SO, yes, this thanksgiving is going to be interesting-and very much lacking in "tradition"..which in a lot of ways makes me a bit sad. I stand behind tradition like nothing else- and when thomas called last night to see if there was going to be a "family football game" I had to tell him no. Boo! I dont think I've mourned football so much in my life. ;-)

But, with that said, I'm looking forward to seeing my grandfather...and I'm looking forward to having time off from work....and I'm looking forward to hanging out with my brother-in-law, which I havent gotten to do in a while....I'm looking forward to catching up with friends on the phone who I havent talked to in a while, because I wont have to worry about staying up too late- because I can sleep in. woooo...gotta love different time zones, aye? ;-)
So, there is lots to be thankful for...and dear blog are high up on my "thankful" list. :-)
for my fellow americans, may your holiday be greatly blessed

November 22, 2005

I felt the love...

Yes, dear made my birthday SO special...I feel the warm fuzzies and I'm pretty sure they are going to stick with me for a long time to come :-)

Kristy, Thida, Lydia, Justin, Uncle Jim, PawPaw thanks for the phone messages, I'm so sad I missed you all!
Trinity and Nicole thanks for the phone calls!

Louise, Thida, Ryan, Justin S., Emma, Donnave, Sam, Gus, Mary, Anna, Paul, Sarah, Christa, Sunshine, Jordan and Tabitha...thank you muchly for the emails....

Carmi, thank you for the beautiful blog post

Aunty Gail, Mel and Meredith thanks for the blog comments...

Tonight I had a fantastic homecooked goodness fresh from Billie's kitchen...and the most AMAZING cake EVER! Having my family around is truly a gift that I could never ever trade.

I am overcome with your goodness and your love, I truly dont deserve it! :-)

Oh, and Thomas/Katie 's phone call was a nice suprise...and I just got an email from i guess i shouldnt have written my thank yous until midnight... ;-)

The circle of Life.

So, I was walking down the hall at work this morning...and I realized...that 22 years ago today, I was just right up stairs in the nursery. I was BORN in the hospital where I now work.

How far I've only be back where I began! :-P

November 21, 2005


I have to admit, I am writing this with a heavy heart tonight! I cant believe I have come to the end of my "golden birthday month" for tomorrow is my birthday...and tonight is my last chance to write about some of the many many people that have inspired and influenced my life....Its really been such a blessing to review these dear souls who have impacted me so so deeply...but the greatest delight is I havent even begun to scratch the surface of all the many dear ones who I want to write about. Seriously, as I sit her I look longingly down and a whole list of people that I havent gotten to...who mean just as much as these I have named... Hopefully, I will be able to continue this tradition every year-because I have a feeling...I can continue on for years to come, listing all those who I am truly grateful that I have in my life. Seriously, while this exercise has been a delight to me, a little part of me has felt a bit out of control and unworthy, because I keep thinking of others that I want to mention, that I want to know how much they mean to me...ultimately, I guess I just need to learn the lesson to not wait until a certain "set aside time" to tell people how thankful I am for them...hopefully I can do better at letting people know their value to me each day...its something I need to work on.

So until next time....


Tabitha was one of my other "answers to prayer" during my first year as a House Tutor...I prayed for the residents that God gave me...and He came through with several delightful girls. Tabitha was one of them. Tabitha Trott...isnt that a great name? I love it. And my first impressions of Tabitha were very endearing as well....she was "readable" as I use to say when I was little...she appreciated Words...and she had an "another world" air about her, she was truly above so much of the silliness that went on during the first few weeks of Uni....but, in many ways my first impression of Tabitha were barely scratching the surface. And she is truly a friend who I feel I am constantly getting new delightful layers from.
Tabitha was another one of the nonchristians that came along to Lydia and my life group that year...and she also challenged me with HARD questions...I distinctly remember feeling so very helpless at the hand of those questions. But ultimately, again, God taught me about His grace. Tabitha was saved that year as well...and her life is now a living testimony of Salvation. She is TRULY alive. In the next year, Tabitha and my relationship went from House tutor-to-Resident into House Tutor-to-House Tutor...once again she was an answer to prayer...having a fellow Christian in the sometimes Anti-Christian House Tutor group was TRULY a blessing....Even though I had already dealt with the challenges of being "alone" as a Christian in such a group, Tabitha really taught me a lot about being "seperate" seemed that that "other world" air that I noticed in her first year...which was more of a "fantasy world" type place...had truly transformed into a Heavenly world...and that world seems to have gotten brighter and brighter and more and more clear in Tabitha. I treasured my talks with her last she worked out the little bits of her Faith that she hadnt figured out yet, it was interesting to see her decision to be a Catholic, and while she has now taken a different path, I could see the importance it had in her life was a part of the Christian faith that I dont fully agree with...and yet I also was able to completely look past that and see Tabitha's love for God. Yes, God taught me right then and there...where to look when looking for someones relationship with God, not at their church, at their knowledge, at their actions, instead look directly at the Heart. For there the truth Lay...Tabitha's Heart was the Lords...and it was a delight to see.
Tabitha also taught me about little acts of kindness....I've always had trouble doing these types of things...sending cards ( I always forget)...doing chores for people ( I forget again...or I'm "busy"...or lets face it, down right lazy)....but Tabitha has truly been a testiment to me of acts of kindness done in the right heart. Her little homemade cards when I hadnt gotten mail from the states in WEEEKS, literally saved me from pity-parties and homesickness...her cups of tea, and little helpful gestures made being sick on Rounds...or having to study plus deal with nasty residents bareable.
And, this past year...when most of interaction with friends has been via email, Tabitha has been, by far, the MOST faithful....and let me tell you...Her emails have not just been a nice reminder of a friend-they have been SUCH lessons! Seriously, sometimes I think how others are missing out of her amazing writing talent-but then, I'm just grateful I get to see some of it! ;-) Her emails are little treasures to me, tiny windows into heaven...she can take a rain puddle and discribe it in such a way that you see the ways of Sin in the word in a new light...she can take a Candle and tell about it in such a way that I see Christ with brand new eyes. I am in awe of the beauty that God has put in Tabitha...that just seems to shine brighter and brighter with each passing day. I have found comfort in her struggles and encouragment in her victories in these emails...and above all I have seen how God has spoken great wisdom into her life. I mentioned in my last post about watching Thida go from a wee babe...and so I have had the priviledge to see Tabitha transform as well. God has been so gracious to let me be a part of her life, I am truly honored. For here is a women that God will do great things. I have to go back to that "other world" statement I've made twice already, I think once again it applies to Tabitha's future...She is faithful to her Father's work and i am continually inspired and encouraged by her. I would truly not be who I am today without this dear friend of mine...

and we're back!

man, today has been on some serious crazy pills...I've kept a constant to-do list going because I had sooo much going on that I couldnt keep it all in my head. meh.
But, I actually LIKE days like this because they go by really fast...and I also like today because my doctors bought me Chinese food for my birthday...awwwww! arent they sweet!? ( I think they just wanted an excuse to get chinese...but whatever, I've never looked a gift horse in the month)
Alright, alright...lets start in on some of the very last of my series of "Influential/inspirational" people....Today is the last day, because dear friends...TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! SO GET THOSE EMAILS READY>>>>>>

I met Thida during my first year at Uni, she lived in Dante's Inferno with Lydia Penny and I...and she loves to tell the story about how RUDE I was the first time she met me...sure, sure whatever...but once our friendship got officially started we've had a blast ever since! :-)
Thida and I share a delight for shopping...even though I have more shoes than she does, and she DEFINITELY has more formal dresses than I....we are definitely "girly" friends...and I wont put you through an account of many of our of my favorite had to be when we both tried talking in "ultra sweet, innocent" voices in order to experiment if guys really WOULD do whatever we asked them when using the voice. ( it turns out guys are suckers for the sweet/innocent voice..but thats for another time)
But, ultimately the reason Thida will remain in my heart forever began when she started coming to Lydia and my life group during second year...I remember when we first asked her to come along and she said, "as long as you wont try to make me into a Christian." Lydia and I smiled and told her we would NEVER do that!
The thing about Thida's story is while her salavation is HER personal story with Jesus, God gave ME that gift of getting to be a part of the ride. First of all, God taught me a lot during the time Thida was searching... we'd had a LOT of discussions in life group...most of which were way over my head! I remember thinking, THIS isnt how its suppose to work, I'm suppose to have all the answers! But, ultimately God taught me that patience, prayer...and love were the only things I COULD do to bring Thida to Him...other than that it was ALL HIM.
I can count how many times God has directly SPOKEN to me on one hand, and one of those times was the night that Thida finally came to church...she still hadnt made a decision about God, So, there we were in church during the worship and I HEARD God say, " I just showed Thida who I am."
Sure enough i looked over at her, and she was crying..and she looked beautiful. God, took that moment to teach me, just how much His Holy Spirit can do...He changed Thida's life in an instant.
I am truly grateful that she's been such a friend to me, she has taught me so much about Faith...watching her figure out her relationship with God those first couple of months, she has an amazing ablity to discribe aspects of faith, aspects of ones relationship with God in the most simple yet beautiful ways! I was continually blessed by my talks with Thida. In the coming year my relationship with Thida was even more of a blessing, she lived right down stairs from me and being so near to her showed me even MORE. Thida is one of the most genuinely friendly people I've ever met...everyone loves her. She is bubbily and happy 90 percent of the time, something I truly admire. She also never gave up on her dreams. And today she is in Med school...just where she should be! She is going to make a wonderful doctor, and the journey she took getting there was just as it should be. Yes, Thida has been an encouragment to me, and a testiment of so many aspects of the Christian Walk with God. I saw her as a "wee babe", so to speak, at the beginnings of her faith and she continues to grow. In the past year I've only spoken to her on the phone once...but I was once again amazed at the power of God moving in someones life...she told me of her search for a church, and how she saught God about what to do, and where she was suppose to go...she told me about how she was going to have to decide where to do her later years of study...Truly Thida's life is an example of Light. And how the Lord truly turns the light in in Darkness. I can truly say my life, my faith, my relationship with God would not be the same without Thida....


My title is what it is because, I've had demands thrown at me all morning...not necessarily in a bad way, but lets just say its been a crazy morning at the hospital reading room....this is the first moment I've stopped to breathe...and it looks like I'm going to have to re-heat the Latte my Papa brought me ( isnt he the best?) because its long past lukewarm.

My other reason for the title is I DEMAND that anyone that can go out and watch the movie "Walk the Line", DO is WONDERFUL! Seriously, positively FANTASTIC... oscars all around...( for my sensitive readers there is some drug use and some sensual scenes..) ultimately I had no idea what a full on Christian Johnny Cash was in his later life. GO SEE THIS MOVIE YOU WILL LOVE IT.

In other news, I am writing up inspirational/influential people again today so stay tuned! :-)

November 19, 2005

Married with Children.

Tonight, I felt extremely young. I went to a dinner party where most of the people were married....and had a baby. whoa. I guess feeling young is cool, a lot of ways, I should be extremely grateful for my ultra flexible life and my "quiet/empty" apartment when I got home tonight....
the part was great fun though, played two new games...which, as we all know...I'm always "game" for such things ;-)

OK, so that's all the chitchat I can afford. Its 11 and I've got to be at work early tomorrow and we've got another exciting Influential/inspirational person tonight! :-)

I dont really remember my first impressions of Carmi, but I'm guess they were something like, "she's loud"...because, that's really true...but, whatever, that doesnt matter because my later impressions of her are so very vivid it doesnt matter what the first one was....I think I'm going to start with the day God began are friendship, or at least in my mind.
It was at "Boot Camp 2003" in Christchurch, which was this meeting with different Cutting Edge groups for the CE leaders....anyway, after one particular teaching session I felt a really big burden to pray...the next thing on the agenda was dinner and so I invited anyone who wanted to to stay behind and pray with me instead of having dinner. Carmi was the only person to stay. While it was probably disheartening to have such a bad reception, such reception was pretty common when it came to was always a fight.... but at that moment God gave me a partner in crime. Carmi and I had an amazing Holy Spirit filled prayer time, and we were both extremely excited to share with the rest of the group when they got back.

I'll never forget that night. It was that night that Carmi and I shared time in prayer that my heart met her's, for real. We had a few more random prayer times that year, they all come up in my journals...I was excited because she was moving into the flat with "my girls" the next year, and I could already tell it was going to be a good thing...boy, was that an understatement.
Some of the things I learned about Carmi in the next year was that she's got the greatest laugh, ever. Its contagious. She's also the best "party buddy" ever...because we can both be funny and the center of attention without feeling bad about it later ;-)
Seriously though, along with the pure fun, Carmi was a God send for my prayer life. It seemed that countless times last year I would hit a brick wall and I could call up Carmi and we would spend three hours or so ( she's the only person who I've met, who can go on and on with me without getting bored or wanting to stop) praying together and the wall would just crumble. its true about the verse "where two or more are gathered"...I've always been inspired by Carmi's heart for missions and I have such faith in her. I know where her heart is...and MY heart is in agreement. I dont think I realized how important it is to have someone who you agree SPIRITUALLY with, but God gave me that in Carmi. I've also realized at times when I havent agreed with something with Carmi, that ultimately our spiritual friendship covers up any possible misunderstanding or hurt that could EVER amazing thing.
Another really interesting thing I learned from Carmi, something I just put words to not long ago, is being able to pray for someone, give advice to someone...but ultimately trusting GOD to take care of things. Carmi has been such an example of that in my life. I have always been able to turn to her for sound advice, and she is always faithful to tell me when she thinks things are just "her talking" and she's always been faithful to give me a Word from God no matter how tough it might be. I know I can trust her to the utmost.
I am also grateful for Carmi because sometimes if you spend TOO MUCH time with your own worries and frets you start to think they are a REALLY big deal. Carmi never fails to bring me back down to the real world where "everyone is that way"....sometimes its really comforting to know someone else is there struggling right along with you, and Carmi has always been honest about her struggles. For that I truly respect her.
Carmi has been an encouragment, a helper in battle, the perfect comedian, and just the right amount of quirky that I could ever ask for. She is truly a sister I could not have done without. And I am thankful for everyday of this future life, for I know she is there in Spirit. :-)

but i DO love this weather...

Yesterday, I took a the afternoon...granted, it was the LATE afternoon...but the afternoon nonetheless. I felt very extravaggent ;-)
The reason for the bubbles: I was totally cold. You know that cold that gets IN your bones and no matter how many more layers you put on you cant get warm?!
that's how i felt...of course, then, my bath was waaaay too hot and I probably only stayed in there about three-five minutes before having to get out and lay on my bed so I wouldnt faint or something. Lesson: It must take practice to be a "bubble bath person".

So, its 9:10 on Saturday morning...I've been at work for 45 doctor still hasnt arrived. I had a feeling this would happen. This particular doctor is natoriously late and working with him on the weekends means you will most definitely miss church. Boo. :-( I shouldnt complain though, right? I mean, i'm getting paid for this...meeeeh.

OK! So, lets use this time wisely! I didnt have time to write up an inspirational/influential person last night...I could have, but I was tired and I wouldnt have done them justice.
So, today, I'm going to try and do two...because, kids, we are RUNNING OUT OF DAYS! only two more days until my birthday. can you believe it?!

Emma was in my life group last year, it was one of the most special life groups I've been in...and I've been in several. I think the major difference was it was an all-girls group so we pretty much jumped into the gory details of life feet first.
My first impressions of Emma were: She's an american, she's totally cool and funny. And my first thoughts of Emma were: I SO want her to like me!
Yes, I think there are just some people you are just drawn to, drawn to their personality, drawn to their very life...and I think that's how it was with Emma. For several months, before I really started to feel comfortable around her I was like a teenage girl trying to impress her older brother's friends.... I dont know WHY I had such a desire to please her, and make her feel comfortable around me but I did. I am still not sure what purpose this fulfilled...but I feel like its important. Thus the beginnings of our Friendship.

Lets jump forward, and in doing so, let me just thinking about my relationship with Emma the word: Bad timing. seems to come up. In normal everyday life I dont think our friendship would have ever made it, for one thing, we didnt get really "started" on our personal relationship ( not just life group stuff) until a few weeks before I left new zealand. For good. Bad timing. But, I dont think God HAS bad timing...and so you'd never have guessed that Emma and I have only spent several weeks together as FAST FRIENDS. And when I say together I mean in each other actual presence. ;-)
Yes, I've learned HEAPS from Emma. She has taught me to be OPEN and to be brutally honest no matter what-things I am still working on. She has been instrumental in the "opening up to friends movement" which was gracefully started by Lydia and Louise and was pushed violently forward by Emma's efforts. She has shown me what fighting for Truth and for Hope really look like...and let me tell you, its inspiring. It brings tears to my eyes at this moment thinking of how I could NOT have faced this past year without Emma's perspective helping me through. Seeing her life as an example of Overcoming. God truly knew I needed her help to face things in my life, things I had lived with for twenty odd years and that I was perfectly happy with only half-struggling against. Emma was the catalyst that brought me out of my stupor and into fighting mode.

Along with all the serious stuff, Emma is also one of the funniest people I know, she is also one of the kindest people I know and most brilliant. I am inspired by her very Life and I am truly grateful that God didnt think being thousands of miles a way to cultivate a friendship was too difficult, for I truly do not know what my life would be like without her...

November 17, 2005

try harder!

You had to have been there, but this evening my sister and I wrote out invitations to a baby shower that we're putting on-and at one point I admonished Anna for "writing outside the lines" and making it look "horrible"...and then I told her to "try harder!"
These are things you can only say to a sister...and even then it had better be met with laughter or things might get ugly ;-)

So, I had a really good day today-for one thing, it was my day off and I had made a list the night before of ALL the things i needed to do ( there were lots) and THEN I had the great joy of doing ALL of the things on my list as well as take a tour of my parents ever-growing new house, and watch several episodes of Friends Season Four ( yes, I bought it :-( ).... I love crossing things off my list. Anyway, I also had this really joyous moment when I was driving, looking at the beautiful day outside-all sunny and cold. And I started to think about all my wonderful friends...really, its been difficult having such a short list of people to put on my inspiration/influential list-because really I have SO MANY dear dear people that bring my heart joy.
Anyway, it really made me happy....which I havent been feeling much of lately, so that was a great blessing from the Lord :-)

In other news, it is officially FIVE DAYS till my birthday...and we've got a jam packed schedule to keep so lets get to it!


I actually prayed for Louise before I even met her...I've got the proof in my journals in October 2002 I was procrastinating from studying for exams and I wrote out this prayer, here is part of it:

"Lord, I also pray for the new people you are going to put into my life. Friendships yet to be. God please do put your blessing of grace and joy upon me that I might share-and be filled in the same way. I pray for being an RA next year-make it a wonderful blessing. handpick the people in my care-handpick my room-prepare my heart as well as the hearts of the people I will be in contact with...
Its a simple prayer, but got answered it completely and beyond my dream by giving me Louise. She was one of my residents my first year as a house tutor...but really she was hardly "my resident" at all...she was my most blessed friend.
My favorite memories of Louise during that first year were when she was really stressed out ( being a pre-medical student will do that to you a lot) and would come hide in my room....she taught me how to knit, and I taught her how to procrastinate and we would talk and talk and talk. I seriously, cant think of anyone who I can have quite so much fun talking with-besides my sister...because really, its uncanny how similar Louise and I are in so many ways, you would think we WERE sisters.
I wont even TELL you some of the things we talked about, because you would either not find it funny..or worst of all you would be grossed out ;-)
Ultimately God gave me a similar heart to share and laugh with that year, and all I did was appreciate the JOY that it brought me. Louise and I led a life group together that year as well, which was the beginnings of a sharing of our faiths...which truly was tested and tried the next year.
Last year Louise and I were accountablity partners. I remember the day we decided, we had gone out for Thai...and it was a Sunday. I knew it was important but I didnt realize HOW important. God knew. 2004 brought incredible shocking trails into both Louise's life and mine. I think we could both safely say they were some of the most trying times of our lives up until then....we spent countless times just holding each other and crying...countless times praying-because it was the only thing we COULD do. I remember the day I called Louise up and told Matt ( her husband) to get a hold of Louise ( she was at the library studying) because I NEEDED her....I dont think I had ever done that before, up until that time I had never admitted that I needed help, that I needed another person. But God knew it was time for me to face that, and He gave me the perfect friend to turn to. I am still amazed at the beauty of the Lord for giving me such a friend, I like to think about that prayer I prayed in October 2002...because God looked over New Zealand and saw Louise....He knew far more than I did how much I needed HER...HER gifts...HER sense of humor...HER Love....she continues to be a delight to my soul, when we talk on the phone it seems that whatever distance or time passes between us matters no more....I truly do not know what my life would be without her....

November 16, 2005

oohhh I love it when this happens!

So, I was watching a preview of the Bee Season....which looks like a good movie by the by...and I heard the song in the background and was fascinated...I'd never heard it before! After much tracking I finally found it, havent found a way to get the CD yet...but tell me what you think.

Listen here to Scott Mallone

wooo coooooold!

I never thought I'd say that, but I really felt that for me to get sufficently worked up about Thanksgiving it needed to not reach 80 degrees during the day...that's final. Today my wish was answered and I'm not happily considering making some hot tea :-)

Alright kiddos, its pop quiz time: How many days till Abigail's birthday? The answer will be at the bottom of this post...

Penny Roper
I met Penny during my first year at university, she lived on the eighth floor...which is where *I* moved after meeting Lydia...Lydia, Penny and I lived happily ever after away from the evil people that lived in the "lower floors"… well, not quite...but we did have an awful lot of fun together. I think Penny is one of my dearest friends who I feel I don’t do justice. And I feel that while some friends you seem to know right away what an impact they are going to have on your life, Penny was a lot more subtle about her influence.
Penny has a "mothering" spirit, she truly nurtures those she loves...something that will make her a great nurse one days. And I have a feeling I wouldn’t have gotten through that first semester on my own without Penny there to tell me how to do “practical” things.
One of the greatest impacts Penny’s friendship had on my life was when she came to visit me for a whole summer. Yes, three months…living together…in one small room. I will not lie and say it was easy as pie…because it wasn’t, yet ultimately it was a wonderful time, and I wouldn’t trade a day of it. And you know what? I actually treasure the hard things about that time just as much as I do the easy/fun bits! Penny was one of my first friends who I had good old fashion “adult fights” with…meaning, it wasn’t about petty stuff, or saying things we knew would hurt the other person, no they were actual settling differences type fights. It was a wonderful thing, because I knew that I could actually bring things up with Penny and she would still love me, that she wouldn’t run off and say mean things about me. It was truly a revelation of sorts about how true friendships work. They are not about agreeing 100% of the time, instead they are about compromise and working things out…and loving each other no matter what.
Ultimately Penny and I joked that our three months together was a taste of what it would be like to be married-without any perks ;-)
I also had the privilege of watching Penny become a Christian, when I first met her she had not quite made that final step, and I must say it was a beautiful thing to see Penny flourish under the Love of God. I have several people in my list of influential people who I watched become Christians- I think its one of the greatest gifts from the Lord, to watch someone’s life change in Him. It is like being saved all over again. Penny’s faith has taught me so much, the way she has tackled problems in her life inspire me to face things in my own life. I have watched her slowly shed her old skin for a new one in God and it makes my heart well up just thinking about it. She is my very own “girly girl” friend who is perfect to watch romantic movies with, eat marshmallows out of the bag with, plan parties with, pray with and share with… I truly do not know what I would do with out Penny’s unique personality in my life….

The answer to the pop quiz question of the day is: SIX DAYS...

did YOU get it right? ;-)

November 15, 2005


So, there it was again....the funk back for a second round. Its as if every disappointment, every battle, every failure, every sadness or struggle is baring down upon me....But WHY? Why should I take this kind of attack?! no, no more...lies...truly lies....for where is the Hope? Where is the Faith?

And thus I say to myself, "Snap out if it, kid!" And thus I pray....

"You are my help and my deliverer, do not delay, O my God." Ps 40:17

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Ps 37:23-24

"You are my hiding place, You shall preserve me from trouble; you shall surround me with songs of deliverance." Ps 32:7

"When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the rivers they shall not overcome you." Is 43:2

"It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there whom father does not discipline?" Heb 12:7

"Therefore strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed." Heb 12:12-13

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Heb 10:23

"Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee." 2 Cor 5:5

While there may be tears now, I know, boy do I ever know, that there will be Light in the Morning. That dawn will Break...that this too will pass.

All work and no play makes...

Abigail a little less poor.


So, today I had to make the hard decision of whether or not I would work 10 hours on my birthday or not. In the end I had to say "yes I will work ten hours"...because technically if I do not I will hardly have ANY HOURS for the week...and will not be able to pay the bills for the month. *sigh*
What has happened?! Is THIS what being a grownup is all about?! working on your birthday?! Not only THAT... but DECIDING to work on your birthday because its the "smart" thing to do!?
I knew this day would come...but its crazy nonetheless.

So, anywho...this past weekend was insanely sad and depressing one of the factors was I was allll aloooone in my apartment while my roommate(flatmate..whatever) stayed with her sister while her parents were out of town. Of course, there were many factors to the depression, but being by myself was one of them. Anyway, so I'm planning ahead and thinking about the four days I have off for Thanksgiving ( Thursday through Sunday) and what I will do...I dont want to be stuck with nothing to do and an empty house again. Its just too much.
One thing I WANT to do is watch all the movies that are piling up that I havent gotten to see....I'm thinking about taking a little trip and just watching movies back to back all day long. Of course, that would require money...but, then, I'm working on my birthday for heavensakes...which is like 50 dollars or something ( rolls eyes) SURELY I can pull this off?! Anyone have any OTHER grand ideas of what I could do?!

Of course, this could all go out the window in a second, if only my family would get back to me on actual "thanksgiving" plans...I mean, seriously...someone tell me what's going on!

In other news, I forgot to mention a horrific event of the weekend:
My sister and I were fighting the evil forces of depression by shoe shopping and we stopped by Best Buy to see if they had the DVD of Beauty and the Beast ( oh and by the way...if you know somewhere were I could buy it let me know...apparently its "in the Disney Vault" ) and as we were walking out of the store we walked past an aisle where there were about five guys gathered around this one very hot girl. As we passed some how my eyes met her's and she gave me the MOST EVIL LOOK EVER. Seriously, if looks could kill I would have died a thousand and one deaths. I was so shocked and it happened in such such a fraction of a second that I almost felt like it hadnt happened...but as we exited my sister said, did you SEE that girl's evil look!?! Turns out she gave my sister the evils TOO! Insane!
Who even KNOWS how our presence offended her and her entourage...I mean, when it comes to girl currency she was definitely winning...she had FIVE guys gathered around her, she was looking hot ( *i* on the other hand was wearing two day old jeans and a purple t-shirt, unbrushed hair and my "ruby slippers") and besides the only thing Anna and I did was WALK BY...we were far from threatening...
It was truly a crazy moment in time.

Last night I taught Katie how to "pearl"...since she has fully mastered "knit" in the knitting stitches...she is going to be a pro....that plus the fact that Donnave called this weekend to tell me that not only is she knitting up a storm, but she's actually teaching someone ELSE how to knit...makes me feel OH SO PROUD. Louise, if you're reading're amazing talent of teaching a lefty how to knit has paid off. :-)

November 14, 2005

I SO had a good title ready!

OK, so since we've already established that I'm lame that's continue with that theme, shall we?
I just got the American Girl catalogue in the mail...yes, I ACTUALLY went to the website and signed UP for the catalogue...because it IS my childhood....seriously, Katie and I poured over it this evening...and it made me happy and now its going to live on the coffee table until the next one comes. Which will probably be soon because once you open the catalogue floodgates they just dont stop. meh, its WORTH IT.

Alrighty, without further ado...there are EIGHT DAYS until my 22nd birthday.....GET READY!!!!!

My inspirational/influential person tonight is....


I can honestly say I dont remember the first time I met can ask HER for that story, apparently I was a "stuck up american"...whatever, THAT means...but in truth when she met me I was in desparate need of a friend. I had moved to New Zealand a month before and was living in Dante's Inferno ( seriously, it was hell) I was surrounded by people drinking and partying and other such activites...anyone that started to be nice to me turned out to only want me to come to the next "get drunk" I spent all of my time going to class, in my room writing in my journal and listening to country music ( yeah, I was that homesick) and on the internet emailing my friends in the states....I had given up on finding any Christian friends and I was really questioning why God has brought me to "this God forsaken Country" and sunday, after attending another disappointing church service where I actually upped the age average by thirty years just by being there, I went to the computer lab and Lydia was there...somehow conversation started and she said that she had just been to a baptism service at her church for one of her friends ( Sam!) and *I* said that I had just been to church too...Lydia's face lit up, and she asked me if she could come by and get me for lunch the next day....she went with me to my room and we stayed up talking until 3am or something insanely late. we talked and talked and talked-and from that moment on I knew Lydia and I would always be friends.
My friendship with Lydia was one of the first friendships where I really felt like it was handpicked by God. I mean, we were practically the only two Christians in our hall and in a lot of ways I felt like she was there for me...and I was there for her. Lydia was my first friend who I really shared my spirit with- I watched her quiet times, and the way she treated those around her, the way she faithfully invited people in our hall to church and to our life group...she was truly an amazing example of living out ones faith. Lydia was my first friend with whom I found the great joys of praying with someone...someone who you feel can equally give back into your life just as you give to them. Truly an amazing gift, and Lydia really opened my eyes to the possiblity of what friendship could REALLY be! I guess I could also give Lydia credit for introducing me to Cutting Edge and she brought me into the Flying Ribenas Cell group where I met so many of my dearest friends who I cherish to this day...she also introduced me to Elim Church and influenced my decision to make it my home church.
Yes, in a way my first months in Dunedin, away from home, family, church, friends...all things I found comfort and direction in where taken from me....I had to make the decision of how I wanted to live my life, if I wanted to stand behind the values I had been brought up in. Ultimately I had to decide if I wanted to live for God or for myself. After making that decision, which I felt doomed me to solitude for the rest of my time, God gave me a gift...the gift of a partner.
As the years have gone by, God has continued to teach me lessons about friendship through Lydia...she taught me to fight, as in fight for our friendship to face difficulties instead of ignoring them....she's taught me to face things about myself that I thought were lost causes and were best kept hidden.
Lydia is one of the most dedicated people I've ever met, and her perserverence inspires me. It seems that even now so far from each other physically, I still continue to be inspired in my own fight watching her in HERS. I have been truly touched that she still keeps in contact with me and still cares for me ( somehow you can convince yourself sometimes that you're the only one that gets homesick for PEOPLE)-and yet somehow it DOESNT surprise me, afterall, from that first latenight chat I felt like I'd met a true sister in Lydia. And with sister's your life is never left unchanged, changed for the better...I've truly been given another set of eyes to look through, to see the life set before us.
I could go on, but sometimes words do not discribe how someone has changed your life, for it is not necessarily SEEN...but instead it is felt deep down inside, Lydia is truly one such person. She is written on my heart.
I think God for bringing her into my life my first year at Uni...and she marks a remarkable change in my relationships since, with both friends and with God. I would truly not be the same without her.
edit: I was just doing my quiet time and was reminded of this verse...its perfect for this post: " Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Prov 27:17


Well, I've got nothing to report about the Funk...but, I've decided to make my workout extra long this afternoon, because working out is good for the body and soul. Woo. Maybe that'll help?!
who knows... I had chinese food for lunch...what made me buy Chinese food? especially since I VOWED not to spend money this week? and I dont even LIKE Chinese food!!!! meh, who really knows...I was hungry and the peanut butter and honey sandwich I'd made looked rather sad.
Its all true.

So, I called the DSL people today, turns out we'll be getting a check in the mail for 50 bucks in....DECEMBER....what?! Excuse me?! We sent in that rebate MONTHS ago?! meeeeh....oh well, I guess it'll be exciting to have that extra $25 just in time for Christmas shopping, right? I'll look on the bright side, yup. That's what I'll do.
Lately I've been having an AGE crisis. I blame it on my sister who said that she felt like she was "holding me back" from being truly youthful. News to me...I feel totally immature most of you think she meant the fact that I never go out and do anything exciting? hmmmm....interesting concept. yes, well, I dont think its her fault...I think I just dont get out and do things. I personally LIKE being safe and sound in my little predictable world ( ummm...most of the time).

I heard that the movie Jarhead was extremely depressing...the last time I didnt take this particular friends advice I walked out of a I think I'll go with it this time....which is pretty ironic since Jarhead is one of the FEW movies that was on my "I want to see" list that actually CAME to the sad, pitiful theatre in this town. BOO. All I have to say is I WILL get in the car and drive to WHEREVER to see Pride and Prejudice....oh yes, I WILL. Because I am YOUTHFUL and IMMATURE...and I like to have a good time. ;-)

Fun with a K


Seriously, Ugg.

November 13, 2005

A Funk.

Meh, this weekend has been....odd. I've been in the strangest of moods....just listless. Anyway, this doesnt happen very often so I thought I'd better document it: I'm happy this weekend is over.

But, I know ONE THING that will make me feel better...lets continue on with my list of inspirational/influential people! woo WOOOO!
But, before we get on to that...Ricky was having troubles reaching my email address? what's this? friends...if for some ODD reason you cannot click on the link on your right...than here, just email me at firstsamuel25*at*yahoo*dot*com....of course if THAT doesnt work...than you can just leave me a comment here on my birthday get those birthday wishes prepared and ready to've got NINE DAYS.....

Joel and Ryan Abt

I'm having to put these two together because, once again, I skipped a we're having to make up for it. Luckily, these two are brothers and both my was an easy choice on who to double up on ;-)

Joel and Ryan are my closest cousins...and I've delighted in their company since I can remember-but they are also very different so I'll do this one at a time.

Joel is a good five years older than me. And has definitely played the roll of "older brother" in my life. For many years he was just this guy who was at family gatherings too....but as the years went on, I watched him in awe. He was so very cool...everything he did seemed to be something totally special. And the MOST special thing of all was that he didnt treat me like a little kid, but actually talked to me and hung out with me...I remember one of the first times I rode around in the car with Joel and just talked and talked....I remember at the time thinking just how cool it was that he would want to spend time with like that. That feeling stuck and as I got older I saw more and more of the coolness factor in Joel. Joel is one of THE most laid back people I've ever met, I've seen him interact with all sorts of people over the years and he's never failed to impress me with his ablity to get along with anyone. Not only does he seem to NOT be annoyed by the most annoying of people, but he is somehow able to make people feel comfortable and liked. Joel can talk to anyone and probably make friends with anyone, truly a gift.
Joel is also extremly loyal to his friends and family, I know that I could call him up at anytime and he would be there to help in anyway. When I was in high school, I always felt safe around Joel and I enjoyed knowing that. I think a girl always likes to know she's going to be "protected"...and Joel definitely stepped up in the big brother role in that department....

Ryan and I were the best of buds when we were little. At the time we were the youngest two cousins and were constantly being either ignored or picked on...and sometimes I think both were pulled of at the same time. Ryan kept me happy at family gatherings...he was FANTASTIC at making up stories and we were always having battles in the swimming pool or having a short-order cook restaurant or....whatever struck our fancy. Over the years my friendship developed with Ryan and I saw just how similar we really were. I've learned so much from Ryan and his heart...I learned how to be a friend by just SITTING and BEING with someone ( before Ryan I really thought talking was necessary). I also learned a lot about my faith by watching Ryan work through his. Ryan is truly passionate about loving and wanting the best for people around him. I've always been truly impressed by how he has stood up for Right in the hardest of situations. In high school, when fitting in and not being noticed or thought badly of was at the top of my to do list, seeing Ryan stand up for truth and what was right, unwaverling stuck with me. I also learned a lot about the mind of a guy from Ryan...and he's given me some of the most sound "guy problem" advice I've ever gotten, and I have delighted in giving him girl advice ( or at least I did my best!).

I know it probably sounds strange, but just the fact that these two guys were a part of my growing up, spending time with me...talking to me....laughing with me...sharing good times really meant a LOT. They were the brothers I didnt have-and more, they were...and are my friends. My first real guy friends. Yes, they truly opened my mind up to the insanely crazy world of the male brain....I wouldnt know anything about any sport if it wasnt for Joel ( seriously)...I wouldnt know anything about how guys think about girls if it wasnt for Ryan ( seriously).
God really did something cool when He worked it out that Anna and I would be close in age to Joel and that way we were given brothers and friends for life. I am truly grateful for the part they have played in my life up to this point...and I look forward to all the good fun we will have in the future.
I would not be who I am today without either of them...

November 12, 2005

R.E.M. Sleep thought that was a clever title...because...I'm listening to classic R.E.M. at the moment ( downloaded last night) annnnnd I am reeeeeally tired. I couldnt sleep last night. It was really odd, I kept thinking there was something I needed to do...or something i needed to think about...but for the life of me I couldnt figure out what it was.

Ok, so Lets do a little catch up and a little reminder: Its ten days until my birthday, I hope you are preparing accordingly. ;-) hahahah....

This year all I want for my birthday are your emails-so please send me a birthday message this year- as we all know ( or you should!) I am a WORDS YOUR words on my birthday will TRULY make me happy. :-)

Ok, my inspirational/influential list continues:

Ryan Middlebrook

I had to put the last name because my cousin Ryan is also on my list ( coming soon!) so I have to make the distinction. ...

Ryan is my brother-in-law. And for years that was definitely ALL he was in my life. Its strange the impact it has on your life when your sibling gets married. Its very odd... I'd known my sister all my life-and all of a sudden God brings a long this person who really DOES complete them! I remember the first time I met Ryan, I knew immediately ( well, maybe not the first second...but definitely after thirtyminutes or so) that he was the One for my sister. I actually went home and told Amy about it so that someone would be my witness that I KNEW before ANYONE when they actually DID get married ( yeah, I'm weird like that) took about two years for them to actually get together and get married so it was sort of fun for me to continue the speculation long before there were any real evidence to prove my theory.

In a lot of ways seeing Ryan and Anna get together was a really big breakthrough for me-they were probably the first couple that I really knew well who got married ( since I was in high school when it happened)...and to watch a TRUELY good relationship happen really helps you to see all the highschool-ish relationships in better perspective. heh.

Anyway, for many years Ryan was really a stranger to me...I liked him, but I was shy around him....I reeeally wanted him to like me, because I wanted my SISTER to like me....all very strange. But, I remember the first time I really felt like I got to know Ryan was when I visited Anna in Chicago and Ryan picked me up from the airport and hung out with me several times while Anna was at work. Ryan is seriously the smartest person I know. I know, thats a pretty big statement but its true. You ask him about a topic and he usually has SOMETHING to add...yet with all that knowledge you would think he would be in contempt of all of the lowly people like myself...but the amazing thing about Ryan is he always seems to think the very best of everyone around him. I think he actually BELIEVES that if I put my mind to it I could learn several languages...become a wiz at higher level math...bring up hundreds and hundreds of book in context within a conversation....whatever, he always has such FAITH in other people's ablities. ( of course, I am not about to tell him I could NEVER do any of the above! hahaha)
It was truly one of the first things I was inspired of in Ryan. He is truly a teacher at heart because of this, as long as I've known him he has been imparting his own knowledge to anyone who might want to learn....and such a patient teacher! wow.

As the years have gone on, I watched Ryan face incredible challenges. Challenges that I really dont believe I could handle with the grace he has faced them. In watching Ryan face these challenges it has made me look at own own failings....and truly truly look at my life differently. There was one particular time when I saw Ryan face a great injustice, to the point where I thought my own heart would break. Yet, to look at Ryan in that situation ....the peace of God truly covered him. It was one of the most incredible things I have EVER seen. Ryan is truly an example of the grace and mercy of God in my own life. I truly love him dearly. I am thankful that God brought him into my family and I know that my life would not be what it is today without him....

November 11, 2005

But of course!

OK, so maybe its because I've eaten over my fair share of chocolate...and maybe because I only have an hour and half to go before the weekend...but does anyone else find this incredible news FUNNY? I mean, I think it makes PERFECT sense that smarter kids live longer...but, did we really need a STUDY to prove it? How does THIS change things?!

Smarter Kids may live longer



So today I am typing my post in a "wordpad" document...can you believe it, we dont even have basic Word on our computer!!! Anyway, I feel that his probably loosk, at a glance, like something far more important. I've alos gone to the trouble of putting it in 6point that you really have to sqint...Actually, *i* cant even read what I'm typing...which is sort of fun, its like a full on typing test.
Today has been a crazy day, I've been running around doing errands all morning, and I'm just now settleing in to do some normal work. Lunch time is my favorite time of day usually...well, not MY lunch time ( I dont actually have an official lunch...I just eat while I'm working) I love lunch time because I only have one doctor at a time...and things are USUALLY pretty laid back...which is nice. I also find it beyond interesting how different each of the doctors really are....
Last night I stayed up late and watched the movie Bewitched. It was cute...but it was SUCH a Norah Ephrone Film! Seriuosly, the music was exactly like every single one of her movies( I could have shut my eyes and thought I was watching Sleepless in Seattle)...and the main characters...JUST like her other movies...the girl is always "cutsy" know, I have nothing against FACT, I've CAUGHT myself being cutsy before...and its then that I think maybe I've seen You've Got Mail one too many times! Anyway, I found it annoying that Norah actually MAKES her movies alllllll the same....I mean, I just thought it was Meg Ryan, but now seeing Nicole Kidman practically BECOME Meg...and knowing that *she* isnt just "that way in real life" makes me give Meg Ryan more credit in her acting skills and gives me less respect for Norah as a director.
So, I am still LOVING Captivating, seriously...last night, I actually GASPED at one part because I figured something out about myself that I'd always KNOWN but never put into words before...craaaazy! I have decided to stand behind recommending htis book to EVERYONE ( boys and girls!) - go get this book...
I just ate a bunch of chocolate...I'm a bit on the hyperactive side...I feel like writing something fun...
I know, I know....a LIST....a LIST of things that make me happy ( we havent done it in a while!)...of course, as always feel free to send in your personal "happy lists"
2. Finding money in the pockets of your winter coat. ( I am thinking about planting money in my coat next year just so I KNOW I'll have it!)
3.Spiced Tea
4. Getting cell phone calls..about nothing in particular.
5. people that make me laugh at myself.
6. stamps...I really like to stamp letters...I think it must take me back to "sticker book" days ;-)
7. my new "fresh linen" house scent from bath and body works-my bedroom smells awesome!
8. my zip-up white hoodie from Gap...its got the DEEPEST, BEST pockets ever...if i had known I would have bought it in every color.
9. red shoes
10. My Vanilla Lip lips takse YUMMY!

November 10, 2005

only a dozen days to go! woooooo....

Wow, is time going by fast or is it just me?

So....without further ado:

Uncle Jim and Aunt Donnave

A few weeks ago ( seriously, does it seem like its been ages already?! ) I needed a serious "time out" from where did I go? To visit Aunty D and Jungle Jim....that's always where I go, really. They are truly my place of rejuvination...probably because they spoil me like crazy ;-) But, besides the spoiling I've learned a lot about things from these two dear people...and it probably mostly hit me when I was in high school:

Uncle Jim is a swim coach...but I would go so far as to say he's a Life Coach...and as cheesy is that sounds...he IS! My uncle is surrounded by people who need help, I think they are some how attracted to him...and he never, ever fails to give advice and counselling when its needed. This last trip, I was once again in awe at how wide the range of people drawn to him really are...we are talking from adults with grown 5 year olds. I am continually blown away by this. I am also blown away with the God given ablity to really reach so many of these people in need. I can count in my head of ten people almost immediately who's lives have been changed for the better because of Jim, because of his advice...but mostly because of his LOVE...and I know there are heaps more that I dont even know about.
But, enough about everyone else! My uncle helped me through one of the biggest impacting events of my life: swimming competitively. Its funny that there are people now that dont even know I was a swimmer ( for ten years!)...because it use to be one of those defining aspects of my life. I permenently smelled like chlorine. I am an extremly competitive person, and I also live in extreme fear of failure....imagine that...combined with a very bad coach and a bad team enviroment and you've got my high school swimming experience. In a lot of ways I really regret not pushing myself harder, quitting when I did....wishing I had pushed through my shoulder injuries...but, one thing I DO know is that my swimming wouldnt have been nearly as enjoyable without my uncle....for three summers he coached me...and during the winter I would call him up with my victories and my failures. He was ever patient, ever encouraging, and ever directing me towards the ultimate goal of just being happy with my best. In a lot of ways I feel that Jim saved me from being a really MEAN, overly FOCUSED swimmer....he added Life to my swimming career-which is ultimately greater than any victory I could have had in the water.
To this day, I always consider Uncle Jim's advice as truly helpful. I know everything that he tells me is spoken in love...and that is a wonderful gift.

Aunt Donnave is a mother....and I would go so far as to say she's a mother to MANY....and as cheesy as THAT sounds....she IS! Donnave is constantly serving those around her, she brings-the other half ( that's the only way I can think to put it...sorry) to all of those people looking for advice and help from Uncle Jim...while they are there...getting that much needed advice and attention...they are getting attention from Donnave too..... I dont even know if she realizes how important it is to people just to have someone make them dinner when they are hungry or sitting with them...doing errands for them when they are overwhelmed....but it IS important! I dont think I realized that until I've watched Donnave. I've always been one to find "answers" and "solutions"...but I've learned a lot about pure and simple LOVE from Donnave.
I think Donnave and I must be related some how...we are SO similar in SO many ways....and then, there are also things about her that I really WISH I could be more like. I am overwhelmed by her kindness and her passion.

Jim and Donnave have also been a major contribution to my biggest dream. Seriously, I only really have ONE big dream for my life...I mean, everything else, I am happy to go with the flow...but I've always always wanted to have a house where people can come and stay...where people can get fed....fed with whatever they need....I feel like so much of this world is about emptying people out, and I really want to provide a place where people can come and get filled back up.
Donnave and Jim's house is truly a house of feeding....they dont even lock their doors! I've gone over there before to find that there are no members of my family actually there...instead there will be ten or so high school kids just hanging that have no resemblence of a home life to go home to after school....
I am continually amazed at what God has done through my Aunt and Uncle, I count them as two of the most inspiring people I know. I know that all of the amazing traits about them that I've listed above have not come easily...I know they both have had struggles beyond struggles....and yet they continue to be faithful in what God has called them to do. I know that God will continue to call them outside their comfort zones, and He will continue to be faithful in that.
My life would not be the same without these two wonderful people in it, they have truly been role models, friends, and dearest family to me....
I would not be who I am today without either of them....

"The girl in the corner is totally checking you out."

So, tonight I needed a little "me" time...and I also needed a little "out of the house" I went to Java Jacks, sat in the a chapter of my book....wrote in my journal. So what did I write in my journal? WEEEELLLLL, so glad you asked! hahaha.
While I was sitting in my corner this group of about 15 people came in....using my totally awesome detective skills I figured out they were a BSM ( Baptist student ministry) bible study group...and it seriously took the thirty minutes to order drinks and move on up, I stared at them for thirty minutes...first I did it really sly-like...but just sort of turning in my chair and looking up everynow and then....but then, I decided-why do I care if they know I am starring or not?! So, I just watched them...and wrote about them in my journal....I figured out that there was one couple-and they also seemed to be a dominate couple...people sort of circled them at all times...then a little group of guys broke off by themselves...leaving "the couple" and a bunch of girls...and two guys...THEN the two guys broke off and had some sort of an animated conversation-after which one of the guys went over and started flirting with this girl like crazy...while the other just sort of stood back and watched....the group of guys continued to be separate but every now and then one of the un-attached girls would find some desparate reason to go over near them...and then one of the ablidging guys would say something to the girl so she could stay and talk for a while before moving back into the saftey of the girl circle.
Seriously, I could go on forever about what I deducted was going on in this social setting....SUCH FUN.

Now, the major topic at hand...see next post:

social butterfly.

So last night I was out until 10...or something close to ten. Which meant I was way behind on my "night time ritual" when I finally got home....put up laundry, fill up water bottles for work, load dish washer, quiet time/winddown, talk to friend on phone...AND I wanted to read another chapter of Captivating ( which I'm loving more and more..) there was NO TIME for a blog post of my inspirational people...sorry! Did you miss the count down? were you wondering HOW MANY DAYS is it to Abigail's birthday, again???? I need a reminder!
well, I'm sorry...i really am, but lucky for me yesterday's person and today's person are actually a COUPLE and therefore I can get away with putting them together anyway! woo hoo! :-)
You'll have to stay tuned to that...I cant write now, because APPRANTLY people have commented about how the "radiologist assistants spent a lot of time on the internet instead of doing jobs that are not technically theirs...but since we dont want to do our jobs we would really love it if they would stop checking their emails and start doing our jobs as well, thank you."
So, my doctors being the lovely people they are ( and who also know what side their bread is buttered on) have just told us to start minimizing our internet screens when people come in the reading room....which is ANNOYING by the by...but not nearly as annoying as the thought of not getting to check my emails every 30 seconds.
I'm thinking maybe if I write my blog posts in a word document it would make it look more official? any thoughts on this? hmmmm....
I'll give it a go and let you know how offical it looks.

November 09, 2005

On the run....

meeeh....I just got back from the gym...I think I may have gone a bit too hard...or I was just out of shape since I hadnt been in, like, five days...because I got all light headed :-(

Now, I'm home...and I need to take a shower before heading to church. But, I just wanted to blog. Dont know why, really, just wanted to say "Hi".

Here's a confession, I am really really liking a particular song at the moment-but since its by an artist who I make fun of constantly I am totally embarrassed-isnt that silly? Anyway...
The Song "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson. Oh Man. I'm diggin it.

In other news, I need to talk to a friend of mine tonight, but I'm nervous, because sometimes its hard to put feelings into words, sometimes its hard to get the point across...and its EVEN harder when youre thousands and thousands of miles away from each other. I am often really blown away at how important my communication skills really are to my very way of life. hehe. But, then my skills fail me and i feel all..."uggy". It is then that I realize just how much I must rely on the Grace of God to keep so many of my relationships strong....being far away is very "interesting".

Whew, I need to pray about things...why I am I writing instead of praying?

November 08, 2005

14 days and counting

ohhhh maaaan, you should have SEEN me when I got home after watching Gilmore Girls with my mother ( seriously, it was a WONDERFUL episode...) I tried to check my email and my internet didnt work...meeeeh....after several hours and finally giving up-its working again. who knows why. meh. but, thankgoodness...right?

So, today, I got one of my birthday presents in the mail...from my dearest friend Penny. Yeah, she'll be mad at me that I unwrapped my book before my birthday-but she had already TOLD me what the book was...and besides, I was desparate...I didnt have internet and i recently threw the book I was reading across the room ( remember: A Severe Mercy)...anyway, there were two presents in there, and I'll keep the other one until my birthday ( sorry Penny!)
OK, now to the book...Its called Captivating its by John and Stasi Eldredge...ooooh maaaan...I've just read the first two chapters and I feel so happy! :-) this book is wonderful, I recommend it to everyone! I mean, sure its about 'unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul' ...but I've been delighted at the approach taken...and I think even a man's man could find something in this one....but, I'll wait and hold off on ordering you all out to buy the book until I actually finish reading it ;-) ( oh, by the way..these authors also wrote the best seller: "Wild at heart" which is the "guy" version of this book...) interesting...that after that anti-relationship ( well, it wasnt really) post a few days ago, I would be given a book to ease me back into NOT hating relationships and those in them ( not that I ever did).

OK, so I'm in a good mood...and I feel like after finding this little gem of a book ( see, what good books do to me?! ) I am totally happy to bring my inspirational, influencial post of the day...

Yeah, so I've totally given up on having just one person a day...besides, my life has really been influenced by lots of groups...and here's one of the best examples of that: The DBM is the affectionate name for my girl friends from high school...specifically my girl friends from my senior year. Meredith, Katie, Asa, Nancy and sometimes Amy...hehehe....yes, this post is dedicated to them.
( DBM stands for "Dirty British Magazine....its a long story...)
I spent just about ALL of my free time with these girls for about five months straight-which, isnt actually that long...but some how we were able to cram a LOT of memories into a short period and to this day I always feel like we've some how miss counted and it was actually a longer period of time...
Each one of the girls brought something special to my life, each one of us being extremely strong willed and extremely different-sometimes I think it must have been an act of God that we were all able to BE friends! But, I think some of the major things they brought to my life, specifically during those months together were:

I think its only natural in high school ( and probably before) to be wrapped up in a very SMALL world, specifially revolving around yourself and those who relate directly to you....I was no different. And while I always wanted to do something "different" with my life...I give a lot of credit to my dear friends for opening my eyes to "the world" so to speak...for one thing, Nancy is from Mexico and Asa is they practically brought me my own little piece of the "outside" world...and well, Meredith is, to this day, a Europe-loving girl....which continued to add "outside eyes"... I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but I really do feel like it was important that I was given such unique friends to prepare me for moving OUT of my "little world"....I learned so much about different cultures from these girls-even if it was just a taste...and even if it was still from the comfort of my little texas was a start, a start of something bigger.

I was talking to a girl a few weekends ago and she told me the story of her senior was a very loooong story, but the gist of it was " I had no date...ended up getting a pity date....he left me at the was horrible." At the end of the story I said, "where were your friends?! could you not hang out with them!?!?" I was in such shock at horrible the story was...and that there had been no way to fix the situation at the time....I guess, I've never given credit where credits due when it comes to how much FUN I had in high school...I had wonderful friends, they all had very good heads on their shoulders...none of us had dates to our senior prom...or homecoming...or any other social event for that matter. Now, I have nothing AGAINST dates-not at all...its just that I am grateful there wasnt pressure to have boyfriends or dates...or whatever. I often wonder what guys actually thought of us, and I bet we were pretty intimidating at the time....five( totally hot...hahaha) girls who were so close we could practically finish eachothers sentences...and who had innumeral inside jokes....yeah, not good for the guy-social life. But, I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I didnt have boyfriends in highschool...I am grateful that instead I have wonderful memories of late night slumber parties...making dinners....reading magazines in Hastings....watching foreign movies....lots and lots of laugher. Ok, so the major lesson I learned here was that I didnt have to put my self-worth in guys...nope, I had support when support was really needed.

I am pretty lucky that I am still good friends with four of the five other DBM girls-I still smile at the memories, I now live with Katie...and we've had several hiliarous "remember when" conversations...
Ultimately these girls were the perfect "send off" to my grand adventures in New Zealand ( and beyond) sort of the in-between... between being a kid and going out on my own....they were confidence boosters, the perfect test audience, great idea givers and hilarious story generators....I really do not know what I would be today without my time with each one of them....


So, I was reading back over my blog-I'm lame...well, not lame...but not funny either...what's with that? I think I use to be one time. I dont remember exactly, but i have this feeling that people laughed. And not in that "at you" sort of way...but the "with you, because you are laughing at yourself" sort of way.
I am trying to think how to recreate a funny moment, but sadly nothing funny has happened lately...meaning, I havent done anything funny. And we alllll know what this means, right? I'll have to start making up funny stories at future parties ( because I am SURE I'll be invited)- I'm sitting here...and i think the last funny thing was the pentecostal story.
Isnt that sad? I am sitting here half wishing something really embarrassing or akward will happen so I can write about it! like I said, lame.
I'm bored... the most exciting thing that's happened today was having free chili-dogs for lunch. :-)
P.S. I DID get a really cool spungebobsquarepants cup for my golden birthday present this morning. wooooo I'm cool

two cups of coffee and a piece of gum

I'm hungry. But, I think its because I am bored...and also because I've only had the above food products today. But, I am TRYING not to eat anything until lunch because, I weighed myself today- I had gained 2 pounds! hahahahah! wooo hooo...I guess all the eating out I've been doing the last couple of days wasnt the best of plans ;-)
meh, whatever, 2 pounds isnt THAT much...I still fit in my (drawstring) pants-and that's all that matter right?
I hate girls that talk about how fat they are-I vow to never be one of them...
Last night I had the funniest talk with The Panel online...but it sucked up my time and I was consequently up really late...talking to Louise! Yaaaaay! I cant even explain to you how wonderful it is to talk to her...seriously, she is dear to me. Sometimes, I am truly overwhelmed at the dear kindred spirits God has given me....I could go on and on about Louise...but I'll wait and do it later ;-) But, I had to do my quiet time for last night this morning because I talked to Louise until waaaay past my bedtime. Doing my quiet time in the morning is always interesting, and I really enjoy it-but I HATE getting up early, so I'm pretty sure until have some big life-changing event I wont be doing it in the mornings on a regular basis....buuut, then when I think about it, last year when I did TWO quiet times...a little one in the morning and then my long one at night-mornings were so much, *sigh* I really should start getting up earlier shouldnt I?

November 07, 2005

15 days till I'm 22

Whoa, we are getting into a crazy pattern...the people I am planning on writing about...I see them, or something happens that makes me think of them! So, today's inspiration influential people (persons in this case)

Generation Jesus, specifically Thomas

When I was a freshmen in high school ( age 15) I joined a Christian club at my school. I was in the club for the next four years and acted as president and vice president of the last three... and I learned HEAPS...but I think a huge learning curve happened during my freshmen year...and I'll give Thomas the credit, because he was the president that year and so he was " in the spotlight" most of the time, so to speak.
I'll start by saying my church was wonderful for a lot of things growing up, but I never really thought that people "my age" could have any strong place in the church, well, I take that back I had just not thought about it before....Anyway, listening to the others in Gen. J talk about their faiths...and seeing how they dealt with their walks...I was really impressed. And I saw how much I was letting slip just because I had always had the pre-concieved notion that you did "God stuff" when you were older.
I think another major lesson that I began to learn from that group was to be "forgiving" of other people's beliefs...if they didnt stand behind the exact same theology, I realized that didnt make them a huge horrible sinner...far from it! hehe...I know that sounds really stupid now, but believe was a big problem for me at the time! I was TOTALLY judgmental and probably wrote many a person off to Hell without even thinking....but, God was faithful, and He gave me just the right people to look up to and also to see their faults and still love them. I also look back on this time in my life as very exciting, it was probably the first time that I ever really discussed my faith with my peers-before it was always in a sunday school setting or...a family setting or something a LOT more "structured" and "reverent"....Don't get me wrong, reverence is a very important thing, and sometimes I think the Church today doesnt have enough-but at this time in my life, I was walking on dangerous ground of ending up with a "cerimonial" God....but, my Christian friends in high school and the interaction I had with them was instrumental in helping me to learn more about God and develop my relationship into more of an everyday "lets talk about anything" relationship with God....
While I know these lessons could have been learned at anytime in my life, I am truly grateful that God gave me the means to learn it at a relatively young age. I am truly truly grateful for that club and the faithful few who came those early early mornings....I do not know what I would have been without it....


I've got a really bad headache...I've been bordering on migrane all weekend, but I've kept it at bay with over the counter headache medicine...buuuut, then I forgot to bring my purse with drugs in it to work..and now my head hurts! BOO.
its hard to think when your head hurts. its hard to keep your eyes open. its just hard.
on the bright side, its "radiology week" and we get free lunch today :-)

Enough with the titles already

I woke up early this morning to have coffee with the family...but, I got the time wrong and was only there ten minutes before they all had to leave. boo. I went home and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls from season 4 before work...ooooh maaaan....I think season four might be one of my all time fav seasons...but then, I say that about every single season...I wish I had 200 dollars lying around so I could by all four seasons that are out. yeah, that would be cool ;-)
So, yesterday, at church I got asked to teach the 3rd-6th grade sunday school class next week...they must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel to ask me! Seriously, have you EVER thought of ME as being very good with Kids?! Well, no...but, I'm still excited about it. I actually really wanted to get involved in the sunday school program-but there are never any openings...and really I think the middle school and high school kids are the only ones that I feel I could really be affective with....buuuut....God always throws curve balls doesnt He?
In other news, there isnt any more news...

If your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised, embarrassed, etc. about what people remember about you...