May 31, 2005

now you know the REAL me ;-)

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #2 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #3 Match: ENTP

The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.
Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.
You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #4 Match: ESFP

The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.

You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #5 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

fancy meeting you here!


At the moment I have so many things I should catch my blog up on-but first let me just say...I have that song from Phantom of the Opera "All I ask of you" ( i think thats the name) in my head. You know, there is something about the songs from Phantom that require one to SING AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE. Unfortunately I am at work...and there is some annoying computer guy in the room with me-I wonder what he would do if I just busted out with:

Um no.

So, Steph is gone. I feel sorta numb without her! Actually it was so awesome having her visit, and while Nacogdoches IS the most noneventful place on earth she was a great guest and seemed to have fun doing the "everyday stuff" I was special sharing my Nac friends and my church with her too!

Some things happened in the past week on top of Steph visiting that I didnt really have time to think about, minus the passing pleading with know, its really amazing when that happens-when you are physically TOO BUSY to worry-so you just pray in passing and things just seem to work out! WITHOUT MY HELP ( imagine that, God just placing his hand in there...and doing it. )
However, I admit to you that I am now busy "dwelling" over everything that has gone down, so to speak, and I probably wont really be happy until I've totally obsessed about it all! *sigh* its true.

This weekend I bought the cutest bag EVER.... and I bought some shoes that are "so ugly they are cute"...I also saw Madagascar (meh, not that great) and ate lots of reeeeally good food.

In other news, Amy is back in town and that makes me happy...I am also excited that it is summer because it means that Katie will probably have a "little" bit more free time...right??
hahaha...anyway, I AM happy its Mommy is at home too-makes me want to be a teacher so *i* can have two months break too!!

I have to go write some emails....especially one to Sam because today is his BIRTHDAY ( or should I say wednesday...but with time changes and everything I THINK its today)

Happy birthday, Samwise.

May 29, 2005


there was the most amazing electric storm last night...I havent seen lightening that exciting in YEARS. Steph and I stood outside with Hung and Douglas and marvelled at the fireworks that were provided by the heavens.

It was perfect.

May 27, 2005

Fried Green Tomatoes

I watched that movie for the first time last night: A big "Awwwwww". I really did love it! It, of course, made me cry because well..."friendship movies" always make me cry.

And on that note sometimes friendships can be hard, sometimes they hurt more than they provide is at those moments you've got to make the choice: Is it worth it.

Yes, it is.

Tonight, Steph and I are going to the PineKnot concert at Milards Crossing ( aka. the place you SHOULD NOT have a wedding according to the "event of 2002" ;-). ) I am excited, because i know it will be fun, even if the music is bad....if anyone wants to come along, it starts at 8pm ( Trinity, if you and James are free, come along!)...

And today Steph is hanging out with Katie and Brad while I am at work. Woo.

May 26, 2005


Well, Steph is here safe and sound! I should have known she wouldnt get lost in LA! ;-)

It was of great fortune that I got yesterday off of work. After my four posts in a row ( dedicated to carmi and not emma) I got a call from Dee who said that I could just work the rest of the day and then she would work all day on Wednesday. WOOOOO! As much as i wanted to take a nap I also knew that having the day off the next day was FAR superior...look, realizing delayed gratification is apparently a sign of maturity! go me! woo!
Anywho, picking Steph up from the airport was pretty routine, I know the Houston International airport LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND...ask me ANYTHING about terminal A. I KNOW IT ALL. *ahem* anyway....

Its really very cool/strange having Steph here.
Now, I gotta stop here and say thus far the most stressful thing about being Steph's hostess is EVERYONE else....people asking me what I've with her, what we are going to do...suggesting things for us to do. Dont get me wrong, I love the suggestions, but the problem with suggestions are that if I DONT do them...i should do something BETTER right? So for instance, one such suggester asked me what Steph and I did yesterday and I said:
We made t-shirts with one of my good friends.

I could visibly tell the person was disappointed.
And of course, they had a right to be...its not very "texas-y" to go to Hobby Lobby for 2 hours and then make t-shirts for three....
BUT, before you get judgmental:
Katie and I have made t-shirts together for YEARS. it is one of our favorite things to do...t-shirt making IS texas to me.

sooo its all realitive. Besides, I dont know what Steph and I are going to do this afternoon so we'll probably end up watching a movie because that is texas to me too! hahaha...just kidding..or AM I?

May 24, 2005

WELL! Of all the gall!

Is that how you spell that? "gall" or is it "gail" or is it "gale" think I got it the first time, and while I COULD look it up-I dont have Word on this work computer and I cant be bothered going to or anything..

So, my title refers to this: abbey, i love hearing from you post too much...i cant keep up. slooooow dooooown
one of the reasons I HAVE a blog is so that people only have to read it if they want to :-P
BESIDES no one can take the only fun I have at work ( writting posts) away from me! NO ONE!
So this is an easy-to-read chapter index of the posts of today so those of you SO PRESSED FOR TIME only have to read that which truly interests you (if anything) and you'll at least have titles for the things you choose not to read and therefore wont feel left out. :-P:
1. The Sun(shine) will come out ( tomorrow): "Jeremy makes my day"
2. Episode III: My thoughts about THAT
3. An ode to Sleep: And my lack of it.

1. The Sun(shine) will come out ( tomorrow): Jeremy Makes my day

As you all know, besides writing lots and lots in my OWN blog, one of my favorite things is reading OTHER people's delights me. I am truly addicted.
Now, I am NOT the type to go out and "surf" the blogging world, there are too many crazy people...and, can I say, BAD writing out there for me to waste my time reading their blogs-besides I have reality tv if I ever feel like being reeeeally lame.

Soooo, this leaves me people that I know. Now, I have to admit, sometimes I can stretch my boundries and read the blogs of my friend's friends...buuuuut, thats because-hey, I like my friends enough to figure I'll like THEIR friends. :-P

However, the best possible thing is when people I really like, people that I enjoy talking to, people who are good writers, people that I dont get to see often/ever, people that I find it hard to keep up with...when THEY start up blogs it makes me very very happy.
So, when I was having my "not sleeping because I'm stressing night of 23 May 2005" I found out that our dear friend Sunshine has re-instated a blog on the fine world of the internet. WOOOOooo.
So, Here's to you Sunshine-I hope you find your niche in the blogging world and enjoy it in the process...I cant wait to read it! :-)

PS. Since we are talking about blogs, I might as well go ahead and address an issue- I loved doing interviews with my fine fellow bloggers...but I find it a lot harder to do interviews with those of you that dont post very often-so THERE"S some added incentive for ya, ( *cough*cough* Jared)

Episode III: My thoughts on THAT

Well, I finally saw the long awaited, long over-advertised, long over-hyped Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

The night was all together fun although I was on the grumpy side because I had had a LONG day of work, cleaning and lack of sleep...buuuut, Papa and I went to the theatre early ( to get good seats) we had a good time with the help of my ipod, a dilly that lets you plug in two headphones...and 978 songs at our fingertips. My mom and sister came in right before the movie started and then....the trailers.

I seriously ALMOST CRIED when I saw the trailer for The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. Here's to another BEAUTIFUL world that Weta studios created.....SERIOUSLY. Do you remember the first time you saw the preview for Lord of the Rings:Fellowship of the Ring? I do. At the time I had heard rumblings about the movies and I had even gone to the website to get a hint of what was to come...but then, there I was sitting watching some movie (who even remembers) when that clip of the Nine climbing the mountains, each character coming over the crest of the hill came on the screen. I was elated! I was over joyed...I saw each character and recognized them from my own immagination- Oh, there's Frodo! There's Aragorn! There's Gimli! It was like seeing a friend, that you've been a penpal with for years and years, for the first time.
That is how it was again. I am sooooo excited, and of course, thankful...I was really worried that after the Lord of the Rings I wouldnt have movies to look forward to quite like that again...I was wrong.

Ok, what were we suppose to be talking about? Oh right.
Yeah, so even though I've never professed to be a starwars fan-except that I respect the IV-VI because they were the first of their kind....buuuut, this movie was actually GOOD. There was a particular sequence showing the Jedi all over the galaxy getting ___ -I thought it was really moving. I would also applaud Lucus on several very well done shots, especially the one from the inside of Darth Vaders mask as it is being placed on his head for the first time. Wow.
Anyway, all in all it was enjoyable and it seems that after six movies the writers finally just embraced the cheesy script and just made it OBVIOUSLY cheesy to the point of funny. HOWEVER, extremely lame was Yoda's speech syntax...ugg.

So thus endeth the Star Wars Saga....poor Lucus what WILL he do now?!

An Ode to Sleep: My lack of it.

I really do love sleep, in fact, I have always marveled at those of you out there that are able to truly enteract in the world without 7+ hours of it. Now, dont get me wrong, there are times when sleep fails me and I get less than that...but what I am saying is I am a useless shell when those times occur. For instance, yesterday, I was sooo tired all day long and I really WANTED to take a nap-I even tried at one point-but the problem was I had stayed awake to long-its as though there is an exparation date on sleeping or something....
Actually, I think it was because I had created some sort of hyperactive chemical thing ( technical doctor terms here) when I had rushed around to work and at work...and then trying to clean my room...well, after all was as though my eyes were glued open.
This morning I whimpered when my alarm went off...because I know that tonight I have to be at the Houston airport at 12:30 at night...I know that I will then have several hours before I am in bed...I then know that I will have to be at work at 11am the next day ( at least its not 7:30, right?)
buuut, its all worth it, Steph will be here!

May 23, 2005

Oh you know you love this..

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:23am ( unfortunately)
2.Diamonds or pearls? Definitely diamonds!
3. The last film you saw at the cinema? Kingdom of Heaven
4. What is your favorite TV show? Gilmore Girls...obviously.
5. What did you have for breakfast? meeeh! nothing, my tummy is growling at me!
6. What is your middle name? Kathryn
7. What is your favorite cuisine?hmmm...thats hard...Italian? Indian? hard to say
8. What food do you dislike? celery and ummmm....i think thats it.
9. What are your favorite Potato chips? dont really like chips enough to have a favorite
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Jeremy Camp, Jack Johnson, The ScissorSisters, MercyMe...wide range...
11. What kind of car do you drive? Ford tauras woo wooooo!
12. Favorite sandwich? BLT from Sonic! yummmy
13. What characteristics do you despise? conceitedness...
14. Favorite item of clothing? my red slide shoes...
15. If you could vacation any where? Italy...obviously
16. What color is your bathroom? yellow at Anna's and white at The Parents.
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Anthropology...too bad they are so expensive I can hardly afford anything :-(
18. Where would you retire to? New Zealand
19. Favorite time of day? Evening
20. What was your most memorable birthday? twenty-one...on a beach in fiji with two wonderful friends-you CANT beat that!
21. Where were you born? Medical Center at Nacogdoches, TX
22. Favorite qualities in friends. Loyality, sense-of-humor, a different perspective that I can trust completely
23. Favorite time of year? Summer...the SUN! I love it!
24. Coke or Pepsi? Coke
25.Are you a morning person or night owl? night owl for sure!
26. Do you have any pets? "kitty"...the best cat in the world
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family and
friends? Im getting married! ( one day)
28. What did you want to be when you were little? the host of The Today Show
29.What were you meant to be doing today? I am at work until 12:30 and then I am doing major "spring cleaning"
30. What book are you currently reading? Sadly, besides my devotionals I am reading nothing...tooooo bussssy.
32. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookie Dough
33. Red or white wine? I would probably say white.

I didnt brush my teeth...

and I dont have any gum....

yeah, I am tempted to leave this post like that because it gives good words to the way I'm feeling and yet is vague enough...buuuut, we all know when I have really bad days I am not one to hold back :-P

The Longest (bad) Monday Morning:

It started when the phone rang at 3:30am. Who knows how long it had been ringing when I actually woke up, realized it was in the middle of the night, that no one was awake and that I should probably get the phone. Anyway, the person on the other end of the phone said, "I am looking for Abbey."
I totally didnt recognize the voice but it was male, they had called me Abbey and they had an I was trying to think (which wasnt working at 3:32am) when the person obviously realized my confusion and said...
"This is Philip."

"oooooh....Phil!" I think to myself while I walk into the kitchen to look at the clock on the microwave.
Phil: What time is it? You are 18 hours behind us right? So its like 12 noon?

( actually its 17 hours behind) but that didnt stop Phil from being reeeallly bad at math.)

but at 3:35am I am a girl of few words so I just said, "No, its 3am!)
Phil: Wow, I didnt realize, sorry!

Phil then proceeds to ask me questions about Steph who is coming to visit in a few days, now if you know phil at all...which a few of you do, you know that he can have a really "offical" voice and he proceeded to use this "official questioning" voice througout our conversation, it really added an aspect of scariness to the whole thing-or maybe it was just because it was 3:42am.

So it turns out that Steph, who is supposedly in LA at the moment, has not contacted her parents as of yet-they are obviously worried and want to know if I know how to contact her-which I dont. So, I tell Phil I will make sure she contacts them when I pick her up at the airport and we hang up.
Its 3:50am and I cant sleep.
I realize that I have no way of contacting Steph's parents if for some reason something IS up with Steph. I then totally start worrying about her, I mean whhhhhyyyy hasnt she contacted them? She's traveled before, so surely she would have called, stopped in at an internet cafe...SOMETHING.
Its now 4:30am.
I just cant take it anymore...and I have a very strange urge to talk to SOMEONE ....I thought about all the people that know Steph well...Kristy: She'd be at work.
Lydia: I didnt want to bother her.
Carmi: I didnt even know if she was back in Dunedin yet.
Sam: ....SAM! WOooo! I NEED to talk to Sam.

I get on MSN.
Sunshine was online so ended up talking to him for a while, which was actually really perfect because I got my mind off of my fears...and then Sam came home and so he was able to give me Phil's cell phone number ( now I can call him for an update or at least to get Steph's parents number)

Finally at a quarter to 5 I got offline and tried to sleep.

The story isnt over yet!
I woke up from a restless/half awake sleep at 7:23am ( now, lets all do some quick math )I live 15 minutes to 20 minutes from work...and I need to be at work at 7:30.
I think even Phil would get the math right on this one....i was LATE.

And while I found myself behind several HORRIBLE DRIVES WHO THINK DRIVING, SMOKING, and TALKING ON ONES CELL PHONE IS OK....I made it to work with 15 minutes before my doctors arrive at 8. ( thus why I havent brushed my teeth...I feel gross)

But, the good things that happened in all this badness:
I actually woke up at all! Considering I hadnt had much sleep.
There werent very many films this morning...a miracle since Dr. Barf was on duty in the ER and he is KNOWN for ordering tons of studies.

So, while things havent gone so well...i think God for getting me here without TOO much stress, if bad breath

May 22, 2005

Got it!

I cant believe its almost Monday again, or at least that it will be Monday when I wake up...and I AM going to bed in 10 minutes whether I've finished this blog or not...
Sunday's always go by too fast! Today's sermons were really really good and I came home wanting more from myself...also feeling totally hopeless as to ever getting "there". There being somewhere better than "here". ( yes, I know...thats vague...but I'll give you a hint that these arent physical places I speak of.)

Did I tell you that I have finished an entire journal since returning to the states? Yup, Emma gave me a new journal at the airport in LA when I was coming back from NZ and I have not completely filled its pages... I think journals are fascinating, for me it is easier to look at time through the pages of a journal than any other see my pains and my triumphs spelled out for me over pages of a journal just as they filled time and space-it makes some things a lot clearer. I gotta say, the end of this particular journal really threw me for a loop...I felt like I had failed at something...that journal was HARDOUT in a slightly "downward" manner-struggletastic to be exact ( Benton 2005)...and while I have great faith that their will be times of Spiritual Mountain tops in my future they sure didnt come before I had filled hundreds of pages of valleys....ah well, I guess its a lesson that God's time can not be dictated by me...or by the pages of my journal! :-)
My new journal is totally cool...I got it for Christmas from Billie and Steve and its been patiently waiting for me to be ready for is beeeeautiful with a red and gold leather cover and a magnet clasp that keeps it closed...ahhhh....there is nothing like writing on fresh pages! :-P

Today, I helped Thomas make a birthday surprise for his special lady was fun...although I almost hyperventilated because I blew up so many balloons one right after another....I hope this means that my future is full of romance too ;-) I feel like I am constantly helping guys make OTHER girl's days! hehehe.....oh well, there are definitely worse fates!

Anna and I have ONE MORE episode of Season Three of the Gilmore Girls....ahhhhhh! the suspense is killing me ;-)

I re-discovered Shane& Shane tonight....mmmmmm! perfect for the mood I'm in!!

I am getting excited about Steph's visit....I see lots and lots of lack of sleep coming in the next week or so ( her plane doesnt get to Houston until 12:30 at night...and I have to drive home and work the next day! woo!!) but its totally worth it!! I just hope she has fun here!!! I am going to be counting on other people, my family mostly, to step up and "entertain" while I am at work!! So, if any Nacogdoches people out there want a very very cool New Zealand girl to spend some quality time with them in the next week...let me know, I'll be taking applications as of tomorrow :-)

Revenge of the Stupid

So, the family and I decided to go see Episode III on Saturday afternoon, and to tell you the truth I was looking forward to it, even though I felt that Eps I, II were totally lame....I figured that there was NO WAY the third and final installment could be that bad and so I was half excited ( just to give you the back ground)

BESIDES, I love going to full movie theatres with lots of excited fans, that is why I have always been the kind to go to midnight have such a connection with the other audience can feeel the excitment!

So, there we were, in a packed theatre, so packed in fact that the family had to split up and my sister and I were in a middle row packed between two families....
the trailers start...and there it is, something to REEEEEALLLY get me excited-the trailer for The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe...AHHHH! I turn to my sister with glee! This is it, this is the movie I am SOO excited about! The trailer starts of with the children entering the professors house and so I am just WAITING for the moment they finally show us Narnia when.....BLANK.
The projector blacks out and all you can hear is the stirring music of the trailer...and a gasp from the audience.

we wait, we continue to listen to the trailer I so wanted to see...
my father finally gets up ( because no one else is) and goes into the movie theatre lobby and tells the manager, who is hanging out doing nothing, what happened. The manager says " Oh, yeah, we knew the bulb was going out..."

ummmm....ok....THAT was a smart move, putting a packed out movie in a theatre with a bad projector! uh-huh.

So, the movie starts, the screen lights up again and we watch the classic "StarWars scroll" before....and yes...its true, the projector goes out again....
this time with the idea of HEARING the sounds of "space fighting" happening without the visual ( which is pretty much equal with annoying bugs flying around your head) the audience was NOT willing to sit and wait patiently...
I watched and as large men with giant drink and popcorn in hand ( think of the comicbook guy from the simpsons and you've got your visual) lumber up the asle. Anna and I laughed.
I was still annoyed about not seeing my trailer...but I COULD enjoy a bunch of agitated fans. Anna said this was the time for the angry riot , and right on cue the two little kids behind us said:
kid 1: We should start a mob.
kid 2: yeah...but someone might get hurt..
kid 1: ooo...true, or even KILLED!

Ok, so it wasnt quite THAT dramatic but we did end up leaving after the projector broke a third time only five minutes into the film...I was already feeling "out of the action" and besides I wanted to come back and see that preview!
So we got our money back with the rest of the angry masses....

So, the story is funny but I DO want to rant about that irresponsible manager:
Not only did he put an important movie in a bad theatre, he was not up in the projector room to see if it WOULD work, instead he was hanging out in the lobby ( strike one and two)
THEN when things did get a big sticky he DID go up to the projector room and didnt come down, making his poor highschool employees get yelled at my big scary nerd men all alone without any back up. ( strike three)
AND if I was going to make the mistake of thinking this manager WAS intellegent I would say he did an excellent job of selling us 20 dollars worth of concessions knowing that we wouldnt be seeing a movie and that we would probably come back to see it again...meaning MORE concession money. smart. really smart. or should I say LUCKY, because I know that manager doesnt have a brain to think up such clever plots.

So, thats how I ended my afternoon watching episode II on DVD.

May 21, 2005

waiting and all that jazz...

John 11:5-6 Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.

There are times when I feel totally lost, totally alone and confused. I cry out and I wonder why God doesnt come rescue me RIGHT AWAY! Afterall if there was ever a time He should come in with the big guns this would be it....right?

Imagine you've been told you are going to become King, but the excitement soon fades when the present king just keeps on going, in fact, this present king just seems to GROW in strength unstead of fading. Then, to make matters worse the king decides he wants to destroy you. From that day forward not only does your promise seem to be forgotten, but now you are on the defense constantly just trying to keep yourself and your family and friends alive.
In 1 Samuel 24 and 1 Samuel 26 David is given the opportunity to kill the king that is making his life miserable, who is keeping him from his promise. But he doesnt kill him. It seems like the Lord has "given" him these opportunities to help himself to "move things along" "help the promise happen", so why doesnt David go through with it?
Well, several reasons but what I find wonderful is that its GOD'S PROMISE and God will see fit to see it completed, without the "help" of His people.

There are times when I am tempted to "help the promise along" and there are times when I wonder at it taking so long, to the point where I start to think the promise will die before Saving comes....
But this is not the case.

It is because He loves me that he "waited two extra days" is because He loved me that He would let me be chased my a king who only wants my death and distruction, for He will be glorified in the wait, He will be glorified in the fight.
For the prince of this earth will fall, and promises will come to pass.

This is for all my dear ones who feel like they too are waiting in vain...

May 20, 2005

only interesting to me...

Part of my job is making a log of all the patience and the procedure they had done...I write down their name, medical records number, age, doctors name, type of x-ray...this sort of thing. Anyway, I have found myself pondering the people behind the name, some names give you more of a mental image than others...I've also wonder about how well first and last names go together....and when they DO go well together, especially the women-I then wonder if they are married ( meaning was it on purpose that their first and last name both end in "z"?) I've started playing guessing games with myself, such as I try to guess the person's age just by their name-its harder than you might think...

Now, it might sound like I had a boring day with all this talk-but actually I've hardly had a moment to sit down ( this is the first)...see? Arent I awesome, I can do all this gameplaying about names AND do nonstop work at the same time!? woooooo!

Today, I hated the fax machine...and the ER.
Today, I loved seeing my mother before work ( she had the day off) and watching jeopardy ( the guy who won look so freakishly like Sunshine I did a doubletake...hahaha!)

May 19, 2005

Little Treasures

So, as many of you may know...I stay at my sister's house quite a bit...such an arrangment can generate tons of good fun-we end up laughing a LOT ( and yes, carmi...we go right on to throwing our head backs and doing silent laughter more times than not!) and I've really enjoyed getting to know Anna better. Living in different cities/countries for the past...long time....its been nice re-adjusting to each other, I had never realized just how similar we actually are-we laugh at the same things, we gasp at the same things, we say the same stupid things at the same inappropriate times...its really quite scary. But, then something happened that reminded me that, no, there were still those crucial differences created by the unequal handing out of our parents genes...

"The Treasure"

It was a Saturday night and Anna asked Abigail nicely to please clean her room.
Abigail felt a little bad that Anna felt she actually had to ASK, but then when she actually went into "her room" she looked about only to see that the bed wasnt made-so she made the bed, wondering to herself, why at 9PM Anna felt like the bed needed to be "neat and tidy" ... buuut Abigail was already feeling guilty that Anna had had to ask and so she just muttered "Po-TA-to, Po-ta-TO" under her breath made the bed and went back about her business....
Later, Anna asked Abigail if she had cleaned her room, to which Abigail responded, "Well, yes, but it wasnt dirty..."
Anna replied," What about the trash on the floor??"
Abigail(outloud) -" There wasnt any trash on the floor!"
Anna (outloud)-"Well, ok, then."
Anna (to herself)" She probably just picked it up without realizing it."
Abigail (to herself) " She is probably imagining things."

Later in the night Anna walked past Abigail's room and said, "Abigail, the trash is STILL on the floor!"
Abigail was a bit shocked by this, since she hadnt seen the trash in the first place, but she was willing to give Anna the benefit of the doubt and so she said, "Oh! I didnt see! Sorry..."
This, of course, was the last Abigail thought of it. She went to bed later that night, and since she didnt see any 'trash' she figured that Anna had picked it up, afterall...who "sees" trash and then doesnt go ahead and pick it up, especially if you are as trash-conscious as Anna??

time passed....
On Wednesday night Anna says to Abigail, "what are your plans tomorrow morning?"
Abigail, who had no idea where the conversation was going, casually responded, " I am going in to work around 11."
Anna then said, "Well, tomorrow would you please make your bed before the cleaners get here...and also, could you put your special treasures that you've kept on the floor somewhere else?"
Abigail, "WHAT?"
Anna, "weeeelll, you never picked up those little pieced of paper off of the floor...sooo, I figurd you must want to KEEP the paper..."
Abigail, recognizing sarcasm when she hears it, got up off the couch and went into the bedroom in question, Anna followed behind..."

There it was...two tiny pieced of paper and a plastic bag on the other side of the bed, slightly under the bed to be exact...." Abigail got down on the floor to pick up the paper, but more accurately it was easier for her to laugh whilest sitting on the floor.
Abigail asked Anna, after the laughter had died down, why she hadnt picked up the paper when she saw it the second time, afterall, it was obvious Abigail hadnt seen it...Anna said it was to make a point...A point that Abigail probably would have NEVER gotten.
There was a pause and Anna said, " And there's the empty waterbottle on your bedside table!" ( As though they had been discussing the empty ( trashy) waterbottle for an hour already...when in reality this moment was the first Abigail had thought of the water bottle....ever. And it was the fifty-millioneth moment Anna had thought of it.)
Buuuut, this time Abigail had learned her lesson, she knew that this was a notsosubtle hit and she promptly picked up the water bottle and put it in the pastic bag.

The moral of the story...
Oh whatever, its just funny.

said in a whiny voice

I dont feel good. Do you think its because I've only eaten pizza for the past four days? Nooooooooooo. That couldnt be it.

I really really dont feel tummy hurts and I have a headache, I dont want to be at work, what I reeeally want is to be in bed with a good movie on...not moving.

THAT'S what I want.

Edit: I think my tummy hurts BECAUSE of the headache...which, according to my Doctors, is because of the weather.

oh. whatever.

May 17, 2005

Girl Talk

So, when I want to talk to my friends in NZ I usually go and sit in the back of my mother's parents go to bed very early and I am usually able to talk to people from around 9PM to around 10PM. So sitting in the back of a car allows me to laugh and talk as loud as I want- BUT, its getting hot out there, people! Seriously, sad to say...the texas heat is starting to hit hard. I almost broke out in a sweat and had to open the car door to let a little air in. consequently I got bug bits. BOO!

All for a worthy cause.

I have a busy mind people. I know you may not think it...and when I look over some of my blog posts I start to doubt my mental capablities too....but its true, I think a lot. And sometimes I have to cut back on all those "what if" conversations I have with myself. I think they are getting a little out of hand: So, I am not getting married anytime soon. I dont see any great job possiblities in the near future. I dont have any new hobbies I want to take up. I dont think I a will be moving from this particular dot on the map any time now.
So why worry about ANY of the above things ( or lack of)? *sigh*



speaking of Bloom...

I just watched the end of the Lord of the you may have remembered, I started watching all the movies over again and I just now finished. *sigh*

I always always ALWAYS cry when Aragorn says to the hobbits " You bow to no one." and then everyone bows. meeeeeh! SOOOOOOO sweet!!!

Such wonderful movies.

Wow, I slept well last night. I was SO tired! I guess having a full day of backtoback jobs was a little much ;-) But, I slept in until 9 this morning and now I am sitting in my bed listening to the credits of RTotK:EE singing to me in the background....

May 16, 2005

Kingdom of Heaven....

I have to say, after watching the famous speach from Henry V. four times today ( it was an example I used when teaching) I felt a bit sorry for poor Orlando Bloom who is sadly lacking in the "manly speech" department. I decided whilest watching the film that it wasnt really his acting that was necessarily the problem. He just isnt manly enough. period.
bless his heart.

Other than that, I really liked the movie, its brought back some interesting ponderings I've had about the Muslim Nation. Prayer is needed.

PS. Edward Norton played the King of Jerusalem....coolness.

high school reunion...

So, I finished up my stunt as a high school english teacher today...I taught four classes in a row-I found it more fun than I did on Friday, go figure. Anyway, it was definitely an experience and I thank my mother for letting me do it, she's a trooper!

You might ask if it made me want to be a teacher, and well, it WAS fun...but I had to keep in mind that it was an honors class which meant they were all really "good" students who even slightly wanted to learn-which is very rare in this day in age....buuuut, I DID love researching and coming up with my "lesson plan". THAT is something i had really missed. And I enjoyed the challenge of trying to keep them awake and learning... *sigh* Anyway....

So, today I've been in a pretty good mood, I think it was the chocolate covered coffee beans. I bought them on Saturday when I was hanging out with katie. I havent had coffee beans since HS. In fact, I am pretty sure they got me THROUGH highschool in a state of awakeness...but, whatever the case, I have been in a pretty happy mood. Caffine, my friend.

Tonight I am going to see that Kingdom of Heaven movie...looking forward to it.woo.

May 13, 2005

time flies...on a 747

So, it was 5 months ago today that I was standing on an airplane in Houston Texas. I had just travel hours and hours miles and miles, and my eyes were STILL puffy and red from crying. I felt like my heart had been wripped out and I wasnt particularly sure of the reason....

I hate when planes land and everyone stands up in the alse at the same time...its extremely caustrophobic. The only thing redeeming about this time of 'waiting in a confided space with a bunch of antsy people with cellphones' is the airlines usually pipe in some sort of radio station....

So, there I was standing in an airplane alse waiting for "the life after graduation" to literally start and THIS song ekked out of the sound system, this song really fit on December 13th 2004. I was really shocked that God would send me BACK to my "small town" especially since I had such a heart for travel....but I felt that there was good reason and I was sure that even as I left my life in New Zealand behind I was facing a new world, a new world molded from an old one....


Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway


Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Tonight I am reminded of times past and I am surprised at the amazing speed that 5 months past..I am.looking to the future still wandering what I am looking to.....this song really fit on December 13th 2004 and it fits today too...I still have the desire to break out, to break free, I still feel as though I dont belong here....but for different reasons than five months ago... now I see that my life isnt about little flights...but instead One Big this is a time of growth. My wings are growing-so one day I can fly. I can fly Home...

funny thing just happened...

So, I was posting a comment on a blog...and I caught myself saying the word "darlo" in my head...

The word is derived from its orginal word of "darling"...and my grandmother converted it into its new and improved word of "darl-o" for her own personal use. The word has had special place in my heart ever since. I havent used it in ages, but I think its about time I revived it.
Grandmother died when I was 14. I still miss her.
She was the essense of cool and when she gave you the compliment of being "darl-o" you just couldnt help but feel extra special and styl-y.
She, afterall, seemed to exude style and class. Of course, one of MY personal favorite stories is when she got expelled from Texas Tech University for wearing green toenail polish....which is "technically" not classy...or at least it wasnt at the time. But, as a 12 yearold who wore a clownsuit to school because she was "having a bad day" ( yup, i did) it was only something to aspire to.

Another great college/university story of my Grandmother's is when she permed her hair to bad affect....her hair was burned and ruined. My grandmother, not to be undone, promptly when out and boughts scarfs of every color and design. She couldnt have looked cuter in the months ahead as her hair "healed"....yup, even fashion mistakes can be made into fashion statements of the fabulous nature...

These stories of a time before I knew her were only believeable because they were reinforced by the grandmother that I knew....a few days ago I saw a pair of sandels, gold and shiny...something *i* could never get away with, but that are really in this season....these sandels just flooded my mind with memories of my grandmother with sandels JUST LIKE THAT. Yup, from pictures of her surrounded by her four children running the pictures of her holding grandchildren-she always had pose, she always had class, she always had such cute shoes... Just darlo.

stolen idea...

I got an email ( Man! Tabitha has been on a role lately) with a really good idea:

Alphabetical list of goodness:

Animals ( of the cute/baby/fuzzy nature)
Beanbag chairs
Closets full of shoes
Easter Season
Fresh flowers in a vase
Gooey carmel
Interviews on my blog
Kindred spirits
Little boxes
Open windows on a beautiful day
Quiet in the midst of madness
Ringing of the phone ( when its for you!)
Unique accessories that no one else will have
Visits from friends
Whispering secrets
Xrays ( the last ones of the day)
Yellow, the song by Coldplay
ZZZZZZZs when you really need them

May 12, 2005

I'm cold...

Now, this I think will be a bit odd for my NZ readers, where they live in a country where central air and heat is not as common...or as powerful ;-)
HOWEVER, I KNOW at least Jordan will understand my moaning when i say....WHY do they have to make the air conditioner SOOOO cooooollllldddddd? Yes, I realize this is a hospital and they have to make it cold so there will be less infection and all that jazz, I also realize that is it hot outside and I should be happy its cold...but SERIOUSLY! I'm dying...

I realized as I was hanging up a Mammogram ( yeah, I know...odd) that there are several semi-interesting ( interesting to ME that is!) things coming up:

Steph is coming to visit 24-31st of May!!!! I am soooo excited, and a little scared....I am going to count on people to "entertain" her whilest I am at work ;-)
Luckily she is one of those people I feel confident about throwing into a random situation and knowing that she will find a way to enjoy it...
I feel blessed that I have had THREE visits from friends this year!

I am "teaching" my mother's class tomorrow and monday...since I work half days I am doing it in two installments...her 6th and 7th period classes are "lucky" enough to have me tomorrow, what am I going to teach? Well.....Something about Shakespeare. I dont know what...I have just "thought" about it when I was trying to sleep, so looks like I am going to have to spend some quality time at Java Jacks this afternoon on my laptop doing some research....OOOOooooOOOOOooo

PS. I am a bit nervous about getting up in front of my mom's classes...especially with my expert mother being there...watching me....seeing if I can cut it!
Buuuut, I think it'll be good for me, I've always wanted to know if I could teach a class...and while this is just a small taste...its a start.

lighten up, wont you?

Yeah, I had NINE emails in my inbox this morning...wooooo! that excites me, but for some reason felt kinda down...weight....but THEN I read a really fun, almost light hearted blog of a friend and i felt MUCH better.

Sometimes I am TOO serious.

So, to myself:

lighten UP!

May 10, 2005

the phone call...

Have you ever felt someone so near and yet them be physically so far away?
Have you ever felt someones fears? Felt someones pain? Felt it as though it was your own?

I hold the phone up to my ear wondering who will be on the other end.
Immediately I know the voice. I smile without realizing it.
My voice rises to a higher pitch as I say their name with glee.
But even as I say it, my heart is feeling heavier....I am worrying about them....I dont ask what is wrong right away, it just doesnt seem right. Besides. I already know.

Sometimes it helps me to remember that that love I feel for those the Lord puts on my heart first comes from Him. It is only a tiny drop in the bucket of His love for them....

You lead me through each day, your love it covers me.
When I feel afraid, your love it covers me
Restorer of my soul, your love it covers me.
Your presences makes me whole, your love it covers me
You are the King of Glory, you're the Lord strong and mighty
King of Glory enter in.

The above phone conversation has happened more than once this week....and it has happened figuratively with even more dear ones.
I am blessed to have such dear friends....I am blessed that the Lord love covers all....

Just call me a princess

You scored as Belle. You are Belle!







Snow White






Sleeping Beauty




Which Disney Princess Are You Most Like? (thorough!)
created with

drought after the rain...

I think the FIVE posts of yesterday leaves us with the only option of posting quizes today ;-)

You scored as Fundamentalist. Fundamentalism represents a movement in opposition to Modernism, stressing the highest importance on foundational religious tradition. Science has brought on corruption of society. God is real and is watching. Scripture leaves little room for interpretation; man is God’s creation. About a quarter of the population in the U.S. is classified as Fundamentalist.



Cultural Creative














What is Your World View?
created with

May 09, 2005

Episode #5: Fellowshiping friends...

WOOOOOOO! My new record for lots of post, one day.... yeah, I know they have all been sorta different, but all really important to me...and i am kinda fearful that people wont read the first few "episodes" because I've had so many today! Buuuut, this is an important one so its last...
which is lucky because I JUST had some new editions to these thoughts...
about friends ( again!)
I was having a really great catch up with Penny on the phone last night...I miss her! And we were discussing what this year has taught us thus far...obviously there were lots of things, but we boiled it down to God teaching us about "the basics" in our relationship with Him. Penny said something interesting about how last year she would have felt that friends were essential to her walk with God, but that now she was learning they arent....that it is an individual thing that is only helped by friendships.
I had to agree with her on this one! And I think by the end of the conversation we were definitely eye-to-eye on how both of US had been "weened" off of close conversing with friends about our spiritual lives at every single step.
Yup, last year it wouldnt be uncommon for me to be asked by three separate friends how my spirital walk was pray with three more and to have long involved conversations about God-stuff with friends...all in just one day...Sunday's being even MORE so! But, I think we can all agree that is something special, something that doesnt happen throughout a lifetime. But, instead, it is seasonal.

Afterall one of my all time favorite verses is when Jonathan comes to David when he is in hidding and encourages him in the spirit...I love it because it reminds me of what those two friends must have once had, everyday, constant fellowship...but even after that season was over, the Lord still used Jonathan in David's life when he needed it..

I think that the lesson Penny was talking about is an important one because it not only showed her how influencial good friendship can be to ones faith, but also how important it is to be able to stand if those "columns that we lean on" are suddenly taken away...

its important to build up that "solitary" relationship with Him. So that through whatever season.. we can have assurance that He is strong within us....

But, lets go back for a second, lets go back to the benefits of fellowshiping friends-Sam mention in his latest postgo read it about such fellowship...and its something I have been thinking about a lot lately myself...ever since reading a tiny book about Revival in China...the missionary that wrote the book talked about how many times she was in constant prayer with other missionaries that she met and lived with...that they spent days and days together constantly seeking God, constantly talking about the need for revival. It seemed that every time she mentioned such times of fellowship, times of great revival followed....In fact, when I thought about seemed that ALL the times of revival I have heard about it, they have been the direct result of groups of people gathering to pray about it....
THIS is why I am such a fan of prayer groups...why 1PM prayer STILL holds such a place in my heart...this is why, just as Sam said, I long for such times.. I know they are there in my future.
And my goal, my delight is to rejoice in times of solitary fellowship with my King until such times come again.

Episode #4: DVD dream

Finally had a moment to sit down and start watching season 4 of the Gilmore Girls...I know, I know, you missed the constant references to the show, but dont worry! Its back in my life ;-)
Of course, it makes me miss... well, lots of people: Penny, because she was my first fan friend... Carmi because of the monumental season finale we watched together last year...Emma and Lydia, for the hours and hours and hours we spent watching season three together.

Anyway, Anna and I watched the last episode of season three again to give us a running start into this next season....I am glad we did, it had really been awhile! in fact, all I could remember was "the kiss" when infact there were lots of little petty things going on too...Anna said it was a "lesson on life" that it is the good "kisses" in life that we remember not the petty argument...

nice try at making Gilmore Girls so meaningful, Anna!

I, however, dont care how many life lessons I get out of the is SUCH great distraction from life! SUCH fun!
Annnnnd, on DVD there are no ad can go, with great ease, from one episode to the next...the one problem: its hard to stop

Episode #3: Recipe Retard

Mother's Day....Sunday....Anna and I had spent many a moment in the past week planning it...we made the menu, we spent time shopping etc...and through it all I thought of my mother...

First off, Wal Mart is a NIGHTMARE. I hate it, and shopping there stinks, I had to actually call anna on my cell phone to ask where the cottage cheese should be.
But, the lesson I learned from going to the supermarket after a long day at work is that your feet HURT and you are TIRED. Poor mothers. My mother has gone supermarket shopping after work for yeeeears.

Second, my sister inherited one of my mother's funniest traits. A long standing joke in my family is that my mother will actually go into a store and come out and say, "they dont have any milk." And we allll know that Milk is a staple and ALL stores have milk unless it was during the dairy cow scare of 1998, which didnt really happen....or the time a friend that was living with my family had shaved his beard that he had forever and my mother didnt notice for yes, unobservent... but funny.
So, my sister and I had a plan for my mother's mother'sday pressy....we had two pictures one of each of us receiving our diploma's at graduation from university...the great thing about the pictures are they are almost identical, they are captured at almost the exact same moment of shaking hands with some official person...we have similar goofy grins...all in all...cute pictures. But we needed to get the pictures sized and we needed a good frame. Perfect, two jobs...two daughters.
I was sent to get the pictures sized and Anna was off to Hobby Lobby to get the frame....
she returned unhappy...she couldnt find ANYTHING that worked. It was upsetting...we were both bummed...but on Friday I had a moment and so *i* met Anna and Hobby Lobby...after walking around for only a few moments I had collected about 4 frames that were varying in perfection....among them was a reeeally cool frame that had two sides and swivled around so that you could turn it and change which picture you had in the front...totally cool.
And totally funny how Anna hadnt been able to find ANYTHING.

Anna and I prepared Lunch for my was going to be cake was as flat as.....something flat. And Anna's pasta was hard.
Boo! It was funny though...and we are going to try again next sunday- especially since Wednesday is her Birthday...hopefully we can follow recipes a little better next time! ( life lesson: Egg Substitute is NOT the same thing as Egg White Substitute)

Episode 2: Revealings of gatherings

So, as you may know, if you read my blog on a regular basis...I was having a tough time in the past two weeks or so....I felt unwanted...unneeded....I also got super homesick for NZ. Now, I SAY also, but on Saturday night I was at a small gathering of friends and I realized how very connected those two things were. ( duh!)

How it was: In New Zealand I counted myself lucky that almost everyday I was surrounded by the best of friends...they were supportive, they were fun, they knew me and loved me and I knew and loved them. And there were SO many of them!

It was hard to leave. We've established that.

How it is: In the US my group of close friends is much much much smaller...down to one close friend that lives in the same town ( my sister). However, I made myself feel better by saying that at least I had about *counting* five people that I could for sure call on and do fun things with on a regular basis...I counted them as friends and I hoped that our friendships would grow. I was optimistic, was ready to start devoting time to those in the PRESENT....but then i felt myself being dropped like I was hot. ( I love that phrase!) I saw myself not being important enough to keep...I saw a friend disappearing. And while I KNEW we hadnt been that close to begin with...I had always figured we would become better friends...I had enjoyed good, seemingly genuine conversations, laughs....I had not seen THIS coming.
I hadnt been "rejected" by a friend since...well...since I was little. Ow. it hurts.

So, there I was, sitting in Java Jacks surrounded by very cool people...and I thought...but what about these? Will THEY decide its not worth it too? Will THEY get caught up in something "more important" too? I started to emotionally unattach myself RIGHT THEN.
I continued to laugh.
I continued to chat.
I continued to seem unaffected.

But it wasnt the same...and I knew that because that "friend" was there...that "friend" was laughing and chatting too....that friend treated me the same when we were together, but I knew they didnt really care.

So, then it hit. I had some things I needed to do: I needed to forgive. I needed to move on. I needed to restore hope...Hope that just because I lost the future of one friendship...these other friends wouldnt be the same. Maybe they would be different.

One at a time: Events of a weekend.... Episode #1

Wow, It has been a few days since I have blogged I feel a bit overwhelmed with all the things I feel I have to share...the sad truth of it, is that things will probably not get discussed ( THIS is why I cant understand people that dont blog regularly!!! hehehe), things that have passed through my mind this week...some of which could be whole posts on their own!!!
So,thats what I think I'll do...look forward to SEVERAL posts today..

I worked this weekend, but the lucky thing about working on the weekends is that the only thing that REALLY suffers is sleep. I am usually finished by 11AM and if I am honest with myself ( which I am) I realize that that is about the time I would normally start doing things on a Saturday ANYWAY...and therefore I find I can have a pretty good day even with working! Sundays are sadly another story, and I usually miss the beginning of church...but at least I have been pretty lucky thus far and havent miss ALL of it!

On Saturday I went to an Eagle Scout Ceremony for Ben Cline with my mother. It was extremely cool

Yes, for those of you in NZ, dont feel bad if you dont know much about the Boyscouts of America.....I knew little/nothing going into this ceremony, what I DID know was all the incredible amount of work that goes into becoming an Eagle ( the top ranking) and what an honor it was....what I DIDNT know was how moving such little exerpts could be from the ceremony itself...

On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong;
mentally awake, and morally straight.

And THEN all these awesome laws that the BoyScouts are called to strive for...

Very inspiring! So, besides the inspiration and how very impressed I was by Ben and his accomplishment I had great fun sitting with my mother on the back row. My mother is very naughty at most public events and often whispers and it was gooding hanging out with her...

May 07, 2005


I almost cant wait till mother's day is over on Sunday...I have been asked three times by three different stores if I am a mother...on several occasions I have been tempted to say, yes...I DO want a red rose...yes I DO want free stuff from Wal Mart....
but do I really look like a mother!?!

May 06, 2005

Do YOU have any to add?

Red: the best tasting lollies, ladybugs, lipstick in old movies,
raspberries, rubies, velvet curtains at the theatre, shoes in wizard of
oz, stop part of traffic light iceblocks, red wine at candlelight dinners,
roses and poppies, ribbon, wax seals on letters, nail polish, chaise lounges,
elmo, red carpets, evening dresses, apples, pencils, autumn leaves, candy
canes, flashing message light,strawberries, red mini coopers, valentines, red apples, tomato sauce

Blue: the sky, water of every kind, ink pens, baby boy clothes,
bluebells, paint, sapphires, tinted sunglasses, stained glass windows, hot flames,
pjs, colour of my wall, house coats, nemo fish, eye-shadow, hotmail account, bubbles,

Green: grass, Go, holly leaves at Christmas, kermit the frog, numbers
on clocks, emeralds, granny smith apples, leaves, shoots of plants, trees, grapes, avacodos, four leaf clovers,

Yelllow: the sun, daffodils and buttercups, fields of wheat, smilely
face stickers, dry summer grass, yellow brick road, post-it notes, flame,
gold, highlighters, lemons, sepia tone pictures, rubber duckies

Orange: jack o lanterns, oranges, autumn leaves, corn, harvest moon

Purple: capes, lavender, purple pokka-dotted monster, grapes, violets, theatre chairs

White: wedding dresses, daisies, snow, shirts, lace, clean empty sheets of
paper, clouds, candles, lightening, table cloths, sheets, blossom,
pearls, popcorn

Black: tuxes, little black dressses, mascara, strappy sandals, writing
on page, sheet music, black and white pictures/movies, top hats, All
Blacks, Pianos

I feel gross...

...and not just because I just got handed a red bag that was sorta squishy and only then found out it was a "breast specimen". EEEEEWWWWWW! I didnt sign on for this!

No, I also feel gross because I have a sore throat and I am tired and achey and all together bad feeling...
I also feel gross because I wrote a mean comment to a friend without really thinking...
I also feel gross because friends have been mean/bullying/ignoring me! boo!
I feel like I am back in High a bad way

I also feel gross because my mother's mother's day pressy isnt turning out the way I had hoped!

May 05, 2005

The Burdens of a Blogger...

Over the past year or so I have collected quite a few sites dedicated to myself...the first two because I actually wanted a blog...and the second two because I wanted to comment on OTHER people's blogs...*sigh*
My first blog was this one
followed by the one you are at now because I didnt like xanga...
then a few months ago I HAD to get one here
and then today...this one. Both because you cant comment on other peoples blogs unless you are a member.

Hopefully that is the end...I think I have covered all the "popular one"...its annoying though..and i feel stupid having all these empty blogs around...of course, I always post ONCE because I always hate it when I click on people's sites and there is nothing there....

May 04, 2005

Dear Abbey...

I recieved a really great email last night. Put so well...and since friendship seems to be on my mind today...

No man is an island and no-one can be completely sufficient
in themselves. We need people (especially friends) to help us, to cheer us
up when we are down, to send us mail, to make us laugh and laugh with, to
share things with (including dessert because as we all know, it doesn't count
when you share it), to give us a hug when there is nothing to say, to point
out when we are wrong, to sings songs with (especially when you can't sing
all that well), to loan you things, to inspire you, to provide different
points of view, to dress you up and make you believe that you are beautiful.
There are so may things that we need other people for and so many little
things that each of us are needed for. So unless you are a recluse, and you
are not, there are many, many people out there who need you, including me.


So, I am listening to Lydia's first mix CD, "Some Songs for Life: Vol. 1"

You know, I am really a words person, and I think that is one reason music speaks to me so much. I love the words they express-emotions....emotions I often dont dwell on and yet speak such truths, so its good when I DO dwell on them...

Last night I had an AWESOME prayer time with Carmi over the phone....I really cant remember the last time I had such a good one-well, probably the last time I was with her! hehe....yeah, there is a lot to be said about praying with others...I have missed such prayer times with dear friends. It is a comfort to know that such times dont have to stop, that I will continue to be given such refreshing from these dear friends...friends that take the statement "friends forever" literally.

I know Lydia posted the lyrics to this song on HER blog...but IS so good...and it is how I feel about my friends at the moment...

Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief
When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home

Bebo Norman: Borrow Mine

So, thanks, Lyds.....
Thanks Carmi....

May 03, 2005

a picture is worth a thousand words...

today I got a video that Emma put together for me ( with the help of special friends). It was bittersweet to see those dear faces again!
I also got a "mix cd" from Lydia....I am not going to listen to it until I can really listen to it....
Lydia and I find such delight in music-seriously, every SINGLE time I listen to Delirious I think of her and EnHakkore ( which I read about in the Bible last night by the way...refreshing water to bring strength to the weary)...and when I hear...well, there are sooo many songs that remind me of Lydia. Seriously, we should get married-we would have our whole wedding covered in good, meaningful music.
I am looking forward to the cd.

I am watching the Two Tower (extended edition of course) . The Lord of the Rings are the most amazing movies....again and again they continue to bring goosebumps, tears, shouts of delight and surprise....
awwww....sooooo goooooood.

I didnt forget...

Well, I know its been a while but I had good ( selfish) reasons for not doing interviews right after I deleted my blog...I wanted "random" people to be able to know this was MY blog, and get to know ME before I started having interviews again....oh, who am I kidding...I just got busy and didnt have time for questions, but luckily I had Evan who kept hounding here you go...

Evan's Interview:

1. I gather that you were a blog reader long before you became a blog writer...what made you finally take the plunge? Mrs. Jones started one, and I heard how easy it was to start, and then Candace started hers, and I knew that if she could do it, I could too.

2. You arent a very "regular" what IS your motivation to post when you do?
Either I'll be seized by sudden inspiration, or, if its been a real long time, I'll just write something weird just so I don't lose readers.

3. When looking over your blog I have noticed both poetry and "informative" blogs...what do you think makes you do one or the other? What MOOD are you in at the time?
My poetry usually comes out when I'm in an inspired mood and the "informative" blogs as you call them are usually when I'm just bored and all the things I need to do are hard, time-consuming and uncomfortable.

4. Dude, sometimes I dont fully understand what you are talking that just because I am dense? Would you say that you try to be allusive on purpose?
Heh heh, no its not that your dense. Usually its just because my mind is full of random thoughts and they all rush out at once in a nearly undecipherable manner when I start writing. There was one a couple weeks ago when I was thinking about something specific that I didn't really want anyone to know about, so I wrote a purposefully confusing poem, just to see what everyone would think. As I suspected no one guessed correctly :)

5. Since I am so dense what advice would you give me to read your blog better?
Well, the only advice I can give is: try to think like a slightly disturbed teenager with a feverish, half crazed imagination, if you can do that you'll probably understand it better.

6. If a stranger came across your blog what do you think they would think of you? Would that be an accurate portrayl? Why?/Why not?
They would probably think that I was kind of wild, and pretty weird but that in the sea of nonsense that is my mind there were a few grains of good sense, and yeah, that would be about right.

May 02, 2005


So I was reading THIS today. ( sidenote: is my new favorite website, getting the same verse in tons of versions and languages with the click of a button makes me happy!)

Anyway, that chapter in exodus which you obviously just went and read...really really speaks into my life right now. For one thing, my biggest fear has always been that I would be somewhere and it wouldnt be in God's Will. He wouldnt be there supporting me...and boo! that would be the WORST possible thing ever. hell, really.

So, yes, to say this last week has been a struggle would be to speak correctly...For one thing some feelings of uselessness really brought me down and so logically i wanted to LEAVE. For one thing, going somewhere new and/or different is literally the best of all escapisms and two, I felt that I wasnt doing anything HERE for good, and that surely somewhere else would prove better. *sigh*

I gotta admit I am not entirely out of the forest yet, but at least the trees arent as tall to where I cant see over them.

Insecurities: We all have them.

Isnt it interesting to see how they show themselves? It is always easier to see them in others, and yet I am always shocked when I see them manifest themselves in my own they just POP up and I just react accordingly! I like to feel needed. Dont we all? But, even worse is when we feel like we are needed and yet we arent WANTED. oooo! that one isnt cool either.

May 01, 2005


There is all sorts of things I SHOULD blog about...
there are all sorts of things I SHOULD be thinking about....

But instead, I am watching The Fellowship of the Ring.
I havent seen it in at least a year. Its wonderful.