September 30, 2005

Blind see, Lame walk

So, I spent about an hour trying to get a hold of Emma....I just KNEW I needed to talk to her...and turns out I was right....

" that I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one Spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the Gospel." Phil 1:27

Sometimes, I see so clearly how important it is for me to be LISTENING to the leadings of the Spirit...but I have to admit tonight- I had no idea I NEEDED to talk to Emma and Lydia...I just thought I WANTED to....apparently there isnt much of a difference ;-)

This week I have been shown a lot of things about how I view my friendships. I have seen how, when acting in my own strength and in my own "goodness" I totally messed up...and I made a mess of things....In fact, as of this morning I felt like a little worm ( use of hand gestures would be good here: I felt "this small") anyway...I just kept wondering what worth I DID have as a friend...and then, in His perfect way-God showed me the difference.
The difference is Him.
In the relationships that He is in, the friendships that I pray about, that I ask for His help in, and ask His advice in, well it makes ALL the difference.
For the importance of His hand in my relationships is utmost...if He is there...than I can have no doubt that His mercy and GRACE will be close beside ready to be handed out when needed....and, my goodness, how much grace IS needed!

I still feel lost and confused sometimes, and definitely falling short daily-but I am encouraged in THIS tonight:

"He knows the way that I take, when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will guide you with My eye." Ps 32:8

Lord, you take my heart away with Your love.
And I am willing to put all of my faith in Your plan
Come and take my life, make my soul refreshed in Truth
I am ready for You, take my heart and make me new
I am ready for You, to come and fill my soul.
Cleanse all of my mind that is not of You,
break me, teaching me how to find rest in Your hands
Come and take my life, make my soul refreshed in Truth
Now, I am ready for You, take my heart and make me new, now.
I am ready for You, to come and fill my soul.
Wont you come and fill my soul
Whatever it takes, I am needing to make Your will be done
And I am ready to loose my control, For I see what You've done in me
I am ready for You. Take heart and make me new. ~ Kutless

Autumn, I love you...dont go away!

I have a feeling the cool weather wont last long ( it usually doesnt)...but I will be ready in February when it FINALLY decides to settle down and stay a while ;-)

This morning it was WONDERFUL to wake up, find the song that was in my head when I awaked ( I think I DREAM songs sometimes), get myself a cup of tea, open the door to my balcony and sit and enjoy....ahhhhhhh!

Going to dinner with friends to celebrate a birthday this evening...OOooooOOO! Fun.

WAS going to go to the Shrimp Fest with Me Madre tomorrow but now its cancelled. Meh.

BUT, I cant wait for this weekend-for one thing I have off from work and I feel like its been YEARS since I've been to church (stupid hurricane) ....

Last night I had my family over ( my parents, Anna, Steve and Billie) for dessert, it was my first time to "entertain" at my new apartment...I think it went well :-)

In other news, I've been totally cranky at work the last few day without any reason at all...really trying to work on that- I feel like in a "stressed out world" that is the Hospital it is important for me to be cheerful all the time, no matter what.

September 29, 2005


So a cool front came to nac...and for all of those people still without electricity, I am sure it is a gift from God....its, like only 75 degrees at the moment! DOWN RIGHT COLD ( which is like 23 degrees celcius).... BREAK OUT THE SWEATERS! WOOOOOO!

*sigh* I think its incredible how quickly ones body can get used to certain temps.....just last year I would have thought it was HOT outside right now...ah, how things do change ;-)

I just cleaned my house...I feel accomplished.
I watched the fifth disc of Lost (season 1)over breakfast this morning...I was SOOOO sad..meeeeh.
I just opened all the windows and turned up the fans....ahhh...the breeze is brilliant!
I am gearing myself up to go to wal mart because *i* am having the Fam over for dessert tonight.
I am thinking about buying myself a new CD in celebration I need a reason? ;-)
At the moment I am listening to Nat King Cole. I am happy.

I LOVE my day off! :-)

"O Lord, Hear! O Lord, Forgive!" Dan 9:19

Some days that verse about "the LORD disciplines those he loves." (Prov 3:12 ) just written across my life.
Yet, His arms are so faithful to open wide for me matter what.
It seems so often that, Christians especially, argue about who is worse...who's sins our though there is a though what each of us struggle with is not the Blackest of Black.
Today, I disappointed, today I stumbled...BUT, this verse spoke to me tonight,
"In an outburst of anger I hid my face form you for a moment, but with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you." Is 54:8

I have always been scared of that verse, the Anger of the Lord is...well, very very scary. But, tonight when I was THANKING God for my dreadful day- because He had shown me yet another of my failings and brought light upon yet another one of my ugly scales-I realized how the very ACT of the "hidding His face" makes it all the MORE glorious when He shows it again in the next instance...His compassions fail not. For truly He never Leaves us or Forsakes us. I actually had a moment when I was praying tonight when I realized how AWFUL it would be if I actually got away with all those little dark secrets I think I have...thank Goodness God in His glory airs them out to dry.....for only then can I truly be free.

September 28, 2005


my question is how can ONE QUESTION be enough to go on to get such results?! pu-lease!
Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.

home sweet home

man, was I glad to go home last night! I felt like I hadnt had a moments peace for days and days on end-well, actually that's pretty HAD been days...
I hadnt realized JUST how much it had all taken its toll until I was sitting on my bed listening to some Armstrong-the jazz varity...I was just smiling from ear to ear. I KNOW I have a list several people long who I really need to catch up with, but I also KNEW that last night I was in NO STATE to do so...
So, if you are one of those wonderful people who I really need to talk to...believe me, you are on my mind and I WILL TALK TO YOU SOON! :-)

I was talking to Sam on MSN for a few moments and he said something about how hard it must be to keep communication going via telephone...and to tell you the truth it doesnt bother me THAT much ( there are days when I would REALLY like a hug, something a phone isnt good at), God has been truly good to help in so many of my friendships over the years, that even when I havent talked or seen certain friends for extended periods of time-they are still on my heart and I still feel close to them...I guess that's actually not as normal as I thought-and I should be thankful for that kind of Grace.

Of course, that doesnt stop me from spending two hours ( off and on) trying to find cheap tickets to New Zealand this morning. ( nothing under $1,500USD at the moment)

September 27, 2005

I've never been so happy to hear my own voice...

I just called my apartment ( for the hundredth time) and...the answering machine came on! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEAN?!?!

Abigail so gonna sleep in her OWN BED tonight!

blessed with brothers....

I think I've been really lucky. God didnt give my parents boys instead they had two girls...leaving my sister and I without brothers. Lots of people seem to without brothers realitively well...but I've been lucky, I was given brothers in other ways.
First off, I have two really great cousins, Joel and Ryan, who have taken on the position for years...I learned tons from them...and, even now, I absolutely LOVE to give Ryan girl advice ;-) ( not that I am very good at it!)...they have both given me great personal insight into the minds of boys-often in very funny ways...

In later years I was given a brother-in-law which was also great fun...and I also gained HIS brothers too...which has brought added blessing as well. A week or so ago, I got to do a very sisterly thing with Thomas, one of those extra brothers.
I went engagment ring shopping...
I dont think it really hit me, what amazingly special thing it was, until he was standing there pouring over two diamonds trying to decide which one was was a guy who had taken a crash course on engagment rings in the past few weeks and by this point in time he knew FAR more than my sister and I on the finer points of jewlry and diamonds. In fact, I am pretty sure I was useless when it came to advice-but I was glad he let me be a part of that last decision moment-

So, I was standing there looking at him and I realized I was getting to see the "guy" perspective of engagment. As a girl, if I'm lucky, one day I'll get to see the end result of this preparation time...but, I dont know if I will have thought about what went into it.
In this day in age where feminists are on constant rampage to get more "power" and be considered more and more "equal" with our male counterparts....its easy to forget the place of the husband and the real JOY there is in their leadership.
( I am personally looking forward to "submitting"...but thats another story)

As I watched Thomas pouring over those rings I realized it was just the beginning in decisions that he will have to make, decisions where he puts Katie's wellbeing and happiness above his own.-one of the many SIDES to a girl I have always focused on the wife's place in the whole partnership, and as a Christian seeing the importance of having God be the guide in our side of that partnership-but, OH, how important for the husband to seek God in all things! ( I could SO get all "preach-y" here about the importance of marrying someone who loves God more than they love you...but I know you've all heard me rant about that before)

But, here I was getting a visual lesson of the Husband's role....
It was really a beautiful moment and I am SO excited for both of them as they enter into this new Beginning.
Oh, the joy of a marriage where God has blessed both parts with His love and help!!
Congrats to Thomas and Katie...may the Lord bless them with His wisdom in all that they face together!

September 26, 2005

what's in a name?

So, as you know I work for a four different doctors, with two on each week, alternating weeks...all of these doctors have very different personalities...which, in my opinion, makes my job more fun/challenging.
One of my doctors calls me Abbey-Lou...or anything that might, he called me Abbey-Goo by accident. He laughed and laughed. And then he said I should be grateful it wasnt Abbey-Poo.
I guess so. :-P
Another doctor has given me ( just today) two bottles of water, a large sprite from Dairy Queen and a can of Diet Coke...because apparently " you need to Hydrate."
I wont even TELL you how many times I've had to pee today! hahahaha

I am NOT going to annoyed that nobody's commented all day....I am SURE you people have something better to do than comment :-P

dont touch me

No Electricity.

The lasting effects of Hurricane Rita on my life...that's about it.

But, last night I thought I was going to DIE of a heat stroke....seriously, I was lying on my sister's couch trying to not touch my body to anything, difficult unless you are levitating...which I dont have that particular talent.
Anyway, I have a feeling-with the odd way that our town is turning electricity back on ( two houses next to each other and one will have power and the other will not)- I figure my particular apartment complex will be one of the last to get it back...afterall, we ARE the ghetto...and ghettos are usually towards the bottom of priority lists ;-)

Anyway, the great joy of today was taking a shower...and washing my hair....its great to have long hair and know, that when you wash it, it will be wet for several hours....which has a great cooling effect. seriously, wonderful.
Of course, i told my sister when we were moving a mattress into the livingroom, last night...that I was going to "cut it all off"...of course, that was when it was sticking to me in the hotness that was last night.I am fickle.

Work has been crazy today, having to write out preliminary diagnosis on every patient because the computer system is down...meeeeh.....buuuut, there is internet and air conditioning here, so if they need me to work late tonight, I just might make that sacrifice. ;-)

September 25, 2005

on that note

I was JUST talking about the need to speak to some of my friends...but let me just tell you, those of you that makes me generally a million times happier and more connected with you...sad to say, but my NZ friends who blog-even infrequently-I feel closer to you than I do many others....Annnywho, It has come to my happy attention that David has joined the ranks....YAAAAAAAY! I miss Dave Pom so its SOOOO gooood to know I may actually get to read his thoughts in the near future ;-)


Bare with me...this may be an odd post...but, then I think I should get points for posting AT ALL the day after a freaking hurricane came through my town! :-P

So, at like 6AM I woke up because of the storm...and I have to admit, looking outside into the blackness...the wind....the rain....I got sorta scared. But, you wanna know what really comforted me? Well, praying obviously...but as well as praying?
My cell phone. For one thing, in the pitch blackness it was a great flashlight when I flipped it open...but also, as i clutched it in my little palm...I felt comforted, I felt "connected". And,, it hasnt been working very well...the tower is really really crazy and is working sparatically...and to tell you the truth is put me in an odd mood. I feel TOTALLY out of touch and out of control.

On that same sort of line, I know that a lot of people think of me as a total "writing" sort of person- which I am in a lot of ways...however, I do some of my very best communicating actually talking...I know that sounds dorky and totally obvious, but its true! And I have to admit, I am having trouble NOT talking to certain people-I feel totally out of touch and upset when I dont get that actually back and forth talking thing going on with them...I think its because I talk about complicated things with them-things that I find it hard to explain in the writing format....aaaannnnywho, I miss my friends that are far away! Which is, sadly, a majority of my friends!
My sister has been getting calls from friends all day asking her if she is ok...and, well, I KNOW my friends love me...and probably worry about me sometimes...but, it stinks that they live on the other side of the world, or in some cases...closer than that...but still out of state :-(

OK, I promise to stop this pity party now...its over....we can move on now

September 23, 2005


Originally uploaded by abigailsday.
Here's the picture of the grey sky....I thought it was cool...

Eric, Wesley,Brett and K.J.

Those are the names of the tech support guys that Katie and I talked to at SBC internet connection....I know, its sad that it took four guys and four different calls ( plus one hang up) for both of us to get online...buuuut, now we are....

and here I am....waiting for things to happen....waiting for Rita to hit.

Katie and I sat outside on our balcony for a long time, looking at the is beautiful. which, I have a feeling will be really ironic later when something that beautiful causes lots of damage.....
but until then, we took pics.

At The moment:
Katie is sitting on our patio furniture in the kitchen, whilest knitting....*i* on the other hand am sitting on the floor leaned up against the dishwasher ( because I was talking on tech support...and as we all know the wireless phone makes weird noises in my bedroom).

This afternoon, Katie and I went to the Expo Center where there is a shelter set up for the Animals of evac we spent several hours playing with puppies and kitties, cleaning out their cages, giving them water, taking them for walks, and talking in that particular voice reserved for talking to babies and was great fun, and all the animals were adorable....all sizes, all types, all characteristics....

I am going to go finish my episode of Lost before the electricity goes out or something.

on a random note...

Yesterday-between throwing up- I watched more of the first season of Lost...more, as in, eight episodes in one day. :-P
And can I say, it was wonderful! I love this show....and, the episode where the black lady ( because i dont know her name) prays with Charlie...I almost was really really touching.
So, if you are like me, and dont ever watch TV...and have never seen this show, go rent the DVD...its great. :-)


Ok, so this hurricane is apparently going to go right where my brother-in-law is....meeeeh... I hope he is going to be kept safe...everything is worse because we cant contact him. :-(

I have to go to work tomorrow "if its safe to drive"...I dont know what to expect at all, all i know is that one of my doctors is moving his family into the Reading Room....
All gas stations have no gas, all stores are out of all necessities plus random stupid stuff that really, people could do without....there are cars coming from every direction, people stranded on the side of the road...bumper to bumper traffic....the hospital is full...and the storm hasnt even hit yet.
It is crazy pills.
AND my tummy hurts. 12oclock cant come soon enough so I can go home again. I liked it better when I didnt know what was going on. meeeeeh.

September 22, 2005


Originally uploaded by abigailsday.
So, I thought the light coming in my window was really cool this morning....and I also realized I hadnt posted a pic in a, here I my room....well, my feet anyway....

Now, you know what *i* will be looking at all day....meeeeeh

Don't Move.

I am NOT going to move this least for a little tummy still hurts and my head still hurts.
Its strange, though, because I havent actually thrown-up...not that I WANT to...its just sort of anti-climatic....
So, its lucky my laptop was right next to my bed and I could just lean sllooooowly over the edge and grab it ( even that was an effort). Its also lucky that its my day off....and while I would LIKE to clean the apartment a little bit....and do some other odd jobs, they can technically, if there was going to BE a time to be would be it.

My sister is borrowing my car today too, because she has to go to Center for her job ( something she has to do most weeks) but today she has to go To Center, then Back to Nacogdoches, and then To Center again....annnnnd....her car doesnt have air-conditioner at the moment. So, being the good sister that I am, we switched cars for the day. Of course, I am not THAT good of a sister, because she is going to fill my car up with gas in center ( its cheaper there, another good reason why Paul should really get that job there, God.)

Speaking of Lucky, last night i didnt go to church, because I couldnt move from the horizonal position I was in.....but it turned out well, because Carmi called and we had the BEST chat...and the BEST prayer time ever. *sigh* God, is so incredible when it comes to perfect plans....and then I felt bad for being so horribly upset that I couldnt talk to Emma or Lydia on their usual calling nights.....i dont know about you, but sometimes I can actually FEEL myself getting insecure and clingy....and its like, my normal self tells my other self, "hey, you are totally getting overbareing and dramatic! your friends love you so stop being so annoying!"
But, sometimes I stop listening to that voice and I feel sorry for myself....ugggg....I dont know how any of you put up with me ;-)

So, thanks everyone for sending out well-wishes for the anti-hurricane movement. To tell you the truth, Katie and I dont have TV and so we technically have NO IDEA what is going on- I am sure she will learn stuff at school today, but seriously, something could hit today and I would know nothing....apparently gas prices are out of control and Wal-Mart is entirely out of Water and Bread ( what is it about disasters that makes people really need a sandwhich?!)....but this is only hearsay...because I've been in bed for the last...long period of time.
Meh, I am sure everything will be ok.
And yes, I am SORRY, Mama, for using tainted facts-it was just so much more useful for my storytelling skills for you to want to be a boyscout....and yes, Eagle Scout IS better....and yes being Cheerful IS harder.....bonus points for my mother.

Katie and I got our very first Bill for this apartment last night-$100.22 for our electric bill....wooooooa, is that a lot? It made me want to go turn off all sorts of things-but then I realized that the air-conditioner and the tv were the only things running at the time ( plus our ceiling fans)...and well, those are both necessities....*sigh* Katie and I were sad that our little "fake world" where everything had been realitively free was now over....

Isnt this blog fun? I feel like I've been writing forever, but I probably havent...its just once I stop writing....I just lie here and think about wanting to throw up.....

Ok, so MORE NEWS: A few days ago I got one of those "mass what I am doing now" emails from a friend, I think I mentioned it in a blog a few days ago, too....and I replied to it-because the person said they wanted emails....which got me thinking, I send out mass emails every so often....usually when my address and phone numbers change so that people can find me ;-)...but anyway, when I do that, I always ALWAYS ask for people to reply and tell me how they are....
people never ever do.
Why IS that???? Is it because its a mass email, and everybody thinks "no, they arent actually talking to ME."??? Is that why? Or do people just not write emails anymore?? -I am, of course, referring to those people you NEVER hear from...not your everyday email buddies....
Anywho, so I had one of those Do Unto Others...moments and I emailed the person back....and then they emailed ME back...and, well, NOW what do I do?!?! I seriously, never really had anything in common with this person.....oh, well, I've always been a good talker....and I suppose I can ramble about myself for a while....and if they want to reply they can, that is the wonderful thing about emails-you dont have to reply, and it is, for some reason, not nearly as awful when people dont return emails as it is when they dont return phonecalls.....its not as personal. Ahhhh....the electronic age! it lets us be so heartless! ;-)
The moral of the story is, reply to mass emails, everybody loves mail...and if they took the time to write that LONG email, even if it was to all those can reply with a little one will make them feel better ( if they are anything like me) and everyone likes feedback...everybody likes comments on their blog, everyone likes phone messages on their answering machine, everyone likes emails, everyone likes cards in their mail box.
These are facts.

So, thanks to everyone who has provided one of the above for me....I loved it. Seriously.

September 21, 2005


I left work thirty minutes early today...
I feel tummy hurts, my head hurts.....meeeeeeeeeeh.....AND I dont get to have either of my phone dates with my girls this week.

always be prepared

My mother always wanted to be a boyscout, and today I reeeeally wish I was.
Seriously, I got up feeling waaaaay sleepy. For some reason, wednesday mornings are always the tirest. This morning, I was going through my morning routine rather well, I mean, I was slower than normal but nothing really stupid had happened yet, UNTIL....I took my milk out of the microwave ( I like to heat it up a little bit before putting it in my coffee) and then I dropped it and a little spilled into one of the stove tops...soooo, I set the majority of the milk on top of the other stove top element while I was cleaning up the one I had spilled on....I decided to reeeeally clean it, because the thought of "heated up milk" on the element wasnt good. Anywho, long story short I got overvealous with my cleaning of ONE element, and hit the milk to land ALLLL in the OTHER element. *sigh* That took a while to clean up.....

THEN I got to work this morning to learn that the latest hurricane to grace the ocean is even BIGGER than the last...and it will probably hit texas. Now, I have to admit, I am totally an optimist at heart...and listening to my Doctors talking about buying water and other such things was odd. But, then it got me thinking....maybe I realyl SHOULD be a little more observant...and possibly do something to prepare for the worst.

P.S. I've also lost my lips are DYING of thirst at the moment....meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh


On other nonrelated news, my internet/blogging presence reached an all knew crazy yesterday when I actually MET an internet friend. *sigh* I know, I never thought I would be one of those people either...but, according to Katie, its really quite normal. Yes, all of you dear readers-of-comments who emailed me yesterday to ask how things went with "the stalker"...turns out Paul is totally normal and I talked to him for a very long time and had good fun in the process-seriously, I didnt see any odd pictures being taken and he didnt follow me home! ahahaha. No, seriously, it was really nice...though odd that I sort of already knew him...without having never seen him before. Its also odd knowing that I am writing abouting it with full knowledge that he'll read it... and now know that he's been labeled the stalker. Sorry, Paul, i think you had it coming ;-)

September 20, 2005


So last night I got really homesick for New Zealand. It happens sometimes, usually I dont mention it because...well, its not really worth mentioning. But last night I got homesick because I was Writing ( as opposed to the lowercase version) and I was using one of my own personal experiences as a setting- which brings me to the difficulty I find with all of my writings..with my blog I am usually releasing I pretty much always feel better when I finish-but with this new kind of "fiction writing" I actually have to BRING THINGS BACK UP. Its like I am reliving things for the sake of the emotion I need to write about it. its strange.

So, I am trying my hand at fiction, right? But its BARELY fiction...its pretty much just my life with some hindsight mixed in. I am also combining people I know, changing them up to create something more "managable"...anyway, the major problem I am having at the moment is with names....Because every character is very-much based on someone I know....Its hard to come up with names that fit. I mean, the main character....its me...but better looking ( hahaha...I'm kidding) and what do you NAME yourself other than your own name? In fact, I am sort of self-conscious about it, because I know anyone that knows me will know this character is me...and they'll THAT'S what she would like to be called!!
Anywho...maybe you guys could help? If you could have of a good "main character" name...what would it be?

In other news, I've been having good fun as of late looking at pictures on the website flickr where people post their pictures...I especially liked this set of pictures. Of people on the Subway its a great way to pass some time people watching! it inspired me to:
A. Go take some random pics of people
B. Go to New York

September 19, 2005

working girl

Sometimes I see myself through 10 year-old eyes...MY ten year old eyes to be exact. I was coming out of my apartment on my way to work this morning holding a piece of toast in one hand and my coffee to-go mug in the other and I thought.
"whoa, I am a grown up!"
For some reason, when I was little getting up in your own home, making the coffee yourself ( because even when I was older and drank Papa always made it) and going to work was really the epidomy of working women.....but today as i came out of my apartment fulling the definition, I changed it to "working girl"...because, even if I DO meet all the criteria...I really dont think I'm quite grown up just yet. ;-)

This weekend Anna and I went to Houston. It was good fun, I did some shopping spent know the drill. ;-) While we were there we saw the movie Just like Heaven...I give it two thumbs up for fulfilling everything a "fluffy" movie should be.

I am working the mornings this week ( meaning I get off work at 2PM)-except for today, I am working all day today ( which was a suprise...due to an emergency with my co-worker****) anyway, because of this particular work schedule I am going to MAKE myself write in the afternoons...hopefully until at least 4PM. * sigh* making the schedule to do something is half the battle. ;-)

Started watching the first season of Lost on DVD, with my sister and Mom this weekend. We've watched the first four episodes. Its a pretty good show, but I can see how it will quickly run out of steam. Apparently the creator of the show is the same guy who came up with Alias and ( some other show I cant remember)...both of which were also really great the first couple of seasons and then...became not so great. I will be interested to see what happens to THIS particular show-but for now...I definitely see what all the fuss was about :-)

In other news, the baptism service was wonderful last night. It was truly beautiful. I have to say, it doesnt matter HOW many such events I go to- I will always be overwhelmed with the Grace of God-that He died for each of What really struck me at this particular service:
The last few baptisms I've been to where in NZ-they were wonderful, and especially great because at each of them I saw dear friends getting baptised. In contrast at this particular event, the three people getting baptised were young...not even in high school young. How wonderful that they are growing UP as Christians! I realize that that doesnt mean they will not face difficulties and mistakes in the future-but I dont think we appreciate the power of God's protection over His children...and for them to grow up in that is a wonderful thing. Oh that they would put to shame the strong and powerful of this world!

September 18, 2005

Write a letter or something...

Now, I've got some great stories from this weekend....mostly staring my sister and I. I swear, if TV is going to continue with this horrible reality tv obsession than they should at LEAST do a TV show with my sister and I. We are really funny. :-P

Anyway, so I've got some good stories, but they are going to take some tweaking to put them into written form and still be funny....and to tell you the truth I cant be bothered at the moment....
The moment:
The curtains are blocking out the late afternoon sun as I lie here in my PJs listening to music contemplating taking a nap.

Just wanted to say....I got a cool email from one of those old high school friends who you suspect you would like even more now....its strange when you read those sort of emails...because *i* send out those emails too...I wonder what people think of me? people that just read my blog or read my mass emails-but who I rarely talk to? Its strange because *I* am in charge of creating my own picture of myself...creating a picture of my life now...a life that they may never actually see...but a life they can create in their mind because of how I discribe it.
I wonder if I do all of this justice?

I got a cool email from a friend who writes regularly writes me beautiful emails. She had had a really good day ( all sunshine and lollipops as she discribed it)....seriously she is such a good writer that *i* felt good too. It is such a blessing when days like that happen-the good stuff just keeps coming. Those days are like hot chocolate on a cold night...long after the drink is actually gone...the warmth is still there inside of you making the cold just a little more bareable.

Tonight is my church's baptism service. It is held out at Lake Nacogdoches....should be wonderful. I cant wait.

September 15, 2005

sitting on the floor.

Have you ever noticed that in your house there are lots of places you've never actually been? I really like to sit on the floor in random places in my apartment...last night I sat on the floor, by the refridgerator again ( I reeeeally need to get a landline phone) and I really enjoyed looking UP at my kitchen....In the movie You've Got Mail the heroine has to close her children's bookstore and in one of the "I'm depressed, look what I do" scenes...she makes herself a bowl of soup and goes and sits on the floor against the wall in her bedroom to eat it. I always found that scene really striking for some reason...
I suggest the next time you are reading a book or talking on the phone-go sit somewhere you've never sat before.

Yup, last night I talked to Sam on the phone. It was great fun....but something semi-important came from that conversation. He asked me if I was writing. I havent been...which brings me to a confession.
I was totally crushed -mentally, spiritually-last week. It was a horrible experience, and I made a resolution not to mention in much on my blog. And I dont think I'll break that resolution....but what I WILL say, is its been harder than I thought to move get back up off the ground, wipe off my knees and keep the fight of the Positive going. And guess how this particular crushing moment has been revealing itself? Strangely enough, I have been able to keep my mind undercontrol during the DAY....but I've been having lots of bad dreams...reliving the moment, having other, alternate moments occur. I dont really know what to do about it, but I do feel like the dreams are probably just a reminder that I need to spend some quality time praying on this particular subject....even MORE time....and I should probably give myself a break-this is going to take longer than I thought.

What I havent done in the past week is write. And I know I should...and Sam was a good friend and bugged me about it. *sigh* I am going to try harder.

On Tuesday I rolled my ankle while I was working out, and no I wasnt even doing anything that particularly causes such an accident...I was actually just jogging in place at the time...yes, I am such a dork. The weird thing didnt start hurting until last night at church...and its been really sore today. meh.

September 14, 2005

late night, hard afternoon

Last night, I was kept awake by the apartment that is right behind my bedroom....they were playing music really late, with the bass up really high....I was bounced in my bed until I finally went and slept on the couch until 3AM.

Lucky I wasnt working today, huh?

Today, I went to the animal shelter to look for my Kitty....I figured she wouldnt be there, but I hated the thought of her being put to sleep because I hadnt checked. So I wasnt so bad at the beginning...all the cats and kittens were really cute-but then they took me back to see the "strays" that had been recently brought in...and after discribing my cat to the lady she showed me a cat who was hidding way in the back of her cage where all you could see was her body and looked JUST like Kitty...and, well, even though it didnt take me too long to realize the face wasnt her's....this cat really looked a LOT like her...and it was really beat up...and wouldnt move.....I felt so bad for hurt my heart

After giving the workers a discription of my cat and my contact details I left....and cried and cried. I know its silly to care so much about an animal-but she was such a great cat...her love was unconditional. And I know my parents keep telling me she is with some really great family who is spoiling her a lot more than we did.... but that poor beat up cat is my worst fear for her....and plus, I miss her.

Uggg...I am going to cry again. I better stop this.

September 13, 2005


A.) Go to
B.) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year (Like Tricia, I also stopped at 20, partly because I can't figure out how to expand unnecessarily long posts in Blogger).
C.) Bold the songs you like, italic the ones you hate and star your favorite. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about).

Apparently I am too young for this particular game...they've only done listsup to 2001...buuut, thats close enough and I wanted to play :-( So here it is.

1. Hanging By A Moment, Lifehouse
2.Fallin', Alicia Keys

3. All For You, Janet
4. If You're Gone, Matchbox Twenty
5. I'm Real, Jennifer Lopez Featuring Ja Rule
6. Drops Of Jupiter (Tell Me), Train
7. Let Me Blow Ya Mind, Eve Featuring Gwen Stefani
8. Thank You, Dido
9. Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!), Blu Cantrell
10. Independent Women Part I, Destiny's Child
11. Again, Lenny Kravitz
12. It's Been Awhile, Staind
13. Stutter, Joe Featuring Mystikal
14. It Wasn't Me', Shaggy Featuring Ricardo "RikRok" Ducent
15. U Remind Me, Usher
16. Where The Party At, Jagged Edge With Nelly
17. Angel, Shaggy Featuring Rayvon
18. Ride Wit Me, Nelly Featuring City Spud
19. Peaches & Cream, 112

20. Follow Me, Uncle Kracker
21. Drive, Incubus
22 .What Would You Do?, Alicia Keys
23. Survivor, Destiny's Child
24. Lady Marmalade, Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya & Pink
25. Ms. Jackson, OutKast
26. Love Don't Cost A Thing, Jennifer Lopez
27. The Way You Love Me, Faith Hill
28. He Loves U Not, Dream
29. Butterfly, Crazy Town
30. Put It On Me, Ja Rule Featuring Lil' Mo & Vita
31. Family Affair, Mary J. Blige
32. I Hope You Dance, Lee Ann Womack
33. South Side, Moby Featuring Gwen Stefani
34. Don't Tell Me, Madonna
35. Get Ur Freak On, Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott
36.*** Crazy, K-Ci & JoJo
37. Fill Me In, Craig David
38. Someone To Call My Lover, Janet
39. With Arms Wide Open, Creed
40. Case Of The Ex (Whatcha Gonna Do), Mya
41. All Or Nothing, O-Town
42 .Bootylicious, Destiny's Child
43. I'm Like A Bird, Nelly Furtado
44. KRYPTONITE , 3 Doors Down
45. Fiesta, R. Kelly Featuring Jay-Z
46. When It's Over, Sugar Ray
47. Jaded, Aerosmith
48. Promise, Jagged Edge
49. Missing You, Case
50. Differences, Ginuwine
51. This I Promise You, 'N Sync
52. Izzo (H.O.V.A.) Jay-Z
53. Superwoman Pt. II, Lil' Mo Featuring Fabolous
54. Crazy For This Girl, Evan And Jaron

55. Nobody Wants To Be Lonely, Ricky Martin & Christina Aguilera
56. I Just Wanna Love U (Give It 2 Me), Jay-Z
57. One Minute Man, Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott
58. Danger (Been So Long), Mystikal Featuring Nivea
59. Only Time, Enya
60. I Do!! Toya
61. Never Had A Dream Come True, S Club 7
62 .Stranger In My House, Tamia
63. Irresistible, Jessica Simpson
64.Heard It All Before, Sunshine Anderson
65. The Space Between, Dave Matthews Band
66. There You'll Be, Faith Hill

67. Love, Musiq Soulchild
68. It's Over Now, 112
69. No More (Baby I'ma Do Right), 3LW
70. Turn Off The Light, Nelly Furtado
71. Ain't Nothing `Bout You, Brooks & Dunn
72. Play Jennifer Lopez

73. I'm Already There, Lonestar
74. My Baby, Lil' Romeo
75. Beautiful Day, U2
76. Austin, Blake Shelton
77. Southern Hospitality, iLudacris
78. Grown Men Don't Cry, Tim McGraw
79. Livin' It Up, Ja Rule Featuring Case
80. Loverboy Mariah Carey Featuring Cameo
81. I Wanna Be Bad, Willa Ford
82 .Who I Am, Jessica Andrews
83. Music, Erick Sermon Featuring Marvin Gaye
84. Contagious, Isley Brothers Featuring Ronald Isley
85. Don't Happen Twice, Kenny Chesney
86. Here's To The Night, Eve 6
87. I Wish, R. Kelly
88. It's A Great Day To Be Alive, Travis Tritt
89. I'm A Thug, Trick Daddy
90. One More Day, Diamond Rio
91. You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This, Toby Keith
92. E.I., Nelly
93. Dance With Me, Debelah Morgan
94. So Fresh, So Clean, Outkast
95. Get Over Yourself Eden's Crush
96. Hero, Enrique Iglesias
97. Most Girls, Pink
98. Oochie Wally, QB's Finest Featuring Nas & Braveheart's
99. Be Like That, 3 Doors Down
100. Hemorrhage (In My Hands), Fuel


Tonight is the first episode of the Gilmore Girls for the season! WOOOOO! I am excited. :-)


If you dont live in east texas...count yourself lucky that you, too, are not being ATTACKED by the LoveBug plague. Seriously, there are these tiny bugs that attach themselves to each other ( in a ewww sort of way)-hense the name and then fly around swarming nature, getting into your house....smashing on the windows of your car and on the the point of it sounding like rain-And, to make matters worse- if you dont clean them off quickly they will remove your paint rather than be cleaned away....Yesterday, Anna found three in her hair after having to drive with her windows down....and, today, I seriously think I swallowed one!

I think its stuck in my throat. meh.

Work has been waaaaaaaaaaaay slow today, which makes me just think about my day off tomorrow with more feeling. I. Cannot. Wait. To. Sleep. In.

So, yesterday, I was feeing a little down, and I didnt want to think about it-and the "not thinking about it" went all the way until 8:30PM when Lydia called me....and then I let it spill. Thank goodness for friends like these :-)

But, while I was talking to her in my room, on the cordless phone...I started to pick up conversations from OTHER phones...meeeh, it was weird and it is driving me to buy a phone for my bedroom-I ended up sitting on the kitchen floor ( I figured the fridge would block the "rays" ) while I talked...which cant be good for Katie's study schedule.
Now, I KNOW I should just buy one of those cheap five dollar phones at walmart...but I JUST saw the perfect phone the other day...and now its reeeeally what i know, those great old-time black rotating phones that you can see in just about any classic black and white film? The most recent one I saw was The Philidelphia Story...Kathrine Hepburn talks one...and I thought to myself...COOL! I want THAT PHONE! I'll see if I can rustle up a picture for my wish list...

September 12, 2005

while we are on the topic...

of me being a bit strange...

When ever I see "Pregnancy Ultra Sound" I always say the word "Preggers" in my head.

I dont know...

Alone with your thoughts

Havent been able to write today, probably because I am sort of "not thinking about things"...

But here's somethin' random...Here I was sitting at work, and my doctors had both been sent off to procedures...and so I was all alone in the dark reading room...and all of a sudden I just busted out with a stirring rendition of " What Child is This?"

I suprise myself sometimes

testing, testing, testing

You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.
What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.
What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.

What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

September 11, 2005


good things that happened yesterday:

1. I did clean house ( minus mopping...which I really hate to do.) and boy, was it satisfying...things had actually gotten pretty dirty. :-P

2. Our smoke detectors went off, which wouldnt normally be a good thing at all...except that it happened in the middle of the day, rather than nighttime...and the mantainance man brought his adorable three year old son with him when he came to help me...awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! cutie!

3. Katie and I put up four pictures of Sunsets from places we've been-they all go together so well, and look absolutely awesome in our dining area! :-)

4. After realizing how totally amazing the diningroom looked we got motivated to fill the empty space on our main living room wall....

5. We went to Hobby Lobby's half price poster and frame sale....and spent an hour deciding what to get and THEN we had the WONDERFUL help of my friend Mary who is working in the frame department there...she cut the poster we picked out and put it into the frame we had picked out as well...and in the end we had a perfect version of not only has my wish come true...BUT it was for HALF the price!
Katie and I couldnt be happier....

6. When Katie and I got home and put up our prize....we sat and starred at how blessed we are...our apartment is SO cute, and as we say...SO grown up!

7. While Katie was making me a crepe for dessert last night ( another GOOD thing)...I got a phone call from....THIDA!!! We had an awesome two hour talk...she answered all my journalistic questions about her life...and I have to say I went to bed last night praising the Lord and His mighty hand that He has so obviously placed on her life. It was wonderful to talk to her! :-) :-)

Now it is Sunday morning, and, you guessed it-I am at work....I wasnt in the best of moods after a horrible dream last night...but now, after mulling over the blessings of just yesterday. I can smile again

So today, I will draw near to Him.

September 10, 2005

"Providing excellent customer service"

After an afternoon of exploring how TXU Electricity, in fact, does NOT support their mantra of "Thank you for choosing TXU, we hope that today we can provide you with excellent customer service."
I had a delightful evening with my Mother.

We ate dinner at Chili's...we rented this classic of all movies...and we laughed quite a bit.

Good times.

Today, is now Saturday....I am at work..but I am looking forward to doing the following this afternoon:

Cleaning house.
Taking a NAP.

September 09, 2005

waking up.

I just got an email from a dear friend who said, "Where are you? Why havent you replied to my emails?!"

I have to say, I feel like I've neglected things as of late...but I'm back, or at least i am waking up from the bad dream, it takes a little while to get re-adjusted...but pretty soon you realize it was a dream....and now it is Morning.

And along this same illustration-this morning after I was awakened by my alarm-I was pour coffee into my coffee-maker...when I realized, I was pouring the coffee into the BACK....on top of all the WATER. It was a huge then I had to clean it all out etc. etc.
ten minutes later I came back to collect my freshly brewed coffee only to realize I hadnt plugged it back in after the cleaning event. meh.

So, sometimes it takes a little while to FULLY wake up.

Last night Anna and I went and saw this movie with Trinity and James.
Can I just say, that even though it was totally unbelievable, and the dialogue was totally was an EXCELLENT movie. See? I dont have to be a movie snob allll the time. Sometimes I can recognize a movie for what it is- good, escapism fun.

I think Trinity and James had to have been impressed by Anna and my ability to be REALLY prepared in a movie situation. We had smuggled in: A bag of Frito Chips, bean dip, two bottles of water, those really awesome soft sugar cookies with the really good icing and sprinkles that you can buy from any supermarket bakery...two SnackCake chocolate cupcakes....and some Spree Soft Chew Candy.

Is it obvious that we were a teensy bit hungry when we went to the supermarket?!

( PS. For those of you who were involved in the Q&A on Paul's conversion in Acts 9 on my comments sometime last week...there is some further musings on the subject

here....feel free to comment...I am sure the writer wont mind.)

September 08, 2005

Nobodies home...ever.

I've been trying to get a hold my change our coffee date to a later time, but looks like I'll just have to rush to get there since he is near to impossible to reach. I am only sharing this because I think people get their feelings hurt sometimes when they find it hard to get a hold of my parents, as though its personal. Its not. They are just not phone users. Ever.

September 07, 2005

Written as though just for me

Psalm 143

A psalm of David.

1 O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.

6 I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

7 Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

9 Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.

10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

11 For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.


Nothing like music to make a day better....

Last night I bought Shawn McDonald's CD Simply Nothing.

And at the moment I am listening to my new favorite song that I just bought off of itunes:
Brighter than the Sunshine, Aqualung

Right now I am hanging out with MSN messenger and the smell of coffee at Java Jacks.

Thanks for all the blessed encouragment in the form of emails and phonecalls....I truly have the most WONDERFUL friends ever....

His Name is Wonderful...

The Great I AM, Jehovah/Yahweh
The Lord will PROVIDE, Jehovah-jireh
The Lord who HEALS, Jehovah-rapha
The Lord is our BANNER, in battle Jehovah-nissi
The Lord is our PEACE, Jehovah-Shalom
The Lord is my SHEPHERD, Jehovah-ra-ah
The Lord is our RIGHTEOUSNESS, Jehovah-tsidkenu
The Lord is PRESENT, Jehovah-shammad
The Lord is GOD, Jehovah-Elohim
The Lord of HOSTS, Jehovah Sabaoth
Most High God, El Elyon
Our MASTER, Adonai
Almight God, STRENGTH GIVER, El Shaddai

September 06, 2005

Pillar of Salt

Dont look back....

At least that is what I am going to do about today.....seriously, I am giving today to the Lord.
-A horrible mess that I should never have gotten myself into.
-A flat car battery.
-A nonexistent dinner for my Papa's Birthday.

But, I have learned that *I* am not able to handle things well....but luckily God can....
-I got to hang out with my Papa on his birthday ( even though it was while waiting for my car to get a new battery)
-We are going to have Sushi for dinner...something he loves....

Today while my I was waiting for the guy to put a new battery on my car, the guy turned and said....I read about Abigail in the bible today....
I made some sort of joke about Abigail being "intelligent and beautiful"....and he looked up at me and said...."One things for sure, she knew how to pray..."

I've gotta say, I agree....and I've decided to be THAT Abigail....I am through trying to be "intelligent" ( and i wont even MENTION beautiful!).....and I am going to focus on just that....prayer.

May the Joy of the Lord be my Strength. May His Truth Reign.

September 05, 2005


I got up THAT early this was insane....but worth it. A good day all around. :-)

but, this brings me to the point of, isnt it INSANE how you are constantly being thrown new challenges? I mean, I came home with the perfect intention of going STRAIGHT to bed....but, looks like a big ol' prayer time is now in order.

September 04, 2005

Party Pooper.

I know, you wouldn't think I would be against parties...but sometimes I am. For instance, when I have to go to them by myself and then look for people I know among the masses....and THEN run into lots and lots of people I really didnt want to see....

Yeah, I think this will be the last year I even attempt to go to the Death to Work Fiesta. That party was officially over for me my senior year in high school.

Yeah, I know, I know...that was negative. But my point about the above is that something must have happened to me along the way ( in life) where I decided I didnt enjoy pretending to be happy about seeing mean girls and gross guys that I use to know. I think there must be something I didnt learn along the way-how to be truly genuine even in such social situations where you dont want to be and everyone is having those superficial " heeeey, how are YOU?!....greeeeat....greeeeat"
conversations. I mean, I really came home feeling really awful because I had just been soooo FAKE.

It WAS good to see the three people I hadnt seen in ages that I DID run into. So, Hung, Michael and Nathan....congrats for being people I had decent mini-conversations with, it was truly a relief to be normal with made it a not-so-bad experience. And Katie and guys are still the cutiest couple ever.

I was also bummed because I missed Darcy play. I hear they are continuing to get better....and I've always been a great advocacy for "better". :-P

In pleasant news.
Tomorrow I get to hang out with my parents, my sister and my brother-in-law...its been SO LONG since we've all been together. I am EXCITED. :-) :-)

September 03, 2005

from the comfort of your home

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Internet access in the home again! :-) Now, there is no reason to go to work.....besides how much faster everything is at work.

Today, it was good to FINALLY get a hold of Carmi-even though it took me stalking her at the Boy's flat.....which I guess was nice too, since I got the added bonus of saying hey to Samwise.
But, seriously, I am always SO encouraged when I am able to speak to friends at JUST THE RIGHT TIME. I dont know why it ever surprises me-but it does. In a good way.

Speaking of good....I recommend the thriller Red Eye I saw it this afternoon with The Parents, Anna, Thomas and Katie C....and I liked it much more than I thought I was one of those "girl power" movies....which, if you see it, you will know what I mean.....

I do have ONE comment to make though, after Cillian Murphy's stint in Batman Begins....and now this movie....he had better do a "nice" roll quick or not only is he going to be type cast...but there isnt going to be a child or a woman anywhere who wont be totally scared by him. Man, his eyes can be soooooo freaky....but I am pretty sure they are treading on that fine line between freaky and striking....and it seems every movie he is in they decide to focus on the freaky. So, Cillian if you are reading this....( AAAAAHAHAHAHAH!) I suggest you be a good guy in your next movie so that we can all comment on how hot your eyes are.

tears from heaven

as we all know "tears from heaven" is one of my favorite phrases and I use it on a regular basis in many situations and circumstances. And last night I used it and I as i said it I realized it had been a long time. TOO LONG.

Anyway, beside the light begining- I had a laugh filled dinner with my mom and my sister-

When I got home last night I had to try HARD not to think.
My cat has run away from my sister's house-which is where we moved her when my parents moved into the hotel. She has been gone for two days. I have yet to cry about it-I am trying not to think about it...but to tell you the truth, its just AWFUL.

But it got me thinking...
Have you ever had moments where you want to run away from home? I know I am being selfish about all the distruction and hardship that is going on at the moment- I watched refugees move into my apartment complex all day...its horrible to think what these people have been through-what they ARE going through.
I worry about my country. I think the way this tragedy has been handled in many instances has shown our true colors. Looting, murder...crime in general. Its horrible....

But, just when I was having too many End-of-the-World thoughts... I read this:

Ps 46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.

9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields [b] with fire.

10 "Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

11 The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

I felt better.

On another note:
As you may have noticed, I am still in Nacogdoches...because of various events I did not go to Cleburne this weekend... I was very disappointed, but I am sure it will all work out for the best. Which is why I hope I see everyone in town at the Americana Festival. And before you go....check my dad's article for this week out...its AWESOME!

September 02, 2005


So, today I was suprised by the day.

Has that ever happened to you? It happens to me ALL the time. You wake up, you make the coffee and you think about what you are going to have to face with the day.

I think this is why prayer in the morning is SO important.
I mean, there is NO WAY you can expect some of the darts that get thrown. Harsh words, unfortunate accidents, mistakes, fortunate coincidences, reassuring smiles...they can all come...they can come all at once...and sometimes it seems the good outweigh the bad...and sometimes the other way around. Either way, I choose for today to be in His hands. My path under His watchful eye. Otherwise I will be truly lost.

This is a verse I got for someone last week. I was really blessed with how perfect it was for them during the season they were facing-though I didnt know it when I gave it to them....

Yet, as the Today looms in front it speaks to my heart as well...and it is MY prayer for the morning.

Job 12: 22 He reveals the deep things of darkness
and brings deep shadows into the light.

On the radio...

As I drove to work today I listened to the news from Louisiana things just seem so out of control....far worse than just what a storm can do. God help us.

Edit: Sobering truthful stuff...

September 01, 2005

Once more...with feeling

Ok, so I just spent the last two hours-between bouts of work trying to write a post about yesterday....finally I gave up, deleted it...and now we start over:

As you may have noticed-it was my day off yesterday ( aka no post from me).
It was a good, productive day off because decisions were made...along with a huge marathon of DVD watching, a trip to the coin counting machine and the supermarket plus a extremely good time at the gym with my sister, really blessed prayermeeting at church, followed with a introduction to a baby squirrel and an overseas phonecall.

So, back to the decisions...actually looking at all I did yesterday, its really surprising I made any at all.

The first one was sort of spur of the moment decision-I am going to visit my Aunt and Uncle this weekend in Cleburne....I'll be sure to give Aunty D. my love from the blogging community ;-) I decided to take advantage of my long weekend and get out of town-even if the gas prices are out of control...I have a feeling they are only going to get worse...and besides......I need a change of scenery with some beloved people.

The other decision has taken a lot longer. Its sort of being ruminating under the surface for quite sometime...years even. In fact, its been going on for so long there is really no where I feel like would a backtrack for the record books...and personally i just dont have the time, and neither do you.
So, I'll just go straight to the "simple explanation."
I am finally feeling settled in my apartment, my place here in Nacogdoches. I was given a little shock a few weeks ago when I realized I might be here for even longer than I expected. But, the days following I have been repeatedly encouraged by how God has reinforced that HERE is where I should be-in ALL aspects of my life...very very much what I needed.
So, now that the settling is starting to take affect I have realized the importance of not being TOO comfortable. As in, being a bump on a log. Something I have definitely been guilty of in the past months. And after a re-affirming conversation with a Dear One I have decided it is time to make a little dedication to a particular passion of mine that I have never quite focused on like I knew I should. I am going to write....everyday.
And not just my blog and my journals...that's not really writing...that's more like talking in print. No, I am going to really WORK on my writing...
I dont know what it will accomplish, what it will lead to, or even what I will write...but I dont know how else to say it but that I really feel like I should do this...In fact, I feel so strongly about it now-that I actually feel like up until this point it hasnt been the right time. But now the time has come.

I tell you this, because I am kinda scared...for various of which is that I wont keep it up. I mean, I have never been one to push myself very hard...shoot, I didnt even do ASSIGNMENTS until the last the idea of making my writing back into something I do for more than just fun is....well....a big deal. It brings up a whole slew of super scary stuff, insecurities, fears doubts...which just reinforces that its probably the right thing! ;-)

All in all, its been a long time coming. And I think I am finally ready. Scared, but ready.