December 30, 2006


Emma and I just got home from Cleburne ( via Dallas) we were turning into my drive I thought...whooooa its been sooo long since I've been home!!

Really its been just a little over a day.

Yesterday was kind of long, though....had to leave Brett at the airport which is just about the most awful thing one can do. I mean, seriously, it was just NO FUN.

It was raining cats and dogs, which had delayed Brett's flight an hour, and after leaving him at the gate Emma and I got in the car....and we cried. Both of us. was all very girlie....but honestly, I'm glad I've got a friend like her that I can cry with and then eat comfort Cracker Barrel food with. THAT is friendship.

I'm tired and I'm wondering if I'm ever going to catch up on rest....I actually think I'm PAST tired....

December 28, 2006


I have the best friends in all the world.
Emma has only been here for a couple of hours now, most of which we spent sleeping, but honestly...just HAVING her here makes me feel BETTER about life in general.

December 27, 2006

hello? Anyone home?

Ok, I admit the blogging has been sufficiently less the last week or so, for me anyway, but its not like I've stopped all together, I've taken the TIME and the ENERGY to think up things to say ( however trite they might sound)......but I dont think anyone's reading-so I'll take this time to talk to myself.

A strange turn of events in the last week or so is that I've done precious little journaling...mostly because its extremely late at night before I have even had a I find that I'm actually TOO TIRED to pick up a pen ( yes, this is a new leve of tireness...I'm lazy, lets not dwell on this)....anyway, I instead have laid in the dark and had thoughts roll around and around in my head...and then usually I've fallen asleep and found that early in the morning the thought will pick up right where it left off and wake me up so that'll give it attention once more.
Its not restful.

And this is why I like journals, people. The words STICK to the page and dont wake me up in the morning!

I just filled out my 2007 calendar-putting everyone's birthdays on the right date...I like to put the person's age too because I'm not good with numbers. Anyway, its shocking how grown-up my friends are becoming.... everyone is turning crazy-adult ages like "25...and 26....and 27....and 29...whooooooa"
In fact, I too am supposedly a grown-up. And that's just scary.
Grown-ups make BIG decisions...and they're like "yeah, that's right...I just made a big decision, what you going to do about it?" with this amazing level of confidence.

Or at least that's what I always thought.

Now, I'm starting to realize most grown-ups are probably more like I know, making decisions and at the same time praying to God that its going to work out.

Yet, at the same time...I'm surprised at how confident I actually am about certain things. Every so often I'll be doing some really mudane task like waiting for water to boil for coffee or something, and its like I give myself this pinch as though to try and wake up from this life....but its real. I dont think I'm going to wake up....


Can you tell that I havent been writing in my journal?! This post is all over the place.

Picking Emma up from the airport in just a few hours! YAAAAAAY! I am sooo excited. Not just excited that I get to see her, but I always get this strong feeling when I have visitors-the sense of importance of the time we have together...that its not an accident, not a chance meeting....its PLANNED. Planned by God...and anything planned by God is very exciting, indeed.

December 26, 2006

random events of the past...while

Post Christmas day I'm taking a moment to think about truly what a wonderful holiday it was this year! I feel truly truly blessed. So, here are my highlights in no particular order...just the order that I think of them as I lay here, trying to get out of bed...

My favorite 'Christmas party' is the one my family has with Steve and Billie ( aka. the second parents)...its pretty much tradition that we just eat Christmas treats and open little presents...but its all very low key and I always ALWAYS laugh a lot! This year was no different and we even had carolers show up at our door at one point ( thanks Yerkes!) which just added to the Christmas cheer!

In the past few days I've played countless games with Brett's family. My personal favorite was Disney Scene it! ( which I got for my Birthday! wooo!), and the best part was that Brett and Josh were freakishly good and could pick a scene from Cinderella in seconds flat. cute.

This year, and I'm not really sure why exactly, but I feel like I've gotten to spend a little bit more quality time with my parents than in the past few years. This made me extremely happy, since my parents are also some of my best friends. Eating on Christmas morning, watching The Christmas story, and hearing Papa laugh and laugh, Anna speaking in third person when she really needed to make a point, sitting by the fire until your clothes started to melt off, watching White Christmas with was truly wonderful and I treasured every moment.

Last night, we went over to the Hibbard's house to say goodbye to Nancy, who's headed back to Mexico today....I realized as I was there, that in the years there hasnt been a Christmas that I havent spent at least a little time in the Hibbard house. Only by sheer coincidence did I make it there this year, but I'm glad I did...I dont like messing with tradition. ;-)

And, to be totally honest, I've spent every POSSIBLE moment that I POSSIBLY could with Brett...who seems to have only been here a DAY and is going to leave again on FRIDAY. *sigh* time really does fly when you're having fun. And I suppose its a really good thing that Emma will be here after Brett leaves so I wont have time to feel really good and sorry for myself.

December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas!

" For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all people,
a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to your people Israel." ~Luke 2

I honestly wish I could sing the following verses to you as they are in the Messiah...because, I think such words should almost be shouted or sung or SOMETHING. They're that wonderful!

But, here they are, my very favorite favorite Christmas verses...

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, [b] Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. ~Is 9:6

I wish you all a blessed Christmas, and may each of you know the personal part of the "us" in this verse....for truly He has come-and for each one of us!

December 22, 2006

the truth....

So, yes, I know that I should say something profound know, more about why Christmas is truly wonderful. The simple truth of the matter is that the Lord fulfilled His promises. For from the beginning, the people of God had been looking for the fulfillment of His promise, the promise of a Saviour. And then one day, and you know what, I bet it seemed like any other day... His son was born into the world....and His promise was fulfilled just like that.

It seems kinda simple really. Simple to the point of radiculous....I mean, its almost like God went OUT of His WAY for Jesus to have a truly humble beginning...I mean, a stable? Seriously? But, it isnt radiculous. Its beautiful. Its beautiful because God need not make a big to-do...He does not need to puff up and have a few parades so that everyone knows how important He is....nope. In fact, His son was a Nazarene. He was probably your everyday jewish guy, probably not much to look at....and for that matter, he wasnt particularly successful or rich either.
Yes, it seems that God didnt care about social status...or being politically correct....or being liked....or cool.
I am saying this because from looking at the Church today it is often very much concerned with all these things....and you'd think it was important or something.
And yes, I am going off on a tangent. But, the night that Jesus was born the only ones that got the memo were a few shepherds...and all the heavenly hosts ( I bet there was no keeping the secret there).
Its beautiful, really, because it reminds me that God does things completely and totally different from how we humans would do it. Understanding His ways are impossible...for we do not have the mind of God. So, what can I know? I can know that there came a day where a little virgin girl named Mary had a baby, and she named Him Jesus, and later He died for my sins.
Its that simple.
Its that Glorious.

December 21, 2006

my favorite.

This is my favorite advent the words, they're fabulous.

Come, Thou long expected Jesus, Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us: Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's Strength and Consolation, Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation, Joy of every longing heart.

Born, Thy people to deliver, Born a child and yet a King;
Born to reign in us forever; Now Thy gracious Kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit, Rule in all our hearts alone
By Thine all sufficient merit, Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

I just posted this whole post on Brett's blog before I realized I was signed in his account.

So, this afternoon, I was feeling a tad on the overwhelmed side....I think I have this weird combo of my parents two personalities...I live in happy optimistic denial for a long while and then once life builds up I then switch into hard core stress mode.

Anyway, long story short...I was hating it. I was hating the fact that there are fewer and fewer days until Christmas-one of the two most wonderful holiday celebrations of the whole year! And here I am stressing....So, I came home, washed dishes listened to some praise music and then once my kitchen was relatively presentable I sat down with a Christmas cookie and my Bible... and let me tell you it was like a breath of fresh air.

So, this week I've been trying to bring a little of the meaning of Christmas into each day...but what I could honestly do and be totally happy myself is to just type out Is. 9:6 every day and just leave it at that...because it honestly gives me goosebumps every single time.

But, I'm saving that...hehehe.
Nope, today I was struck by the opening verses of that chapter particularly the second...

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.

It reminded me of the Christmas Story that I had read outloud ( sometimes its good to read out loud even if no one is around to listen) to myself earlier in the week from "Corrie's Christmas Memories" ( as you know, its my favorite favorite favorite Christmas book of all time), I got to the Shepherd's account of the events that happened to them in the fields:

Yes, it was as if God had opened a little corner of the veil that we could see and hear a little bit of heaven. But then...they were gone, and it was dark," the boy went on, "so dark...darker than it ever was before. After that heavenly light the earth was so dark-so terribly dark."

I loved that. And wouldnt that be true? Just imagine you've looked straight into a bright light and then its gone...
It made me think what a glorious gift we were given through the Lord Jesus. We were given the Light.
Not, just in tiny little pieces as had been the way up until then...through the prophets and the law, the light would shine with promises for a brief and glorious moment and then it would be gone...

But, then the Light came.

And we have the priviledge to look back and see Isaiah's prophecy fulfilled....we know that that Light came to bring light to the darkness. I am able to sit in my kitchen and meet with Him even now. Because not only did He come. He died. And not only did He die, but He lives. And His light shines on permenently...

So, sure, I just went on a little tangent just now, but can you blame me?

December 20, 2006

por favor

okie as you know I've been putting off and putting off publishing the NHSAA website, because, ummm...the internet is scary and once its there, potentially ANYONE could see it...and thus see my lame errors and pitiful pitiful design ( see? I'm already crying)...and whoa. that would just be bad ;-)

Sooooo....I'm going to give you, my lovely readers the link to my site ( which currently only has an IP address so that its hard to find) and if you have a chance I'd like you to give me the worst of it...there are a few pages that I'd like to totally disregard because I'm still majorly working on them...
The New Membership Form
Brick Plaza
Golf Tourn.

The rest, feel free to bash me until I run away crying (oh, wait..already doing that)..because it would much much better to get constructive criticism from you than from...well, anyone else.


From the feedback I've already gotten and from looking at the site on various computers myself, it seems that the format, layout, and fonts change with each computer....*sigh* who knows how I will fix this...but keep those comments coming! You guys are very helpful ;-)


I am not really sure why I cant seem to learn my lesson. But why do I put off the things that stress me out the most, thus creating the inevitable "prolonged stress"?! whhhhy


Honestly, I'm not to quick.

December 19, 2006

Christmas-y truth

So, I watched this on recommendation from Elaine.. and she was right it's kinda cheesy but I was really blessed by the points it made at the end.

sorry its hard to watch for for those of you with dialup connection. :-)

Not what I Deserve

Nancy Drew has nothing on my observation skillz

So, last night, I'd been home for several hours when I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth...and the following events took place ( mostly in my head).

*glance over at the toliet paper*

"Whoa. I'm out of toliet paper. How could did that happen? I really dont remember using up all the tp..."

*Thoughts run wild that possiblities of how this happened*

"-I am sure no one broke into my apartment to use up all the toliet paper, silly."

"Wait! There is red dirt all over my white bathmat! Now, I know that I didnt track in red dirt on my three inch heels there is just no way..."

*I carry bathmat to the laundry room and pull out a new bathmat from the closet*

"Seriously, someone BROKE into my house, used up my toliet paper AND they didnt wipe there feet!! This is insane!"

*I put down the new bathmat and glance upwards..*

"WHOA! I have a new toliet!!!"


And yes, it was at this point that all the pieces came together...except for how all the toliet paper got used up-except to say that mystery plummer decided to TRY OUT the new toliet...which, honestly, that's just odd and wrong on so many levels.

The good news is that I have a shiny new toliet...and now all my friends and family can relieve themselves at my house with out great trepidation. Wonderful.

And may this story be lesson to everyone, leave you bathroom without anything embarrassing lying around because you NEVER KNOW when a rouge plummer might break in and switch out your toliet. I was lucky this time around...because let's be honest, the odds that I'll just leave my PJs on the floor where they fall is very VERY probable....I guess luck was just in my favor yesterday.

December 18, 2006

Oh Christmas...

So, there is no quicker way to loose just about all your Christmas Spirit than to try to do fast Christmas shopping in three inch heels. Not. A. Good. Idea.

But, the truth about next Monday is all in the Birth of a little baby...


Written in the year 1656.

by Henry Vaughan

PEACE ? and to all the world ? Sure One,
And He the Prince of Peace, hath none !
He travels to be born, and then
Is born to travel more again.
Poor Galilee ! thou canst not be
The place for His Nativity.
His restless mother's call'd away,
And not deliver'd till she pay.

A tax ? 'tis so still ! we can see
The Church thrive in her misery,
And, like her Head at Beth'lem, rise,
When she, oppress'd with troubles, lies.
Rise ?—should all fall, we cannot be
In more extremities than He.
Great Type of passions ! Come what will,
Thy grief exceeds all copies still.
Thou cam'st from Heaven to Earth, that we
Might go from Earth to Heav'n with Thee :
And though Thou found'st no welcome here,
Thou didst provide us mansions there.
A stable was Thy Court, and when
Men turn'd to beasts, beasts would be men :
They were Thy courtiers ; others none ;
And their poor manger was Thy throne.
No swaddling silks Thy limbs did fold,
Though Thou couldst turn Thy rays to gold.
No rockers waited on Thy birth,
No cradles stirr'd, nor songs of mirth ;
But her chaste lap and sacred breast,
Which lodg'd Thee first, did give Thee rest.

But stay : what light is that doth stream
And drop here in a gilded beam ?
It is Thy star runs page, and brings
Thy tributary Eastern kings.
Lord ! grant some light to us, that we
May with them find the way to Thee !
Behold what mists eclipse the day !
How dark it is ! Shed down one ray,
To guide us out of this sad night,
And say once more, “Let there be light.

Welcome back to Work

Well, so far work hasnt been bad at all this morning, of course, I still havent written my weekly articl for the newspaper yet, but I've got an "idea" of what I will say...and that's pretty much all I need to ramble on for 500 or so words.
Shoot, I do that on my blog more than twice a day ;-)

Anyway, this weekend I did sooo much resting. It was good and probably just what I needed since here until eternity ( or so it seems) is incredibly busy!! We're talking insanely so!!

In fact, of my two week vacation ( mmmmmwwwwwahahahaha! I'm sooo lucky!) I have a friends from afar for ever single day of it!! Incredible. I'm getting excited about all the goodness-but I'm finding Christmas holidays are becoming so very strange. Its like there is no more tradition. There's just newness. Not that newness is BAD, because its NOT. I'm just saying this holiday season is surprising. For instance, if you'd told me LAST year that I'd have Emma and Sam swapping off Texas Duty ( Literally, Emma leaves the day Sam arrives...I dont think they like each other! hehe) I would have been shocked. Come to think of it, I would have also been shocked ( and incredulous) if you'd told me that I'd be soooo excited about Brett coming into town on Wednesday ( YAY!!). I would have been like, "Whatever, he's just that dude I went to high school with who had the cool hair and the sexy voice who ignored me most of the time, big deal."
Well, no, I'd probably have been a little bit more happy than that-afterall, he WAS awfully cool even with the ignoring thing going on ( and I think he was just overwhelmed by my coolness, dont you think?)...
So, yes, a few months ago I wouldnt have known how nice my holidays were going to look...but here they are staring me in the face. But, you know what, I was thinking...last year I felt kinda lonely and sad-for whatever reason-and yet it let me focus on the Meaning of this Christmas Holiday.
And this year, well, I'm waaay more busy and I just pray that I do not loose that...that all the craziness doesnt leave me lacking in mediation. lacking in thankfulness for what "its all about" ( sounds trite, but its true..).

Today I'm starting my Meaning of Christmas, wish I could come up with a better name...anyway,maybe I'll come up with something better by this evening... coming soon the count down to Christmas.

December 17, 2006

a life? apparently not.

I just got this off of Briana's blog...

If you've seen over 110 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 240 movies on this list. Put your score in header and re-post.

() Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
() Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
(X) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story (Heheh, 80s!)
() Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane
Total so far: 6

(x) The Princess Bride
(X) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
() Labyrinth (80s again!)
() Saw II
() White Noise
(X) White Oleander
() Anger Management
(X) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 13

(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
(X) Scary Movie
() Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
() Scary Movie 4
() American Pie
() American Pie 2
() American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 17

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
(X) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 25

(x) Finding Nemo
(X) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
() The Grinch
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
(X) 13 Going on 30
(X) I, Robot
() Robots
Total so far: 30

(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
() Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
() KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
() Joe Dirt
Total so far: 36

(X) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
() Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
() Halloween
() The Ring
()The Ring 2
( ) Surviving Christmas
() Flubber
Total so far: 40

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(X) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
() From Hell
() Hellboy
(x) The Secret Window
(X) I Am Sam
(X) The Whole Nine Yards
(X) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 46

() The Day After Tomorrow
() Child's Play
() Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
() Nightmare on Elm Street
(X) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
() The Grudge
(X) The Mask
() Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 50

() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
(X) Lucky Number Sleven
(X) Ocean's Eleven
(X) Ocean's Twelve ( oceans 13 is coming out! Branden and I got to see the set in LA)
(x) Bourne Identity
() Lone Star
() Bedazzled
() Predator
() Predator II
() The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
() Curious George
Total: 56

(X) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(x) ET
() Children of the Corn
() My Boss' Daughter
(X) Maid in Manhattan
() Frailty
() War of the Worlds
(X) Rush Hour
(X) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 61

() Best Bet
(X) She's All That
(X) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
() Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 70

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
(X) Equilibrium
(X) The Skulls
(X) Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 83

() Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
() Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
() Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
() The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 88

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade ( talk about awesome movies!)
Total so far: 94

() Baseketball
() Hostel
( x) Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
() Highlander
() Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
(x) Three Amigos
Total so far: 98

() The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
() Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
() Monster
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
() Dawn Of the Dead
() Willard
Total so far: 100

() High Tension
() Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Hook ( another great classic)
(x) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
() 28 days later
() Waterworld
Total so far: 103

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
() Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
() Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
() Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
() The Hills Have Eyes
() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
() Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
Total so far: 104

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
() Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 110

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
() Animatrix
() Evil Dead
() Evil Dead 2
() Team America World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal

Total movies seen: 116

I would like to thank living in small town during high school...and then I'd like to thank my dorm in NZ for having satalite TV with movie channels for making my title of "one with no life" possible...some of the movies here it is reeeeally embarrassing to admit to seeing. *sigh*
Let's all go read a book.

December 15, 2006

you kids...

obviously cant handle the very long, very wordy posts....tisktisk.

So here's my day. short.

awoke. laid in bed. ate bread. took bath ( standing is too hard to do for long periods of time).
laid in bed. put on dress. wished that all pants were PJs then I wouldnt have to wear the dress. laid in bed.
got mail for work. sat in car to rest from walking to mail box from car. walked to school office to get key back. walked to my office. sat at desk for long period of time resting from long walk. made phonecalls. watched The O.C. wrote lists for next week.
Went home laid in bed to rest from "hard work". put PJ pants on under dress. laid in bed. ate leftover noodles. laid in bed. watching Devil Wears Prada whilest lying in bed.

December 14, 2006

darn, better yet...

So, I blame the vicodin...but I was waaaay more savvy with my words last you can go back and read that if you want. Of course, it was about that year...not this year....and this year was even better than last

too much is too much.

I'm hooooome!!! And while I'm sooo happy to be here with all "my things". I can see why it was a good idea for me to not push this homecoming too quickly! Its sooo much harder to stay still and in bed when I have all sorts of things I could do.

Also, the bathroom is waaaay far away now. *sigh* oh how awful it is to live in such a giant apartment ;-)

In other news, Esther and Christa were FABULOUSLY sweet today and in the midst of all that they had to do today ( take their last two finals!!!) they made me lunch! Honestly, I've got the greatest friends in all the world.

Aunt Donnave has gone home after taking care of me for days. She was truly a wonderful blessing to have as a nurse...and I still every so secretly want to be "just like her when I grow up"...

Now, I am lying quite still in the hopes that I'll feel up to going to Katie's house for a "relaxed dinner" this evening...I know, I know, I probably shouldnt push it...but I want to see Nancy-Cotton! ( not her real name) she's come all the way from Monterrey Mexico and she's been here since monday and I still havent seen her :-(
So, yes, lying quite still....

And I just talked to Louise...and she's MOST PROBABLY coming to visit in February 2008 ( never hurts to plan ahead)....and THAT'S Wonderful news...along with the prospects of Kristy coming to visit THIS february for a few days...I feel like my cup truly runneth over!

Maybe its the drugs, but dont I have wonderful wonderful friends?!

I mean, by march of this year I will have had visits from FIVE friends from around the globe. I was talking to Donnave about how very small the world has gotten and how really wonderful that is......I remember how very frightened I was when I first moved back to Nacogdoches ( aka. small town middle of no where) that I would some how "miss out" on all the excitment that the world-travelling bite had left me hungry for....but now, Two Years Later ( yes, two years ago yesterday I cried and cried and cried as I got on that plane in Christchurch New Zealand-pleading with God that He would somehow change His mind and not make me "get lost back in Texas")

But, God abounds in grace...and the past two years I wouldnt trade for ANYTHING....

I had to adjust to the grand USA living again-which is actually more different than one might think.
I came home to family drama that is usually only reserved for Lifetime Movies that you laugh at and say "things like that dont reeeeally happen"!
I was shown the Grace of God over and over again when I reached the "Limit" that I set for myself, thinking that I ABSOLUTELY could NOT go any further than that in faith...when I got to that point, there was just a little bit more to be had.
I dealt with homesickness for New Zealand well up until the middle of this past year...and then one day, God just TOLD ME that I couldnt go back in time and live that life again...and I realized in that moment, that I was ok with that.
And I was.
And a month later God graciously gave me a trip "home" to New Zealand through my generous parents.
So, I went back this time only for a visit, but it was just the way I would have it...and I realized all over again why I loved my friends so much. In fact, I realized they were EVEN better than I had remembered.
Which kind of leaves a little feeling of twinginess when you realize that you dont get to have these wonderful people "close by"...and that always kind of hurts.
But, then again, I have been given the most wonderful friendships back in Texas. I absolutely LOVE the friends that God has brought into my life in the past two many of them, people that I have "known forever"...but who I have re-met...and re-loved all over again in a much more delightful way.
This year God has given me a new job that lets me be far more creative and stretch myself to the point of stress...which brings up all sorts of new lessons about God...leaning on Him for ALL THINGS.
This year has brought a Bible Study of the most wonderful girl friends that I could have asked for...these girls have continued to teach me of struggle and victory and love and laughter..and I absolutely LOVE Mondays because of them.
This year has brought yet another new place to live...and this time all alone. But, its been fun...and perfect for all the things that life has brought for this period of time.
This year has brought visitors......which teaches all sorts of things about "being loose with plans" and even looser with ones personal time and weird ways of doing things...its all about being humble and realizing How far I still have to go to reach my dreams...and yet...along the way I've got GRAND friends to help me get there.
This year has brought pain. A pain that until a few short months ago I didnt really know what it was. And it was very very trying and I found that in moments of pain there is really just you. You and God. That's it. And that's ALL that is really needed.
This year has brought Brett...and while you might argue that he's only been a real part of my life for just a few months...well, you'd totally lose the argument because he's been around since early February at the latest...and he just WOULDNT GO AWAY. Thank goodness...and what lessons it has brought! I have learned more about myself and about the greatness of God from our relationship-through its many little stages- than I could have ever imagined one could.
This year has brought a greater love for my family who are really just my friends who also share the same strange genes...

Now, I'll share a little secret with you ( isnt this fun? when was the last time I had such a long blog post!!?)...when I was finishing up my last semester in New Zealand and I knew that God wanted me to come back to Texas I put a handy-dandy little time frame on that move. I decided that I would stay in Texas until March 2008...and that seemed really really REALLY far off. But, now its just around the corner. And I'm happy to say that I'm going to let my timelimit pass me by...without making a NEW time frame to go on. Its a lot LOT harder to not have set amounts of time to look forward to, and count down to (especially for someone who gets as stir crazy staying in one place as I do), but I honestly feel that if ANYTHING that last two years have taught me that the Plans that the Lord has for us are far far more imaginative and wonderful and hard and stretching and colorful and surprising and heartwrenching and fantastic than I could ever EVER conceve. Which leaves me here...on the brink of another grand year Post-New Zealand....and I am happy. Happy to leave it. Leave it where it has been this whole time.
In Thy Hands, O Lord, I leave it.

December 13, 2006

I cant.

I'm not going to blog right now because it would come out all wrong. But let me just say THIS about THAT.
I dont like recovery nearly as much as I thought I would.

December 12, 2006


So, I walked around the kitchen and then I went outside and took in the fresh air....I got myself some peppermint icecream. GOOD JOB, huh?!

Seriously, I am going to be better in NO TIME. Yay!

I should also be mentioned that I have a really sweet boyfriend who has worried about me tons...way more than is deserving.
My Aunt Donnve just called to say she's "almost here"
My landlord called to make sure I was ok because my car hadnt moved in two days ( this is semi-comforting since i DO live alone, and I guess it is good that you have people to go through your trash and make sure you arent dead.)


Peppermint Icecream is waaaay good.


So, I am currently holed up at my parents house, being waited on hand and foot. In fact, Aunty D is coming this afternoon to care for me further. Awwww....I feel so high maintance! Yet, at the same time...I I pretty much need people to bring me water and food and to change out the there.

Now for too much information! Ya'll ready?! woo.
So, my surgery went well, in that they did find a lot of endometrosis all over my ovaries and verious other places in my reproductive system ( ask to see the picture sometime, its amazing! hehehe...) However, the doctor felt it would cause more harm than good to remove the endo ( it would cause extensive scarring which would just cause MORE endo to so now we'll be going a more "agressive medicine" route to control the pain....apparently one way of reducing the pain would be to have children. So, I'm looking into that as we speak. hehehe....can you tell that i'm all loopy and drugged?! No? you mean I always make inappropriate jokes!? oh. nevermind then.

So, now I have some really beautiful bandaids on my tummy...aaaaaannnnd my stomache is all round and poochy because they pumped me up with air so they could stick the camera in and look around. hehe. Its really funny looking actually, and if it wasnt so incredibly sore I think I'd be tempted to punch myself in the stomache to see what would happen to all that air. My throat still really hurts ( it was hard to talk yesterday) because of the tube they put down it during the surgery....annnnnd I feel like passing out every time I get up for any reason.
Yesssss....recovery is super fun! All the lovely people who have prayed for me and come to see me and talked to me-thanks bunches. I feel very loved.

Currently my father is taking care of me-he told me to "yell" when I had dishes that needed taken out of my I yelled "Dishes!" in my raspy voice last night...I thought it was extremely funny at the time. It hurts to laugh. I dont know how funny it actually was...hmmmmmm....vicodin.

December 10, 2006


SooOOoooooo....I'm having surgery around 9:30am tomorrow morning to "diagnois" and this hopefully "remove" ( I shouldnt have put that in quotes! hahaha) any endometrios that might be aimlessly growing inside me at this moment in time. Anyway, your prayers are much coveted since I do have to go under general anesthetic...and that doesnt seem particularly cool.
Other than that I just pray that I finally know without a shadow of a doubt what has been causing me so much pain for all these months.

I am SOO thankful to have friends like you who havent told me to shut up or suck it up while I've complained for months on end. I am also soooo thankful that I have prayerful friends. It is a blessing that I dont believe I could live without ;-).

On a brighter note I became really nervous about this surgery last night when I thought of all the possibly loopy things I could say while on drugs. THAT scares me more than anything ;-)

I must REALLY write my newspaper article for work now, talk about waiting till the last minute! meeeh.


So, I sat down to have a quiet time and every single verse I read pertained to death.

Ummm...the evening before you have surgery, you start to wonder.... ;-)

But, since the mortality rate for this surgery is really not high. hahaha.
I will instead rejoice in the glory of the Lord tonight for this life is not our own. How beautiful that we could wake up in the Kingdom of Heaven without a care, a pain, a worry....its truly beautiful.

Has anyone read Daily Light for December 8th-10th?! Because seriously, its just STOCK full of good stuff...

I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far...
I go to prepare a place for you. I will come again and recieve you to Myself that where I am, there you will be also.
After my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God.

And, well, I'm lame so I can't help but quote the Lord of the Rings:

" Is this the End, Gandalf?"

"The journey doesn't end here. Death is another path. One we all must take. The grey curtain of this world rolls back and all turns to silver grass. And then you see it...."

"What? See what?"

"White shores and beyond...the fair great country and a swift sunrise."

"Well...that isnt so bad, is it?"

" No, no it is not...."

So while tonight I marvel at the beauty of a Death in Christ, I must also pray for a Life in a Christ...oh that I might Live it well.

December 09, 2006


Just got back from my little overnight trip to Fort Worth with the girls....I just looked at my journal entry that I wrote before I left,

"Things seem to be working out. Why am I surprised? I know you will go before us, keeping us safe. And above all may this be a time that is benefitual. Spiritually edifying..."

I can honestly tell you I couldnt have had such direct answer to prayer! Our trip was great-but not because it was "perfect" was great because I have never felt so....mortal....and yet I have also never felt so safe and secure in the hand of God.

The girls and I were driving along, I had just turned onto a different stretch of road and we were going at a fairly fast pass ( the speed limit was 70) when all of a sudden the car in the right lane sped up and past me, then swirved in front of my car ( almost as though he wanted to cut us off), in a split second we would have hit head to head, if the car had not fish tailed away, giving me enough room to move into the right lane...from which we then watched the car flip in the air several times before landing in a ditch full of water....

We pulled over to see the guy climb out of his then tons of cars had pulled over and we were actually in danger of getting all we had left to do was to drive on....after saying a prayer for the guy in the wrecked car, and a thanks for saving all of our lives.

Later in the trip ( this is lots less dramatic but still)....we missed our turn to our hotel and found ourselves in the middle of down town Fort Worth, not really knowing where to go or what to do ( the problem with mapquest, is that if you somehow get off your directions there is no way of really getting back except by luck)....but, by a miracle I was able to some how get my barrings enough to get us to a part of town that I "sorta" knew and then got us to our hotel by an alternative route....during this time of aimless driving, I had to turn around on a small side backing up, I saw that a car was parked on the other side of the road and I was aware that I wasnt going to hit said car...but then all of a sudden I heard a scream and I looked harder and saw that there was a women standing by the car all dressed in black...and i was seriously this close to hitting her....we made it to the hotel safe and sound...and you know, we really could have driven from Nacogdoches to Fort Worth without any incident at all...and I would have thanked God and I would have been grateful for his protection etc.
But, it seemed that this Friday night, He decided to SHOW us all the defenses and fortresses He puts up for His children...It seemed that at every turn I saw what could have happened if His hand of Grace had not been was as if He showed all the death, danger and distruction that might touch us at any possible moment- yet, we are His...

The rest of our trip was full of good fun, visiting the crazy "Winter Wonderland" lights place.....where we posed with "decaying Jesus and the Last Super"...ask me about this sometime. good story)....buying FOUR pairs of shoes in the right size! and best of all Thida and my time at Billy Bob's the Biggest Honky Tonk in the was absolutely fantastic, really and I'm glad I could share something so purely texan with her on her last night with me. ( I'm going to miss my little wife ;-) !)

But, ultimately, this weekend I learned more about my Savior and His love for me ( for it is undeniable that He saved my life several times!) and that made the weekend truly wonderful.

I am extremely tired. And my bed has probably missed me...

edit: Because things are always better told lots of different ways, I seriously recommend Christa and Briana's blogs that also talk about what happened....

December 08, 2006

bloody tired.

I know...profanity....but its true...I got blood taken this morning for my pre-op labs...and I should have eaten something afterwards which I blame on Thida for not thinking of and not making me do. BAD WIFE ;-)

Five girls heading off to Fort Worth this afternoon. I made us a "girls roadtrip" CD last night. And its great, if I DO say so fact, even if the trip is bad we can at least say that the soundtrack was good ( kinda like that "The Last Kiss" movie which was apparently horribly depressing...but I bought the soundtrack and its fantastic. Point Made).
So, pray that we have fun, more importantly: pray that we're safe, even more importantly pray that we're God focused.

In other news...I should be working extra hard since its my last day at work for a loooong while. Currently, I am pondering whether its possible to may an ENTIRE newspaper article about a past alum who's name was Silver Bells.


December 07, 2006

the countdown.

So, I was pretty sure that pain meds where not working AT. ALL when it came to my pain...until last night when I tried NOT to take anything for the pain...I laid there in bed and it just got worse and worse. I it was really quite incredible actually, and while I paid for it later ( waiting so long to take the meds) was also kind of helpful, since every so often you think, "am I just making this up?"

Either i have the best imagination ever...or I'm not.

So, I'm back to being excited about the surgery.

In other news, I've got no other news...except that it was sooo hard to get out of bed this morning, as in near impossible.

So, here's to accomplishing the impossible before 9am.

December 06, 2006

the latest...

Keeping the stress at bay with the happy help of denial! yaaaaay!
Woke up this morning with the funniest hair EVER. Honestly, I know I dont have to remind you how much I hate my current haircut, but another reason to add to the list is that I can’t do the following without very dire consequences:

Take shower, wash hair, go directly to bed, wake up, look in mirror.

My bangs where not sticking straight a visor. It was awesome, and for about two seconds I considered taking a picture. But, honestly, there IS a vanity line and I think that would officially cross it. ;-)

But, as funny as it was...its annoying...I've been doing the wet haired sleep WHOLE fact, in the past the best hair days come from sleep-dried hair. BUT NOW THAT HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM ME.
Also to add insult to injury, my bangs are starting to grow out and getting annoying. But, I REFUSE to get them cut, because I will not relive this evil cycle. ;-)

In other news, I need to write like three articles in the remaining days in the office (they are coming fast to a close). As per usual, I have absolutely no idea what I am going to write about...
good times

December 05, 2006

Deserving of the Day

Well, its definitely that time again:
Ten Little things that make me happy-

1. Happy endings
2. Lit Candles
3. The sound that heals make on hard floors
4. The window above the sink in my kitchen.
5. Pandora Internet Radio
6. Finding little notes randomly kept for no reason.
7. Pockets of winter coats
8. Old Yearbooks
9. curly hair
10. Cookie Cutters

out of sorts

I dont actually know what "sorts" are exactly. But, I really must be out of them!

It started yesterday afternoon, when Thida and I went to my pre-op doctors appointment. Thank goodness Thida was there, because we had to wait for a whole HOUR in which time we played a LOT of Hangman...anyway, after an hour of waiting they decided that there was NO WAY my doctor could see me today ( this brings me to a very important issue about how Doctor's offices are the only business that can be HORRIBLY unbusinesslike and get away with it. Its dreadful.). So, the lady at the desk starts telling me that the next possible day i can be seen is Friday morning. And so I calmly say that this is not possible since I have to work, and I'm already taking time off from said work to HAVE "surgery"....and that's when it hit me:

Ok, so I'm pretty laidback. I'm pretty fine with not knowing that many details, as long as I will "eventually" know some facts and details at a nice designated time. But, HONESTLY....Friday!?! So, the lady at the desk goes away to find out if I could possibly come in on Thursday morning ( I couldnt)....and after she walked away, I promptly start to cry. You know BIG tears that well up and make you blind.
And to be honest, I didnt care AT. ALL.
Because, as Thida so calmly explained it was ONLY RIGHT that I know what was going to happen to me with more than just JUST TWO DAYS to mentally prepare.
So, when the office lady who had only been "civil" up to this point came back and saw me with my big poor-me tears,she immediately changed her "I cant help you" tune and came up with a better game plan.

Thida and I then had to wait for ANOTHER hour for the nurse to come and talk to me about the basic procedures of the surgery ( I still have to go back on Friday to see the actual doctor).

It was dreadfully upsetting. And I'm still upset to a certain degree, and I dont even really know why...the surgery is really simple and I am still SOOOOO excited about having it, anything to get rid of this pain...

But, life just seems to be building up over my head and this morning I woke up worrying about taking Thida to Fort Worth on Friday...hoping that everyone who's coming along for the ride, would have fun. Wondering how we were ever going to get anything accomplished leaving at 4pm since its a pretty longish drive....

And then it seems that on top of that more confusing life decisions I've made in the last few months have all of a sudden started to become even moooore confusing... I dont trust my decisions...I dont trust my brain at all.



Is it possible that I am actually going crazy?!

Is this what it's like?!

December 04, 2006

And you wake up...

And you think. WHOOOA. What am I doing??!

I'm officially stressed, and wondering how things are going to turn out.

So much to do, so many problems to be solved.

But, you know what? Its December...and something to look forward to is the Christmas posts that will be coming the week before Christmas. Last year, my dear friend Tabitha came up with the most wonderful idea...she sent me emails every day during the last week before Christmas-each one a small devotion of the true meaning of the Christmas season. This year I'm joining in the fun...because it was absolutely one of the greatest blessing of the last Christmas season.

Thinking back on last Christmas...when I found myself crying on my living room couch in the middle of Christmas day...the lesson for the year was to get rid of all my past perceptions of christmas...and start afresh. Because, I dont know about you...but the older you get the more you're going to face the imperfections of life. I'm going to guess that everyone reading this has SOMETHING that they're worried/stressed/mildly disturbed over. And the very commercial aspects of Christmas has given this false perception of though magically Christmas is going to mask all of those imperfections-for one whole day. But, its just not going to happen.

But, the fantastic thing about realizing that is that I now long for the true joy of Christmas a whole lot more. Time off from work,Presents, Lights, Food, Carols... even family...none of these things are really going to do it for me.
The longing for something better will never go away, but changing the avenue of where I search for the answer to my longing...that's the difference.

And that is why this Christmas season I will be trying my very very hardest to meditate on the truest meaning of this holiday and then try to share those thoughts with you...

Of course, I would love to have more than just a week's worth of mediations to, if you have something that you would like to add, shoot me an email and I'll put it on the agenda and maybe we can get started on this earlier than the 18th! How does that sound?

In other news...its my last week of work before the Big Day. WOO! One week!!! Who's excited?! MEEEEEE!
Who has a lot of work to do before then?! Meeeeeeee!