December 30, 2010
And then tomorrow we're going for a little mini retreat with the other Navigator Leadership Team peoples. Two more nights that I must pack for.
But first I must do a huge MOUNTAIN of laundry and some how put away all the wonderful presents we got for Christmas, plus go grocery shopping. Plus plan a meal for the weekend ( I'm in charge of the first meal of the retreat so I better make it good.).
All this to say that I have a lot to catch up on that will probably NOT get caught up on until NEXT week.
That's right. 2010 is gonna be GONE.
I promise to write a really good recap of 2010. Stay tuned...
December 14, 2010
December 13, 2010
"At the end of four hundred and thirty years, on that very day, all the companies of the Lord went out of the land of Egypt." -Ex 12:41
It was fitting that I would read this today, because today-December 13th ( also, Billie Kinnaird's birthday...Happy Birthday Billie! ) 2004 I left New Zealand.
As many of you know, I had lived in New Zealand for almost three years while I attended the University of Otago. It had truly been one of the most wonderful, life changing times in my life. I had met amazing friends, lived in the most beautiful country in the world, and my relationship with God had grown like it never had before.
But, then, even with several opportunities to stay in NZ after graduating-God straight-up told me to leave. To this day I cannot remember exactly how He told me to leave, ( which is odd), but I do remember it being non-negotiable. I was suppose to go back to Texas. I was suppose to be there for my family. Period. Do it. Go.
I did ask God, though, if I could just stay in Texas for two and a half years. If maybe I wouldn't have to stay there forever. I asked if maybe after two and a half years-and I had done my "duty" I could leave?!
( I think secretly in my mind I thought I could come back to New Zealand after that amount of time..hehe)
And so I left and I cried and cried on that plane ride back to Texas....and you know what?! I got there...and...
it was awful. HAHA! You thought I was going to say that it was awesome, didn't you?!? Because that's USUALLY how these God-stories go ( all perfectly tied up in a bow all "testimony ready") ...but that's not the case.
You can ask my sister, and the rest of my family...but she and I crawled through THE hardest year of my life thus far-and that's counting the year that Brett was deployed!!
Every single day was difficult. And there were lots of times I just wanted to get on a plane and head back to New Zealand where it was "nice".
But, I stayed and we all fought it out. And during those hard times I learned a lot about God. In Exodus ( Exodus 10 verse 2) it talks about the plagues that God brings upon the Egyptians so that the Israelites will be able to tell their children and their grandchildren what God has done..." so that you may know that I am the Lord." The year of 2005 was a year of Faith Testing. And because of all the testing I was left knowing that, even when things are awful, and terribly sad, God is still God. And I knew then, without a shadow of a doubt that He was the Lord. I plan on telling Ransom this-and many other stories like it- in the hopes that, he too, will know that He is Lord.
So, time passed and I met Brett and we got engaged and we were planning our wedding for July 14th 2007. And then one day, I was doing my quiet time I was reminded in the tiniest of whispers-of the time I asked God if I could just stay in Texas for two and a half years. And the whisper told me to figure up how long two and a half years was...( lets all remember I was an ENGLISH MAJOR...math takes some effort! hehe!) And there it was...Brett and I were getting married and I was leaving Texas for good exactly 2 years, six months and ONE DAY after coming back.
Whether its 400 years or two years, or six months or one week...Time is nothing to God. As it said in Exodus, "on that very day"...not a day too early or a day too late-God called His people out of a time of slavery and despair.
I am greatly comforted by this lesson again today. Because there are a lot of things I'm praying for that have yet to be answered. And I may feel like we're unfairly suffering for 400 years like the Israelites. But I should know- we should ALL know that, when the time is right, ON THAT VERY DAY...God will act and He will show Himself Lord.
December 11, 2010
December 09, 2010
We've had Ranger School, 8 visitors through our home, we've had Thanksgiving and my birthday, we moved Jaymon out of the house and moved Hayden in, we've had one Christmas party ( and another one tomorrow!) and with each passing day Ransom gets older.
Anyway, if you're interested-you can go check out my recent "Letter to Ransom" on his blog.
December 06, 2010
While waiting for my meds I ordered a decaf latte from the overpriced coffee shop next to the pharmacy.
The barista was rude and not very good at her job. I was then a tad rude back.
I think she gave me regular instead of decaf.
The moral is that I am now wired and you should never return kind with kind when your coffee is involved.
In 140 characters...
I feel like the internet is constantly conspiring against my longevity, trying to get me to "nail down" what I'm about. I tried doing that in my "about me" section which you can find at the top of this page, but I'll warn you... I don't think it does my blog justice.
I'm reminded of Camren Diaz's character in the movie The Holiday ( incidentally, my new favorite Christmas movie) who's a Hollywood movie trailer maker and has the "gift" at making movies seem like blockbusters in 2 minutes or less...
I lack this gift.
Right now I lack the gift because I'm up at 3am having my 4 month old try to unclog my right boob. Yup. You heard me right. UNCLOG.
I'll probably have to go to the doctor in the morning ( the REAL morning, not this horrible fake one thats going on right now) since I spent much of yesterday in a shaky/ feverish state.... We are probably dealing with infection. ... Which is what I would like any new readers I might have to think about when they first read this blog.
But, sadly this blog is limited not by word limit or character limit... No, it's limited by my day. WHATEVER day full of military wife-dom, full of new baby mom-dom, or soldiers ministry crazy-dom has to offer, THAT'S what this blog will spew.
For instance we have a new single soldier move in our attic this weekend. I think I'm going to like him, because A. He's from Texas. B. He's currently reading chronicles of narnia. And C. He laughs at me and my husband's joke ( important in any type of relationship)....
December 02, 2010
And they were not fashion blogs by the way...one was a "family" blog, one was a "christian blog" and one was a "kids blog"...
They have obviously taken the holiday season by storm.
This seeeeeeems like a bad idea, people. But luckily I made a pact that I would NOT buy myself clothes this season ( from September to February) and so I have already saved myself from the probably VERY bad decision of buying such an item.
But, if any of my readers have any kind of experience-good or bad with jeggings...I'd really like to hear about it.
December 01, 2010
I ate my first advent chocolate.
I'm hosting two holiday parties this year. Don't know how that happened. I have not thrown a party since....ummm....gosh. Must have been J-Money's 30th birthday in July. Wow. That was a long time ago! So I'm making up for lost time by having a party this Friday night for a bunch of ladies that I know, plus any airborne soldier girls that I can get my hands on ( how hard it must be to be at Airborne school during the holiday season!) and then NEXT Friday I'm hosting the Leadership Team's Christmas Party.
We're doing crafts at BOTH parties. So I've been stocking up on my christmas cookie decor plus ornament decorating supplies...I haven't even BEGUN to fully think about the food yet. *sigh*
So yes, I say all that to say that this month is going to be busy-and what I really need to do is take a chill pill and remember just why I ate that chocolate this morning...
He is coming...
Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD’s hand
double for all her sins.
A voice of one calling:
“In the wilderness prepare
the way for the LORD;
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God ( Is 40:1-3)
November 30, 2010
November 26, 2010
Such times are, when I'm doing Face to Face calls with my parents...video phones. THATS definitely something I did not think would ever be real.
Having a "skype date" with Lydia and Paul in New Zealand...seriously, Brett and I sitting and talking to them as though they were in the room with us. Wow.
Taking a picture of a check and then watch it IMMEDIATELY get deposited into my bank account. This is just incredible.
Using Shazaam to name songs- hold up a device, let it listen to 15 seconds of a song and then it just TELLS YOU what it is!! That's black magic, people....
Streaming TV and movies to my phone and to my computer...in seconds. AMAZING
Looking up an address on google maps, then using the satellite to actually LOOK at the address. I know what your house looks like from the outside. Freaky.
And now, now I can go to my mobileme page and login and it will tell me where my phone is, and from the computer I can turn my phone on....send a message to the screen, even lock it....CRAAAAZY!
November 25, 2010
I feel truly blessed that while we are not able to spend such holidays with our family, we ARE able to spend it with "family"...the one that we have created during this past year at Benning has been hard in coming but I love them all the more for it.
Brett and I are currently watching Pride and Prejudice ( it seemed like a good Thanksgiving movie) and I'm feeling a tad on the ill side ( probably a combo of too much meat and a loooot of chocolate. ugg) and so I shall give you an extended list of things that I am thankful for:
The very obvious and yet most important: My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, to whom I owe my very Life.
My wonderful husband who truly does live out his part of Ephesians 5 every day. My son who is happy, healthy and growing every day. He makes our lives infinitely more interesting.
I am also thankful for- in no particular order...
Hulu and all that free TV. Cougar Town, Modern Family, Parenthood, Raising Hope, Glee, Castle, Lie to Me, Bones, Chuck and The Office
iPhone 4 and Face 2 face calls with "Spicy and Papa".
Papa Johns ham and pineapple pizza.
Burp clothes and how they ( for the most part) save my clothes from constant ruin
Diaper pails that save my house from being super smelly.
Angry birds the most addictive game. ever.
Oatmeal, which I only just recently started to like...odd.
My Bible, it is the Word of God afterall, what a blessing that I have it at my finger tips.
Ransom's bouncy chair and how much he loves it.
Swaddle Blankets and how they magically make my child sleep for hours and hours.
Pandora Radio-particularly the Glee station and the Christmas Classical station.
Red shoes, always make an outfit better.
Nail polish, especially "Commander and Chic"
Gilmore Girls on DVD and the familiarity of each episode.
Cupcakes, little pieces of happiness.
Mail, especially cards.
Facebook status updates-the best way to, with one glance, keep up with hundreds of friends at once.
Long phone conversations with my sister in which we talk almost exclusively about our children.
Reading Harry Potter with my husband, even the horribly awkward Book 5.
November 22, 2010
Its amazing to think that we've now lived in Georgia/Alabama for a WHOLE YEAR and for the first time in a long time we're not planning on moving any time soon. This is a new one for the army and us and I'm looking forward to continuing putting "down roots" so to speak-because at least in Army-world, three years is FOREVER.
But, this first year at Fort Benning was not easy. Probably one of my hardest-and Brett wasn't even deployed! Being pregnant was IN-SANE. And for some reason breaking into the ministry and social scene here at Benning was much much harder for me to do then at other places we've lived.
To add to that, in the last few months I've struggled with the ups and downs of motherhood....and so in a lot of ways 26 was one of the biggest years of personal growth I think I've ever had!!
As I sit here on the couch thinking about all my different birthdays I feel like this might be the most grown-up one I've had. Mostly because Brett told me "happy birthday" at 6am this morning when I was up feeding Ransom and I had literally forgotten it was my birthday....I don't think that's EVER happened ( usually I've very self-involved) so, for at least a whole moment....but then I wrote this blog post so I guess that covered that moment right on up.
Happy Birthday to me.
November 15, 2010
Yup. I know.
IT WAS HUGE.
Back when we didn't have kids we'd do what we now call a "date" all the time, we'd go out to eat, we'd do a little shopping ( strike that, we wouldn't have done the shopping because I would have done the shopping at my leisure during the day)...but now, now its called a "date" because now we have to get a baby sitter, and the fact that I've put on mascara makes it a big ol' deal.
And let me tell you it was wonderful, wonderful even when we came home to a SCREAMING baby...poor little dude was so exhausted from the screaming that he went right to sleep in his Daddy's arms before I could even feed him.
But getting a baby sitter makes me feel SO OLD. I mean, it was literally ( not really) just yesterday that I was a 16 year old girl going to some "old peoples" house to baby sit their child...and now its Brett and I. I feel like we're playing house or something and that someones going to jump out and yell, "JUST KIDDING!" any minute...
So, my parents and my sister and bro-in-law ( and I suppose by extension my niece too) are giving me a wonderful birthday present this year...
On Friday my sister is flying all the way from Texas to stay with Ransom so that Brett and I can go to Atlanta for a short little getaway.
I know it seems a bit extreme to some that I'd actually have to FLY a babysitter all the way from Texas, but to be honest, if they hadn't offered then I probably wouldn't be going! It turns out its hard to leave the little kiddo at home for a WHOLE NIGHT without me...but I feel it DEEP WITHIN MY BONES that I NEED this!
And who better to leave Ransom with than my sister?!? She's pretty much as good as the real thing ( minus the having to have bottles instead of me) and I know that I will worry waaaay less about Ransom because she's there with him.
Plus, he'll get some good Aunt Anna bonding time, which is important. :-)
Considering how happy Brett and my date night on Friday night made me....I'm pretty sure a night away is going to rock my little mommy world.
Of course, just to make life more "exciting" Ransom and I are both fighting off a cold. Well, I'm fighting it off...HE has it. Poor little dude. He usually sleeps for a good 9 hours straight, but he's been waking up every few hours ( probably because he can't breathe or has spit out his paci because of a sneeze or cough) and I have to go in and get him all re-situated. Its rough-but honestly, I'm glad we're at least pass the days when I'd have to actually FEED him every few hours at night! I just hope he's over this cold ( and that it doesn't get WORSE) by this weekend :-(
And is it true that if *I* take more vitamins than Ransom, by extension, will get them through his milk?!
November 11, 2010
Imagine this on a chubby third grader:
Sadly it took living a military life day in and day out for me to fully grasp the importance of this day.
At Brett's Ranger Graduation we were a tad bit late. ( What's new?) And by late I just mean we weren't early which is what you have to be if you want to find a seat at a Ranger Graduation ( just in case any of my readers are ever planning on attending one). Anyway, one of the major reasons for lack of seating was that a giant portion of the stands had been reserved for Ranger Veterans and their families. Anyway, after searching hard for a seat I finally saw a smallish space between two ladies half way up the stands, I asked them if my mother-in-law and I could squeeze in and they happily agreed. It turns out they were their in honor of their Uncle who was sitting behind me ( and deaf as a post) and who had served with the Army Rangers during WWII. As I talked to these ladies who had true respect and pride in their uncle and I then shared my own pride in my own brand new Ranger, I was struck by how little we have left of that. Pride.
Pride in the true bravery and honor these men have shown by serving our country during the wars of our past and present. I absolutely believe that that deaf 89 year old played a part in the life I live today. The freedoms that I take so very much for granted. And I believe the men, like my husband who are willing to do their jobs with honor and integrity are holding back unquestionable evils from taking place in our world today.
It makes me mad when people drag politics into today. It makes me sad when people treat today just like a day without mail ( even though that's what I use to do). Because, really today is about the people its about men like my husband, its men like the five Army Rangers who are left that served during WWII and who came from across the country to that Ranger Graduation last month. Its about the amazing women who are serving in our armed services who are spending huge chunks of their time away from their husbands, their families, their children. Whatever your current political leanings may be-one cannot deny that kind of sacrifice, that kind of hardship. And so I would like to say my thank you.
I am grateful for the life I live now, the life that gives me opportunity to daily see integrity and honor at work. I am thankful for my husband and the many friends who have sacrificed much.
November 10, 2010
1. I realized I haven't eaten in a restaurant in 2 months.
2. I'd like to spend some quality "down time" with my husband that doesn't happen after 8:30pm ( when Ransom goes to bed).
3. The above to things are just sad.
Last night Ransom once again proved he doesn't like to go "out" at night when he cried for like thirty minutes at our friends Jeremy and Aurora's house...but then I bounced him on my knee for another thirty minutes and he did this:
And that cuteness is now three months old...where did the time go?
I've definitely turned into a full blown stereotypical mom. For one, I'm still in my workout pants from my morning walk...and its 2pm. Stretchy pants are SO GREAT. ( <- That link is INSANE I don't know whether to laugh, cry or buy some...)
I also noticed that Brett and I talked waaaay too much about Ransom at dinner last night. It was embarrassing...and yet, WHAT BETTER TO TALK ABOUT?!?
And now Brett and I are getting scary close to being one of those sad couples that don't go out on dates. I can handle the stretchy pants, the incessant talking about Ransom ( because that's fun) but we really HAVE TO go out on a date. For my sanity.
November 04, 2010
First off, I'll back track and remind you of the post I wrote on Sunday where I was pretty upset about how things turned out when I went to Bible Study. And I'm not gonna lie. I was actually mad at God about it. I seriously thought...whhhy would God not answer my prayer to help Ransom be all calm and awesome at Bible Study so that I could be a part of it and learn and grow?!? I mean, doesn't that seem like a prayer right up God's alley to answer?!? But, when I was confessing my anger to my friend Marie today she mentioned that maybe God thought that bringing to light some of the lies I was believing about me being a bad Mom was more important. That maybe I needed to sit in the dark otherwise I would not realize just HOW MANY falsehoods I was believing about myself and my life as a Mom. Basically I needed to hit rock bottom.
And then, today...I prayed hard ( as did other people) that I would finally get to see an awesome Doctor who would finally take me seriously when it came to Ransom's throwing up issues. I prayed and I prayed and then I sat in the doctor's office waiting room for thirty minutes and I prayed...and then I got the biggest BUTT of a Doctor ever! I mean, seriously, I will be writing the most scathing review of this Dude EVER. Doctor Shami....you. are. not. cool.
Anyway, he treated me like I was an idiot, he was condescending and basically told me to start "propping your baby up after you feed him." which basically meant he hadn't listened to a word I said. Since Ransom throws up WHILE he's eating...its kinda hard to see how he sits AFTER is gonna do any good.
But, I don't know...somewhere between the rude and unhelpful doctor and the parking lot I just got this sense of peace. That once again God had answered "no" and so OBVIOUSLY I needed to stop worrying about Ransom. He's gaining weight relatively consistently, he's perky and mostly happy ( except when he's throwing up) and so I need to let this go for a bit. I say this also because yesterday *I* went to the Doctor. I had some unexpected medical issues arise and called at the last minute, and not only was I able to get an appointment, but I was able to see the Doctor who basically SAVED my uterus after Ransom was born ( I'm a big fan of hers...to say the least), and she was able to help me a lot. So, I guess my point here is that God totally took care of me yesterday. So why can I not believe that He isn't taking care of Ransom right now-even if its not as easy to see?!
And so I'm going to take my "no" answers and be grateful.
Oh. And I also got to go to Target today without my child. And that was a pretty nice bonus about today too.
November 03, 2010
This honesty has definitely cost me some things...most of all pride. Because it means that I rarely hold back from telling you about my moments of doubt or my stupid blunders ( especially if they're funny...you'll always hear about those!) or the pure unadulterated and usually not at all realistic fears that I might have on a day to day basis. I tell you about these things in my life so that you'll know...you'll know that I'm not perfect and hopefully then I can get across just how perfect the God that I am trying to follow really is!! Then when wonderful things happen, like Brett graduates Ranger School in one go, or we have a really adorable son who's happy and healthy...well, you won't just think that those things just happen. You'll instead know that those things are all completely due to the sovereign grace of God.
Or at least that's what I'm hoping.
Anyway, the last week or so I've been struggling with a major case of the "downs" as my blog has most CLEARLY reflected, as have my status updates on twitter and facebook. Ummm....yeah. Sorry about that! But, as the blog title denotes-this IS about MY day here!
But, a wonderful friend of mine reached down into the little pit that I had dug and was sitting in and pulled me up by own arm and spoke a quick reminder into my ear...a reminder that I am suppose to be living in JOY!
This kind of joy:
letter on my son's blog, and when I do it will be about all the wonderful things that I've come to love about him-even in just the last month...but sadly, there have been days where I have overlooked all those wonderful things because I've been too worried about his serious case of acid-reflux or I've been too caught up in what other people are thinking of my crying child when I take him out into public...this is truly a tragedy because I do not want to miss a second of this once-in-a-life time day. This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it!!
October 31, 2010
Once again a failure at taking my child to a social gathering ( on Friday night I took him to a bondfire for a grand total of ten minutes...those ten minutes were followed by an hour of out and out screaming).
I feel like I'm drowning.
Drowning mentally, drowning spiritually.
I guess we are going to have to start the process of trying to find a babysitter, but really I just feel like a failure.
Why couldn't I figure out a way to carry my infant around?!? Everyone else seems to have angel babies...I feel like this is somehow a reflection of my parenting. I'm sure it is.
October 28, 2010
I told myself that it would be SO much easier with Brett around and so I would "wait until he got back" before making any strides to do any "extracurricular" activities.
But then Brett came back.
And it turns out that my child is still on a three hour schedule. He still eats for 45 minutes. He still needs an hour a half nap, that if he misses or gets cut short on -than the next nap is a MESS....and it, in fact, had NOTHING to do with being a single parent and it had everything to do with being a parent. period.
However, even with that realization about my child- I'm also coming to the realization that I DO really, really want to go to the Sunday STS ( STS-Searching The Scriptures) Bible Study. Its basically the equivalent of "church" for me...and I miss how it fed me. -turns out listening to sermons online...not the same thing. Because, I also really miss the fellowship of other believers.
So, I started to put out feelers ( aka I started to tell other people that I was "thinking" about going...), I wanted to put it out there to see if other people-particularly other mothers found it to be as daunting as I did...thankfully I have a sister who's awesome and told me that she too wished she could be a hermit. This was terribly helpful since I also told some other moms who's responses were much more along the lines of "What!?! You mean you haven't already gone to _(fill in blank with any out side house activity)____?! Me and my child have been doing ____ for WEEKS and its been easy-peasy."
THAT is not helpful. Because I know deep down in my heart that these other moms must think its hard too...but acting as though its not places seeds of doubt that maybe I'm not the Awesome Mom I'd like to think I am ( ha!)....and, geez! Other Moms! Do really have to go laying seeds of doubt in my already doubt filled mind?!?! Ugg.
Anyway, so I'm realizing that I'm lazy...that its SO MUCH easier to stay home and stick to our schedule than it is to go out and have that schedule messed with...
But that confession being said, I'm trying to get myself geared up for the big "break out"...Ransom and I are going to go to STS if its that last thing we do and, yes, I do know that it probably WON'T be the last thing we do... I know that he'll live through it.
He may cry through the whole thing and my pits may get sweaty as I try to maintain a calm outward composure that will convince everyone else there that I'm cool with whatever....but ultimately we'll live through it and I feel like that's the important thing here....its allllll about living through these mini-events.
And....even though this all has to do with being a parent. I am SUPER-DE-DUPER glad that I am NOT having to do these little breakout adventures alone. Brett will be there. And, somehow, that WILL in fact make it easier. Even if my pits still get sweaty.
October 24, 2010
October 18, 2010
Seriously, I am SO OVER not having Brett home. I'm SO OVER not having a normal routine. I'm SO OVER missing out Chapel and Bible Study because I can't manage by myself. I'm SO OVER being a single Mom. I'm SO OVER making house decisions, child decisions, car decisions and financial decisions all on my onesie.
Ok. So now I will answer my own question. I easily fall into this trap of, "oh! one week?! I can do this! This'll be easy-peasy! God, I know you've been handling my life great up until now-but take a step back, I've GOT THIS."
Um. no. Abigail, you do not HAVE THIS.
And it is very clear that I'm going to need some extra-special Spiritual Help up until...well, really forever...because JUST because Brett get's home does not mean I'm not going to flip out about something new and need more help! hehe!
So, yes. As for this week....I'm not done needing the Grace of God to get through it all.
Oh. And today, Ransom, Emma ( she's my very last visitor before Brett's return...actually she's staying past his return!) and I spent THREE AWFUL HOURS at the Doctors trying to figure out why he is spiting up a lot ( more like THROWING up...as in projectile actions!) and waking up in the middle of his naps screaming in pain...I had taken him to the doctor on Friday but of course Ransom got there and started cooing and flirting with the doctors and nurses and therefore making a BIG FAT LIAR out of me ( not really, but they sent us home as if I was...) and so we had to go BACK again today...and while I didn't say anything I KNOW that the Doctors got the hint. They realized that this Mama right here was going to just KEEP COMING BACK...again and again and again until the realized that my sweet cooing baby was in need of some attention.
And so exam, blood work, ultra sound later and I finally had the acid reflux medicine that I had wanted all along. WIN.
Now let's pray that it starts to work. *sigh*
October 17, 2010
BRETT GRADUATES RANGER SCHOOL ON FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Over 60 people prayed ( those are JUST the people I know of!!) . Eight people came to stay with me. Five people made meals for me. Five people babysat my child 7 different times. I received eight packages in the mail and three cards. Countless facebook messages and some emails and texts too. And then there was all the support that Brett received....
Job 23:10-12, But he knows the way that I take when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept my way and have not turned aside I have not departed from the commandment of his lip; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.
But the MAJOR reason there has been no blogging has been the return of Monmy Duties Extreme... Poor baby Ransom has been SERIOUSLY unhappy the last few days, which has made ME seriously unhappy! I'm still not entirely sure what was/is wrong with him ( projectile vomiting, fussiness, not sleeping..) but I'm praying like crazy that the end of it is near.
However, seriously, when I think about it- when I look at the lives of other Moms I know, I'm realizing more and more that you NEVER seem to reach a point of real normalcy.... Something always seems to be coming up to throw a wrench in your plans. I'd like to think that this is 3am talking ( the time that I'm writing this post) but I'm thinking sadly, no. I would, however, at LEAST like ONE WEEK where I feel like my child is sleeping and eating well, followed by ANOTHER WEEK of the same.. That's what I'd like.
October 12, 2010
I think the worst thing about the whole affair is that I think so much of Ransom's distress could have been prevented. Like, they could have been running on time and so my carefully planned out schedule that I made JUST FOR TODAY so that Ransom would be fed and awake would work. But NO...instead, Ransom was already dosing and fussy and really really needing a nap by the time the annoying lady came to give him his shots. And THEN she had to NOT have her act together and gave him one shot...and then waited forever doing WHO KNOWS WHAT while she got the other one ready...and my sweet little boy had already screamed and calmed himself back down. So this meant that with the second shot he was HYSTERICAL! She also gave him the liquid medicine first...the sweet stuff that probably would have helped calm him down from his Annoying Woman Induced screams, BUT NO.
And THEN...THEN they made us wait in the pharmacy for thirty minutes.
So, seriously once Ransom got home his little cries reached this high pitch that I have NEVER heard before. It was awful.
And so, he ate, I gave him his tylenol and he's now taking an epic nap and I'm eating ice cream. We both deserve it.
October 11, 2010
I've basically decided-after being back home for about two hours ( so its possible I'll learn something later) that I should NOT have gone to the conference this weekend.
I mean, I honestly cannot figure out why I was there! I literally sat by myself for a majority of the weekend, because Ransom would NOT nap in his car seat ( go figure! Who would want to do that anyway?!?) and therefore I missed every session* because I was sitting up in an empty seating area while my child slept in a room nearby. Yeah. I would then be late for every meal because I was feeding Ransom first, and therefore I would show up-hand my kid over to someone for a short while, while I shoved food in my mouth. No good conversations with people there! The one possible saving grace of the weekend was that I got to lead a workshop with my friend Keri-and getting to prepare that workshop with her over the past few months has been REALLY great! But, to be honest she could have TOTALLY done it without me...and I think that's kind of why I feel humbled.
Was I really suppose to go to that Conference? If I'm honest about it, I didn't spend too much time praying about it at the time that it was first mentioned-I just went "business as usual" and at the time usual was to say "yes" to ministry opportunities...Now I am thinking that ministry opportunities equal my son...
Its hard to admit that I am so much more limited now-and while I wish that I could do everything-doing something as big as a conference without ever Brett there for help-it was silly.
*My wonderful super-hero of a friend, Marie took Ransom for the last session...along with her own four children. incidentally, she didn't go to ANY of the sessions-what an amazing person!
October 08, 2010
I am going to need to get Ransom up an hour ahead of schedule on Sunday and on Tuesday....should I just go ahead and get him up an hour early on Monday too? On one hand I do not want to confuse the kid more than I already am...on the other hand I don't want to start a trend. So, to sum up...do you think I should or should not get Ransom up an hour early on Monday too.
October 07, 2010
I took this very much to heart after having a baby...not because I wanted to spread things out, but because I literally COULDN'T HANDLE doing more than one "unit" a day...( i.e. taking a walk, going to the grocery store, going to the post office, cleaning the bathroom etc. etc.)
But, today, without even realizing it I did SEVERAL UNITS one right after the other...and its only 4pm!! So, what happened?!
7 hours of sleep happened!!!
YUUUUUSSSS! My good little baby slept like a champ last night. And therefore so did Mommy.
I hope that this will be a trend and will continue into this weekend- the weekend I like to call "Scare Abigail with a trip" weekend.
That's right, this weekend I am traveling with Ransom ( and several other ladies crammed in my car) to Toccoa, GA for the Navigator Fall conference ( that's a 3 and half hours drive...without a kid, in case you're wondering).
I will somehow figure out how to:
A.travel with my child.
B.pack all the appropriate STUFF that my child seems to need on a daily basis for a three day trip.
C.keep Ransom on a schedule so that he doesn't get cranky while at this conference.
D.go to meetings and also spend time with people at the conference.
E.LEAD a workshop that my friend Keri and I have been preparing.
F.not go insane.
I want to break out into hives just thinking about the logistics of this endeavor.
October 05, 2010
October 02, 2010
In other, unrelated news, I have new neighbors. They have two daughters...or as I will call them from now on...two high pitched screaming banshees. I mean, seriously, people...the octave that little girls can reach when screaming-whether a happy scream, a mad scream, a sad scream or a "walking to the car" scream-it is all WAAAAAAY too much for my ears. I am annoyed. Which could also be directly related to my lack of sleep...and hunger.
So, in other unrelated news...I've put up Brett's new address...its highly possible that his Platoon and Squad ( and maybe even company) will change again since there is usually a reshuffle after each phase-but I feel like we can go with what we've got and it'll get to him, the mail people seem pretty good about getting him his letters :-)
Ok, also...( I won't say unrelated because I think we've established that this post is very "unrelated") I think I smell like sour milk. I've been smelling it off and on all day...and I think it may actually be ME! This is super embarrassing and now I must go take a shower before Ransom wakes up YET. AGAIN.
Bonus: I've added yet another tab at the top of the page, and "About Me" section which is really very self-involved. BUT, if you go read it-you maaaaay find a not-very-well-hidden Easter Egg. Or whatever they call them...but yeah, there's a little surprise in there.
October 01, 2010
Just when I was really at the end of my rope ( seriously, I was having a hardcore inner monologue about how awful things where) when who was to call me on the phone?!?!
Yay!! I got to talk to him for a whole five minutes and it just so happened to be a five minute period when his son was NOT screaming but smiling and cooing to himself so Brett was about to talk to his son and actually get some cute responses and NOT the screaming that I'm currently privy to...and OOOOOOH! Can I tell you how wonderful it was to hear his voice?!? AND on top of that Brett is infact moving on to the final stage of Ranger School as of tomorrow....ANNNNND on top of that if he passes the final stage then he'll actually be home earlier than I thought ( apparently they give them a few days before graduation to put on a little weight-probably so mothers everywhere do not file complaints with the federal government) and so I could see him as early as the 18th or 19th! AAAAAAHHHHHH!
Ok, lets stop a moment and realize just how weak I am...and how generous and merciful God is! I got off the phone with Brett and sat on my bed and told Ransom just how wonderful the Lord is that He is gracious and kind to his weak mother by letting her have a glimmer of hope JUST when I needed it!
I'm throwing said party right now...the refreshments are Peanut M&Ms ( as luck would have it, I filled the bowl this afternoon...) and the soundtrack is Ransom going down for his nap-aka crying.
Let's get this party started!
First of all, I miss Brett. A. Lot. And today it was strikingly clear when I went and penned airborne wings on Jaymon at his Airborne graduation. I know that BOTH of us would have rather had Brett be there doing that for him. I was a sad, sad substitute.
And it was also strikingly clear when a giant branch from a tree outside our house landed squarely on top of one of our cars...incidentally the car that I use everyday...the other car, the Prius- has low pressure in the tires and I haven't had a chance to take care of it since Brett left....anyway, so this giant branch landed on the car and did some damage to the passenger side of the car...nothing terrible, mostly just monitary damage ( you KNOW its gonna cost a million dollars to repair those dents and all that paint damage) and time damage ( you KNOW its going to be huge ol' hassle to get it appraised and then fixed with a baby in toe). And when it all comes down to it I just tired and grumpy about life and its times like these that you'd really like your husband there to commiserate with you.
But, as luck (?) would have it...its highly possible that Brett is parachuting into Florida tomorrow and thus starting the last phase of Ranger School...and that is SUCH good news, or at least it should be...if I wouldn't continually be a Debby Downer inside my head saying things like, "All these good things happening to us will surely end..."
Of course, having a giant branch fall on your car is not good...so maybe that'll take place of anything bad happening to Brett. ;-)
OH! And NONE of you said anything about my list of favorite posts...so BOO!
Ok. Parties over...I'll go do my best to turn off the soundtrack.
September 30, 2010
So, go check it out and feel free to let me know if I've left out something good.
September 29, 2010
And this same child has been napping like a CHAMP all day!! Seriously, Sleep Training, I will SO write a glowing review of you if you asked...
Ok, now on to my post:
So, this afternoon I was headed out the door to make the loooong trek to Babies R Us to buy more bags for my Diaper Pail ( seriously, my child is the poopiest child ever...and this pail has been a LIFE SAVER!)-which incidentally, we did not make it to Babies R Us, because Ransom started crying soon after we left Fort Benning and I was faced with a HUGE, GIANT traffic jam, and so I took the nearest exit, made a big loop -came home and bought my diaper bags online...they will arrive on Friday and I will not have to have a screaming child in the car for any length of time. WIN.
Ok, wait, that's not where this was going...ok, right, I was headed out the door and I grabbed the mail and noticed a letter from Brett! YAY! And as I was grabbing the mail and heading to the car I heard the little beeping sound on my phone that lets me know I have a voice mail....and so that is how I got the WONDERFUL news from our dear friend Charlie, that Brett passed BOTH OF HIS PATROLS in the Mountain Phase of Ranger School!!!
I was SO excited! And it made having to drive in a giant loop with a crying baby TOTALLY bareable. And so, when I got home from my totally pointless outing, I read Brett's letter-which he started with, "I'm pretty sure I didn't get a Go on my first patrol." And then he proceeded to tell me all the things he felt he'd done wrong over the last few days. But, you know what? I had already gotten the phone call from Charlie, and I ALREADY KNEW that each and every one of those mistakes that Brett had supposedly made had been covered up by Grace! And that's when I thought-I bet this is how God feels....I mean, don't get me wrong I am NOT equating myself to God, haha! But what I am saying is that how often am I bumming around, thinking how awful things are going ( for instance Ransom crying for days on end and me wondering if I was being a good Mom or if I was setting my child up for a life time of therapy) and God is shaking His head at me wondering when I'm going to remember that my life is covered by His Grace. That His mercy is FAR reaching...when am I going to have faith that He really DOES work all things for Good!?! And so it was kind of cool to have 20/20 vision of Brett's circumstances...to hear his perspective already knowing how it was going to end. But, maybe I need to have that kind of calm and peace going into ALL of our situations-since, its the same God working it all out-whether I know how or not!
So, in this instance it was nice knowing how the chapter ended, but I hope I have that same peace going into the Florida phase where I do NOT know the end result...
September 28, 2010
Its actually pretty cute that I would say 65.9 percent of the time ( a percentage that I just made up because it sounded about right) when you put him down for his nap, all swaddled and with his pacifier, he immediately turns his little head and sticks it into the butt of his stuff bear and closes his eyes for about two seconds and then opens them up again as if to say, "nope! I'm not tired!! I won't be sleeping!" But, that two second snuggle with the bear butt is the dead give away that as soon as I walk away he's going to be out. And THAT'S SERIOUSLY WONDERFUL.
Incidentally, the bear butt thing...Ransom didn't come up with it on his own. I started sticking the stuffed bear up close to Ransom's face to "keep the pacifier in"-because that's what good mother's do....and now I think its actually part of our sleep ritual. hahaha!
Anyway, I wouldn't say we've got this sleeping thing down or this schedule thing down...but we're getting there and all the smiles and half laughs I'm getting from Ransom during his awake time is the sure sign that we're on the right track.
So, sigh....I'm sure I'm going to need another pep talk from one of you Mom's again in a few days when Ransom is screaming his head off for the fifty-millionth hour in a row...but I thought I'd take this moment when Ransom DID go RIGHT DOWN for his nap with a sigh and a bear butt snuggle to write a post...so I could look back at it and be reminded that while this whole parenting thing seems like a real shot in the dark most days- SOMETIMES it pays off.
Added Note: For those concerned, Ransom's bear is NOT cover his air passages..and it usually doesnt stay by his face for long ( he's a pretty active when he sleeps)-and don't worry I check on him and move it if it DOES seem to stay by his face longer than it should! :-)
September 25, 2010
I know it may seeeeem that I know what I'm doing, or strike that ( because it probably doesn't) or that I am confident in my parenting choices... But I'm not and I literally pray all the time that God would give me more wisdom and guidance, and shoot if He'd just send me a memo... Or even a status update would do... SOMETHING to assure me that I'm doing the right thing with my son....
This is all wrapped up in how much I miss Brett, at least then there would be two of us to blame for our bad parenting decisions. But, since it's just me, remember dear friends- I welcome your advice and comments, but tread lightly.... Under that hard outer shell I've got a layer that easily melts.
September 24, 2010
Not a happy baby. Not a happy mommy.
And so we've begun "sleep training" basically the idea is that he'll learn how to go to sleep by himself and therefore he'll get MORE sleep and thus be a much happier baby and then I will be a much happier mommy.
At least that is the hopes. Things were really going well last night and up until this afternoon. In fact, he was doing so well that I noticed a marked difference in Ransom's attitude...he was a down right smiley baby! That's what I'm talking about! I don't think I've ever seen him smile so much! It was great fun!
And so as I listen to my little boy cry in the other room...with my phone on timer so that I can run in there as SOON as the timer says enough time has passed ( believe me this is HARD!), I believe that I am doing the right thing for him..he will ultimately be a happier baby and I so want that for him!
But this is hard, and its especially hard when I don't have my hubby around to help me through it-so it was nice that God reminded me of a verse last night to help me through...actually, Brett reminded me of the verse first-its actually the verse that he's memorizing while in Ranger School-so its kinda cool that its helping us BOTH.
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.