July 31, 2006


Man, I wish I could just SKIP the next, saaaaaaay, month and a half ( that's probably a goodly enough amount of time)...and get to where all of THIS gets easier.

I kind of laughed to myself at about 2am last night ( ok, that's a lie..it was more like a whimper..but whatever...writers license) when I saw the similar pattern of two years ago...

step back in time as you remember....

a month holiday which included a trip to Fiji and then a lively jont around New Zealand having a fantastic time with lovely people...after which I headed back to texas where I plunged head long into the HARDEST year EVER. Oh, dont get me wrong...I wouldnt take back that year for anything ( or that trip for that matter! hehehe) ...but it all seemed like foreshadowing when I got off the plane in Houston at an ungodly hour faced with an entirely foreign season ahead....

Oh, I'm just being dramatic. Just blame the two lattes I've already had this morning and the fatigue for moving all day yesterday...
( speaking of which, if you see Jordan around-or just go visit his blog!-give him a BIG OL' PAT on the back...and maybe some cookies or something-because he is OFFICIALLY a HERO for all the amazing help he gave me yesterday. Seriously. could NOT have done it without him!)

But, seriously, friends...I'm so scared of starting my new job tomorrow...and I'm tired just THINKING about my new apartment ( though, its terribly cute and just about PERFECT!)

I feel like I'm somehow not being grateful to God for all the blessings that I've been given...I mean, this job...well, its still pretty much a dream come true-even though I'm scared. And my apartment is, well, just great.

Sooooo.......this has no point, but I'll sum up anyway:

Feeling totally blessed by, obviously, all the blessings I've been given in the past two months.
Feeling overwhelmed by all the work that must be done on my apartment and other loose ends that tend to ravel when you are out of the country for two weeks..
Feeling scared out of my mind by my new job that I officially start tomorrow.
Feeling really happy as I think of all the wonderful friends that I was able to reconnect with over the past two weeks, and feeling really happy to come home to other wonderful friends who I've missed the past two weeks.
Feeling totally and completely grateful to my fantastic parents for EVERYTHING they've done for me

July 29, 2006

timeless love...

"timeless" as in I have NOOO CLUUUUE what time it is right now-well, actually, it FEEELS like 10pm-but reeeeeally its 5am ( yes, my flight to houston was delayed THREE FREAKIN HOURS! BOOOOO!) so, really, while I'm tried....I'm also a bit wound up...

So, let me just say (again) that my trip was PERFECT. I found out that, indeed, I DO have the very best friends in all the world and it was NOT, infact, a figment of my imagination.
Yes, I even have planned several long drawn out emals and/or blog posts in which I will gush forth about how much I love said friends. And here's hoping i will have the opportunity to write when its still fresh in my very muddled mind. However, there is a high possiblity that what with the new apartment ( hahaha! I typed flat and then had to delete it! hahahaha! Arent I super coo?) and my new job....oh...and the fact that I wont have internet access for a while..that I wont actually be able to gush as much as I would like ( which would be a crying shame-since I've got sooo many things to gush about). But, we'll just wait and see shall we?

July 28, 2006

time's up

This time in New Zealand has been perfect. I am going home knowing than when I came.

The sentence that covers the most ground and discribes the most about my trip is as follows:

What ever did I do to deserve this?

This, being a ton of different totally wonderful people and things....man, the Grace of God is OVER and ABOVE anything I could possibly imagine.

PS. I am leaving to go back home now....I am reading Donald Miller's book, "Searching for God Knows What"...Paul was SOOOO right when he recommended these books to me...they are fabulous!

July 26, 2006

sleep is for the boring.

not really.

I'd actually really LIKE some sleep right now...but, then again, at this point I have exactly ONE MORE DAY (not counting today) in my fair new zealand. So of course, I figure sleeping would be a waste...which is why I havent slept much in the past few days.
Oooooooh, but if good conversation was some how sleep currency then I'd be well rested right about now.

Wellington has been interesting. Different from Dunedin, probably because its not "my city".... so this part of my trip is less familiar than Dunedin was so in a way I havent had to remind myself that "this is actually special enjoy it" as much...my friends here are familiar-the surroundings less so.
I LOVE that by the way...realizing that you've still got that "why we are friends" thing. Most of the time I really have NO IDEA what makes some people more likely to be your friend than others...but its cool to see that you've still got it. ;-) or they've still got it...or you've both still got it.

Yup. this has been wonderful.
And MAAAAAN do I love to pray wtih my friends....honestly, its my favorite thing to do. And God has been gracious in every single city to bring that to pass.

Seems that Sam is through washing the dishes which means I must depart.

I am starting to wonder if I'm going to EVER be able to truly convey what this trip has meant...or will mean...


I wrote this post on Sunday, yet for some reason it did not post. soooo here, days later, it is....

I have been continually overwhelmed by God's grace on
this trip...His grace in guiding my days-in providing
perfect timing to some how negotiate all of the people
I need to catch up with ( though-even with the Help-I
feel like I havent done it all perfectly)...in showing
me yet again how He is CONTINUALLY teaching, changing,
guiding, shaping...in my own life. In the lives of my

I hope to see you shortly, and we shall speak
face to face. III John 14

That verse was written in my journal as I headed to
New Zealand one week ago to the day-and I was struck
by how important face to face time can be. God has
taught me a LOT about being with people in Spirit
only, in the past two years or so, and I've delighted
in that knowledge. Yet, there is also NOTHING like
reading someones face. Seeing them as they interact
with the people around them. Watching their eyes.
There is NOTHING like making eye contact. You can
actually learn more in two seconds than you can in
five hundred emails.

A shame-since I'm such an advocate for written
communication. ;-)

But, yes, I've seen a lot the last few days...

Oh, my, I almost want to name names here. I want to
tell you of the love I've seen acted out. But, it
would probably just embarrass the people I mention...

So, tomorrow I head to Wellington. My time here in
Dunedin FLEW by....it is hard to think about leaving
again-because it was just so NORMAL to be here- and
yet, at the same time, I have been reminded several
times that my time here is done. God gave me a vision
a few days before I graduated back in 2004-where He
showed me what it would be like for me if I stayed. I
have been reminded of that vision several times, and I
am encouraged that just as my life has moved on-so has
Dunedin. Dunedin has moved on from ME...
1PM prayer, Oxygen Night Service, The Map....they are
all BETTER....
things that I poured my heart into are no longer mine.

But how wonderful that realization IS!

I've written very little this trip...I think even the
"creative side" of my brain has taken a break. So
sorry about the lack of blogs...I'm sure I'll make up
for it in the future.

July 19, 2006

better together

Soooo, yesterday I wrote a blog post and it didnt get published. BOOOO!
Basically, I just went on and on about how TOTALLY grateful I was to have this trip...

But, lets re-cap:

I'm in Dunedin now. Its totally normal really. In fact, ever now and then I have to pinch myself ( figuratively of course)to remind myself that this "isnt normal" and that its actually some sort of a miracle that I'm sitting here in the Burn's computer lab typing this blog...something I did so often in years past...

One of the things that has truly blown my mind thus far is the matter of friendships.
On Tuesday night I found myself sitting on Lydia's bed across from Thida as she told me a long, involved story ( she is a FABULOUS story teller by the by)...and as I sat there, I took myself out of the story for a moment to think upon how totally beautiful she has become. Oh, dont get me wrong, she's always been beautiful. But this trip has truly shown me even MORE of my friend's beauty.
Today, I sat across from Mel having breakfast and once again I was blown away by her beauty.

I have BEAUTIFUL friends!

I realized that one of the pitfalls of having long distance friendships is that while you may still be in contact with the person, and you still love them as much as ever...it almost becomes a habit after a while, new reasons for loving them are harder to come by-and you just stick with the old reasons. But the last few days I've been RE-falling in love with my friends. I am once again overwhelmed by the honor I've been given to have friends that mirror the love of God in their lives, who's struggles help to support my OWN struggles, who's lives parallel my life-even from across the world. Yes, this is an honor.

I've been to 1pm prayer-yay! Truly praying with people is the quickest insight into their life. I think that's one reason why I love prayer so very very much. In fact, God has already answered so much of my hearts desire for this trip-getting to pray with my friend...either one-on-one or in a group...its something I've missed more than ANYTHING...it is like water to my soul.

So, in other news: I keep seeing people that I "kind of" know...and NONE of them recognize me...its kinda sad really...apparently my hair color and the shortness of it REALLY makes a difference! meh! I didnt know i looked so different :-(
I also met a fellow blogger that I had never met before yesterday, Pierre. Bless his heart, I think I may have scared him with my enthusiasm. But, that's the problem with blogs...you have a false sense of KNOWING someone. hehehe....ooops.

We were thinking about having a little get together on Saturday night-but I think its probably not going to happen....which, is fine by me really, its probably best to continue to let God guide my days and order my nights. I've found endless delight in catching up with dear ones and I look forward to more in the coming days.

As a side note if your reading this and your in Dunedin or elsewhere, you can reach me on Lydia's old cell number ( in fact, I'll have it the rest of my trip probably) or, if you dont have that number or you arent sure...at the moment I'm pretty much being passed back and forth between Lydia and Emma...so texting them works too.

July 16, 2006

bullet points

- I'm heeeeeeerrrrreeeeee ( In Auckland! )
- Carmi is the same wonderful friend I remember ( except she is SOO HOOOT).
- New Zealand has a "smell". I cant discribe it, but I remembered it as soon as I stepped off the plane.
-Wonderful weather ( only SLIGHTLY cold).
-I'm happy.

July 13, 2006


So, I'm finished.

The packing is done. Its 9:30pm on Thursday night...and I am leaving tomorrow on my dream holiday...off I go to New Zealand and blessed fellowship with friends.

Yet, right now...as I sit on my bedroom floor-waiting for my final load of laundry to cycle through...I'm sad.

This apartment was really quite great-and even though I havent seen my roommate-except for brief glimpses and one conversation-in over three weeks...I'd have to say I had a great time with her too.

I think the boxes and the empty, stripped look of the apartment is awfully depressing...and being alone here for days and days probably hasnt helped anything.

and I dont even know WHY...I mean, all I have is GOOD things to look forward to? Why cant I just think about that?!

Yes, its interesting...that last night I didnt even THINK about it being my last night to sleep with Evil Neighbor downstairs ( I'm staying with my parents tonight)....

I guess this just once again proves...that EVEN when I have a grand future ahead of me-I'm still NOT a fan of change.

Goodbye Apartment 420.

interesting facts...

Its been almost EXACTLY one year since I got that reeeeeeally bad kidney stone that put me in the hospital for two days and out of commision for over a week and a half. ( July 13th 2005)

Its been almost EXACTLY one MONTH since my last MINOR kidney stone that sent me into stressed mode as I was about to have a job interview....(June 14th 2005)

Sooooo...the kidney stones are on some sort of weird timed schedule. NOT. COOL.

And just so you know, as soon as I get insurance again, and have my new job undercontrol, and can fit it on the calendar, I'm TOTALLY going back to the doctor.

Because, I cant live like this.

In other news, the "being stood up" thing turned out to my advantage...I postponed our meeting till the first week of August-when I'm OFFICIALLY working. Much, much better....God's going to have this work out....I should have known.

In other news, I was still feeling a hint of "pain in my right side" at lunch...stupid stone just WONT LET GO. ...But, like I said, I really really dont think this is suppose to fit into my "vacation schedule" so...yeah, God's going to have THIS work out too....


The kidney stone is gone! woooooo! or at least its not showing its ugly face-which is just as good in my book.
Yay! Answer to prayers....

I got stood up by the ex-alumni lady...so i sat in my new office for about an hour and a half-and sufficiently stressed myself out realizing there was SOOO MUCH I didnt know...meeeeeh. I just hope she's able to come give me a hand during my first week or honestly I'm going to never sleep again.

This was not helped by the fact that a certain secretary is still beyond unhelpful.

So, thats it for the day.

Kidney stone gone-good.
Job training a no go- bad.

I say its about 50/50 for the day...I cant complain.

July 12, 2006

the end of something...

So, I do realize that after tomorrow ( my last day in Nacogdoches before heading to Houston and onwards on Friday morning) I will officially begin a grand adventure that will not only include a lovely ( I KNOW it will be!) trip to see fabulous people...but it also includes when I get back- the great unknown of a new home and the great challenges of a new job.

Tomorrow really reflects the changes ahead-I have so much to do! And how it all landed nicely on my last day I have no idea...but it WASNT my fault I'll tell you that! ;-) What I will say is that if this little kidney stone is still hanging out with me tomorrow-it'll be kinda good that I have so much to do-keeps the mind off the pain. Though I have noticed that I'm a total basket case and I made SEVERAL stupid mistakes today that prove that fact. meh.

So, yes, life is busy and exceedingly complicated-but I've never felt so utterly taken care of....God has been faithful to remind me that this is HIS plan...not mine...and that it'll really all work out much better if I just keep my finger out of the pie.

I realized tonight that I will actually be SUPRISED if I still have this kidney stone on this trip...call me optimistic-but I just dont think its suppose to be part of the equation. So lets all pray for that shall we? ;-)

My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. " Ex. 33:14

"The Lord, He is the One who goes before you, do not fear nor be dismayed." Deut. 31:8

In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Prov. 3:6

I kid you not...

So, I laid in bed this morning going over my options:

1. I'm crazy. and this is proven by my constant "getting sick" when I'm stressed or have something important coming up...
2. I'm crazy, and this is proven by it possibly all being in my head when it comes to things like colds.
3. I'm crazy, and this is proven by me getting kidney stones ALL THE FREAKIN TIME.
4. I'm crazy, and this is proven by me getting a kidney stone last night...and still having it this morning ( no worries, its one of those "tiny ones" that only hurts in an annoying in the background-so-you-cant-think-but-you-can-still-walk-around-and-do-stuff" sorta way.)
5. I'm crazy, because is it really POSSIBLE to get kidney stones this much?! Is THAT in my head too?!

So, I seriously, thought about NOT telling you that I got a kidney stone-because I'm starting to get paranoid that people will stop believing me... I mean, heck, if it didnt hurt to the point where I cant really ignore it- *I* wouldnt believe me.

Honestly, readers, I'm telling you this because maybe saying it will make it "unreal" and I'll realize that I AM crazy...and it IS all in my head!!

That would be grand.

But, I say all this to say that I've gotten a lot done today and its not even noon yet. And I plan to continue to get stuff done...and then, after tomorrow... I will get up on Friday and I will go to Houston and get on a jet... And whatever ailments I still have I plan to just "not talk about" until...well, I think I can schedule it in saaaaaay midaugust.

( because, I dont have health insurance right now...yup. stupid job switcheroo did that to me!)

July 11, 2006

what to pray for...

seriously, if you get the chance, would you pray that I feel better? my throat hurts, my body aches....its UNcool.

In other news, the packing is...coming along.
Just as long as I dont pack the spoons or the ceral bowls.

All of a sudden I have a LOT to do....

But, in other news...I'm getting WAAAAAY excited about my trip-three days before i leave! wooooooo!!

Its going to be ok.

A few things just clicked in my head, after reading some loving words from dear ones.

So, even though I'm tired like nobodies business ( got up at 5:30 this morning...but it was worth it-good times with my broinlaw! :-) )...and my throat hurts like a couple hundred baby daggers were thrust in it....and I'm surrounded by more packing...and all sorts of loose strings that desire to be tied before I can leave the country....and a dozen mental battles to conquer-one thing I am CERTAIN of:

This trip to New Zealand is going to be PERFECT.

July 10, 2006


Bad timing.

A day with me...

So, I spent most of the day with myself. Just me.

Normally I'm totally a big fan of hanging out with just me. But...maaaaan....I think I reached the end of "me time" today!
My thoughts are starting to drive me insane.


I finally had to give in about 30 minutes ago and just start typing out my thoughts, because the SAME thoughts had been ruminating up in my head for hours upon and hours. And I honestly think things were about to get bad. The devil just looooves it when I get like that. I know he does. He uses it to his advantage.
Its call doubt.

Doubting everything...

So, I did a practical smack down and all the little lies I'd been believing all day sort of floated up to the top.

I am NOT going to make a big mistake.
I am NOT a hypocrite.
I am NOT going to ruin anything.
I am NOT going to stop praying just because I dont see how my prayers are helping.
God is NOT deaf.

happytalkativepolitefriendly= me.

I woke up feeling....butterflies in my stomache?!
What's THAT about?
I have NOTHING to be nervous about....meeeeh....excited maybe...but even that is premature, right?
Whatever the case, I went and worked out after my morning coffee with papa. Tried to, you know, work off the butterflies or something.

Working out in the mornings is kinda annoying because you run into a million trillion talkative people...I had to be totally pirky. I had to be polite and friendly.

It was too much to ask.


In other news, the packing is going well...I stayed up way late last night and packed two massive boxes. One of which is filled entirely with beauty products. I kid you not. HAHAHAH! It turns out that while I dont actually use styling gel or hair wax or hair "glitter"...I find it very hard to resist buying said products....And an even harder time getting rid of them. Although, I DID throw away several almost empty bottles of shampoo...so I'd say its a winning battle.

July 09, 2006

I'm sitting on my bedroom floor surrounded by mayham. I sooooOOOOooo hate living like this! ( half packed /half not) Honestly, if I wasnt leaving in five days I'd probably just go ahead and go totally insane. Buuut, since I AM leaving for New Zealand ( eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!) in five days, I'm just going to buck up and get back to the packing...

or at least...I will when this food digests...

I just ate a brownie. Oh MAAAAAN! Sunday's are SO good-I get to eat chocolate on Sundays.
Of course, I am honestly happy that I only eat like this once a week...because I dont like the icky feeling afterwards.

In other news, I am totally and completely not sure if I'm going to get everything done by Friday...eeeee! But, then again, who cares right? All my responsiblities and other important stuff will just WAIT for me to get back, right? riiiight?
You mean they WONT!?!

July 08, 2006

age old

No matter how strong, we feel weakness
No matter how independent, we feel emptiness
Beauty, waiting to be recognized.
Talent, waiting to be unleashed.
A hand wanting to be held, a heart wanting to be captured.

boj doog!

So, I talked to a totally lovely Apple support guy on the phone today and this is what he said:

Apple genius: " Do you have access to the internet right now?"

Me: Yes.

Apple Genius: "Ok, go to google and type in itunes backwards..."

Me: "uuhh-ok!"

Apple Genius: "download what comes up and have fun!"


So, basically the Apple Genius guy told me how to download a programme that over rides that nasty little "you cant upload your ipod" business...my faith in Apple...nah, in all of humanity has been restored and everyone burst forth in song, or should I say, my computer burst forth into song because it finally has music again! WOOOOOO!

All is right in the world.

Oh, and Pirates of the Caribbean is fantastic. Go. See. It.

July 07, 2006


I still havent fully excepted the fact that I've lost 1500 songs ( give or take)....
But, now that I have Baby back its starting to sink in.
Surely there is something that can be done....I mean, they have records of all those songs that I bought from itunes-cant they give them to me again?
Or what about my ipod? Cant I get the songs off of THAT?!

first glance the answer to both of those questions is No.
But, stay tuned...I will not give up without a fight.

In other news....Pirates of the Caribbean was sold out....saw Superman Returns instead.
Here are my thoughts:
-Yes, Superman Can fly...but do we have to watch him do it for hours?!
-Louis, honey, you're totall gorgeous, and obviously you've somehow convinced Superman that you're something-even though you are too shallow to realize Mild Mannered Clark is actually JUST AS COOL-but ( and not that I can talk AT ALL) maybe you should think about brushing those locks of yours every once in a while.
-Parker Posie, thank you for making this movie better than ordinary.
-Kevin Spacey, thank you for being equally good.
-Welcome to Jesus Imagry Hour, thank you for joining us-we'll be featuring many parallels throughout the movie, not only through dialogue but also poses and entire scenes....
-My, my doesnt Superman have very good skin!!
-I like Clark better than Superman ( give me a bumbling nerd anyday.) ...and why werent there very many scenes with him?!

July 06, 2006

"a lady of leisure"

Not really.

Infact, it seemed that the very MOMENT that I left my job at the hospital my day planner went from totally blank to TOTALLY full.
Its out of control.
In a slightly good, slightly scary, slightly tiring way.

So, yes I've been packing, but...I've also had a meeting with my new job outlining my To-Do list for the month of August. ( meh. lord help me!) . I've also had various lunch dates and planned parties and impromptu gatherings that have taken up goodly chunks of days, evenings and nights.
And best of all....I'm totally happy and content to wait for the coming storm.
Oh yes, its a storm.
I dont see how it could possibly be considered anything else...
I'm thinking about going to the doctor NOW to get sleeping pills in preparation for the onslot of NEW THINGS that are going to bombard me as a get off the plane in Houston at the end of July.
But, then again, I think its going to be ok. I'm excited to see how Abigail of Tomorrow is going to handle all this. I mean, sure I KNOW how Abigail of Yesterday would handle everything ( badly), but for the moment I'd really like to have HOPE for AoT....I feel like God's gonna help her tremendously.

Oh, and by the way....I had the BEST Fourth of July Ever...family and friends-that-are-like-family galore! Fantastic food...and the perfectlocation to watch fireworks ( the middle of the oldest cemetery in Nacogdoches) ...and superb weather made of grandness all around! Woooooooo! I'm coming back next year ;-)

I'm at my parents writing this at the moment...still without a computer-which is PROBABLY a good thing...afterall, do I Really need to be spending my time playing on a computer, when I SHOULD be doing constructive things??? The point is, no longer is email the best form of communication with me...probably calling me or smoke signals are high on my personal favorites-but I'll keep you updated.

July 03, 2006

did I mention?

...that I still dont have New Baby ( aka. my computer) back from the Apple Doctors yet, and therefore ( now that I am not working) my internet will be limited? and therefore you shouldnt expect any long involved blog posts??
well, consider this me mentioning it. ;-)
that doesnt mean you wont GET long involved post every now and then, when I have access to a computer...but dont EXPECT them.

Happy Independence Day...this is my first year in 4 years to actually be IN the United States for the 4th...I say bring on the chili cheese dogs, root beer and fireworks..because I plan to CELEBRATE!!!!

July 02, 2006

It's official!

I am no longer a part of the medical world!

My doctors gave me a present...and a card thanking me for my "service". That was sweet of them...I wonder which wife actually went to the trouble? hehehe. I'm just kidding. Honestly, I was really touched by how genuine each of the doctor's was about saying goodbye and the like.
I'll miss them all in their own uniqueness. ;-)

So, yes, that's over.

And the nonsleeping continues...
Now, my mind has switched and is buzzing about ALL sorts of things.
I'll think about my new job, which will rile me up considerably, driving me crazy...
So I'll try to think about something else...hmmm....something else...
Sometime like...saaaaay....moving?
So then I try and picture my new apartment in my head thinking how in the WORLD I'm going to make the mustard yellow and burnt red wall combo in the bedroom work...or the hunting motif in the bathroom fit with my rubberduckies, which just riles me up further...so I'll try and think about something else....saaaaay....packing?
My mind starts to calculate how many boxes it'll take to move my books...or what about my KITCHEN? Or I'll think about the livingroom rug and whether Katie is going to let me have it? ( I wonder if I can buy her half?)...which riles me up even MORE...so I'll try and think about something else...saaaaay....traveling?
I start to imagine seeing each of my beloved friends-starting with Carmi. I wonder if I'll cry when I see her? I bet I do. As each of my friends enters my mind, I break out into a smile...
I'm totally and completely NOT going to be able to take a nap....much less sleep tonight!

I think I'm going to have to start packing right away, because honestly I cant seem to do much 'resting'.

July 01, 2006

Aretha Franklin Weather

So, it rained this afternoon...which brought unseasonable cool upon East Texas...along with some lovely rolling thunder and beautiful skies.
I sat on my balcony and basked in the fresh air, with my feet up on the wicker furniture, writing in my journal when the fancy struck....

The lady in a building several buildings away came out on her balcony and turned her stereo up loud, I watched as she bobbed to the music.
Aretha Franklin never sounded so good-bouncing off the concrete buildings and into the rain...

For once I was happy that my neighbors are so very bent upon sharing their musical tastes with the world. I will remember that hour and a half on my balcony when I leave this place in a few weeks...because those are the memories worth remembering.