April 23, 2011

A short story..

Today Ransom played in his pool for the first time ( he is wearing a UVprotection shirt, for those curious)...and he looooved it.

He was then so tired that he fell asleep while drinking his bottle...seriously, he drank about three ounces while snoring with his eyes totally closed. 

His mommy then put him to bed and they all lived happily ever after. The End. 

Good Saturday

The other night when I was reading poetry I came across a gem. One that I've been pondering over for the past few days...
I've been thinking about what comes after Good Friday. The horror of that day is true and real and I shudder when I think about my Christ upon that hill...dying for me. But I kind of brushed over the whole "three days" aspect. Brushed over Saturday...and right on into Easter, right up to that empty tomb. But today I'm stuck on Saturday.
 24 hours of Nothing.
24 hours of Sabbath. And for the disciples, for those followers of Jesus who loved Him and Hoped in Him, Sabbath would have meant a day of "rest" a day to "reflect". So there they were, their Hope has just died and now they are forced to sit and do nothing.
The worst kind of awfulness in my opinion.

I've always liked that it was the women who went to Jesus's tomb on Sunday morning, as the sun rose and the sabbath was over...but now I'm looking at it differently. I'm thinking of them on Saturday and how they must have sat together searching in their minds for the meaning of this awful act, talking together about what to do next, how to move on...wanting something to do. 

But I think it was no accident that our Lord died on a Friday, that those that He Loved would have to wait a day, sit and wait. Nothing for them to do.

When things do not go my way I often expect that tomorrow will bring the answer, that tomorrow things will be set aright. But what if its not? What if tomorrow things are NOT aright? What if we are asked to, instead, sit still.....
I suppose its there that I have an advantage to those first Followers of Jesus. I know what happens on Sunday. I know how the first of the week begins.
And so I hope that when I am asked to sit quietly on my "day in between" I will do so with a little more faith that Easter will come. That salvation will arise. That Light will triumph over darkness...and that sometimes I must be still and quiet and be faithful in my waiting.
And so Happy Good Saturday, my friends...as we sit and wait for Sunday, may we remember that in all our darknesses there is an Easter coming.

That was the Day Between 
the Night Before-
The blood
still wet upon the hill;
His body
and still;
the great stone sealed
with Roman seal
and guarded well.

Many a Judean home
had now become 
a lesser tomb
within whose walls
men lay,
whose Life had died
That Day.

Looking back
we cannot share
their black
For us
He is the Risen Christ,
as He had said:
for them, that Shabbat,
all life died-
for He was dead.

That was the Day Between
the Night Before.

This is my Day Between,
my Night Before...
in this interim
let me be still,
let me adore,
let me remember

April 20, 2011

In the darkness

It's been a long time since I've found myself burning the midnight oil.
When I was single, when Brett was deployed-times when there was no one around to know just when I went to bed, it was easier then to not let the sun rise without fully hashing something out with God.

But honestly it was needed tonight-for me to get out of bed, go sit in the chair....get down on my knees and listen...

Listening is the hardest of all the work. Its where I fail the most. I fill up my silences with worry, with questions, with answers ( of my own making...usually wrong), with distractions.

But tonight the weight on my shoulders just got too heavy and it forced me down (to my knees). And I am glad of it.

Friends, I am not totally better-the weight is still there, the lump is in my throat. And I know, I'm not explaining what the weight is exactly, and that's because I'm not even sure myself! I just know that I've been having more and more arguments with my fleshly self and my fleshly self keeps winning. I also know that there are humungo changes going on in the ministry we're involved in and its left me feeling lost and confused of what to do next. Anyway, those are the factors, and its not like they are now magically gone. But I would like to share this poem with you:

The growing darkness closes in 
like some thick fog, 
engulfing me-a creeping horror-
till I learned, 
"the darkness hideth not from Thee" ( Ps 139:12)

"The earth was without form and void." 
Upon the deep
such darkness lay;
O Light, Who first created light,
do Thou the same 

As in a darkened room
one knows-
knows without sight-
another there,
so, in the darkness,
sure I knew,
Thy presence,

and the cold despair,
formless and chaotic, merged
to a soft glory;
as a child
terrified by dark,
lies quiet
within his mother's arms,
no wild
fears shall torment,
my weakness now. 
The dark-the dark-
surrounds me still. 
But so dost Thou!
~Ruth Bell Graham

I am still in the dark about what I need to do next, but I do know Who is with me...and I think that was it! I think I was starting to doubt His being there...as though because I'd been naughty He'd left and was now "teaching me a lesson" by not being there...silly silly and wrong thinking!
In reading the rest of Psalm 139 ( seriously, can the Psalms get any better than this one?!? Honestly! Its for reals my favorite...if a favorite was to be had) I was struck by verse 8..."If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol you are there."  I was reminded right here that He is with us no matter WHAT messes or successes we get ourselves into, HE is the same yesterday, today and forever...He is not dependent upon how I handle myself! Whew! Sometimes I need reminding of that. Jesus IS unconditional Love.

April 19, 2011

My ring tone for her is the Friend's theme song

Today is my sister's birthday. She's....twenty two. Just kidding. But seriously. She pretty much hasn't aged since she was ten so she might as well be.

My sister and I had a complicated relationship right on up until it became really UNcomplicated, and then proceeded to be one of the safest, most fun, beneficial friendships that I have. My sister is seriously my best friend and THANK GOODNESS we have the same phone provider or I'd be spending some SERIOUS dough on phone minutes.

No one else understands my views on cake, really good hotel rooms, incredibly nice handbags, cute shoes, good sales people, responses to annoyingly friendly people in grocery stores, bad reality TV, Gilmore girls, Friends, The O.C., gossip magazines like "us" weekly, thank you cards sent in a timely fashion, proper party throwing, the rules of showers, how crazy/awesome The Parents are, the need for summer vacations, frozen yogurt, pregnancy, and child rearing quite like my sister.

Notice how cake was first on that list.

That's embarrassing...but I'll make the excuse that its because its her birthday and therefore cake was on my mind. But really we all know better.

I know, bad picture, right? But I think it captures our relationship nicely...

Happy Birthday, Sister-Friend.

April 11, 2011

Some times Mondays can be SO cliché

Today our air conditioner broke, and I don't have to tell you-since I live in the South and its mid-April that this is TRAGIC. 
So, Ransom is currently slumming it in a diaper and t-shirt. And I've got fans going all over the house. 

And just to make this a really SPECTACULAR Monday, I also had a dentist appointment. 

But, just so I'm not JUST complaining on this post-my dear friend Rolinda watched Ransom for me while I was at my appointment. And I scored a window air-conditioner unit from the repairman ( who could do nothing for us) while we wait on the REAL repairman to show up. Which means that tonight we can all camp out in our bedroom if worse comes to worse. 

And I made a rather freeing decision to NOT make dinner tonight. We're having pizza and I'm way excited about it. 

Chillin' in front of the fan....

April 08, 2011

In this scene...

It is important, as in a good movie, to a have a soundtrack that corresponds with the mood of the scene. OR in my particular case, you need a soundtrack to CREATE a certain mood.

I call the mood I'm currently going for "I'm-actually-quite-excited-about-cleaning-my-house" mood. Its a very difficult one to achieve so it required a whole bunch of cheese and a lot of songs I'm embarrassed that I love. oh wait. No I'm NOT embarrassed that I love, because I'm no longer a slave to any hipster friends I've had(have) a long the way...nope I no longer have to keep up any pretenses. I am pretty darn lame. And I love it this way...

And thus my play list:
Brand New Day, Ryan Star
Firework, Katy Perry
Party in the USA, Miley Cyrus
Jar of Hearts, Christina Perri
Defying Gravity, Glee Cast
Take a Bow, Glee Cast
7 Things, Miley Cryus
Que Sera Sera, Sly and The Family Stone
Boom, Flight of the Conchords

And that's 30.7 minutes...which I think should do it for at least THIS part of the house.

April 06, 2011

You've Got Mail

I remember when I was in third grade my best friend's little sister made me a present. It was a shoe box full of random things-basically a bunch of toys from her room...it was really cute, and I remember there was a little tiny basketball and several other happy meal toys involved.

Let's just say she was a gift giver and I always loved her for it.

Years later and she's grown into one of the coolest chicks I know. I love following her blog, as well as the blog she and her husband write about their experience running a home for troubled boys.

And today I got a little present from her, this time it was not in a shoe box:

And when I opened it, this is what I found:

Em makes a whole slew of precious crocheted items... You should really check out some of her great stuffs for sale immediately, and you should know that a portion of the proceeds of anything you buy goes to some great organizations, so go visit and peruse! ...NOW

An post a day keeps the doctor away..

I think I must be getting Ransom's cold. I suppose on one hand I'm grateful that I'm just now getting it-I dont think I could have done those several nights of hardly any sleep with a cold. But, now he's doing better at night and he seems to be feeling better.

In other news we're having a "bring your own meat" BBQ for anybody and everybody that goes to any of the Nav bible studies on post-at our house on Friday night. And then I'm throwing a baby shower on Saturday. General consensus is to wait and clean my house on Saturday morning rather than risk it being messed up on Friday night-even though most people will be staying outside. However, I HATE waiting till the last minute to do things before parties. *sigh*
I guess this is what happens when your house gets double booked.

I just drank my last diet coke. 

I've already started dinner for tonight, (its in the crock pot) but really I just want pizza. *sigh*

Incidentally,  one of my favorite times of the day is getting Ransom up in the morning, he's so cute and snuggly and all in all fun to be with. I never thought I'd like something that generally happens WAAAAY too early, but there you go...he's jut so cute: 

April 04, 2011

Against the Status Quo

Last night, Ransom woke up every hour starting at 11:00pm, 12:23am, 1:50am, 2:48am, 3:56am...all the way until 8am. And it wasn't just a drop of the pacifier, it was full on wailing that required extensive consoling.
Honestly, we haven't had this bad of a night since....I don't know when. But, when you've got an unconsolable child in your arms, and your delirious with sleep-that's when the tears come ( on my part, not his...I mean, he's ALREADY crying). And let me tell you, there is little that can be of comfort to a Mommy at that point.

But, it did help me to pray last night-so I got some good prayer time in for the guy who's living with us-facing various life changes and questions at the moment. For all the new mommies I know-believe me, nothing like my own sleepless night to remember LOUD (literally) AND CLEAR how rough those first three months can be....Of course, I cannot speak upon the quality of the prayers, but the Spirit intercedes for us so I know He understood.

As for today, I'm honestly still not sure what's wrong with Ransom-its either a weird cold or his teething this go around is more painful that he's experienced till now. BOTH top teeth are coming in-which I suppose means his vampire days are numbered. I just hope that's all that is going on with the little one...I would like my full nights sleeps back as SOON AS POSSIBLE. Mamma needs her beauty rest, for reals.

April 01, 2011

Watching Daddy head off to work...

A weird "miracle".

This morning things started waking me up at 6am. I was annoyed. It was like ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER. And I kept saying to myself, "I'VE GOT THIRTY MORE MINUTES BEFORE MY ALARM GOES OFF!!!"

But, finally when Brett turning the water off and on in the bathroom and a text message FINALLY made me sit up and turn on the light, say enough is enough...I realized I hadn't even SET my alarm and I would have overslept my time with Jesus anyways....

Of course, if this was REALLY* ( *joking here)  a miracle God would have just woken me up exactly at 6:30 so I wouldn't have had to loose that extra thirty minutes of sleep.

Don't worry, I calculated in a little extra "regular" into my coffee grounds this morning...I'm fine.

Incidentally Ransom and I are listening to "Toddler Radio" on Pandora...honestly I always wondered why parents listened to crappy music, but apparently its because there kids are REALLY cute when they are dancing along. Who knew?!