August 25, 2005

Looking at it upside down and backwards...

Anyone that has read even THREE of my posts would agree with me when I say that I am emotional person. I take those personality tests-and I get to that question about whether you go by your emotions or by facts when making a decision and I always click emotions.
Not to say that I just disregard facts, but as a whole I go by what I feel.

Anywho, that isnt really what I want to talk about-its just a background/disclaimer to say that yesterday was not my proudest moment when it came to my emotions:

Yesterday, the facts:
I worked a 10 hour day.
Went to Wal-mart to buy two more panels of curtains and cough medicine.
Went and worked out.
Came home, got a call from my co-workers mother to say she wouldnt be able to work until Monday.
Put up curtains, found they were the short version of what I already had.
Tried to clean up some boxes that I had been planning on taking care of on my now nonexistent day off.
Went to church....

Ok, I had better stop, because those are pretty much the only "facts" I can write about without inserting emotion....because THIS is what happened:

Yesterday, the emotional version:
By the end of yesterday I was totally hating work, I mean, my job IS really great, but its funny how both SLOW days and BUSY days have their bad points...BUSY days I get yelled at by stressed doctors a lot more...but on SLOW days...I go a little crazy. The result of yesterday was that by the time I left work I had NO patience left. Besides that, I was coming down with a cold and my throat hurt and my body ached. I was tired, but I knew I wanted to get some more curtains-so I went to Wal-mart for the fourth time that week....which I hated. I hate Wal mart most of the year, but somehow its multipled when all the University students come back into town-you dont realize just HOW much you DIDNT miss the Frat guys and the Soci Girls until they come back in all their evil matching shirts, baseball cap wearing, beer holding glory...
After THAT experience I went to work out....I actually sat in the parking lot and considered not going...buuuuut, Anna said SHE was working out so I should too...she wasnt there yet, but I went in anyway and proceeded to be there for the next thirty minutes and it was only until I got back into my car even more tired and sweaty than get a call from Anna saying she was JUST getting off of work. Boo! I felt sorry for both of us at the same time.

In finally arrived home and was JUST pulling in, when I got a call from my co-workers mother saying she wouldnt be into work until monday-doctors orders....
AHHHHHHHHHHH! I wanted to cry! I was sooo tired, my throat hurt and I just wanted to go to bed.
Instead I called Anna and complained to her. After hanging up I realized that I now had a LOT more to do-since I no longer had all of Thursday to clean house and do odd jobs that I had put off....Soooo, I took medicine feeling really good and sorry for myself...muttering angry thoughts under my breath while I put up my new curtains...only to find that I had gotten the WRONG ONES. Meeeeh! I was sooo bummed!

Later, at church, I realized that when I was trying "clean up" and throw boxs in the dumpster I had thrown away my new curtains that I needed to return to Wal-mart. Double BOOOOO!

I got home from church and was climbing around in the dumpster trying to get my curtains back when some guy came over to help me:
Guy: "You need some help."
Me: YES! I accidently threw my curtains away!!
Guy ( getting the curtains out): Here you go.
Me: Thank you SOOOO much!
Guy: So do you live here?
Me: Yup, just moved in.
Guy: Oh yeah? Where?
Me: Over in the 400s ( waving hand in general direction)
Guy: So, are you a penecostal?
Me: ( suprised laugh) Um. No...I am just wearing a long skirt and I have long hair! HAHAHAHA!
( I then realize that I SHOULDNT be making fun, since this guy is OBVIOUSLY a penecostal.oops.)
Guy: ( looks a bit uncomforable) Oh. well. Uh...its just that you REALLY look pentecostal.

I got home and immediately cut up my skirt to where it hits right below the who cares I wasnt wearing any make-up and I had piled my hair ( still wet from shower) up on top of my head ? Do I reeeeally look that pentecostal?!? I got pictures like this flashing before my eyes and my vain side really took a beating. meeeh.

Yes, anyway....thats enough about yesterday, I really felt convicted about my bad attitude last night- I delt badly with the not-so-my-way day that I had been given. I was being a selfish little brat. I am truly sobered by my actions. *sigh*

And to add to my lesson I read this blog, this morning....good stuff...

Besides, I dont think it was a coincidence that I was reading a past post of mine that I wrote during a very difficult period- when ACTUAL bad things were happening ( not just stupid petty stuff like yesterday) :

So, you havent heard too much from me in the past few days...and to tell you the truth you havent missed TOO much when it comes to the goings on of my brain ( which is what this blog is, just in case you didnt know)....I havent THOUGHT much at all...autopilot is what times like these really calls for.
And this is why I have been thinking about my auto pilot really have to work on it! I mean, if you dont reeeeeally focus on what is inside of you, not just to cover it up, but to actually FIX it ( which can only been done with the grace of God) ....then when your normal pattern of thinking is interrupted and you go into the "automatic settings" what is there? Whats going to come out? its a scary thought....its times like these that there is no pretending....there is no "save face" ....its just the REAL you. *shudder* I am telling you, this is sobering! If all of YOUR social graces were stripped....all of your ability to cover up and make excuses were gone....what would be seen? Would there be God's grace there to cover up what was left?
The end result is, I am so glad I am a christian, I am glad my life is covered in Jesus.

Weeeeeellllll.....take about a slap in the ol'pride-face! I guess I'll end this confessional post with my continual thankfulness that I AM covered in God's grace-even after a bad-attitude day...I know that He has not given me up for Lost. Today is a new day....

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