September 01, 2005

Once more...with feeling

Ok, so I just spent the last two hours-between bouts of work trying to write a post about yesterday....finally I gave up, deleted it...and now we start over:

As you may have noticed-it was my day off yesterday ( aka no post from me).
It was a good, productive day off because decisions were made...along with a huge marathon of DVD watching, a trip to the coin counting machine and the supermarket plus a extremely good time at the gym with my sister, really blessed prayermeeting at church, followed with a introduction to a baby squirrel and an overseas phonecall.

So, back to the decisions...actually looking at all I did yesterday, its really surprising I made any at all.

The first one was sort of spur of the moment decision-I am going to visit my Aunt and Uncle this weekend in Cleburne....I'll be sure to give Aunty D. my love from the blogging community ;-) I decided to take advantage of my long weekend and get out of town-even if the gas prices are out of control...I have a feeling they are only going to get worse...and besides......I need a change of scenery with some beloved people.

The other decision has taken a lot longer. Its sort of being ruminating under the surface for quite sometime...years even. In fact, its been going on for so long there is really no where I feel like would a backtrack for the record books...and personally i just dont have the time, and neither do you.
So, I'll just go straight to the "simple explanation."
I am finally feeling settled in my apartment, my place here in Nacogdoches. I was given a little shock a few weeks ago when I realized I might be here for even longer than I expected. But, the days following I have been repeatedly encouraged by how God has reinforced that HERE is where I should be-in ALL aspects of my life...very very much what I needed.
So, now that the settling is starting to take affect I have realized the importance of not being TOO comfortable. As in, being a bump on a log. Something I have definitely been guilty of in the past months. And after a re-affirming conversation with a Dear One I have decided it is time to make a little dedication to a particular passion of mine that I have never quite focused on like I knew I should. I am going to write....everyday.
And not just my blog and my journals...that's not really writing...that's more like talking in print. No, I am going to really WORK on my writing...
I dont know what it will accomplish, what it will lead to, or even what I will write...but I dont know how else to say it but that I really feel like I should do this...In fact, I feel so strongly about it now-that I actually feel like up until this point it hasnt been the right time. But now the time has come.

I tell you this, because I am kinda scared...for various of which is that I wont keep it up. I mean, I have never been one to push myself very hard...shoot, I didnt even do ASSIGNMENTS until the last the idea of making my writing back into something I do for more than just fun is....well....a big deal. It brings up a whole slew of super scary stuff, insecurities, fears doubts...which just reinforces that its probably the right thing! ;-)

All in all, its been a long time coming. And I think I am finally ready. Scared, but ready.

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