April 29, 2006

A little update, a little post to myself...

Party went well...the graduate girls looked like sparklingh Princesses which was, well, what Anna and I had hoped for! And there was MORE than plenty food which was, well, important...and the punch didnt run out...and no children got hurt...and my father didnt have a heartattack so all in all it was a grand affair! :-) I would have to say seeing the finished result of the month of preparation made the last minute stesses MORE than worth it!
Now to start planning for next year...hehehe.

Tonight, went and had sushi and then to the Ultimate Frisbee all-night tournament to support Thomas....and then home to a MUCH needed quiet time...

Disclaimer: Now, this next part of my post is probably not going to make MUCH sense for anyone but me...but, meh, who cares? I've been so slack about not blogging what's really going on in my head I figure I'm due for one of those "confusing" posts....

So, this past week I've been having some SERIOUS spring cleaning. Not the normal kind. The SPIRITUAL kind.
I never realize how many false thoughts, selfish stuff, and fear mongering ammunition I've been carrying around until slowly they get put in the Light and slowly stipped away.
Now, dusting makes me sneeze, and I personally really hate doing it...and in the same way I have to admit, while this "cleaning out" has been really really good and important, I wouldnt say its been PLEASANT. Kinda like me sneezing for half a day after house cleaning...

And in hindsight, I probably should have done a LOT more praying this week. But, instead I just kinda took in the lessons without the help. Which, PS. I wouldnt recommend.

But, hindsight is twenty/ twenty, and its exciting to think of what all this housecleaning is preparing for...Here's hopin I'm being cleaned out for a good party or something! ( I always like to think its about a "party"! )
To be more specific a lot of the things that have been stripped away lately have been New Zealand related...dreams...relationships...they've all been put into a new light. Mostly its been painless, but its kinda left a serious "emptiness" in its place. I dont like empty, I'm a clutter girl myself....I think a not of RE-focusing is in order. God never fails to give me new purposes and NEW things to get excited about, its actually been a real delight to see how my heart has already been slowly refocusing on the things I'm called to do at the moment. Its almost been a shock to realize that I'm living out dreams RIGHT NOW.
Woo, who needs waiting? ;-)

I gotta admit I feel a bit scared though, scared that even after giving up all these things that arent for me, that nothing WILL come and replace it...that I'll be kinda stuck in some mature/boring rut. I'm forever afraid of "boring"...I'm forever afraid of "normal"...I know I say this a lot, its probably my biggest complaint or worry....I realize that!
Yup, its the way the devil can easily attack me...he'll just whisper something like, "You're only 22...and you're life is totally mediocre...you dont do anything exciting.....other people your age are getting ready to do cool things...you dont have ANY aspirations...etc. etc."

Umm...yeah, I know, even as I type it I get this weird lump in my throat and my heart starts beating all fast like...the lump is feeling sorry for myself, BELIEVING these lies...and heart is getting angry, NOT believing the lies!
My heart wins the day:
Everyday is a GIFT....and ( since everything revolves around people/relationships with me) last night I was surrounded by wonderful wonderful people who I LOVE...tonight I had GREAT fun with great friends...I really am SUPER lucky.

It's all about re-focusing...focusing on what's right in front of me, and not on the past...or ( in my case) the future. So, what's waiting tomorrow?

Oh, give me a heart for tomorrow, a love for those I've been given, may I minister where I'm needed, pray where its lacking, love where its hard....

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