On June tenth I wrote a letter, but just now found it under my bed...I kind of stink at getting letters TO the mail box a lot of the time...but....after reading it, I decided NOT to send it and instead to post an excerpt of the letter here. So here's the letter ten days later:
......So exciting news in Abigail world (me speaking in third-person in a letter! hahaha!: I got an interview for the alumni coordinator job I was telling you about-After a WEEK of silence ( upon submitting my resume/letter). Dude, I THOUGHT I was patient...turns out I am not patient. At. All.
But, after a horrible week or me waiting. On Thursday night I had a really good prayer time. I realized that while this job is exactly the kind of thing I get excited about, I DIDNT care. I didnt care at all. All I really wanted to do was serve God in whatever I am doing-honestly, that sounds way cheesy. But, take away the cheese and I felt rather peaceful about it. Peaceful on both sides, since I'd actually sortof been worrying about whether me having a "real" job would effect the various ministries I feel strongly about. So, really, now-if I DO get this job I will know God'll hel me adjust...
Of course, the very next day I got the call for the interview ( coincidence? I think not.)
But, before I get ahead of myself. I have an interview with the ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS on Thursday! That's SEVEN people ( it ended up being four..) I get nervous for interviews where I have to please ONE person! Not four women and three men...covering the rangers of ages and backgrounds. Good grief! ( ummm...since when do I say "good grief"?! Obviously, in handwritten letters that's when..)
But, honestly, secretly I'm excited. It'll be a challenge. And I havent had a professional challenge in I dont know how long. Besides, I can BOMB the interview and still get the job if that's how God want to do it. It basically has nothing to do with me. I step back and look at how God's brought me to this point-I can honestly say that a year ago this job would have freaked me out-Sure, I wouldnt have told anyone...I told everyone I WANTED a good full-time job! But secretly I was scared. Scared I couldnt do it. Scared that by having a good job I'd some how get sucked into living in Nacogdoches forever. Scared that I'd loose my not-ready-to-grow-up-22-year-old Identity.
Well, I still admit some of the "scared I cant do it." is still there, but I think its a healthy amount of fear. And the other fears...well, I can see exactly how slowly and patiently God's worked those things out in my life...I no longer FEAR Nacogdoches, I no longer think my desire to travel and experience other cultures has come to a tragic end. I dont know HOW or WHEN or WHERE. But, I can confidently and happily go about a "normal" ( life isnt normal anywhere) life here with the confidence that my love for other countries-basically the WORLD, is for a reason ( guess I didnt see my exciting New Zealand trip coming did I? hehehe)
Surely I wouldnt have that love if I wouldnt get to USE IT sometimes?
I no longer fear loosing my not-growing-up-Identity. Because I now know I'll ALWAYS get excited about silly things and be totally childish over really random things...and I dont think me getting a job will change that. Besides I get carded EVERYWHERE. That'll keep you young!
So, even if I dont get this job it has been a cool lesson in God's faithfulness. He is faithful to work us over-slowly or by just tossing us in the deep-end...either way His ways of teaching are PERFECT. His TIMING is PERFECT.....