September 13, 2006

community didnt blog for a day or so. Which isnt very long.
Not long at all actually.

But it was for me ;-)

For whatever reason I am back to posting a little earlier than I thought I would ( I was going for this weekend...hahaha). And its mostly because of my blogger friends...I'm talking the ones who actually blog themselves, not just all you dear ones who read ( I love you too!)...Carmi, Bing and then Sam all said things I was really interested in... for various reasons...and I was thinking about how I loooove them and I love the interesting discussions we use to get into and then I realized...we still do-its just in a different form!

So I'm back.

And I'm going to go back in time...all the way to Monday evening....which possibly defeats the purpose of not posting that day-but I guess not because ultimately I realize my posts arent always the result of spur of the moment venting-they can actually mean MORE than that. And maybe, that's what this "little break" was about...finding the difference.

OK, so anyway, Monday evening I made a really striking discovery about myself:
I'm NOT a nice person. ( oooh sure...that's not new information-but sometimes it hits you really SMACK in the face and then it FEELS new.)

Let me back up and explain: I would generally say I'm a "loving" person. I like people a whole lot. I like new people, I'm generally fascinated by mankind in the broadest of senses of the word.

So, when I think about "loving others" in the Godly sense...I'm like- "sweet, I've got that one covered!"

But, then I'm given Testers.

Testers are the hardest sort of people, they spend a tremendous amount of their time "testing how far they can go" before you'll break and NOT be loving anymore.

Turns out...I didnt get very far.
So, back to Monday night-I was praying before Bible Study...for all the girls that were coming-and a little part of a verse struck me. " His good and perfect will" ...

I was like, "Huh...that's good...I definitely want THAT for Bible Study tonight-let me look it up..."


Maybe my Bible Wiz readers already KNOW what passage I was being taken to...but I was a tad behind-but it didnt take me LONG after reading Roman's 12to catch up and realize
that I was greatly in need of some Spiritual Help.


Because there was NO WAY that I could in ANY earthly what was being asked of me in that Chapter.

I so often get into a little rut of doing "good things" in my own strength..and that will only take me so far. It will take me to last week...when I didnt answer my cell phone for DAYS ( where was my "ministering spirit" then?) and when I was annoyed to find people in my house while I wasnt there ( wasnt that one of the things I wanted to have about my home? That others feel welcome NO MATTER what?!) ...Yes, I realized my goodwill had a limit.

And I decided on Monday that I wasnt satisfied with My limit is only loving to loveable people.

And, well, that's not good enough.

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