"february 12th 2005"

I bet you won't believe this...but its true, I remember just about everything I've written...I remember things I've written in my "handwritten journals" years and years before and can spend hours finding it...I also remember just about everything I've ever written on my blog-luckily there is a much faster way to search this one....( internet searches! woo!)

So, this morning I woke up at 7am...and couldnt go back to sleep...my stomach was in knots. I was stressed beyond belief. Ahhh but, I've been stressed enough in my day to know "normal" stress from "spiritual" stress... ( this was the later) so got out of bed...curled up on my couch and tried to deal with it.

I think the breakthrough came with this song...which I had posted on my blog back in February of 2005...

At that time I was dealing with a whole OTHER set of problems...I was doubting decisions that I had made...not that I thought they were WRONG per say...more that I couldnt believe ANYTHING that God wanted me to do would make me THAT unhappy ( I was fighting homesickness for New Zealand pretty much every moment of every day) turns out it took a tad longer than "presto! you're fine!" to get on the path that God had for me...it also turns out that I learned MORE about God during that time, than...well lets just say, I wouldnt exchange it for anything!


Will I believe You when You say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

I will walk by faith even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares your will for me

Help me to rid my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

I will walk by faith even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares your will for me

Well I'm broken but I still see your face
Well You've spoken
Pouring your words of grace

I will walk by faith even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares your will for me


Thing are different now...different challenges are facing me, a new set of lifechanging decisions ( arent they always?). But that same fear has gripped my heart. Oh, how I hate this fear! How I hate self doubt. But is it really self doubt or am I doubting the Lord that holds me in the palm of His hand?!

Oh, increase my faith, Oh Lord...that I might live a life that is Worthy.