December 14, 2006

too much is too much.

I'm hooooome!!! And while I'm sooo happy to be here with all "my things". I can see why it was a good idea for me to not push this homecoming too quickly! Its sooo much harder to stay still and in bed when I have all sorts of things I could do.

Also, the bathroom is waaaay far away now. *sigh* oh how awful it is to live in such a giant apartment ;-)

In other news, Esther and Christa were FABULOUSLY sweet today and in the midst of all that they had to do today ( take their last two finals!!!) they made me lunch! Honestly, I've got the greatest friends in all the world.

Aunt Donnave has gone home after taking care of me for days. She was truly a wonderful blessing to have as a nurse...and I still every so secretly want to be "just like her when I grow up"...

Now, I am lying quite still in the hopes that I'll feel up to going to Katie's house for a "relaxed dinner" this evening...I know, I know, I probably shouldnt push it...but I want to see Nancy-Cotton! ( not her real name) she's come all the way from Monterrey Mexico and she's been here since monday and I still havent seen her :-(
So, yes, lying quite still....

And I just talked to Louise...and she's MOST PROBABLY coming to visit in February 2008 ( never hurts to plan ahead)....and THAT'S Wonderful news...along with the prospects of Kristy coming to visit THIS february for a few days...I feel like my cup truly runneth over!

Maybe its the drugs, but dont I have wonderful wonderful friends?!

I mean, by march of this year I will have had visits from FIVE friends from around the globe. I was talking to Donnave about how very small the world has gotten and how really wonderful that is......I remember how very frightened I was when I first moved back to Nacogdoches ( aka. small town middle of no where) that I would some how "miss out" on all the excitment that the world-travelling bite had left me hungry for....but now, Two Years Later ( yes, two years ago yesterday I cried and cried and cried as I got on that plane in Christchurch New Zealand-pleading with God that He would somehow change His mind and not make me "get lost back in Texas")

But, God abounds in grace...and the past two years I wouldnt trade for ANYTHING....

I had to adjust to the grand USA living again-which is actually more different than one might think.
I came home to family drama that is usually only reserved for Lifetime Movies that you laugh at and say "things like that dont reeeeally happen"!
I was shown the Grace of God over and over again when I reached the "Limit" that I set for myself, thinking that I ABSOLUTELY could NOT go any further than that in faith...when I got to that point, there was just a little bit more to be had.
I dealt with homesickness for New Zealand well up until the middle of this past year...and then one day, God just TOLD ME that I couldnt go back in time and live that life again...and I realized in that moment, that I was ok with that.
And I was.
And a month later God graciously gave me a trip "home" to New Zealand through my generous parents.
So, I went back this time only for a visit, but it was just the way I would have it...and I realized all over again why I loved my friends so much. In fact, I realized they were EVEN better than I had remembered.
Which kind of leaves a little feeling of twinginess when you realize that you dont get to have these wonderful people "close by"...and that always kind of hurts.
But, then again, I have been given the most wonderful friendships back in Texas. I absolutely LOVE the friends that God has brought into my life in the past two many of them, people that I have "known forever"...but who I have re-met...and re-loved all over again in a much more delightful way.
This year God has given me a new job that lets me be far more creative and stretch myself to the point of stress...which brings up all sorts of new lessons about God...leaning on Him for ALL THINGS.
This year has brought a Bible Study of the most wonderful girl friends that I could have asked for...these girls have continued to teach me of struggle and victory and love and laughter..and I absolutely LOVE Mondays because of them.
This year has brought yet another new place to live...and this time all alone. But, its been fun...and perfect for all the things that life has brought for this period of time.
This year has brought visitors......which teaches all sorts of things about "being loose with plans" and even looser with ones personal time and weird ways of doing things...its all about being humble and realizing How far I still have to go to reach my dreams...and yet...along the way I've got GRAND friends to help me get there.
This year has brought pain. A pain that until a few short months ago I didnt really know what it was. And it was very very trying and I found that in moments of pain there is really just you. You and God. That's it. And that's ALL that is really needed.
This year has brought Brett...and while you might argue that he's only been a real part of my life for just a few months...well, you'd totally lose the argument because he's been around since early February at the latest...and he just WOULDNT GO AWAY. Thank goodness...and what lessons it has brought! I have learned more about myself and about the greatness of God from our relationship-through its many little stages- than I could have ever imagined one could.
This year has brought a greater love for my family who are really just my friends who also share the same strange genes...

Now, I'll share a little secret with you ( isnt this fun? when was the last time I had such a long blog post!!?)...when I was finishing up my last semester in New Zealand and I knew that God wanted me to come back to Texas I put a handy-dandy little time frame on that move. I decided that I would stay in Texas until March 2008...and that seemed really really REALLY far off. But, now its just around the corner. And I'm happy to say that I'm going to let my timelimit pass me by...without making a NEW time frame to go on. Its a lot LOT harder to not have set amounts of time to look forward to, and count down to (especially for someone who gets as stir crazy staying in one place as I do), but I honestly feel that if ANYTHING that last two years have taught me that the Plans that the Lord has for us are far far more imaginative and wonderful and hard and stretching and colorful and surprising and heartwrenching and fantastic than I could ever EVER conceve. Which leaves me here...on the brink of another grand year Post-New Zealand....and I am happy. Happy to leave it. Leave it where it has been this whole time.
In Thy Hands, O Lord, I leave it.

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