October 18, 2008

lean on... Lead on

Well, after a call from my sisterinlaw I realized my blog is more of a ramble than a reliable source of information. Of course, I would love to say that things are going to change- but let's be honest that probably isn't even possible for me these days ( I hardly know what's happening myself). But for the sake of keeping facts alive.... Last night Brett told me that he'll be leaving for the big A on the fifth of November and with that sentence came a whole wave of emotion that I THOUGHT I was ready but apparently I was wrong. The fact that we literally have ten days left to see each other total ( including days he will still be doing training....) makes me want to scream, " it's not enough time!"
More than anything I am surprised by the tears- they keep squeezing out all the time even when I am talking to someone about something totally different, I feel so horrible and weak thinking of all the countless women and families going through far worse than I. Where is my strength? Where is my resolve?
In Christ. He is our strength, our resolve.

I have applied for an ungettable job at State Farm Headquarters, that with the help of my friend katies inside connections I might get an interview for next week... But honestly, being back here I am struck at how I had hoped God would give me some big " purpose" while Brett was gone so that I would feel some sort of comfort or drive to this coming year without him... But now I know that will not happen. There is no quick bandaid for this. Day by day we must walk, hoping for a strength not of ourselves.

1 comment:

donnave said...

I am with you, Abbey, in heart.