October 19, 2005

The Gated Emotions

So, I live in a "gated community", right? ( which sounds a lot flasher then it is!) And to get in the gate you have to put in your personal 4 digit code...of course, most of the time ( since there are about 200 apartments with an average of about two cars per apartment) there is a car in front of you, and you can tailgate them and get in without going to the trouble of putting in the code...waiting for the code to register...and then for the ( insanely) slow gate to open...

Today, after a loooong day at work where I ate only a little bag of chips and a cupcake, I was insanely irritated and ready to get home and make dinner ( low bloodsugar anyone?) ....I drove into the apartment complex just in time to see two cars in line for the gate...the first one put in the code and we all waited for it to slowly open...and then the inconcievable happened:
The car in front of me DID NOT go on through with the first car, but instead stopped in front of the security box and put in THEIR code!!!!!!
I couldnt believe it! These people were needlessly slowing down the process of me getting home and making dinner!
I threw my hands up in disgust whilest saying, " I cant believe it!"
At that exact moment, the person in the car in front of me, made eye contact with me in their rearview mirror...and, with great horror...I realized it was the evil neighbor that lives under me ( best known for her appearence in "okra vs. greenbeans" and "the owner of the evil dog")
As we drove through the gate ( I did NOT put in my code...but followed her through like a normal person) I tried to decide what to do....drive slowly so that she has time to get home and get in her house?....wait in the car while she gets out, and avoid eye contact until the coast is clear?
I finally decided on a plan I thought had to be foolproof....the famous ( yet never used by me before) trick of the "fake phone conversation"

I arrive at our parking spots, get my phone out and begin my fake conversation as I get out of car and prepare to pass Evil Neighbor on the way to her door....

Me( into my phone): " Ooooh, I KNOW! I couldnt believe it either, *pause for fake person to respond*...mmmmhmmmm...."
( things were going well, and I was almost past E.N. when....
she turns and says :

( remember the hick accent)
EN: Excuse me?

Me: Yes? ( and then into my fake phone: "Hold on just a sec." )

EN: I just wanted to let you know why I didnt go through the gate with the first car....

Me: Oh!? ( trying to act suprised/innocent )

EN: Well, it is the RULES that we put in our OWN code everytime we go through the gate, and they are about to put up SECURITY CAMERAS to make sure everyone does.

Me: (I decide I've left my 'fake friend' hang to long, so I say into the phone again: "hey, hold on a second, ok?") Wow. I didnt realize that!

EN: Yeaaaahh, AAAAAND they are going to start FINEING people that dont put in their code, and...( paused for effect) start SENDING PEOPLE TO JAIL.

Me: (At this point the very shock of her overexaggeration of penalties for gate-miss-use drove me to slam my phone shut): OH! MY! Weeeelllll....I......thank you, so much, for letting me know! ( in my most cheerful telephone voice)

( At this point I get past Evil Neighbor and start heading up stairs, out of danger...but Evil Neighbor...is not through...she begins to elaborate on her threat)

EN: Yeah, and I think they are going to put up fliers really soon about this, so you really need to start following the rules.....


Ok, so that's pretty much the end of the story, the rest is pretty much as you could imagine: Me finally getting away, and going into my apartment and screaming....
So lets recap:
For ONE THING: How is it even POSSIBLE that after all of the honking at early hours ( she's awakened Katie and I several times when she honks at her dog while sitting in her car watching it run around)...not to mention her evil dog barking at ALL HOURS.... and the endless loud conversations for all to hear....how is it that *I* am the one who end up getting reprommanded by *her* ?!?! How is this POSSIBLE? Where is the justice in that???

For ANOTHER THING: Can you believe, I got caught having roadrage? And then ( probably) got caught having a fake phone call....am I THAT lame? ( the answer is yes)

*sigh* luckily its a really good story...one that is actually much better when I do the accents and handmotions along with it...so the next time you see me at a party, remind me to tell it to you again ;-)

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