March 07, 2006


Severe writers block....I had something I wanted to say and I just CANT seem to "make it pretty" for you...blast. The worst thing about being me is that sometimes you feel like you're going to BURST if you dont get something I'm just going to SAY this...and maybe it will just thinking, just writing:

A reaccuring theme of the past year has been me fighting against "normal". It turns out, when faced with normalcy...I break out in a cold sweat and run from the room scream ( figuratively). While I enjoy the thought of getting a paycheck every two weeks like clock work, and I delight in routines...deep down ( well, maybe not even that deep) I am a full blown gypsy. Yup, under my "cool exterior" of hospital scrubs I am wearing a flowy skirt, bangle bracelets and giant hoop earrings ( figuratively speaking, of course). Yes, this gypsy nature lives for a life that allows you to grab your passport and go....but since that is a life that few people live... This nature comes out in other ways....For instance, I truly desire to have such a "go with the flow" nature that I could drop anything and everything for a friend in need, for a long-distance phone call...for a improptu sleepover with a friend that needs some friendly company.

And over this past year I realized that I could hold on to some of my bangles and a couple of my hoop earrings ( figuratively) while still wearing scrubs to work. Yes, it turns out that when we 'grow up' God does not turn us into little carbon-copies of each other ( praise the Lord!) ....He doesnt make us turn in our hopes and our dreams for a pile of "reality"...of course, in saying that, I'm starting to realize more and more, when my dreams actually HAPPEN they dont always look like I thought they would...They are better. Because they are Real. I am happy to say that the Lord knows me better than I knew myself...I didnt realize that I would react so to "the real world" I didnt realize that I was so attached to bangle bracelets ( figuratively speaking)...but God knew, and that is why He, in all his wisdom, gave me a job that lets me be lets me just walk out the door when my Papa calls and has horrible lets me sleep late after an emergency talk-through-it overseas phonecall from a friend in need....because, my dear blog readers...THAT is what I live for. THAT is what makes me grateful that I can be there for those I care for....its why I write this blog, its why I write emails...its why I make phone calls...its why I wear hoop earrings.

Whew. I feel better.

No comments: