August 15, 2006

A desire for something new...

I would really like something NEW…and I’m not talking “things” here…I’m talking….I don’t know, something less tangible.

Like, saaaaay a new problem. This old problem, specifically, this kidney stone…is truly a thorn in my side in EVERY sense of the word. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the pain. I’m tired of giving people updates on whether or not I can feel it today. I hate that not because I dislike talking to those who so obviously care, but more that I wish we could have something ELSE to talk about....something that seems more important. I feel like I'm wasting valuable time and energy on feeling pain. It sucks at life.
It sucks away energy and conversation and relationships and sucks at my very life.
I went to see a movie with my sister, I’d been feeling positively great since Saturday…but then, during the previews… it was back.
I just said, "The kidney stone is back."
Because it was...and it is.

And honestly, I wish I was better at the pain. I wish I could just totally and competely ignore it. But, I cant, because even though most of the time I can do everything that I would normally do in a day, there is something missing...and I cant even put my finger on it exactly, but there is some tiny something that pain steals.

I want this to be gone from my life. I want it to steal from me no longer....but let me say this...until it is gone, may it teach me patience, may it teach me sympathy for others in any kind of pain.
Because that is what I've learned. Pain, in all its various forms, comes to steal...

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