August 18, 2006

the week in review...

I dont even know why I gave this post such a comprehensive title when I most probably wont review anything...hahaha...
But, Friday's always have the tendency to make me look back over the week and wonder if it went ok....
So, once again I'm going to bring up the thorn in my side. The kidney stone was pretty painful last night-and then all night ( I know this, because I kept waking half way up because of the pain)....I've been praying about it, and I feel like I've really not been praying as I should-if that makes any sense.
So, I am now officially on the praying for healing war path. I confess that I lack the faith to believe that God can totally and completely heal me of my kidney stones...not in the sense that I dont think He has the POWER to do it...but that He just WONT.
Horrible. Shocking.
I had no idea that my faith in His love was so weak and flimsy!
I am now not just praying for healing, but simultaneously praying for the faith to pray for healing. (yes, thats possible to do!).
I feel a lot like the women who came up and touched the hem of Jesus's cloak...she'd done everything, spent all her money, spent years doing everything that would eventually fail-and now she turns to Jesus for salvation.
Sure, it hasnt been "years" ( well, i guess it has) and I havent spent all my money ( though if I didnt have such kind parents I'd be in trouble for sure!), but I have sort of lost faith that the doctors will come up with a solution. And now, now that my insurance has failed me too...I just really see no hope.
No hope at all. And I feel that it is only NOW that I start pushing through the crowd.
I guess I'm encouraged by the fact that its ok that I've turned to EVERY other possible solution before REALLY turning to God about this. I know that was wrong of me, but then again, I also know that GOD knows how weak and sinful I am. He's already forgiven me for my lack of faith...
So, that's where I stand. I'm praying. I'm going to pray for something big here. I didnt realize it would be so hard.

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