December 05, 2006

out of sorts

I dont actually know what "sorts" are exactly. But, I really must be out of them!

It started yesterday afternoon, when Thida and I went to my pre-op doctors appointment. Thank goodness Thida was there, because we had to wait for a whole HOUR in which time we played a LOT of Hangman...anyway, after an hour of waiting they decided that there was NO WAY my doctor could see me today ( this brings me to a very important issue about how Doctor's offices are the only business that can be HORRIBLY unbusinesslike and get away with it. Its dreadful.). So, the lady at the desk starts telling me that the next possible day i can be seen is Friday morning. And so I calmly say that this is not possible since I have to work, and I'm already taking time off from said work to HAVE "surgery"....and that's when it hit me:

Ok, so I'm pretty laidback. I'm pretty fine with not knowing that many details, as long as I will "eventually" know some facts and details at a nice designated time. But, HONESTLY....Friday!?! So, the lady at the desk goes away to find out if I could possibly come in on Thursday morning ( I couldnt)....and after she walked away, I promptly start to cry. You know BIG tears that well up and make you blind.
And to be honest, I didnt care AT. ALL.
Because, as Thida so calmly explained it was ONLY RIGHT that I know what was going to happen to me with more than just JUST TWO DAYS to mentally prepare.
So, when the office lady who had only been "civil" up to this point came back and saw me with my big poor-me tears,she immediately changed her "I cant help you" tune and came up with a better game plan.

Thida and I then had to wait for ANOTHER hour for the nurse to come and talk to me about the basic procedures of the surgery ( I still have to go back on Friday to see the actual doctor).

It was dreadfully upsetting. And I'm still upset to a certain degree, and I dont even really know why...the surgery is really simple and I am still SOOOOO excited about having it, anything to get rid of this pain...

But, life just seems to be building up over my head and this morning I woke up worrying about taking Thida to Fort Worth on Friday...hoping that everyone who's coming along for the ride, would have fun. Wondering how we were ever going to get anything accomplished leaving at 4pm since its a pretty longish drive....

And then it seems that on top of that more confusing life decisions I've made in the last few months have all of a sudden started to become even moooore confusing... I dont trust my decisions...I dont trust my brain at all.



Is it possible that I am actually going crazy?!

Is this what it's like?!

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