May 04, 2007

A monkey, an eagle and a dress...

My internet was down last night...ohhhhhh! it was AWFUL. I mean, it was hard for me to not think about the HUNDREDS of emails that I was getting...( turned out to be four..but whatever)...and how I wasnt able to respond to them in a timely fashion...and how I bet people had updated blogs and I wasnt going to be able to read them in an equally timely fashion. It was almost too much to BARE.
Yes. addict. monkey on my shoulder.

Annnnnyway, last night I was having a nice little quiet time...reading Luke 19...when I hear RUSTLING....oh my WORD! Its coming from my bedroom rubbishbin!!!( which really only has papers in it...just so you know...that's where junkmail goes).I sit on my bed not knowing exactly what to do...what if its a MOUSE?! Or something WORSE?! ( my imagination failed me at this point.)
Finally, my quick mind comes to my rescue and decides to get a trashbag...throw it OVER the top of my rubbishbin...dump rubbish bin into trashbag-trapping whatever Hellion is hidding there...
The plan WOULD have worked if the GIANT WOOD ROACH WITH HUGE WINGS AS BIG AS MY FOOT had not clung to the bottom of my rubbish bin when I dumped it into the bag. It was at this point that the Roach, as big as a bear, jumped OUT of the rubbish bin sending me screaming to my bed ( yes, I'm a girl...but believe me if you'd seen the BEAR/ROACH you would have screamed too).
The roach then flew, like an eagle, to the other side of my room where it batted its HUGE wings in the air for several minutes while I collected myself ( not really, I was still screaming) on my bed. I finally grabbed the nearest shoe and proceeded to fight the giant Eagle/Roach until it finally met it's end on my bedroom floor.
It was horrible.

In other news, my father informed my mother that they would be keeping my wedding dress at their house. Thus my mother informed me of this fact while I was trying my dress on for my grandmother. I was totally incredulous about this fact and took the subject up with my father on the telephone last night ( what else did I have to do? my internet wasnt working):

Abigail: Papa, why cant have my wedding dress at MY house? Afterall, its MY dress?!
Papa: The question here is, are you accident prone?
Abigail: That is NOT the question here, the question is why, me...a grown UP. Can't be trusted with her OWN wedding dress! This is rediculous.
Papa: No. That is not the question. Are you disputing the fact that you are, in fact, accident prone? Would you actually say that you are NOT?!
Abigail: What does that have to do with anything?!
Papa: So, chocolate wouldnt end up on your dress?!
Abigail: WHAT?! Chocolate? I'm not going to EAT chocolate in my dress!!! Who do you think I am?!!!
Papa: All I'm saying is, if you asked...Emma...if you asked Emma would she agree with me that, you are infact, accident prone?! Would she agree that this is a good idea to keep it SAFE at my house? What about Lydia what would she say?!
Abigail: Why are you bringing THEM into this?! Did you let ANNA keep HER wedding dress?!
Papa: I dont remember. And besides, I treat you as INDIVIDUALS. I doesnt matter what I did with Anna.
Abigail: It does matter. Anna is accident prone too. And I bet you did let her have her dress. I'm going to ask her tomorrow....

Skip to today...

Abigail ( to Anna): Anna, did you get to keep your wedding dress at your house?!
Anna: I dont remember ( she looked like she remembered).
Abigail: Yes you DO. THINK. ITS IMPORTANT!!!!
Papa: All I'm saying're accident prone.
Abigail: I am NOT accident prone! ( slaming my coffee down on the table for effect...sending coffee all over my skirt.)

true story.

My wedding dress now lives at my parents house, where I will put it on every sunday...right after I wash my hands...


Anonymous said...

oh, abbey! how do you make a crying emoticon w/o the little pictures? well, that's what i''m doing. sorry.

Paul James said...

seriously, how has your life NOT been made into a sitcom already?

Abigail said...

Who's crying?! Why are you crying?!

Anonymous said...

dear Abbey, sympathies and laughs delivered today via this comment. hehe. happy saturday!!

Lyds said...

I have one phrase for you dear Abbey...."I'm a dropper"

Carina said...

Hahaha that's a great story! Even though you made it up.

Abigail said...

Sadly, Carmi, none of this post is fictional. This IS my life.... addictions, giant roaches and accident prone selves and all. ;-)

Esther said...

I am completely with Paul!

Only with Abigail could such things happen.

I laughed out loud at the coffee on the skirt in the midst of our very own Java Jack's . . .
How strangely appropriate.

Em said...

my question is this: did your dad think i would agree with him because i'm wise...or because i'm accident prone too???

for ppl like us, it's a law of nature - white clothing attracts food. just like eggs and cakes are attracted to the clean kitchen floor.

Stacey said...

Hahahahahahaha! I LOVED both stories!
The roach one brought back horrible childhood memories of growing up in good ol' Texas. I guess there actually ARE perks to living up here in the frozen tundra... no roaches! Or really any bugs for that matter.

The wedding dress story is hilarious! I'm so glad you wrote it down so your children could read it one day and then immediately post it on a blog of their own to show all their friends just how "uncool" their mom is! Hahahaha.