June 02, 2008

Painful perspective

I was awakened many times last night in pain. Gotta love the beautiful timing of this endometrosis /kidney stone thing...( I think its possible its stress related.)
And during prayer time this morning ( at 4:30 no less) I was feeling pretty much awful. totally and completely helpless. Life. Its sooo hard.

But, then again this is good, right? No more of me trying to do things in my own strength. I quite literally, CAN'T. Today I went and got another Cat Scan of my abdomen. And then I went to the grocery store. And then I wanted to cry.

Everything is so tiring.

Anyway, now I'm at work and I'm trying to check things off my to-do list.

You see, I really do have the best husband in the world. Last night when I was feeling particularly low he helped me make a to-do list of all the things we need to accomplish in the next three months...making that list quite literally made me feel calmer. Probably because it gave me the sense of control, which we all know is not even true. *sigh* I have so much growing to do. I want so badly to be able to handle all of this better. I want to be calmer, kinder.


Paul James said...

I Read this, thought of you:

"As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me. Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me!" Psalm 40:11-13

Oh, and there's verse 14 which may be of some comfort too :-)

"Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether who seek to snatch away my life;"

donnave said...

Paul, you are the best...that even comforted me!