February 03, 2010

slightly nauseated

So, the question is....am I nauseated because of this BABY that is growing inside me and who hasn't gotten the MEMO about me being in the "TOTALLY AWESOME" second trimester that everyone has told me was "SO GREAT"....oooooooor is the nausea from all of the UNKNOWN life-changing decisions that are coming up today?!?!

Its a toss up.

I realize its been a few days since I've last blog....annnnd really the only relatively good excuse for that, is that Brett has been using my computer's video camera to practice the presentation that he's giving today and that he's been working 24/7 on for the past...two weeks. Seriously. I mean, I've seen Brett...but talking or carrying on a normal life has been out of the question. However, I have not complained ( I promise), because he's here in the kitchen.....and the fact that he just got back from Afghanistan three months ago has not escaped my notices just yet. Nope. I still remember. And I am still utterly grateful for any time that I can see him and breath the same air.
Ok, so right. Yes. Brett's been busy with his Captain's Schooling and I've been busy staring at him while he's working and then...BAM! Saturday happened.
Saturday, Brett and I are driving down the road and he's like, " Soooo, we should decide what posts we'd like to move to in June if I end up not working here at Fort Benning, because I have to tell them what I want on Wednesday."


And out loud, I was like, " Well, I guess..." and then I started listing posts in order of where I'd "want" to go according to people that we know there, established Navigator ministries that I know of, and of course, location ( i.e. Hawaii).

So, yes, I was very calm.

And I was calm all the way up until Monday, because up until Monday it was really just a backup plan. That little list that I'd rattled off in the car, it wouldn't really happen. NOoooOOOoo.....I mean, me having to move somewhere right before or right after having a BABY...and Brett probably missing that Baby's birth because he'd most likely have to go to Ranger School before taking command...oooooh, that wouldn't HAPPEN! (!!!!)

But, then, Monday happened. The day that Brett found out that if he ever wanted to teach at West Point ( which he kinda did) than he really WOULD have to take command of a company right away. As in RIGHT. AFTER. THE. CAPTAIN'S COURSE. Which ends in....ooooooh. June.

So, that brings us to yesterday. The day that I thought. Geez. Wow. Army. It really does like to surprise you and turn your little world upside down over and over again, doesn't it?! So, I started praying like crazy and that brought me to my Bible reading for the day, which started out like this:

Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain....( Ps 127)

And you know what? That was just what I needed to hear! And sure, by the end of yesterday Brett had decided that he should stay on the path that he was already on, the path he'd already semi-decided on...which is to try and get a job here at Fort Benning. And while that would still have to be decided on by the army and so forth and so on...

I just went back to that verse. Because it doesn't really MATTER what we decide or what the Army might decide....THIS HOUSE is being built by the Lord. Our LIVES are being watched over by the Lord.

And yes, I'm scared at what just might happen...I'm scared Brett might miss the birth of our child, that we'll have to move to some new state in six months, that Brett will take Command and immediately be deployed again...these are all things that scare me, and yet I KNOW....with out a SHADOW OF A DOUBT that whatever happens, it will only happen because its come through the Lord's hands first. He will have decided. He will have prepared us.

Ok...the nausea is definitely coming from this Baby. NICE.


Anonymous said...

Wow. Seriously. I was honestly brought to my knees by the lack of faith I possess when I read this. God is using you.

Paul James said...

Your kid doesn't want to be born in Georgia. Georgia is boring. Germany, Korea, Italy, Hawaii, Alaska--you want to make it difficult for him or her to answer the question "Where are you from?" :-)

Katie said...

I'll definately be praying for you and Brett and of course hiphopapotamus. I hate unknowns...probably my least favorite thing in the world. But you have a great attitude as you rest in the Lord's knowing. And...I was nasueous until month 5.

Anonymous said...

yeah for the record I never said the second trimester was perfectly awesome. so not EVERYONE.
In other news, you CANT LEAVE THERE before we MOVE THERE! It isn't allowed! WHO (other than karissa, but for dramatic effect we're leaving her out right and, second of all, she probably wont be there either) am I supposed to hang out with if you leave before I get there?!?!?!?!?! THAT WAS MY PLAN!
Ahem. Also, sucks for you.