May 16, 2010

Midnight in the House of Good and Evil

There are some natural phenomenon that I have yet to understand or be able to explain even a little bit. And one such event is the "smoke detectors only run out of battery in the middle of the night."

Seriously, its a fact. I have yet to meet a smoke detector that went out in the middle of the day after a full nights sleep and maybe breakfast and some coffee...THEN the smoke detector starts doing its intermittent beeping routine to get your attention.

Nope, instead the smoke detector sits quietly in a yet to be discovered room and waits until you're settling into bed for the night. And juuuuuust when you're starting to drift off....BEEEEEP.....silence.
At first you think maybe you are crazy and you dreamed it, just go back to sleep Abigail it was noth-BEEEEEEEPPP!
OK, you definitely heard it this time. And so you sit up and you wait in the darkness for it to go off again.

And that's the other thing. There seems to be no pattern or rhyme or reason to the beeping. I mean, I understand the whole "program the smoke detector to beep when the battery runs down" business otherwise we'd all die in house fires ( or something), But I DO NOT understand the fact that the beeping will wait for many a long minute before beeping again. And then next time maybe it'll beep twice in the spain of two minutes ( just for the heck of it) and then be silent for 20 minutes. HONESTLY! WHY?!?!

So, this all happened last night, and Brett and I both got out of our ultra comfy bed and walked around the house trying to decern which smoke detector was the culprit. Finally it was decided that it must be the one in the hallway ( even though we hadn't caught it red handed just yet) since every time the beeping would go off while we were around one of the other detectors we KNEW it was coming from somewhere else.
So there was Brett...standing on a chair with a drill screwing the screws of out of our smoke detector, at midnight, me standing below him for moral support when Jaymon comes home.
Now, Jaymon is the Lieutenant who is living in our attic. He's a great guy who's desire to learn more about Jesus made him make the crazy decision to live with Brett and his crazy pregnant wife, in their attic. So yeah. Good guy.
And not to mention really funny. This guy has some serious comedic timing. In fact, Brett and I have decided that he is not unlike Kramar from Seinfeld because he has this habit of coming into the room with something random already coming out of his in point:
Brett's on the chair, in the hallway maiming a smoke detector. Its after midnight.
Jaymon comes in...surveys the scene and instead of asking any of those inquiring minds would like to know type questions he busts out with, "Check out my new awesome linen pants!!! Whadda ya think?!!"
And then sticks out a leg all model-like so we can see....

You would have thought that Brett and I had waited up for him for the specific purpose of seeing his new pants and were just "killing time" by murdering a smoke detector while we waited.

Anyway, you probably had to be there to see the humor. Or you at least need to be sleep deprived and assulted by a smoke detectors beeping for an hour to FULLY see the absurdity in the situation. But just take my word for it. Jaymon's an interesting dude. He makes our lives infinitely more fun.

OK, so back to the smoke detector. Brett sufficiently killed the smoke detector in the hallway and I had gotten back in bed, and Brett had gone to the bath room....we had not heard the beeping for a good twenty-five minutes so we felt like we were safe again....but nooooo..


For reals?!? The whole time we were destroying the hallway smoke detector ( which probably took a good 15 minutes to do) the TRUE culprit had waited patiently and in silence in the other bedroom. It then waited until we'd gotten down off the chair, admired Jaymon's linen pants, and put away the screw driver and drill, it then waited until I had climbed BACK into bed and Brett had gone into the bathroom...AND THEN IT GOES OFF.

Do not tell me that smoke detectors do not have brains and aren't vindictive for no reason, because I WILL NOT BELIEVE YOU.


Anonymous said...

No my dear, you didn't have to be there or sleep deprived to see the humor . . . I just laughed out loud ;)
Hope y'all are enjoying the new house despite evil smoke detectors!

Anonymous said...

Haha. Sorry . . . that last one was Esther ;)