October 28, 2010

Sweaty Pits Parent

There is NOTHING quite as awesome as the single mom excuse. I used it liberally while Brett was in Ranger School-mostly about things that required me to take Ransom places...like Chapel, Bible Study, Fun Nights, Parties...pretty much anything that was not the grocery store.

I told myself that it would be SO much easier with Brett around and so I would "wait until he got back" before making any strides to do any "extracurricular" activities.

But then Brett came back.

And it turns out that my child is still on a three hour schedule. He still eats for 45 minutes. He still needs an hour a half nap, that if he misses or gets cut short on -than the next nap is a MESS....and it, in fact, had NOTHING to do with being a single parent and it had everything to do with being a parent. period.

However, even with that realization about my child- I'm also coming to the realization that I DO really, really want to go to the Sunday STS ( STS-Searching The Scriptures) Bible Study. Its basically the equivalent of "church" for me...and I miss how it fed me. -turns out listening to sermons online...not the same thing. Because, I also really miss the fellowship of other believers.

So, I started to put out feelers ( aka I started to tell other people that I was "thinking" about going...), I wanted to put it out there to see if other people-particularly other mothers found it to be as daunting as I did...thankfully I have a sister who's awesome and told me that she too wished she could be a hermit. This was terribly helpful since I also told some other moms who's responses were much more along the lines of "What!?! You mean you haven't already gone to _(fill in blank with any out side house activity)____?! Me and my child have been doing ____ for WEEKS and its been easy-peasy."

THAT is not helpful. Because I know deep down in my heart that these other moms must think its hard too...but acting as though its not places seeds of doubt  that maybe I'm not the Awesome Mom I'd like to think I am ( ha!)....and, geez! Other Moms! Do really have to go laying seeds of doubt in my already doubt filled mind?!?! Ugg.

Anyway, so I'm realizing that I'm lazy...that its SO MUCH easier to stay home and stick to our schedule than it is to go out and have that schedule messed with...

But that confession being said, I'm trying to get myself geared up for the big "break out"...Ransom and I are going to go to STS if its that last thing we do and, yes, I do know that it probably WON'T be the last thing we do... I know that he'll live through it.

He may cry through the whole thing and my pits may get sweaty as I try to maintain a calm outward composure that will convince everyone else there that I'm cool with whatever....but ultimately we'll live through it and I feel like that's the important thing here....its allllll about living through these mini-events.

And....even though this all has to do with being a parent. I am SUPER-DE-DUPER glad that I am NOT having to do these little breakout adventures alone. Brett will be there. And, somehow, that WILL in fact make it easier. Even if my pits still get sweaty.


Anonymous said...

You can do it! It took me a while to feel comfortable with Zuzu out and about, but it was worth it! I learned to nurse in any quiet, out of the way place and we put Zuzu down for naps in her pack-n-play wherever there was a private space. Your solution might be different, but you'll find something that works.

Some day, Ransom will probably nurse faster and less often and then you get the wonder of bigger breaks between feedings. Just something to look forward to!

donnave said...

I know you need the fellowship of others...so important. It was to me, too. But, I also remember loving that cocooning time when the world goes out the window and nothing is as important as your baby.
Such contradictory feelings going on. That is so hard. See if you can find a place where they have a nursery while you have that fellowship. Both of you will enjoy being back together.

Aunt Donnave

Katie said...

I can totally relate as I preferred being a hermit than being on the go...partly b/c motherhood didn't come naturally even though so many people told me it would! liars!

So I started my outings slowly. And I would let him sleep in the car seat in a dark room closeby. And bring my monitor & CD player so I could join the group of whoever I was with. And Sundays for us are still flexible days b/c church times never seem to work with our schedule. But I try to keep days at home spaced between outing days as much as I can so we don't get too crazy. And it gets easier as they get older. That was what other moms told me & it helped me get through! When we moved to the four hour schedule I liked it so much better... :)

And maybe by child #2 or #3 I'll be going to Walmart the week I get home with the baby & back to normal like some of the women around me, but so what if I don't! We'll have seasons when we don't have someone small needing so much of our attention. :)

Stacey said...

Everyone's lying to you.... it's just as hard for them, they just don't want you to think it is FOR THEM.

Here's what I say, looking back on those first days with a new baby... JUST STAY HOME! I know it feels like you've done nothing in like forever, and I know it feels like you'll be doing this same exact thing FOREVER, but surprisingly it will all end. And believe it or not you'll look back and think, "Gee. I wish I would have enjoyed that a little bit more than I tried to."

Or leave the baby home with Brett and YOU just go.

There's my two cents.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your honesty Abigail! I've been thinking about how my life, esp. ministry and fellowship, is going to change come April. I see other women, even in the ministry, do all kinds of things with their two months old children, and I'm amazed (and intimidated). I don't want to pretend I can be like that, and I'm starting to realize that the best things to do for the first [insert number] months is to stay home.

Don't compare yourself to others! I don't have a child yet but that's what I am going to tell myself everyday.


Kristin said...

We don't know each other but I just wanted to say that you're totally right - those other moms had that very same OHMYGOSHICAN'TDOTHIS! feeling - everyone does. But - here's the truth - the more you go out - the easier it gets. The more he learns to sleep in his carseat or in a wrap or baby carrier (an awesome way to get thru any outing, fyi) and the more you learn to juggle everything. It's scary and it's hard - but hermit life is really no fun. Fellowship is needed! Just take lots of deep breaths and know that every other Mommy has been in that very same spot - and we've all survived. :)

And P.S. - he'll cry and he may totally meltdown. This is okay too. Again, we've all been there. Just take deep breaths and get thru it together.