August 28, 2012

Day by day

Yesterday was the longest day in the history of days. We had a scan of Tabitha around 8:30am and then crickets until around 6:30.... Of course the day could be rivaled by Friday which was long and awful in its own way, but at least we were doing things. And I'm a DOER.

So, according to family members, Brett and I kept a calm exterior yesterday which I guess is better than nothing.... That being said, I was glad we ended on a good note- with a visit from our friends, the Woods... Moving to a new room that is much less high-maintenance ( I'm no longer attached to 50 machines!!) .... And of course, above all a visit from both my doctors who gave us hope for today. Hope that Tabitha is slowly fighting. That she hasn't given up yet.

Today we have continued our plod forward. Tabitha continues to make tiny improvements and I feel like my doctors are cautiously optimistic. We could be out of the hospital tomorrow if all goes well, and I'm just praying my body will be willing to handle a flight back to Atlanta + 2 hrs in the car on Friday, which is when we planned on returning. Though, even when my mind goes there I try to push my thoughts back to today. Today is the only day I have, the only thing on which to focus. The only day I've been given the Grace to fight through. And believe me there is just enough grace for today.

Oh how hard it is to see Priscilla's little body every time we check on Tabitha, to hear the ultra sound tech remark at how much Tabitha is moving, when I know that only days ago it was my other little one dancing around the screen. Or even to see Tabitha's little profile and to finally see her stretch out her legs, something she hasn't been able to do with her limited space.... Oh, how I love them both! And how I must remember that even though Priscilla's body will be with us a while longer, her little soul is far from my belly. I think that I love these girls- or even Ransom, who I miss so terribly- though I know he's having the time of his life with our family...yet I know that my Love is not perfect. Not like our Heavenly Father's...and so I remind myself again that this is a Day by Day thing... And so we continue. In Hope. In Faith. Each day with our daily manna from Heaven.


Esther said...

I love you so much my sweet sweet friend. I pray for you and Brett and your family every time I think of you, which has been pretty frequently lately.
Somehow through the blur of tears as I read, I saw the "he's" and "his" in relation to Ransom as "she's" and "her" in relation to Priscilla. And it's true. She is so happy now with her heavenly Father and family . . . and I praise the Lord for that.

A day in the life of a nav wife said...

You are constantly in my prayers. My heart is sad and I know how hard it is to see a baby who has passed on the monitor. I love you my sweet friend. God loves you all so very much! You have such an eternal perspective in all of this. God is glorified through this. Miss you.

Rachael said...

Thanks for posting all your thoughts, feelings, fears, and hopes through all of this. It is an encouragement to more people than you will probably ever know. We love you guys.
The Kochs

Mindy said...

Abigail, my heart breaks for you and your sweet family. Thank you for being so vulnerable and open with your journey and allowing us to grieve with you. Many can memorize scriptures and spout platitudes, few actually live it. My prayers are for you all and sweet Tabitha as you embrace God's plan and allow His love and grace to carry you through. I hope to meet your beautiful daughter very soon. Until then you are all on my thoughts and prayers.

Mindy Faulkner (Jillian's Mom)

katie said...

Abigail, I'm so sorry for the loss of Priscilla and I'm praying for your strength as you go through this. I think and pray about Tabitha often and will continue to do so she can make a safe arrival. I've lost a client this past week, a friend who lost her baby 100 minutes after she was born, and you with Priscilla. I know that God is sovereign and is has little Priscilla right now, but just know that you have another friend that is holding you and Tabitha up and prayer.

Anonymous said...

Tabitha IS a fighter! She could never have made it when Priscilla was taking nutrients from her body if she weren't! Praying for all of you constantly.
Aunt Donnave