December 10, 2012

No accident

Today I am 35 weeks pregnant. We NEVER thought we'd get this far. No one did. But last week my nurse told me that the doctors had the "long term plan" of inducing at 39 weeks if she had not come before then. 39 weeks(!!!)
Instead of thinking about other things ( more positive things) instead, I could only think about another month here...A. whole. Month. Boooooo

Last week was probably one of the hardest weeks I've had for various reasons. Being separated from Brett and Ransom has been so very difficult and I think I lost sight of my forest due to some large trees that had their names on them. But, all the difficultly aside I was given a few little reminders a long the way, and while it took a while, I'm coming around to seeing my miraculous forest again....

First of all, Tabitha's heart has made such incredible strides. Miraculous strides, the fact that she has been slowly but surely healing from all that she went through- at one point she had no kidney function, zero bladder to speak of, and her other organs were close to shutting down, then her heart...the doctors sat us down for one of those awful awful chats where they tell you things do not look good...and they didn't...But, she's come through all that, and it is in a word, incredible. The fact that doctors do not think she will need to be in the specialized NICU when she is born is downright, MIND BLOWING. And I must not forget that this is an actual miracle. The prayers of so many have been answered and I never want to forget that. Instead of focusing on the possible negative, I need to just embrace the truth that it is NOT normal for a Twin-to-twin baby to recover so well...

Secondly, 35 weeks. Ummmm crazy pills! When I think back to being in labor on a plane coming to Houston for this surgery, then all the near misses, including a month in the hospital and a trip to L&D all after the surgery. And yet, the fact that Tabitha did not see Thanksgiving and it's highly likely she will of see Christmas ( and so help me, this next thought is still not one that makes me happy...) she might not even see New Years 2013 because she's still hold up in my uterus....well, that's also nothing short of a miracle. Since I already used the word uterus I'll go ahead and say, if you could SEE how teeny tiny my cervix is you would be as shocked as my doctors and I are.

But then, aside from Tabitha and my pregnancy I am really and truly grateful for my time in the hospital when I learned all sorts of things about what it's like to BE in the hospital for a long period of time. I hope that I will have a better compassion and understanding for others going through similar circumstances. And now at the Ronald McDonald house I have learned even more about what Man can go through to fight for life, to fight through hardship, to fight for hope. This last week I watched one of my new friends say goodbye to her week old baby boy. It was incredibly difficult and I sobbed as I did my laundry thinking about her heart break. I've also been able to have some good and honest chats with my other new friend Jane, who is here walking through the unspeakably difficult road of chemo and radiation for her only son, KJ's brain tumor. He's 11 and his faith in the Lord and his positive attitude is literally a walking object lesson of the Grace of God. It is starkly in contrast to others in the house who are full of bitterness and hardness...but can I blame them? The difference, though, is clearly there and I'm learning a lot about those differences. The differences in how people treat one another and how they treat themselves. I have never felt so strongly my own need and all our needs for a Faith and a Hope in The Lord Jesus....

So, this weekend Brett surprised me with a last minute trip to Texas, he even made a late night ( 2am!) drive to Nacogdoches so that he could bring Ransom down in the morning for visit too. And, do to colds on Ransom and my part, we spent more time outside the Ronald McDonald house, train rides in the park, trips to Barnes and Noble. It was so incredibly helpful to my heart to be a little "normal" family for a minute or two. Once again, as I've said on this blog before, I was even more aware of the need to get out of the "bubble" and how much I feel for those who are in the same illness bubble and who don't have the luxury to get out of it any time soon... These are the lessons I keep learning, and that I apparently have a few more weeks to learn.
And so here's to week 35. A week I never thought I'd see...and yet I am grateful for what seeing has taught me.

3 comments:

Lindsay O'Connor said...

Praising God that you and Tabitha have made it this far and that she's doing so well! What a miraculous report!!

donnave said...

The overuse of the word awesome has almost destroyed its real meaning...but, here it is so apropos. We serve an awesome God who is able to do all He says He will do and certainly much more than we can imagine! AWESOME!!

Renee from A Baker's Dozen said...

Do you mind sending me an email? I'm wondering if I know who lost her baby...but don't want to post too much on here.

bergerondozen@yahoo.com