As you all know, I'm pretty introspective and blogging is one of my major forms of therapy when it comes to dealing with life. And right now I have an actual LIST of blog posts that need to be written. After Ransom was born I wrote a lot while I was nursing, and I also watched a lot of Netflix while I was nursing... And I'm sure that will come with Tabitha too... But honestly, I've spent most of my time just staring at My teeny tiny baby girl. I have done nothing much besides.
But, something happened when Tabitha was about a day old that I think describes my general feeling the last week really really well....
It's important for me to document tha feeling because we got back to Georgia last night and REAL LIFE is about to set in in a major way ( like the fact that I'm writing this in the ER because I may have been bitten by a bat last night... That's right. A bat. Welcome home!! Let the games begin!) and I really want to hold on to the marvel of the end of our journey of having our twins.
As sad as I am about Priscilla, and as much as the grief for her is still a process. The celebration of Tabitha's life is nothing short of pure joy.
When I was still in the hospital, and our many visitors had all dispersed for a few minutes- and even Brett had stepped out to run an errand. I sat holding a post-feed baby. She had nestled into my arm and I was just sitting there thanking God for her Life, when the nurses aid came in to take my blood pressure. As she did her thing she said, "It feels good in here." And I said something about how the air conditioner was on... But she replied that no, it wasnt that. She looked down at us and said, "it feels peaceful."
She was so right. After nights when I literally used up tissue boxes, after being separated as a family for four months, after a month hospital stay and 3 months in the Ronald McDonald house... We are peaceful.
And I've been feeling that peace for days. ( minus our 24 hours in the NICU.. But that's another story). I have been delighting in our little answer to prayer. And how, despite her size. It's really not that little at all.
I am now struggling with the constant need of telling EVERYONE our story, so that EVERYONE will know what God has done for us.
This is a good problem to have.