Good Morning, Vietnam!

Periodically, for my own later amusement I like to document what my morning routines are like at our house here on the blog. I do this because I love routine and I hate mornings. And while the routine keeps changing over and over again, those mornings keep coming every SINGLE day ( I, suppose, thankfully...but whatever.). And so I will hold fast to the current routine until it inevitably has to change in a month or two. But because I love each new routine ( to its inevitable death) I will give it its due diligence here:

In the morning, I wake up between 6:30 and 7 to Tabitha calling out in half-wakefulness for "maaaaaammmma". I, being a really amazing mother, ignore her in the hopes that she will go back to sleep. If she doesn't than I stick the baby monitor under my pillow to muffle the sounds of her playing her "bedtime bear" ( a bear who sings a creepy song about a candle when you press its foot) over and over. I do this because I'm an AWESOME mom who doesn't want to just TURN OFF the monitor completely. I'm so attentive.

Finally, somewhere around 7:12 I will finally climb out of bed and go into Tabitha's room to release her from her crib prison. Not because I want to, but because I know that Ransom's amazing clock is going to turn green in one minute and he will RUN out of his room announcing "MY LIGHT TURNED ON!!!!" at top volume. Why do we set his clock to turn on at 7:13? Your guess is as good as mine, but clearly we don't have OCD tendencies or this would bother us all.

Then my children sit on the couch and watch their coveted 40 minutes of screen time for the day. It is a glorious and most-important 40 minutes of the day. In that time I do the following:
Make breakfast for my kids ( oatmeal and local honey 365 days a year!!!!!!! THIS NEVER CHANGES SO HELP US!! ) and coffee for myself. This is when I take vitamins and also do my oil pulling.

I then head to the couch for about 25 minutes ( at this point) of mostly uninterrupted Bible time. My kids are usually sitting at the table eating oatmeal as slowly as possible watching Little Bear, Daniel Tiger, Veggie Tales or the horribly loud and yet I still allow it Micky Mouse Club Road-rally. ( It is great that you can see the tv in the living room from our dining room table. I hope this always remains the same, otherwise the routine will have to change yet again....sigh)

Recently I found that if I put in headphones and turn the volume low enough so I can hear my children if they need me, but loud enough to mostly drown out the sounds of mickey mouse, then I can listen to praise music and it helps me focus on my Bible reading more than, say, Bob the Tomato and Little Bear and friends. My current jam is the Bethel Praise Music Pandora Station. I love Pandora more than, something where I've actually picked the music, because in a FEW SMALL TIMES in my life I like to be surprised. I just keep my Quiet Time supplies on the edge of the couch because I'm tidy like that. And I'm also lazy and I don't like to get up once I've sat down ( unless I'm doing a fitbit challenge in which case I'll run around the house a few times between each praise song. jk. or not). My current supplies, headphones, pen, $2 notebook for writing down prayers, Bible, and prayer card for 2015.

After my time asking God to help me live through today; it's basically 8am and I start pushing Ransom along in his slow oatmeal eating ways. I get out my kids clothes and Ransom gets dressed in the living room or in Tabitha's room while I get her dressed-because HE DOES NOT LIKE TO BE ALONE EVER EVER EVER AND AMEN. ( I remember going through this stage as a kid too, but boy is it difficult on the Mom end!). We head out the door from preschool at around 8:20 with my half-drunk coffee in tow. If I'm running that day then I usually grab a Zone protein bar and eat half of it before my run and then the other half after ( I am not a food in the morning person AT ALL! I've SO tried because I know its the most important meal of the day, but oh how I hate it. )
if its not a running day then I'll usually eat something along these lines when I get home from dropping off Ransom: Ezekiel Bread toasted with my faaaaavorite Trader Joes Peanut Butter on top with little Banana slices for sweetness.

And then the rest of the day begins, you know that part of the day that cannot be planned for and that usually ends up with you  going to Target, misjudging a parking spot and completely denting in the front of your brand-new mini van. *sigh*

A little look back...way back.

Hello friends! I hope you're all curled up by a fire tonight ( unless you're one of my NZ friends in the southern hemisphere in which case, go to the beach for me...thanks) and keeping warm because it seems like it is freezing EVERYWHERE. In fact, you actually KNOW it is cold when it gets cold in San Antonio too. If it makes it this far south then...bundle up, things are gonna get good.

So, I have a spare five minutes, if you haven't already, you should run over and read my letter to Tabitha on her second birthday.

And if you've really got a minute I'd like to take a little look back, if you don't mind, to one of the first posts I wrote after Tabitha was born. To me it is a reminder of the blessings that often come after the storm. And sometimes those storms last so long that we forget that the Lord really DOES bring relief.  I've also been thinking about it because I tried out a new doctor this week and I had to tell him my medical history. It sounds SO dramatic when you say it all out loud.  People, it has been two years and it is STILL so dramatic. And gosh darn it, I really should finish that book I've been writing for two years.


January 13th 2013
Something happened when Tabitha was about a day old that I think describes my general feeling the last week really really well....
It's important for me to document tha feeling because we got back to Georgia last night and REAL LIFE is about to set in in a major way ( like the fact that I'm writing this in the ER because I may have been bitten by a bat last night... That's right. A bat. Welcome home!! Let the games begin!) and I really want to hold on to the marvel of the end of our journey of having our twins.
As sad as I am about Priscilla, and as much as the grief for her is still a process. The celebration of Tabitha's life is nothing short of pure joy.
When I was still in the hospital, and our many visitors had all dispersed for a few minutes- and even Brett had stepped out to run an errand. I sat holding a post-feed baby. She had nestled into my arm and I was just sitting there thanking God for her Life, when the nurses aid came in to take my blood pressure. As she did her thing she said, "It feels good in here." And I said something about how the air conditioner was on... But she replied that no, it wasnt that. She looked down at us and said, "it feels peaceful."

She was so right. After nights when I literally used up tissue boxes, after being separated as a family for four months, after a month hospital stay and 3 months in the Ronald McDonald house... We are peaceful.
And I've been feeling that peace for days. ( minus our 24 hours in the NICU.. But that's another story). I have been delighting in our little answer to prayer. And how, despite her size. It's really not that little at all.
I am now struggling with the constant need of telling EVERYONE our story, so that EVERYONE will know what God has done for us.
This is a good problem to have.

Ch-ch-changes are a com in'

Well, here it is 2015! I'm currently sitting on my fireplace hearth getting as hot as possible without bursting into flames. Cold and rainy days like this make me remember why I love Texas. Texas in the winter. Not Texas in the summer. I reserve the right to complain come August.

So, here I sit, scrolling through social media as a way to distract me from the moaning coming from my 4 year olds room. He's clearly sleepy. He only does this when he's so tired he's tempted to actually go to sleep during rest time. And instead of just going with that urge he starts yelling that he's done with rest time. WOULD IT BE SO BAD TO JUST TAKE A NAP?!?!
I swear this kid has been afraid of "missing something" since he was born!

Anyway, social media is a flurry with people being introspective and optimistic about 2015. It's hard not to be isn't it? Looking back at the past 365 days and marveling at all that has happened: all the scars, all the victories, all the disappointment, all the tears, all the laughter...it's hard not to wonder what in the WORLD this next year will hold!

At the end of 2014 some coolish plans went into motion with some of our family members. The plans were so surprising, so completely crazy to us ( I haven't actually asked the people involved in the actual crazy plans if they had an inkling of what was going to happen in 2014...but for us, on the outside it was surprising and crazy and totally cool ) that it has gotten me thinking of ALL the crazy and surprising things that have happened to us over the years.
Here are some things I've most definitely said:

WOW. I can not believe this is happening.... That I live here. That I moved back here. How unfair this is.  That this hurts so much. That I am marrying you. That I work here. That I am standing here. That I am doing this. That I'm having a baby. That we live here. That you are my friend. That I am doing this. That you are doing that. That I am a part of this. That we are having twins. That this is happening to us. That we are going through this. That they are going through that. That we survived this. That she is here. That we live here! That we met you. That this might happen. That THAT happened. That we've seen this.

I'm pretty sure that is the makeup of our lives...the sentence "I can't believe..."
 Because life is a beautiful and complicated surprise. Sometimes the surprises are scary and awful sometimes they are the most amazing, beautiful things we've ever seen. Bottom line, you may think you know what this next year holds, but friends...I promise there will be surprises.

In 2015 we're doing some pretty crazy monumental things in the Wilson House. Because we always say, "Go big or go home." Actually...I've never said that, but roll with it. Because as it seems right now we're gonna rock "Change" this year. And not the Obama kind... Like REAL change.

That's right. My scariest word. The word that I try to avoid at ALL COSTS. It is my "word of the year". Change.

I hate change because it is so unpredictable. And I love predictable, especially if that leads to control. I looooove control.

And so, of course, this year seems really hard to me. Looking at all new and unpredictable things that are staring me down. BUT, if I just remember how truly wonderful a good surprise can be. And especially a God-shaped surprise. Well, then I get a little bit excited. And it makes me pray harder because I would really hate to ruin a perfectly good God-shaped-surprise with my very controlling-shaped-brain.

And just as a little reminder of how true this is: Let's just do a little case study SHALL WE!?! Read this post.  Which is what I wrote at the beginning of 2012. I thought the year was going to include a deployment for my husband and a lot of single parenting. That year turned out to hold no deployment, a very scary complicated pregnancy and a period of 4 months where I didn't parent AT. ALL. So there. January 2012 Abigail was not thinking about the right things! haha! The cool part though is that God DID provide a verse ( noted in that blog post) that turned out to be truly important and helpful through the difficult year ahead. So. there you go.

So, to start off 2015 with as much craziness and proof that I have no idea what this year will bring:

Surprise number one: We bought a car yesterday. It's a minivan. It seats EIGHT PEOPLE. And no. I'm not pregnant.

Reboot

The Christmas decorations inside the house are all put away and our house is back to a state of mostly organized. Ransom doesn't go back to school for another week and Brett is working tons over the next two weeks. And I'm, well, I'm seeking a recharge. Or a reStart. 

Friends, I didn't nail Christmas this year. Sure, I picked out some good gifts for people. I threw 2 Christmas parties. I made batch after batch of cookies for neighbors and friends. I sent Christmas cards in the timeliest fashion ever.  The hubs and I logged over 40 hours (!!!!) of driving over a one week period. But, now as I sit in the aftermath I do not see what I want to see: A focus on Christ and His incredible gift. 

It's humbling to see how easily I let this happen. I mock Elf on a Shelf ( sorry) every year but this year I basically did my own Abigail Version every day: "look and see what crazy mess Elf Abigail has gotten herself into today! she's forgotten Ransom's holiday program is today! Haha! She'll have to quickly rearrange the day to make sure they make it on time! How cute! She's lost her keys! What a rascal!" 

I scrambled to meet all sorts of Holiday Goals. And honestly there are a lot of those goals I would want to keep. Making those in our lives feel loved and special. Yea. I want to do that. I want Christmas to be magical and special for my kids. Yes. But there HAS to be a less over the top way of doing that! 

I'm writing this as a reminder. The year we spent cuddled down in the Ronald McDonald House was the simplest ( granted hardest in a lot of ways) Christmas we've ever spent. But Christ remained the center. Last year we were able to "add a little celebration" onto that previous year, which was sweet and just made it more special.  But this year we just added on and on and on. It became less sweet and more sickly. 

And so, I've confessed. I've admitted my fault and I'm moving forward. To help me get back on track, I've deleted all the social media off my phone, I'm journaling more. I'm working on my "prayer matters" card for 2015. And I'm pleading with the Lord to help me quiet my mind and soul. Something that comes soooo easily with two littles in the house! Haha! 

Exercising/ Abigail becomes obsessed

Guys. I'm competitive. Like horribly so. I can sometimes convince myself that "winning isn't important" and then I can somehow keep my craziness in check- but MOST of the time I know that "winning isn't important" is SO NOT TRUE and then I get all crazy and MUST WIN THE THINGS.

This has been to my advantage a few times: In school with grades. Competitive Swimming for 10 years. Winning "Lord of Cataan" at Fort Benning. 

Most of the time it is NOT to my advantage. ( Like wanting to WIN AT CHRISTMAS). But whatever....I recently found something that was absolutely PERFECT for channeling my crazy ways into something much more productive. 

The "activity tracker". There are tons of them on the market right now, but after doing a bit of research I decided on the Fitbit Zip . It's small and simple ( just like what I want to be! ha!) 

 I also decided, on a friends advice, to hit up the Ebay world to see if I could get one on the cheap. And ended up with 2 for $35 each, brand new! That's well under the current price ( around $45 or $50) !

( and if you're lucky the seller might send you candy!) 

So I would definitely take my advice and try Ebay before buying one anywhere else. What I don't advise you to do, however, is to be like Abigail and get impatient about being outbid every time and then bidding on FOUR at once and then having to PRAY you don't win ALL THE BIDS. And then thankfully only winning two and just giving the other one to your sister*.  Don't do that. 

OK, so now let me explain what happens. You stick this little tracker in your pocket or if you're like me and you ONLY WEAR YOGA PANTS with no pockets...then just clip it on your pants and BOOM you're in business! It starts counting your steps. 

Just tap the Fitbit and it'll tell you the time, how many calories you've burned, how far you've walked and how many steps you've taken. 

Then, you can get online or download the app to your smart phone and it'll keep you updated on extras like tracking exercise times, count calories and water intake...stuff like that. But all of that is not important. All that is truly important is making that ultimately daily steps goal. I set mine at 10k and while most days that isn't hard, sometimes I become TRULY obsessive about reaching my mark. 

here is a screen shot from my phone on a day when reaching 10k was NOT hard! 

We're talking walks around the block in the pitch black. Or going for runs on days you aren't scheduled to go for runs. We're also talking taking EACH article of clothing from the laundry basket to the closet ONE at a TIME from the living room so that it takes more steps. 

Basically its the best thing ever for crazy obsessive people. And, if competing against a little machine isn't enough for you. *Then get one for your sister who's also uber competitive and then start "challenges" ( a push of a button on the App) and start tracking her steps too....today is the last day of our five day challenge and, win or lose, I can't WAIT for it to be over! I'm so sore! I've been so active haha! 

As you can see I have become waaaay more active.  And therefore one more tick in the positive competitive category. 

Also, if you get a fitbit for Christmas or just for yourself off of Ebay, then become friends with me and I'll have yet another reason to walk around the house in circles every time I'm talking to someone on the phone. 

What is for Christmas....Tabitha

As with my last post, I will now regale you with the Christmas presents Tabitha is getting this year. She'll be 2 in January so bless her heart, gifts for her come around basically once a year.  Its rough having a birthday so close to Christmas, but we'll try to make it up to her! And bonus! All the fun things that I couldn't get her for Christmas because of my self-inflicted "Wear, Need, Read, Want" rules, I can just get her a few weeks later at her birthday ;-)
( way to ruin the point of the game there, Abigail!)

So, here's what our little almost-two-year-old is getting for Christmas this year! 

Wear: Unlike with her brother, Tabitha does not need anything in this department! In fact, thanks to the generosity of my sister and friends, I have only bought a few odds and ends for Tabitha in these two years of her life, and none of those odds and ends were because she really needed them! Girlfriend has clothes and shoes coming out of her ears! SO that said I decided to go with an "accessory" this year and I found the most fun thing a two year old girl could have: 

It's called a Poochie & Co Purse and in searching the internets to find a picture of the one I got for Tabitha I found that a real live celebrity is also a huge fan ( remember the adorable little girl from Beasts of the Southern Wilds? Or maybe you'll remember that she's the little girl from the upcoming remake of Annie coming out this Christmas? Yeah, Quvenzhané Wallis. ) Annnnyway, it makes me happy that my daughter is already going to have a celebrity purse! hahaha! 

In the Need category this year, I went around and around. There are a lot of great toys that can be helpful in teaching your kids all sorts of important things that you feel like they "Need". But I finally decided on this game Barnyard Bingo Game. Because she's played with it at Speech Therapy and she's totally into it.  The best part is that the game can be used "as is" ( according to the rules) but I think it also has a lot of potential for other forms of play which is important when we purchase just about anything around here. But just to prove to you Tabitha's enjoyment. I took a video of her at Speech Therapy today: 

When it came to Tabitha's Read book this year, I went with something I knew we'd both love but that would also continue to help Tabitha with her talking. For whatever reason nothing promotes Tabitha speaking quite like Leslie Patricelli books. She LOVES them! And honestly, I do too! They are funny and fast and just enough quirky!  Tabitha is getting this one for Christmas: 

And now for Want: 

Eeeeek! Once again I went and bought something on sale waaaaay ages ago and I've been DYING for Christmas to come so I can give it to Tabitha! I purchased this on Zulily  for next to nothing way back this summer! (!!)  and now I'll finally get to give it to her! 

Green toys tea set

Having to watch her put her stuffed animals and dolls at their tiny doll table and feed them with random cups has been KILLING ME ;-) 

So there you have it! That's what Tabitha is getting for Christmas! So, I'm curious, what are your little girls getting this year? Anything you're super excited about like I am? 

What's for Christmas.....Ransom

Hey friends! It's that time of year! Where I tell you what my kids are getting for Christmas this year! I know you've just been dying to know!

Like I've said before I've implemented the important " Need, Read, Wear, Want" rule with our kids to keep the buying under control. However, for the first time this year I had a little bit of a hard time sticking to my "categories" but I did it! So here goes!

This year Ransom is a 4.  A very rascally 4 who has grown and grown and is sitting tall in the 90th percentile in height and its been hard to keep him in clothes. He's also been dominating his Balance Bike for a few years now and has been asking for a big boy bike for a while now. As for his wants, well, they are ever changing and EVER GROWING. Maybe its just my 4 year old but the kid tells me what he wants for his "birthday" almost every day. *sigh*

So let's start with wear:
I started by getting him these pretty sweet PJs when they were on sale a few months ago.  :

Stormtrooper PJs 

Because it is EMBARRASSING what Ransom wears to bed these days....usually either too tight/too small PJs or giant old T-shirts. The sad thing is, he LOVES PJs and its been hard on him to not have cooler ones, or at least having his cooler PJs be super de duper tight. 

Unfortunately Ransom's Need is also in the "Wear" category. I don't know how to get around this and I feel semi bad about it. I usually try to make the "Need" also something that he'd want  but this kid needs new clothes BADLY. So hopefully long-sleeved t-shirts and sweatshirts covered in monster trucks and spots logos will make him happy enough.  ( I hit up the $3.88 section in Walmart, especially since he'll probably just out grow them all in 2 minutes anyway). 

Want: So HOPEFULLY we will make up for the "Need" present not being the coolest with this present: 

Being as cheap as ever, we got it for a sweet deal at Wal-Mart because it was missing a handlebar grip that we could easily replace. However, if you're looking for a Hot Wheels 16" for a little dude, you can also get it here. 

And then on to the Read: This year I went with something a bit different. Ransom has started going to "big church" with us and has a little backpack full of "quiet entertainment" and I wanted something that he could look at for a long time but would not need it read to him necessarily. So I found this book that I think will fit the bill.  I haven't gotten it yet so I'll let you know if I like the pictures or not!

Seek and Find Bible Stories 

Merry Christmas to Ransom!You may notice I'm just not that into his presents this year, and that makes me sad, but I do hope he loves his Bike ( we're going to try to skip right over training wheels so wish us luck!) So tell me, what are your little boys getting this year? Anything you're super excited about?

Preschool Party Prep

Well friends, we're well in to December and basically that means that I've got about FIVE blog posts I've been writing in my head and quite literally ZERO time to write them. Every time I get on the computer I end up scouring the internets for the perfect Christmas presents for various nieces and nephews. I really love giving presents. Mostly because I like to WIN at Christmas.

I want the present recipient to say, "Wow, Abigail just WON CHRISTMAS this year!"
Which. Well. Is the most selfish reason for giving presents ever.  So you know, I've basically lost the reason for the season. ;-) Interventions can be scheduled for Jan. 6th and onward. Inquires below.

Anyway, today I made the time to post-mostly because I've hit a little bump in the present buying road.-I only have 3 presents to go. The hardest people to buy presents for.  ( I'm looking at you MOM) So I'm taking a break to cleanse my present pallet and hopefully return with renewed vigor.

ALSO I'm posting today because I really really need your help! I'm in charge of Ransom's class Christmas preschool class party which I thought other parents would be helping with, but his class' parents have zero interest in helping out this year and there is only one volunteering parent per party and I guess all the other parents are just riding the wave of the rest of us this year. Meaning, I'm ON MY OWN. Which, you know, is kinda cool because I like to be in charge, but its kinda not cool because, you know, MONEY.  So I've already got my menu set. ( which side note, I'll have you know that I thought up these ideas ALL ON MY OWN while sitting in the pick up line at school but then OF COURSE as soon as I googled them PINTEREST insisted that other people had ALREADY come up with these great ideas and gone so far as to take pictures and post them. BUT I'd still like for you to all give me creative credit, ok?!)

But now that I've got the lunch taken care of, and I figure I'll have cookie decorating as the craft. BOOM. DONE.  But there's ONE MORE THING I'd like to do. And it's mostly all for myself. ( *Insert living my dreams here*) I'd like to read them a Christmas Story.

And here's where YOU come in!! What are your favorite children's books to read out loud to kiddos?! I am kinda a snob! I insist on good content plus good pictures. So, you know, I'm picky!.

Also, just to make you think harder please just leave out the books that include Santa. I don't have an agenda here, just that I feel like we're already over-Santa-ed. So lets just stick to other Christmas Tropes, ok? So now that've made all my demands! I hope I haven't scared you from sharing your own favorite Christmas books with me! I've got a little list going but I am curious to see what you guys will come up with and then maybe I'll share what I have so far! But so that I don't make you do ALL the work:  My own personal favorite is a little old for preschoolers but when I saw it on a pile of books at the library I snapped it up like a long lost friend! Love, love, LOVE this book!  Go check it out Apple Tree Christmas by Trinka Hakes Noble it is beautiful in every way. :

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The library plot

Raise your hand if you find it hard to find friends these days. Is it just me? Where was I when they were handing out the friendship bracelets?
 Oh, that's right, I was moving every other year as an Army wife....I was so blessed during all those years that I can now count a best friend in almost every post...so my besties are now spread across the country. Which is great and all...but some times you want someone to look you in the eye across the table and be all, "you have baby snot on your sweater...deal with that situation."

But now that I find myself in a less and less military environment, i.e. everyone else isn't in the same boat, I'm starting to realize that its a stone-cold world out there where apparently everyone else has already made out their BFF list and there are no blank spaces ( Oh, wait, is that why I don't have friends? That I just put in a Taylor Swift reference and no one notice?!?)

Annnnywho, something funny happened this year that I just HAVE TO TELL YOU.. I was visiting my home town and enjoying some Mommy time with my sister and our kids. We'd just attended a super disappointing story time at the local library and were now letting our kids run havoc at a nearby gym when another mom approached us. We made conversation and within minutes she was getting my sisters details.  And I was super impressed/jealous. I'd been trying to break into the Mommy scene at my own local libraries, parks, mall play areas and chickfilas and I'd gotten NADA. And here my sister was scoring a new friend in MINUTES. Whaaaaaa?!?!
But, within hours my sister texted me to say that the "new friend" had added her on Facebook and low and beyond she was one of those "sellers"....you know, one of those chicks that "works from her home" by throwing parties, doing before and afters on her fb page and making her instagram a variable who's who of giveaways...you know the girl.*
And in that moment we both knew it was a sham. It turned out it WASN'T any easier in my sister's town than in mine, she'd just come in contact with a chick who needed a few more buyers for her monthly balance.

We laughed, we made some jokes to make us feel better and we returned to our lives of wiping snot and packing cheerios to go.

AND THEN....I was at my own local library ( why is it always the library?!?! Is it in a handbook or something!??) and I started to make conversation with a girl who was also in the kids section with her own littles. And I was super excited and surprised at how receptive she was! She didn't respond in one word responses and she didn't exit for "nap time" at the first opportunity, in fact, SHE quickly asked for MY number! "Wow!" I thought, I've finally done it! I've finally made another mommy friend "Out in the wild."

And then. AND THEN. She actually CALLED ME. Like within the first 24 hours! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!?!? I was shocked  and not a little bit flattered. I had clearly rocked the library banter and she was wanting more! Sadly I was at one of those inflatable lands where kids jump around on giant balloons and us parents stand around and pray that it gets all the energy out so that we all get to sleep in the next day.... SO I couldn't hear her call and so I called her back as soon as I could....annnnnnd I got her voice mail....annnnnd it went something like this:

"You've reached SO and So, your friendly neighborhood Blah-blah consultant! I can't come to the phone right now but leave a message, I'll get back to you!!! BEEEEEEEEP"

And so I knew it had happened.

I had been duped. I had fallen for the ol' library friend scam.
 So when, a few weeks later and I'd actually ignored the earlier warning signs and actually met for a play date and then a few days later I was politely propositioned to "throw a fun party for all my friends where we could sell a little blah blah!" I knew I only had myself to blame.

Of course, the joke was firmly on the fake friend....I didn't have any friends to invite to such a party, so HA HA! JOKES ON YOU GIRL!

So there it is. There's my warning/plea. I am going to continue to try to make Friends out there in the world ( outside of  the comfy Military bubble) and hopefully one day I'll actually meet someone who thinks me and my ( ADORABLE AND ENTERTAINING and MOSTLY WELL BEHAVED) littles are worth hanging out with, and that I won't have to buy a product for them to think so.


* P.S. I actually have friends who sell all kinds of great products from their home. Beachbody, DoTerra, Mary Kay...you name it! And many of you have asked me to buy your products and/or throw a party...and I've LOVED supporting you...this is no way a judgment on you or your businesses. I respect your willingness to get out there and make some monies...I also doubt you do anything like this story to make said money so don't worry, this isn't about you! :-) xox

"Essentially" what I've learned

Tabitha LOVES putting oil on her feet every day. She even puts in on her stuffed animals too. 

So, here's a little update on my essential oils usage. Some of you have been asking, which I appreciate your interest in my little "experiment" and for those of you who didn't ask. Sorry. Just ignore this. But, really, can I just say? You SHOULDN'T ignore this because I think I'm the greatest essential oils user ever.
And here's why.

I can honestly  honestly say that I'm terrible at this experiment because I refuse to change my current ways. For instance, if I have a headache I take Ibuprofen ( which I've always done) and then I also put a little peppermint oil on my temples ( what my essential oils manual says to do). Then the headache goes away and I'm really happy about it. DONE.

But then, lets say, YOU come and tell me you have a headache. Well, sorry, I'm probably gonna have to offer you both, because I'm too impatient to figure out if JUST the essential oils would have worked for my headache. I hate headaches. I'm gonna try and kill them will ALL my guns. I am basically NOT the girl in the horror movie that shoots the bad guy and then TURNS AROUND AND WALKS AWAY. Girlfriend, you KNOW he's not dead and he's gonna come up behind you and get you! NO! You EMPTY ALL YOUR BULLETS INTO THAT DUDE.
So. That's what I do with headaches and allergies and eczema. I use up all my bullets.

The good news is that all my bullets seem to be working.

The other good news is that there were a couple of things in my life that I didn't have ANY other bullets for: my psorisis and our immunity and my children's restless sleeping.

So, I can definitely WITHOUT a doubt say that I am ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SOLD on "on guard" essential oils blend that works for immunity. I rub a diluted bit of that oil on my kids every morning before I put on their shoes for the day and, recently, when we were out of town I rubbed it on their feet at night too. And, friends, we have not gotten sick AT ALL. Ok, strike that, I got a really bad case of allergies that threatened to turn into a cold for two days. And I pouted and threw a fit that my essential oils weren't working, while I did shots of oregano oil ( not for the faint of heart) and diffused on guard in my room at night and BOOM a day later my cold was GONE.
And? AND? We went out of town and my kids kissed and hugged and ate after and breathed on and snuggled a countless number of cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and NO ONE GOT SICK.

People.

This is big news.

Because that NEVER EVER happens..
In fact, I now love this oil so much that I bought another two bottles of it  ( then put those bottles itnto little sample bottles and handed it out to my friends like it was candy. Because  WE SHOULD ALL BE HEALTHY TOGETHER.

And then we went BACK to visit family AGAIN and I was not diligent at all about putting the oil on my kids and Tabitha GOT SICK. So boo on me.

I have also been putting a mixture of oils on my legs where my psoriasis rash is the worst and it has, in fact, faded significantly. It is not completely gone, but then again they told me I might have it forever, so faded is a major step up from FOREVER. I'm still not sold on this being the miracle solution to my legs, but if I'm really honest, I'm not that diligent in putting the oils on every day. Which I clearly should be.

And now to the one that most of you Mommies have been asking me about Serenity. It is a mixture of a couple different oils to promote, well, serenity.  This is the one all my mommy friends have been clammering for me to test... Seriously? You care about calm children more than healthy children? Hahaha! No worries, I am not judging you, because i am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. So here's what happened:  While I have tried using the oils to combat specify instances of  "preschool/toddler drama" say in the late evening when everyone starts inexplicably wrestling,  I didn't feel like it made a  marked difference. But, when I just diffused it a few times in our home during times I knew we'd be couped up inside for a while, I myself felt remarkably calmer and I  think overall our home was more peaceful. It wasn't magical or anything ( darn it) but I've also used a drop or two on a pillow or a favorite stuffed animal when the kiddos have woken up in the middle of the night and it did seem to affect how quickly and easily they went back to sleep. Unlike the  On Guard which I actually think I could stand behind and say YOU ALL NEED TO USE THIS, the Serenity oil is just another thing that I'd offer up as an option when  dealing with  sleeplessness, rowdiness etc etc.

I will say that since Tabitha has gotten a virus ( mentioned above) that has caused a fever for the last few days one night I forgot to put the diffuser of Serenity and On Guard mixed in her room and she was up CONSTANTLY and needed to be held and rocked.  The next night I remembered the diffuser and she was only up a few times in need of her paci. It could be a coincidence...or it may have really helped, especially since her fever was pretty much exactly the same. Who's to say?

And so, in summery. I think I now actually kinda sorta believe in essential oils. There. I said it.. But, other than the immunity  oils, I see most of them as just added tools that maaaay be helping and not hurting our family. I like the fact that now when I struggle with something in our home like sleeplessness or allergies I can turn to oils as a viable option.

Ok. I think that's enough  "screen time" for this topic! If you have any questions about my specific experiences do let me know! I'm actually putting in an order for myself tonight ( my cut off time is tomorrow night-October 31) so if anyone would like to use my discount send me a message ;-)-hehe. Cuz I'm a rebel like that.

My secret hobby

So, I think I've mentioned this before, but in my 7 years of marriage I've lived in 7 different places. Pretty crazy, right? And for the most part that has not always been the coolest. BUT there is one thing that I do  enjoy about moving and that is the decorating and the organizing! We have now lived in our current house for over a year and a half and I was starting to get antsy. Which is probably why I went through a weird furniture painting phase a month or so ago...

That said, this last weekend afforded me a little house-decor challenge when I inherited not one but two new pieces of furniture. Now, its not like our house is huge and just FULL of empty spaces waiting to be filled. In fact, quite the opposite. But, when the time came to take Brett's Grandmother's piano so that it could stay in the family and I could happily tell me children about the hundreds of sweet hours their Great-grandmother had spent at this very piano-teaching lessons and composing music and playing and singing hymns...well, there was clearly NO CHOICE but to take it.
And then when I was faced with either taking my Great-GREAT Grandmother's china cabinet or "I'm just going to take it to the dump right now",  Brett and I rented a Uhaul and on our last trip to visit family, came come with some "home decor puzzles".

And I won't lie. I absolutely DELIGHTED in my little furniture problem. Where could I put it all? What would I need to re-arrange?! How could I keep the house from looking stuffed with furniture?
Oh, it was all too much fun for me to handle!

In the end, my bookcase in the dining room, moved to the living room and became a part of the "play area". In fact, bonus points, when you re-arrange toys locations in your house, your children will magically think they have new toys and play happily for a solid hour and a half. BOOM!

The piano then took the bookcases spot in the dining room, and other than the fact that Ransom wants to play the piano before and after every. single. meal. I absolutely love having it in the dining room, especially a part of my family photo wall. Treasures should be with other treasures.

And the china cabinet? Well, it actually was quite helpful! I was able to put it into a corner of our bedroom and move all the books from the bookshelf in the dining room into the china cabinet/bookshelves! I ended up "gift wrapping" the doors because one side was missing its glass ( and since my bank account just took a hit, I'm not in the glass buying mood) and I actually kinda love how it turned out.

I may, at some point get some fabric because I feel like the paper probably won't stand up well with my little rascals running around, but for now this looks pretty cute! 

( wrapping paper is from Ikea many many moons ago)

And so, after this day of moving and organizing and running around after my children all in the midst of it, I'd go ahead and say that I'm happy NOT moving for another year and a half ;-) I've had my little decorating fix.

How I "lost" my phone and what I gained

So, last Saturday my phone was tragically and unfairly stolen at the library. I say tragically, because if you've ever purchased a phone "out right" without any kind of phone contract to buffer the costs then let's just say, that's a tragedy to ANY bank account.

And I say unfairly because I think all stealing is just so UNfair! I think once the feelings of optimism that maaaaaybe the person would decide to turn from their evil ways and return my phone to me ( it had already been wiped by the time I tried to access it on my find my phone app), had passed the major feeling I had was just the desire for JUSTICE! I just hated the idea that someone could be so jerky as to take advantage of a bedraggled Mom with her two little kids and then GET AWAY WITH IT. UGG!!!

Anyway, the tragic/unfair event happened right on the eve of us heading out of town to visit family and Brett was still in the midst of working very long long shifts at work. I had a ton to do before we left town and so, in the end, we headed off to visit family without dealing with the phone situation. It was going to work well because I'd be with Brett and people could reach me via his phone, or send me messages the "old fashioned way" using Facebook or email ( haha!) when I checked it once or twice a day.

And so almost immediately on our drive I realized that: when we drive somewhere and I'm NOT driving I check instagram continually. I also listen to Pandora and I also check my emails and I text my friends a lot. I also realized that my children do a million cute and documentable things in a given 10 minute span and without a phone to document those moment I have to just soak it in. No pictures for later instagram posting! Just plan old-fashion memory.

When we arrived at Brett's mom's house we were greeted by a glorious host of family and for the next two days my kids ran absolutely wild with about 8 or so cousins. Mud pies, hammocks, bicycles, cupcakes, s'mores and a very necessary bath at the end of each day. At the same time, I got to chill and chat with the adults and watch the glorious scene of cousins unfold....without taking a single picture. And without checking instagram to see what comparable fun other people were up to. I also didn't share the glorious fun we were having with anyone that wasn't siting next to me on the couch and it was STILL FUN! I got pretty much zero likes. And no comments. But it was still very much a glorious two days.

I then headed to my parents house for another day and  half where I hung out with my sister, commiserated on how 4 year-olds truly affect ones mental status, and discussed important things like  the unmentionable Kimye wedding episode ( if you don't know what this is, please don't ask...clearly you're already a better person than me and we should just keep it that way) and watched our children run around us screaming. Once again I did not share what I was doing with any one! In fact, I was now 4 days into not having a phone and I wondered if anyone wondered where I was. And if they did, was that really that important?

We finally headed back home yesterday, and because Brett was driving a big Uhaul back ( post about this coming soon!) I drove myself and the kids 5 hours home WITHOUT A PHONE. That's right. No GPS. No phone in case I got a flat tire ( though, granted Brett was about 30 minutes behind me on the road), no apps to tell me where the nearest Starbucks was, no pandora to listen to music, nothing. And somehow, we made it home Instead of a phone to keep me company, I just thought lots and lots of thoughts on those highways headed home and I've decided that my addiction to my smartphone really was at an all time high. I am hoping that now that I will once again have a phone ( tomorrow I'm headed to the Verizon store), that I will not return to the intense connectedness that was filling my days. I say this here because I know it will be easy to return. That the addiction sneaks in all sneaky-sneaky like and before you know it you're checking your Facebook feeds in the bathroom. ( ew!)
However, if you check your phone when you're sitting at a red-light in your car. Then, you my friend, might need to have your phone stolen at the library because wake-up-calls can be greatly refreshing.
( Though, I'm sorry, I still feel sad that I have no pictures from all those awesome cousin-fun-times.) iPhones are good for some things.

To be totally frank(incense) with you....

In the past two weeks we've had a visitor for a week, Ransom started school and Tabitha has been teething some major canine teeth action.

And we've been perfectly healthy. Not only that but I've actually started running again! At the end of August I was barely able to get out of bed and I was basically catching every cold known to man...and now.. Running.

SO. What happened?

Maybe it's a coincidence that even though we've brought in the germs of an entire school and even though I was still struggling after my tonsillectomy, we've been healthy?

OooOOOooor maybe its because I decided to take the major plunge and start using essential oils? Who's to say, really? And while I'm not totally convinced that it was all the oils, I'm convinced enough to give it a serious shot for the extended future!

One step at a time I'm becoming super crunchy and granola. But, seriously, I was at the end of my rope! And I guess that's a good place to be when you decide to start experimenting!

So, I talked to a friend of a friend who's an expert on essential oils and after hearing my laundry list of ailments she suggested I go all in and purchase the "Family Physicians pack" from DoTerra Oils.  After doing a bit of my own research and learning that Doterra is one of the very few companies that you can TRUST with the quality of the oils ( sadly no cheap oils from central market for me!), I went for it. And here is what I've done and learned in the last few weeks!

I store my little oil bottles here, with my prettiest dishes...aren't they cute? ( the dishes and the little bottles)

The kit comes with these oils:

Lavender: I've been mostly using as a "calming" agent in my diffuser mixed with Oregano ( more on that later), I've also put a little on Ransom's pillow a few nights when he's woken up with bad dreams.   Every time he's immediately gone back to sleep and then  SLEPT IN ( those of you with crack-of-dawn babies know what a miracle that is!)

Lemon: I've used this in my diffuser as well because it also has airborne disinfectant abilities, but I've also used it in a spoon full of honey when one morning I woke up with a sore throat. ( Sore throat gone right away) *Important note: a teeny tiny drop of these essential oils goes a REALLY long way! My awesome consultant gave me several great guides on just how LITTLE I have to use!

Peppermint: One of my laundry list ailments was thrush in my mouth from all the antibiotics I've taken over the last few months. After 5 days of a little peppermint ( it has natural anti fungal abilities) in coconut oil swished around in my mouth and spit out- I was totally better! And this was after trying anti fungal meds to no avail!

Melaleuca: For another of my list of ailments: the guttate psoriasis that I developed from my ongoing strep throat ( seriously? I have no luck.) I've been putting a mixture of Jojoba oil ( just a carrier oil really, but I love it for not leaving grease stains!) Melaleuca and Frankincense on my arms and legs after I shower every day! The change has been amazing! I asked my doctor about it when I visited today and he couldn't deny that it was getting better.  I'm also going to try the Melaleuca on Tabitha and Ransom's eczema, though we've been enjoying a little moment of "clear skin" at the moment...maybe due to: using a combination of Lavender, Lemon and Peppermint rolled on the skin you can combat  allergies! WHAAAA?!? )

Oregano: I've used oregano diluted with oil on my own skin to help my immunity, but oregano can be kind of potent on sensitive skin so I've been using it in my diffuser with other oils ( usually lavender, because who doesn't like a calm kid?) for the kiddos ( and their sensitive skin)

I bought this little diffuser on Amazon and I love it! It was FAR cheaper than any other diffuser I've seen, and it works great!

( It should be noted that this extreme closeness to the diffuser is not necessary or recommended, Ransom just REALLY wanted to be in the shot ;-) !) 

Frankincense: This stuff is the best! I basically want to mix it with all my other oils because it seems to do EVERYTHING ( but its also the most expensive ( and one of the reasons its such a great deal in the physicians kit) and now I'm understanding why Jesus got it as a birthday gift. ;-)

Deep Blue®: I mentioned earlier that I've been feeling so much more energetic and so I've started running again! However, I still have some foot issues to contend with ( Plantar's Facisitis) and I've been using a little Deep blue mixed with oil to rub into my sore muscles. So far my foot hasn't been causing me much trouble at all! Brett also had some shoulder problems that after a deep tissue massage with Deep Blue he felt way better!

Breathe: I haven't had to use this one yet!  But since I hear a serious respiratory virus is making its rounds this year I'm glad I have it handy for my defuser and for little stuffed up chests in the future!

DigestZen: Brett is constantly having tummy troubles ( oops. Sorry for sharing husband) and so I've rubbed one or two drops on his stomach the last few weeks, he says he can't say "for sure" if its helped or not, but I've used it when I ate my sandwich too fast and had a tummy ache yesterday and I liked the smell at least ;-)

On Guard: My faaaaaavorite and the oil I've used the most obsessively ( for obvious reasons) its the immunity cocktail and I've been putting it in a carrier oil in a little roller bottle and rolling a little on the bottom of my kids feet in the morning and at night ( they both love it!)


So there you go! I'm super excited about this development in our family health, I am sure I will continue to dole out Ibprofene for teething and use our tried and true eczema prescription oil and any other medicines that we deep necessary, but I REALLY enjoy having these oils around as a preventive measure and as an added boosts to our medicine cabinet. And now what about you? Are you a fan of oils? Any amazing "recipes" I should start using? Also, are you an oil "hater"? I'd love those inputs as well! Seriously, as you can tell I'm still at the very beginning phases of learning here and would love all thoughts I can get!


*Other note: Because I bought the "kit" I'm now automatically a Doterra partner or something. I know very little about this, except that I'm sure if you used my site ( linked above as well) than I'd get some sort of good deals ....but honestly, I'm just happy that as a partner I get major discounts on future purchases and it doesn't cost me a thing! Score!

We did it.

This post is brought you by my parents who sent a package that included the movie "Planes" for Ransom. My mom apologized that there really wasn't anything in the package for me, but I beg to differ. We're watching a movie at 3:30 in the afternoon on a Friday and I call that a Mommy Present. 

So, Brett has been working nights for the past 4 weeks. I'm not complaining about this. I did my complaining last night on my ongoing chat conversation with two of my Mommy Besties. I have to delete our conversations every few months-not because of all the incriminating pictures of our kids doing dangerous/hilarious things like standing up in the bathtub-but because we often text SO much that it actually takes up my precious iPhone space. If you don't have a "safe" place to vent your parenting emotions at 4:56pm when dinner is only half done and there is a 20 month old attached to your leg and a four year old lecturing you on car types relentlessly-than shoot me a message and I'll send you my number. Every mom deserves this important lifeline. P.S. We use a lot of emojis. Particularly the "little wine glass" and the "hands in the air" girl.

Anyway, yesterday we were in the midst of Daddy Working Nights, and Mommy had only had 45 minutes of alone time in...two days....because someone is cutting 4 teeth and decided that sleeping was for the weak. And It turns out I don't do well with only 45 minutes of alone time. And we had just gone to the grocery store at a quarter to 5 because I was missing a key, important ingredient to dinner ( fine, it was ALL of dinner, ok! Geez.) and somehow we got out of there in one piece even though I'd forgotten a certain someone's pacifier ( which she usually only gets at bedtime but...four teeth.) And we'd had to sing Wheels on the Bus nonstop the whole way to the grocery store....And so in a moment of joy and triumph having left the store alive and semi-sane I let out a big "We did it! We did it! We did it!" And a few fist pumps from the drivers seat and then my four year old mustered what I'm sure was meant as a legit compliment: "You're just like Dora, Mom!"

And as much as I hate to admit it, I really AM like Dora! I totally navigated through this week as "easily" as if I had a map in my backpack and BOOM! FOUND THE TREASURE on Pirate Island!  We made it through this week! Here's  a "little glass of wine" emoji for us all...

Two years ago today:

One of my favorite things: Mrs. Meyers.

When I was in the seventh grade one of my teachers gave me a little tea candle. I'd never had a candle of my own before so I was pretty excited to burn it in my room and feel super grown up. The smell was divine. But soon the little tea candle was gone and so was the smell, and since it was an unlabeled little tea candle I had NO IDEA what the smell was....But I spent the next 17 years hunting for it. Sometimes I would find something that was similar but nothing exactly until one day I happened upon Mrs. Meyers cleaning products and they were having a sale on candles. As soon as the geranium scent hit my nose I was transported back to my seventh grade bedroom...now, thats not necessarily a place I want to be, however the smell was still fresh and clean and not over powering. I bought three and headed home a happy camper.

And so my love for Mrs. Meyer's products began. It started with candles but it quickly spread to their counter cleaner. Also an amazing scent but no artificial ingredients that could harm my kids and an ability to make even the crustiest crustys come off of my counters and I had bought into the hype. During the holiday season they had this cranberry scent that I loooooved and I actually bought a bottle EVERY TIME I went to Target that holiday season ( apparently I went to Target a LOT because I'm only now on my last bottle and it's AUGUST). I'm hoping they'll bring the scent back next year ( fingers crossed) but even if they don't I'm in love with plenty of their other scents and products that I probably won't mind too much.
Ew, don't look at my nasty nail polish, but LOOK AT MY GORGEOUS STOVE TOP!

With a husband and two kids with incredibly sensitive skin the type of hand soap I use is very important. And let's be honest, I'm not the ONLY ONE who does dishes so my dish soap also needs to be gentle and all natural. Mrs. Meyers again, done and done.

Right now I've got the Lemon Verbena candle burning in my kitchen ( because friends, cauliflower may be good for you, but its NASTY smelling!) and I just finished up cleaning some pots and pans in a flash with the geranium  dish soap.  Basically in the half hour that it took me to complete my after dinner ritual I had used 4 Mrs. Meyers products. SO if you're already a fan of Mrs. Meyers tell me what your favorite scents are! I have basically stuck with the Honeysuckle, Geranium and Lemon Verbena but I'm curious if anyone loves the Basil and Radish scents, I've been tempted but they seem earthier than maybe I am? Has anyone tried their all purpose cleaners or toilet cleaners?
Also, if you HAVEN'T jumped on the Mrs. Meyers train you totally need to! The products are natural, good for the environment and the humans that live in said environment, and when it comes to "natural products" they are very reasonably priced! You can pick up most of these products at Target, HEB, Whole Foods, World Market and tons of other locations! And if you live in a small town without many options you can always hit up the Mrs. Meyers website to order ( sometimes they have no shipping fee days which is awesome!) and also to find out where products are sold near you!

As always, I'm a terrible "blogger" and therefore I am absolutely NOT getting anything from the Mrs. Meyers  company for writing this review! In fact, I have no idea how people go about getting those kinda freebies-but to be honest, this way you, my dear readers can always count on me to tell you the absolute true "Abigail Opinion" without any agenda or outside guidance, so win...I guess. haha!

What I know now- Two years ago this month

Can it really have been that long ago? It's so strange that we have put so many days between us and that day because I remember it so very well. It was 2 years ago this month that we said goodbye to our little girl, Priscilla, who at only 20 weeks gestation had already claimed my heart and my hopes. I think this time last year I was still incredibly raw and sad. Watching as my other daughter Tabitha grew and developed  as a little baby, it made me think of her identical sister a lot. I would wonder about their personalities and how they might have differed. All the what ifs- those where the things that got me that first year. Not the what ifs of her passing or our situation with twin to twin transfusion, but the what ifs of what her life would have been like if we'd gotten to keep her. 

This year has been different. Time has helped. Life has helped. And above all I know the Lord has helped me continue to heal. However there is one thing that remains with me as strong as it was 2 years ago, something I don't think will ever change or fade even the slightest. On that day in August I  learned about the frailty of this thing called having children. Right there in that hospital room with the ultra-sound machine beside my bed, I learned about the true nature of having babies. 

I know I am not alone here, those of you reading this who've lost babies before you even knew if they were a boy or a girl, or those who've lost them at birth or many years later, you know the reality too. You know the painful truth about the frailty of Life, the threadlike balance of being a parent. Honestly those of you who've looked at stick after pregnancy stick without seeing two lines, in a lot of ways you too understand this truth too. And wow, is it a doozy! Having children, having healthy children, boy is it a mysterious gift! 

I think I've done everything my little type A brain can think of, in fact, in the last few months I've put of the whole "lets put away the birth control and see what happens" off even more so with excuses about my health. How could I possibly get pregnant when I'm still overweight and sickly?!?  Let's be honest, as I type this I still can't eat solid foods after my awesome bout with throat problems this summer that delightfully ended with a tonsillectomy which still has me laid up! BUT you know what? Even if I was the very picture of health I'd find some other excuse to put off making our family bigger.  Because I now know, more than ever that you can do everything right and it can still end in heartbreak. And since there is no way of me to know for sure whether all will turn out perfectly, maybe I should just spar myself and just not have anymore children. Because, gosh darn it, now that I know this awful truth about how Life is so fragile, how could I possibly put myself out there again?!?! 

Now, don't stop reading yet! Because so far I've been very dire and not very helpful. But, something has become strikingly clear to me lately and that is something about God's character. Is there anything in the Bible that talks about maybe you should not have dreams because if they don't come true God will be less awesome and wonderful? Is there ANYTHING in the Bible that says that? 

Also, just because I now know just how much heartbreak hurts, doesn't mean that I can now avoid heartbreak forever and ever and that be ok. Because, I know now that to avoid heartbreak is also to avoid Life, oh and P.S. It's also avoiding God. 

I do not know when there will ( of if there ever will) be more pregnancy news on this blog, but what I do know is that if there ever is, I will most definitely be scared. I will most definitely have uncontrollable fears about it turning out like "the last time" and I will probably hold my breath for every ultrasound and heart beat. I will never be fully recovered from loosing my daughter because she was a Hope and Dream that will always be lost to me. But an even greater tragedy would be if I let fear of more heartbreak keep me from the rest of Life- That the fear of difficulty and loss would keep me from knowing more of what God can do. 

This post does not just pertain to babies, no it reaches much further, to the foundation of who I am. How much am I willing to trust the Lord? Am I willing to go ahead and dream big? Am I willing to tell the Lord my hearts desire and let Him hold on to that for me and see where that journey will take us? Am I willing to let Jesus be the Lord not just the Savior of my life?  Because knowing what I know now, that will be the most painful, heartbreaking, beautiful, wonderful, miraculous journey ever. 

And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. A tiny baby heartbeat. 

Great Big Answers

Friends, for the sake of this post being as cool as I'd like it to be, I'd like you to do a little back reading....or at least remembering. Bear with me, it'll be worth it!

If you recall, back in January I told you about my "prayersolutions" which was my version of new years resolutions: The things that I was going to pray for in the coming year written on a little blue and brown card. My card is pretty well covered with names and situations and while it covers a pretty vast pool of Life, my card's subjects have one thing in common-all of them were BIG prayers. You know, the kind that cannot be fixed with a little elbow-grease and chocolate chip cookies....They are all much bigger than that.

And a few days later I shared with you one of the prayer requests on my card: A Friend For Ransom. 

Well, in the last month or so, God has really answered that prayer with a little boy named Jacob who moved here with his parents from Fort Bliss and who got connected to us through mutual friends. And, PS, I'm not even kidding when I say, I had FORGOTTEN that I had blogged about Ransom wanting someone to play baseball with, until we were literally sitting at a baseball game with Ransom's new little friend this past Saturday.

So, yeah, we've got a God of details answering our prayer, people!! 

Ok, so I tell you that to say, the other day I was praying over my prayer card and I was thanking God for answering that specific prayer when I felt the Lord telling me that He was going to answer MORE of my prayers! "Whoa, I thought, that's pretty huge!" basically the Ransom getting a friend was one of the "smaller" prayer requests on my card! haha! 

But, sure enough on Wednesday of last week, God rocked my socks off and answered yet another long standing prayer of my heart that I did not see coming! You see, right underneath where I had written, " a friend for Ransom" I had written " Get to Baptize Someone"  ( it was circled in an artsy cloud for emphasis) -this prayer came specifically from reading the Great Commission that the Lord gave to ALL His people before He left Earth the first time:

 "Go, make disciples of all people, baptizing them in the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them all that I have commanded you and behold, I am with you always even to the end of the age. " 

So, I figured, even though I doubt Jesus would hold it against me if I didn't baptize someone, I felt like it was something worth praying for! However, in my mind it was very churchy in nature: I'd meet some young girl, and share the gospel with her, she'd start meeting with me regularly and would start following Jesus and then when she decided to get baptized after a few months I would get to do it....yup. That's my embarrassing little story of what I thought would happen! 

Instead, I got sick. So sick that every time I had an opportunity to go and be a part of the little Bible group that we had started with some ladies nearby, I seemed to never be able to go ( you can read the details here.) In fact, I only got to go once. And then the second time I got to go ( I was thankfully on antibiotics again) we were scheduled to talk about God's command to get baptized! BUT before we even got started the older lady we were meeting with said, "So, I have a question: I was raised Catholic, so I was baptized as a baby, but I read in the Bible that Jesus was an adult and he was also dunked when he was baptized. Why can't I be dunked?! I want to be baptized like Jesus!" 

We were dumbfounded! And we laughed! And we told her that we just so happened  to  have planned to talk about Baptism that night! And so, by the end of the evening Debbie had decided she wanted to be "Dunked" and she wanted me to do it! 

After having met me twice. 

And we were going to do it in three days. Boom. 

I went home on cloud nine, and as Brett and I talked about it, it just became even cooler.  Because, you know that story that I had invented in my head about how God would answer my "baptize someone" prayer? Well, that story had a lot to do with me. I didn't see it at the time, but at the end of the day I could have given myself a serious pat on the back. "Go me! I totally changed someone's life and now they are getting baptized!" But instead, it wasn't that way at all! There was no way that I could take credit for the Holy Spirit's moving! In fact, we didn't even get to take credit for doing an awesome job of sharing a bible study about baptism! Because the Holy Spirit had already put it on Debbie's heart before we even got there! 

In fact, the only thing that I had even the slightest regret regarding how God had so miraculously answered my prayer was that, my mentor and friend Deb actually had the same prayer request on her prayer card ( actually, I'm not sure if it was on her prayer card, but I do know we'd talked about how much she'd like to get to baptize someone!) and on the night that Debbie ( I know, two Deb-names, keep up!) had asked me to baptize her, my friend Deb was at my house taking care of my children. I felt guilty. I felt like I had somehow cheated, but little did I know, but God had THAT worked out too! 

On the day of the baptism, it ended up that Brett was also going to be baptizing his long time friend Ash, who also had never been baptized and who, on Thursday, mentioned to Brett that he felt like it was something he needed to do. Of course, this time we weren't even surprised! Of course, the timing was perfect! And so we all met with friends at a neighbor's pool and waited for a last few people to arrive.  And then I found out that another couple had asked to be baptized as well! And sure enough, when they arrived, the wife asked for my friend Deb to baptize her! 

And so, I shouldn't have worried, God once again took care of every detail. In fact, from the Holy Spirit moving Debbie to say that she wanted "to be dunked" on Wednesday night, we had four people get baptized on Sunday. The Lord continues to remind me that He is truly a Big God who can do Mighty and Great things. 

And so as we all take a look at our prayer cards ( even if yours is figurative) I hope that this story encourages you to pray for Great Things. We have a very great God! 

Now, I'm super excited to see what other cool things get answered from my prayer card soon! ;-)