April 16, 2005

Rocky Road

I didnt realize the irony of my icecream choice until later...but I think thats how I would discribe me lately...rocky.
Seriously, I had to FIGHT hard against bad mood/depression this afternoon...and really, I had no GOOD excuse for it. *sigh*
A long day at work plus the realization that if I want to move out of the support of the parents anytime soon I am going to have to get another job ( there is a possiblity in the "works" so keep an eye open...maybe I'll tell more)...plus....well, just a sense of opression really. To tell you the truth there was a moment when I was heading straight for my parents house to hide and read a novel and not come out until tomorrow...but luckily I pulled myself together and FORCED myself to turn the car around and go to the movies ( Fever Pitch=totally cute chick flick...I recommend). I am glad I did because I ended up having a really really good chat with Anna afterwards (which is why I am up so late!). My sister amazes me. I am also getting excited/apprehensive about her birthday...its on Tuesday....for those of you that dont know...its a BIG deal!

Sometimes when you pray for something SO HARD you get to the point where you feel like your heart is going to burst. I am afraid of that at the moment, and yet those fears were brought into the light tonight..it was as though the Lord was showing me things about my thoughts and my mindset that I either hadnt wanted to notice before-or just hadnt taken the time to look...it was good...."There is no fear in Love, perfect Love casts out fear and he that fears is not made perfect in love."

I am rambling to myself-because I am talking very "vaguely" but...well....sometimes that's what happens at 1:30 at night when you are pondering the "big stuff"

PS. I just read Sam's blog...thank GOODNESS he made mention of Lydia's party...I was SO dying to be there...and then I have heard NOTHING about it! Meeeeh! I want details...somebody send me details....and I want lots of people too, that way I can get lots of prospective as though I was there ;-)
I gotta tell you I didnt know what to think of what Sam said about my video ( I watched it again last night...because I had sorta forgotten what I had said ) it was slightly disconcerning to hear that I had "changed" and that I was "different"...I mean, meeeeh....I havent changed at all! except for maybe my accent...and that, well, that cant be helped.
Of course, that was all coming from a notable stalker and well, stalkers cant be trusted to have "clear thinking" when it comes to those they stalk ;-)
poor sam.

good night.

No comments: