October 24, 2005

The Fifth Season

So, as I've mentioned a good million jillion times I write in journals all over the place...I've had up to four going at once, but no longer...its all about simplifying! hehe...yes, I am down to this blog and then I've combined my "personal thoughts" and "prayer journal" into one totally awesome journal. Now, I usually write in this journal everyday...sometimes pages and pages of prayers....sometimes just a jotted scripture that's spoken to me that day...anywho, without even calculating...I seem to have a regular pattern of filling up a whole journal in about six months-give or take a few days. And, as I finished up a journal this past week I thought about how I feel about the "journal ending" and the "journal beginning"...and it has definitely turned into some sort of subconscious spiritual season evaluator.
Usually as I finish up a journal I read back through the whole thing...skipping around reading a day here or there...it never fails to be encouraging and convicting all at the same time!
In doing the read through I find it beyond praise at how God truly answers prayers! I also find it incredible how easily I forget this....but, its when I am look at day after day all together I can see the pattern of prayers and answers....
In the same way, however...when I read back I see prayers that I've felt conviction over that I need to have more perserverance in...things that I know I still need to lift up...
I am also humbled by how LONG I've struggled with certain problems...certain sins...I mean, I can look back through YEARS worth of journals and find the same reaccuring themes.
But, isnt our God faithful? Isnt that what this Life is all about? Fighting onwards day by day. Last night in church, it was mentioned in the sermon that it is an honorable thing to get back up again and again from our failings and continue to ask for forgiveness and help. I think so often the Devil Lies..and shoves our failures in our face...so that we loose heart...this should never be! It really struck me...how often I believe the Lies...and stop the fight.
Anyway, the end of a journal also marks the BEGINNING of a new one...and OH! how I love this! I love the new paper...a EMPTY book without any of my scribbles yet blotting the pages...it holds such hope...as in, maybe this time my handwritting wont be as bad...maybe this time...I will have great joys to share in this journal! Great victories recorded! This journal, not yet written in, does not hold ANY of my failings as of yet...it doesnt have ANY bad days...it doesnt have any woes..or struggles....its brandnew.
And isnt that just how each day is with the Lord? We wake up, New every morning...He wipes us clean...He looks at us, not with all our past sins piled up on top of us, littering our pages...but totally empty, fresh...ready for a new chapter to be written...a chapter with Him as King!
I always pick some scripture or maybe a hymn to put on the first page of each journal...one main reason was that if I ever lost my journal and someone opened it up...it wouldnt have my personal thoughts on the FIRST page at least! ;-)
But, another reason is a reminder...that while the rest of the pages will be filled with the ups and downs of one girl...it is ALL preceded but the Truth that reigns over that very ups and downs filled life...THAT is constant...THAT stays the same...no matter, what winds may blow, what rains may wash away...
In my last journal the First page contains the
 "Lead On O King Eternal"

Lead on, O King eternal,
The day of march has come;
Henceforth in fields of conquest
Thy tents shall be our home.
Through days of preparation
Thy grace has made us strong;
And now, O King eternal,
We lift our battle song.


Lead on, O King eternal,
Till sin’s fierce war shall cease,
And holiness shall whisper
The sweet amen of peace.
For not with swords’ loud clashing,
Nor roll of stirring drums;
With deeds of love and mercy
The heavenly kingdom comes.


Lead on, O King eternal,
We follow, not with fears,
For gladness breaks like morning
Where’er Thy face appears.
Thy cross is lifted over us,
We journey in its light;
The crown awaits the conquest;
Lead on, O God of might.

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