October 14, 2005

Why I do what I do.

Sometimes I am glad I work in a darkened room...I mean, sometimes you get up and youre brushing your teeth....you glance up at the mirror and youre like...maan, this is what they created makeup for!
But, then you look at yourself again and think, would said make up reeeeeally help this particular situation? No...and if I put said make up on...people will see that I tried...and failed...so better to not try at all. This way people will look at me and think, man, I bet she would look good if she put makeup on ;-)
Better to keep their hopes up...hahaha.
( now you know how my mind works)
I dont know WHY it is that some days are just NOT goodlooking days...but its true....it happens...and I'm having one.
For whatever its worth, I blame it souly on my lack of sleep ( its not worth anything)...seriously, last night I went SHOPPING ( that's alway tiring) at Target...I then came home...put a new duvet cover on my bed ( which takes crazy skills and lots of acrobatics)...I then talked to Carmi on the phone ( relaxing and all...put me in a good mood...important)...I then read some Lord of the Rings ( another relaxing enjoyable activity)...and had my quiet time ( always good)...did the normal "get ready for bed" activities and finally hit the hay at 12 ( waaaay late considering how much sleep I've been getting and how early I had to get up the next morning)...but could I fall asleep...NOOOooOOoooo.
Seriously, this is getting old.
Katie is having a party at our apartment tonight...I say "party" but its more like a "work get together."  with all of her work friends...I'm excited to meet them all, since i've heard a lot about them, and well, lets face it...I dont get to meet new people very often. ( Reminds me of the conversation on the phone with Carmi last night...in which I told her I didnt have any ( hardly)  friends my age and she didnt believe me...hahaha)
But, ( since I'm all about sharing how my crazy mind works, today) truth be told...I have a very LIMITED delight for parties...especially parties where I know a total of two people ( Katie and her boyfriend Matt) ...it freaks me out, generally...plus add on to the fact that there is no escape route ( rule #1 in the party going manual: Make sure you have an escape planned if the party goes south) because its happening in MY livingroom...and you've got yourself a case of Pre-Party Anxiety. I mean, what if these people dont like me? What if I have nothing to talk to them about? meeeeeh.....I know, I know...you are all in SHOCK that I have such thoughts...because I generally exude a " I'm a party person...I love to mingle" mentality. But, it actually takes a great deal of effort...and I guess, I'm just trying to say ( in a long sort of way) that...I am DEFINITELY not feeling it for tonight...meeeh.
Speaking of such things ( no pun intended):
Not too long ago a friend ( who turned out to not be a friend...) said that my sister and I were "obsessed" with conversation...meaning, we constantly discuss the "art" of conversation...I dont think the person actually meant it as a compliment, I think it annoyed them that after any time of social interaction we would get together and discuss how it had gone, how people had responded to certain conversation...how people HADNT responded...how we handled the situation etc. etc....but, personally, I think its great fun...and I think its an art that people pass by, thinking that it comes naturally to everyone...noooooooooooo...its something I've spent my life observing and trying to figure out( communications Major anyone?) - but, I do believe my sister and I both harbor a great fear for "silences"...and I've been trying really hard recently to accept silence as a GOOD thing...especially in large social settings...meeeh...its still heard to take, even as I write this...I break out in a sweat when I think about social silences...and the moral of the story?
This is why Abigail ALWAYS ends up telling funny stories ( sometimes made up) about herself to keep converation going...and then ends up going home wondering WHY she feels so stupid ;-)
The End.

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