November 05, 2005

for all the single ladies...

Warning: I'm annoyed.

Ok, so being annoyed came after feeling disappointed, and its probably a defense mechanism...but whatever, that's not the point.
The point is I have a rant....

I think this particular rant has been building for a while, but I'll just use examples from the past two days.
So, yesterday someone was talking to me about my "influence" list...and they were saying how they enjoyed etc. etc. and I said something like, "yeah, I really feel like many of the people on my list have been equal influences in my life.
..they all add up to who I am" And then the person said, "You say that until you get married, and then your husband will become the BIGGEST influence."

I was immediately rubbed the wrong way ( am I so bitter and alone that I am wrong here?) ...but just because I get married and my husband becomes the most important person in my life IN THE FUTURE....that doesnt mean all the people that have been a part of my life up until this moment are just pushed back?! Is the true? Does life before "husband" really become THAT unimportant and insignificant?
I know so many people that would say...oh, no! Not insignificant...all those years were preparing you for your husband!
I would have to I'm sorry, but my life is NOT about waiting around "preparing" myself for Mister Awesome to get *his* act together and wait for *me* to get my act together so that finally he can ask me to spend the rest of my life with him....I mean, sure that's part of it...but isnt this time of single-ness a little bit more important then that?!

I hear about mothers who worry about their daughters because they are not married yet...I think this is WRONG. You should love and respect your daughters enough to see what awesome women they can be, ALONE. Sure, we can only speculate how totally awesome I will become when Mr. Awesome comes along...but until then, arent we...the single girl....good enough without some guy to tell us we are beautiful?

And another thing...tonight I started reading a book "A Severe Mercy", I was told it was WONDERFUL...and I have to agree its really really good...but, guess what? I cant read it! Because, even though on the cover it says " This book is for anyone who has truly loved someone else."
they should have been more specific....its for anyone who's ROMANTICALLY loved someone else. I mean, I am sure the other elements of love are there...but the romantic, at least in the first chapter SO OVERWHELM the other elements that I couldnt read it anymore....

I guess, this post is just bitter because I feel left out...but not REALLY....I dont REALLY mind that I havent yet experience this specific experience...I think its more that OTHER PEOPLE make me feel like I havent 'truly lived' my life my experiences are not truly "worthy" because I'm single, so their must be something wrong with me...or I have no romance in my I get pushed to the back burner while those that DO, get to pour out their little hopes and dreams....I'm sorry, but I've got hopes and dreams too! oooooh, but you've forgotten, Abigail, you're hopes and dreams are not COMPLETE yet, because as soon as you meet Mr. will adjust your hopes and dreams to fit his hopes and dreams in too...and so, therefore, we should all wait and discuss this later when we have the "combined picture".... I mean, what's the point right now? I mean, you are just going to change when you meet Mr. Awesome.
I just want to SCREAM not true! I know so many girls that believe these things, and the worst part about it is...that most of the time it isnt offically "said"...and therefore, we dont really address these little minor setbacks for what they are. Lies.
Put down the romance novels ( they may make you feel good right now, but ultimately you'll just long for something you dont have yet)...and listen to me:
I am just going to set things straight RIGHT NOW.
If you are single...your life HAS already started, you do not have to wait for some guy to come along for you to become ALL that you are meant to be.
Get your relationship with God sorted out. Because a guy will not change that.
Get your giftings sorted out. Because a guy will not change those.
Get involved in you church, in your community. Because you do not need a guy for your gifts to be used.

Last weekend I met a girl, she was 19 or so...and she was agonizing about the fact that she had never kissed a guy. She said, "I've made a limit, that I will kiss a guy by the time I am 20."
Now, I realized as I was listening to her...that this was NOT just coming from her brain...her own insecurities...she had been FED such lies throughout her the media..whoever. It's so subtle that we start to believe it! Oh girls, do not settle for less than God's desire for you. Do not think that just because you dont have a boyfriend...or no one has ever asked you out...or you've never even kissed a guy that you are less for that...or that you've even MISS OUT on something.

I think that last part about "missing out" is the thing that I struggle with the most, I, maybe I *am* missing out here, because I havent had these experiences. But, then I remember my life is in God's hands...I will experience everything in HIS timing and I am NOT about to ruin that by settling or rushing things. Also, even though I am sad that this "great" book isnt for me...I am SURE there are other books out there that I need to read right now ( I havent read LotR in like a week!) and lessons that I need to learn...books and lessons for this season in my life. A season in its FULLEST and not the least bit LESS because it is a season alone.
Thus the Rant ended.

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