April 26, 2006

Soundtrack to life...

So, my "low coolent" light came on in my car ( again! and I only had it re-filled less than a month ago, should I be going through coolent so fast?! I wish I had car-knowledgeable people around...) and so today I got home and checked it...sure enough, it was vurging on empty and my car was sad and I felt guilty for not checking sooner ( should I have?! )...

I rushed up to my apartment to find the largest container in which to carry water ( a not very large drink bottle was all I found)...so I filled it up, rushed it down to my thirsty car, dumped it within to find that it BARELY scratched the surface of filling up my thirsty taurus...I ran up stairs, entered my apartment only to catch the ringing phone...

"Hello, may I speak to Mr. or Mrs. S...Sc....Scarface? Scratches? " Is that how you say it?"

"Well, no...that would be SCIFRES...but I'm sorry she isnt in ( at this point, I pretend like I DONT know that this is a sales call May I take a message?"

"No but do you make any of the decisions regarding your phone bill?"

now, at this point in our conversation I am again at the sink filling up my tiny water bottle...I weight my options and realize that I will be running up and down the stairs for the next ten minutes...soooo since I have a cordless phone, I might as well take this guy along for the ride...

"Why YES! Actually, I can made said decisions."

"Well, I am here to awful, I mean offer you a special service..I mean, deal regarding your longdistance serv...
I mean, do you ever make long distance phone calls? Because, I'd like to offer you a new package today because you are one of our...perferred...cuu...customers."

I try to surpress my giggles...turns out this guy is more entertaining than I thought...besides I'm halfway to my car for the second time...

"That, just lovely! So, what is this special plan?"

THUS began a long spill that I'll spare you from...but I caught the words FREE several times...which annoyed me so *I* said...

"Now, I noticed that you just said "Free" call waiting, and three-way calling....now, those two serves are actually ON my existing plan, and yet I have a feeling that YOUR new plan will be MORE expensive than my current plan...which LEADS me to believe that those serves are, infact, NOT free."

"Well...umm...how much do you pay for your current plan?"

I am currently pouring water in my car for the third time, so....

"Sadly, I cannot recall the EXACT amount that I pay at the moment, but dont you KNOW? Since I am a preferred customer?"

"Actually, ma'mam, I dont know that information...but..."

"Weeell, I'd say its about 50 dollars a month, which includes my internet services...which is THE most important thing to me."

"I'm sure this plan would not interfer with your current internet plan...but...I....ummm...think..that ummm...this plan would give you discounts on your internet..."

"oh REALLY? What are the discounts?"

"Weeellll...i dont actually KNOW, you'll have to call customer service for that..."

at this point, Im tired of going up and down my stairs and my car is pretty much full of water, plus I'm getting tired of man-on-phone too...so I decide to wrap things up.

"Sir, how about I just run and get my bill for last month, and lets look at it together, to see if YOUR plan, is infact, BETTER than my current plan...of course, I will feel very sad, if it ends up that it ISNT better, and therefore you are wasting your time with me..."

"Oh NO! I am here to serve you!"

"Well, that's just lovely, ok...here's my bill....ok....soooo I am paying 15.97 for call waiting and three way calling plus caller ID That's not so bad."

"Umm...I guess not." frantically shuffling through papers to find protocol for this...

"Annnd looks like I am not paying ANYTHING for long distance-since I make my longdistance calls on my cell phone...SOOOO...what other services would you be offering me?"

"Well, free answering service-"

"-I actually have an answering machine...so I dont really need that...sooo...lookings like MY bill is 37.95 for those services...sooo I dont think I'll be changing over today, thank you for your time."

"Well....ok.....ummmm....did I answer all your questions?"

"You sure did, you did a wonderful job."

"OK then, have...have a nice day."

"You TOO!"

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