May 08, 2006

back to that marathon

"God, my prayers just arent answered:
No one else seems to care.....
No one else seems to be listening to you....
God are YOU even listening to me?
All these people hurting....
All these people living only halfway....
Why would you show me the Truth if I cant even share it?
Why would you give me your Heart if it was only going to Break? "



Tonight my heart just broke into a few hundred pieces....Honestly, it had probably been breaking for months and this isnt the first fullon breaking point..
....but that doesnt make it better.

My journal looked like this...

"I feel worthless, powerless. And I KNOW I shouldnt feel this way. But, I DO."

( several hours past when I just walked around and "did stuff"...I'd laugh and talk and then, in waves, I'd remember my sadness...my listlessness...my feeling of overwhelmedness....

Finally, back to the journal....

"Restore my faith. My hope."

( For I realized it had been pretty much erased from my "Things I have" list. )

And then it was like my Daily Light was just written for me...

"Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? Father; save me from this hour?...Father glorify your name." John 12:28

"I did not say to the seed of Jacob, "Seek me in vain." Is. 45:19

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are open to their cry." Ps 34:15

"Pray for one another. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." James 5:6

"Do not delay, O my God." Ps. 40:17



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