major-ness.

I have gone off of my pain meds completely. Cold. Turkey. So far things havent been TOO bad, but I have started getting those "totally awesome" lower back pains again...and I was kinda like, "oooh yeeeeeah, I forgot about you!!" And if you're wondering WHY I went off the pain meds, I dont know if I can fully explain my reasoning except that i was really convicted that I was just covering up my pain with fake relief instead of really seeking God about what to do about it. So, I decided the best way for me to make a good decision at my next doctors appointment ( may 22) was to really re-evaluate the pain, see exactly where I stand...and most importantly pray...And I find I pray harder when I'm in pain. haha. That and cry. I cry more when I'm in pain as well...but whatever...this is going to be fun. And I'd appreciate your prayers too! I realized just how discouraged I had become about all this mess...I realized I'd gone into HARDCORE denial about it. So much so that I'd rather pop pills then deal with it....and that I'd rather not pray about it rather than face more "nos" and more "waits" and more "silences"...which was wrong. very wrong. God help me, I need more faith.

And do you think its a coincidence that I've been having AWFUL headaches pretty much consently since I stopped taking the Tramadol?! No? yeeeeeah me neither.
My sister was right, I'm a total druggie. ( she's so supportive). :-P

But to end on a positive note:
...dum dum dum...I got my wedding dress. Oh maaaaan, while I totally hate David Bridal for being all evil and nonhelpful once they have your money, my dress more than makes up for it.
I want to wear it all the time.
So, if you see a girl at the post office mailing invitations in a wedding dress....its more than likely me. Because my dress is hotness in white. I mean, seriously, I loooove it. And I'm pretty sure I'm never going to look this hot again, so get your cameras ready we better document the moment while we can.....seriously this is it. Get ready.