June 29, 2007

because of a play station.

If there was ever a time to blog I suppose it should be right now.

Sitting in my parents guest bedroom a little after midnight. I feel like my life is in the oddest of places, I can't really sleep ( havent been able to sleep much for days..which is pretty normal with me and lifechanging times in my life)... Today was my Granddangy's funeral. My Papa did a wonderful job with the service. Everything he said was True and pointed to the Cross and to Jesus and to saving grace.
The Abt family was reunited for the first time in years which is just pitiful, that it takes the death of the patriarch for everyone to come together. But, I am grateful, I'm grateful for the fun I had reconnecting with my younger cousins. They're really quite fabulous...
I just realized of my twelve cousins on the Abt side. One is coming to my wedding. One.
I suppose it serves me right for getting married in the middle of summer. But sad, nonetheless. Anyway, I think my family is pretty special and great, and I'm sure everyone feels that way about there families, but I still wished several times today that Brett could have been there to meet them all.

It really hasnt fully set in that I will probably never return to the House on Janehaven Lakes. The pool where we all retreated to when Granddangy kept the house at a balmy 88 degrees in summer, the game table in the living room where I played literally THOUSANDS of games of cards and manopoly, the back bedroom where I slept hundreds of time under those peach colored comforters looking up at the coolest disney pictures ever that hung beside the bed....the kitchen table where I watched Grandmother put her make up on and where I sat to eat a good 15 thanksgiving dinners, the white couch were Granddangy always sat, bent over a cigerette giving his Words of Wisdom and watching old war movies. The attic room where my cousin Ryan and I were tortured by our older cousins in their "haunted house", the little "hidden room" upstairs that I thought was mine, but was probably just where Grandmother stored Christmas decorations, the grandfather clock in the living room that reminded us that we'd once again stayed up too late talking....

I'm tempted to go on, because even now I feel like its slipping through my fingers. I do hope that everyone, myself included, will make more of an effort to get together more often in the future. After all, these are the people that share these memories with me, and I would hate for our family to only be made up of memories, I'd like some present tense with them too.

So, Emma and Lydia are coming in to town tomorrow. I suppose this means that Wedding Party 2007 is officially beginning. It's incredibly hard to believe its all really here! In the past two days I've recounted ( in great detail, because that's how I roll) Brett's proposal twice. It seems like forever ago, and yet at the time the wedding seemed a far future thought.
And here we are.
How time does fly.

I am praying for beautiful times with my beloved friends, for I am truly truly blessed that I have four friends visiting from distant shores, and I feel like their time here should be considered more than just "Hey, look! We're here for your wedding!!"
These girls have shared some of my most 'defining moments' and I am glad God has found it best that they share this defining moment with me too.

So, tonight was officially my last night with just my parents. I must confess the last few weeks have not been what I would have expected, we've been FAR busier and FAR crazier than I think any of us would have liked. Tonight I was feeling kind of sorry for myself, thinking about how the past two years have been about a lot of things, but one of the most special things my time in nacogdoches has been about was spending time with my family, and I was so sad that tonight was pretty much it. From here on out, our little family unit, so to speak, will be brimming with extra members ( not necessarily a bad thing!).
But, then I was reminded that it would be far more important to have two solid weeks with my parents, and just my parents,if it hadnt been for two-times a week coffee dates at Java Jackes, or Thursday Sandwiches with Papa, or Sunday lunches. But, that's just it. I have been blessed with a wonderful close family, and I know that adding a few extra girls and one boy in the next two weeks is not going to make my time with them any less sweet. Its going to be very sweet.

I have now officially started crying. I figured as much, since I've been holding it together rather nicely all day, it seems only fitting to cry into your pillow by yourself at the end of a day like today.


Katie said...

meh abigail! im tearing up too... i almost just started typing things to make you feel better, but you know what? you have plenty to make you feel better. its just scary right now. im excited for you... give me a call if you need someone to sob to. oh, and i cant wait to meet your friends! hope you have a better day. :(

christa said...

Abigail. I have tears in my eyes! I know that there isn't much that I can say but I can say this, that God will take you buy the hand and lead you through all of this, all we have to do is reach out. I love you! Oh and in case I don't see you at the wedding I will say goodbye now. Esther and I will be leaving Saturday for Dallas. I will be praying for you!

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful; it's so bitter-sweet, but we know that God is leading you through, and that's why it has beauty.