July 03, 2007

in the dark.

Everyone is asleep. Well, except for Lydia....she just followed me down the stairs a minute ago, I guess we got bitten by the same insomia bug. But, now she's headed back to bed, and here I am with you...

Hopefully, blogging will calm me down enough to sleep, like I said before...it seems that just about every year I must face my "life changes insomia"...but I suppose that's a small price to pay to have ones life turned upside down and backwards and forwards all for the sake of what you know is Right. And what is Good. And what will ultimately be super exciting.
Exciting, once you get over the giant hurtles of actually getting there.

Tonight I spent a great deal of time on the phone....but the best two conversations were with Tabitha and Brett. Both, arriving tomorrow! YAY! Two hours apart, hopefully I can sneak in one our two thank you notes ( writing them) between the two arrivals-but I highly doubt it. *sigh*

So, yes, back to the excitment and the reason why I cant sleep....Tabitha is currently in LA. She has arrived safely on American soil and already she is a fabulous traveler!!! One day when she's a missionary in some far off land, I will be able to say that my wedding got the first stamp in her passport!!

Brett, is currently finishing up last minute tasks ( speaking of tasks, I'd appreciate prayer-my things have not yet arrived at Brett's apartment, which makes me nervous. It also means that when it DOES arrive-Brett's fabulous friends are going to have to do the unloading!! So, yes, I'm a tad on the upheaval side....), doing all sorts of things before he has to get up at 3am ( ish) to fly to Texas...the last time he will fly here without being my husband.

I cannot tell you how very hard it is for my brain to comprehend the fact that I will not have to say goodbye to him again...that I actually get to keep him!! Really, its just shocking to my little system, a little system that is so use to the way things have been, the annoyance of having to say goodbye, the dreadfulness of only have the telephone, sometimes not even that, to keep in touch....its just....well, hard to believe the waiting is almost up!

But, if there was ever something I'd like to spend quality time wrapping my head around, well...this would be the thing!

Life in general is hard to get my head around, currently. But, I feel very upheld, because, honestly how else would I keep myself from crying every time I see my parents? ( it's always hard to say goodbye, but much harder when you have wonderful parents like I do.)
What keeps me from flipping out at all the little tiny tasks ( that have the annoying habit of building up into one giant task!) . Or the overwhelmingly amazing gift of having SO many fabulous visitors all at once-each one being someone I'd like to give my undivided attention to for 24 hours straight...and yet, its just not possible!
But, I feel upheld, because I come to the end of each day and it seems so clear to me that only God could have made the day tick by in such a fashion. To get me all the way to the end.

I'm excited about the future. But kind of how you are excited about a holiday you've never been on. You've read some previous testimonies from other people that have been, you look at some pictures that other people have taken, you've asked questions of all those who have gone before you, you've read the travel books.... And for all you can tell, its going to be the best trip ever. And yet, you still, after all that, can't actually picture yourself in the holiday. You're still super excited though. I mean, who would'nt be?!

I think its all they trying to picture myself in the holiday that keeps me up at night. I mean, heck, all that excitment. It would keep anyone up!!

So, yes, I keep thinking about that verse that says, "For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark..."
I don't know why it keeps coming back to me. I guess its just that I never knew how ALL CONSUMING my wedding would be in so many ways...and that ultimately, like never before have I desired so much to have my mind on eternal things. My days are full, but are they full with eternal things?! So, even as I continue this two week long party, as I spend my days with family, with friends, with the Love of my life....I would only desire have my heart with Him who made such a life even possible. That I am forgiven, that I am loved, that I am the Beloved daughter of the most High, those are glorious truths that are only possible through Jesus Christ. Yes, I am getting ready to be married to the man I love, and my prayers are for the Most High God to come back tomorrow if that would bring Him glory. ( of course, if not-I'd have Him hold off until at least August. )

Well, I think just maybe this baring of my soul has done the trick and I just might be able to go to sleep now....


Brett said...

You are my favorite.

Kali Shanti said...

enjoy even the upheaval.. God is at work in you. looking forward to your wedding.

Anonymous said...

i'm home...and, eager to start coing to the party(ies)!!

Aunt Donnave