So, my weekend in Texas was an odd mix of too short- Some of the people I love the most I only saw for a few seconds,which just made me long for more! And of course, my family who I saw the most...I could always use more of them- and a mix of too long...( and this is where it gets all dramatic)
This trip totally busted a particular denial bubble that I had been cultivating since, well, before I even got married....and that pretty much consisted of the thought that when Brett deployed I could go back to Texas and live such a different life from the life we lived in Washington that it would some how be easier to be without him. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. In fact, even as I typed I thought-"whoa, no wonder I never put that in words or I would have realized IMMEDIATELY that that was totally stupid and would not work."
Because it didn't and I realize now that no matter where I am, no matter how much fun I'm having ( i.e. how many friends I'm seeing, cake I'm eating, pizza I'm consuming....) I will long for Brett to be there with me and it will not be good.
It should be dually noted that while I spent a good two years in Texas supporting my sister %150 percent in a similar circumstance I am embarrassed to say I had no. idea. what she was going through....and while luckily I still do not know what it is like to not see my husband for over a year- the very thought of it made me cry for about an hour last night.
And while I got very good advice yesterday to "not worry about tomorrow for today has cares of its own"....advice which I plan to start following as of right now, I must say that me crying last night was probably a good thing in some ways. In some ways I have thought little to none about my future prospects as an army wife. I know, shocking. And in some ways I feel I need to start praying RIGHT NOW for help for the future. Why in the world God thought that I-of all the girls in all the world-would be able to be a "good army wife" ....well that's just beyond me!
In other news...I came home to run down husband ( and a very tidy house!) who "didn't get enough sleep this weekend" and is getting a cold...and the news that we will have to stay in Washington for Fourth of July ( this means we will probably be heading to Texas very end of July/early August ) and the news that he'd actually probably have to WORK on July the Fourth ( incidentally one of my FAVORITE holidays) and the news that he has to work late two nights this week ( what's new?!). This plus the whole I've-had-a-crazy-weekend-and-I-need-sleep probably adds to the whole crying thing. ;-)