Side of reality and an order of life

Last night I arrived in Washington, settled in at Amy and Luke's and went to bed totally exausted and then I started to think....and thus several hours past of me wondering what in the world I was doing here.
I mean, sure it all made sense months ago, and it even made sense weeks ago, and technically it made sense yesterday...and even sorta kinda made sense in the moment...I just didn't feel it AT ALL.

I mean, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Today I got up, shed a few tears and then headed out to find an apartment ( first order of business)...I visited three places before 11 and started to feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. None of the places made me happy. In fact, none of the places that made me even remotely happy were even CLOSE to being ready in the next month-so I took a much needed break and had coffee, lunch and another coffee with Cindy ( and Andrew for a little bit) and that helped to put my mind at ease that I at LEAST had things to look forward to regarding the Navigator ministry here, which, lets be honest was the major reason for returning...
Yeah...

Looking back on that now I can see why God had me divide my day with time with them, it helped to remind me why I'm here.

After my "break" I went back to looking at apartments, this time it was at the fancy-pants apartments in Dupont ( Pleasantville, USA) that had told me over the phone that they didn't have any openings until February. However, I went and looked at the beautiful two bedroom that would be avaliable next month and I pleaded with the lady that I wanted something sooner...and then I left and I washed my hands of the whole "search for a place to live" for the day and went to the Px with Amy. And there we were in the Px and the lady at the fancy-pants place called me back and said that someone had fallen through and that I could literally move in tomorrow ( if I could move that fast)-but of course, it was in the "second tier" apartments thus more expensive...

Annnnyway, long day...and now I'm faced with some prayer concerning a fancy apartment with lots of room and a bedroom and bathroom that I don't need....

Long day.

Trying to take deep breaths.