September 24, 2012


Well, it's good for everyone that I'm writing this later than when I was first going to write. Let's just say having to say goodbye to my little boy who was saying, "come on, Mommy!" all the way out the door of the hospital room plus the delay of getting to eat dinner made me down right teary. But I told myself to put on my big girl panties and pull it after a meal that was way smaller and not as good as the last time I was here ( strange), I am feeling a bit more like myself. I swear, dont mess with me when I have low blood's not pretty.

So, now I'll back up and fill in some details: Today I had my first appointments with doctors regarding my care here, and during my routine ultra sound, it was clear that my cervix was quite a bit shorter than it was last Thursday. Enough that the Doc decided he wanted me in the hospital for a few days just to make sure everything stayed as it should. They also went ahead and gave me my first round of steriods to boost Tabitha's lung development just in case she does grace us early....P.S. that needle was big and it went into a place that I usually rely on for cushioning....One day, when she's a teenager I hope someone mentions all that I have done for her ;-)

I'll stop here and say that most days I do not feel like an adult. If anything I'm a little girl playing house. But days like today I definitely feel adultish. Having to listen to a new doctor rehash what our little girl may face ( yes, she might have some neurological problems that we can't even foresee yet because of her condition....gotcha, thanks for bringing that up when I can't do anything about it.), having to decide if we wanted to do the steriods now or later, giving Brett all the info over the phone so that we could make the right decision...), making a million and one phone calls trying to make sure I'm covered by insurance while I'm here ( major prayers about that one....apparently my transfer approval still hasntgone through's hoping we aren't adding this hospital stay to our list of current expenses...meeeh!) while also worrying incessantly about Ransom and what his care should look like over the next few days....and only at the end of the day even thinking about the fact that I'm spending the night  in a hospital by myself. Yup. I'm giving myself big girl credits.

All in all, while today is not my favorite day it's not the worse day either. Family and friends continue to love on us with such devotion and with such consistent outpouring it is a constant reminder of how we are being upheld in the less visible ways. This morning I came to the 23rd Psalm....

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want....

My title explained: An eternity ago, my friends, Andrew and Cindy allowed me to stay with them for a week while Brett was doing some training before his deployment. During that time, their son Jack was only about 3 and he misunderstood my name prenounciation and ended up calling me "a big girl" during my stay...I've always thought it was funny. I think I've earned the title.


Anonymous said...

Wish I could spend the night with you. I finished memorizing Psalm 23 last week... probably something that I should have done awhile ago but I've been praying it for you and it gives me peace when I start to worry about you.

Praying for you and your big girl panties. You have earned them for sure.



Anonymous said...

You have definitely earned the "A-Big-Girl" title. You know how much I love you; but, I am so proud of you as well.
When I get fearful, my favorite scripture is I John 4:4, "greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." I even personalize it and say it aloud, very loud, sometimes. "Greater is He who is in *me* than he who is in the world!" Although it makes me feel small, I feel cared for and protected, surrounded by guardian angels and the greatest one of all, our Lord Jesus Christ.
Much love, Aunt Donnave

Anonymous said...

Count your blessings--there are many of them.