In some ways the last few days have been harder than the first super hard days that we had in Houston....not because of any particular awfulness but because sometimes its harder to have Faith on the "normal" days. You aren't in a hospital, your family isn't surrounding you, you do not have the hope of an ultrasound in a few hours or a doctor standing there with answers to your questions. And above all, you do not have the Abundance of Grace that seems to pour out in times like that. Seriously, I believe that the Lord pours out with such abundance in times of dispair and I've lived it first hand. I know it to be true. He carries us through.
But what about the other days? The normal days. All there is to do today is take care of Ransom, which I cannot do, and be still and rest, which I do with difficulty, and wonder about tomorrow....and that's where it gets difficult and the little lies creep in, I start to wonder if any big prayers will be answered ( forgetting the ones that already have been), I wonder if Tabitha will be taken from us too? I wonder if we'll find the help we so desperately need to take care of our home during this season ( forgetting that he has so far).... I forget it all, and I feel so empty. So, the question is....is there grace on these days too? I believe so.
Today in my reading I read Luke 5:5: where Jesus is in the boat with his soon-to-be disciples, and he tells them to let down their nets. Peter replies with, "Master, we have toiled all night and for nothing, but at your word we will let down our nets."
This verse struck me hard, I felt like I have been such a fishermen of late, toiling in my own strength, getting nothing in my nets but an old coke can and some rusty nails....the question is, when the Lord asks me to lower my nets again, to have Hope again, to trust Him again....will I do it? In this passage it says nothing about whether or not Peter believed that this time would be different, in fact, later when they do pull in a huge load of fish he falls down at Jesus' feet and asks for mercy so maybe he didn't really think things would change...but, even if he didnt, he was still obedient. And I believe that is where my own Grace-filled Truth lies today. In being obedient. Lowering my nets into seemingly empty waters and trusting that the Lord has a good reason for my nets to be there.... What will I haul in? Only the Lord knows...but whatever it is it will be about Him and not me, it will teach and mold and change me...but first I must be willing to lower my nets again.