October is a strange month for me this year. This year it's the month I'm more than likely going to have a baby...now, I suppose Justice could surprise us all and be super late and arrive in very early November-but either way we're talking October is the month where we get really really real about having another baby.
I think its mostly strange to me because there once was an October where I spent the entire month trying NOT to have a baby. ( Here's one of my favorite posts from that month). Putting two years worth of perspective between then and now has taught me a lot. There is nothing like being able to "forget the pain" of a certain scenario to give you some new insight....so that said I've been thinking about how incredible it is that next week I'll be at 38 weeks....which is incidentally how many weeks Tabitha miraculously made it to in her own gestation....just because it is happened 2 years ago does not make it any less miraculous ( if you are somehow unfamiliar with what I'm talking about-check out the "Tabitha/Priscilla tab at the top of my blog to catch you up). It was truly incredible.
I don't really know what to expect from the upcoming months- I think I've mentioned a couple hundred times already that I plan to have incredibly low expectations of myself and my kids during this upcoming season. We're going to all try to stay alive and I'm going to try and not scar my children with any major freak-outs or extended periods of time when I haven't showered
( well...definitely the first one.) and that's about it. If there is anything I've learned from having two other children it is that there is often too much pressure put on those first months of having a baby...and the pressure usually comes from the inside!
So here are the three things that are weighing on my mind the most about the upcoming season:
1. Sleep. Oh my word! I love sleep soooooo much! It is basically Jesus, my family and then sleep in the list of my favorite things. I also do not do well without it. I remember being SHOCKED after Tabitha was born that I could fall COMPLETELY asleep with Ransom wide awake next to me ( I never thought I'd fall asleep with my kids basically unattended)-but it turned out that with the glorious babysitter of Daniel Tiger and an iPad I did in fact do so quite frequently. I'm just really worried about what levels my child-care is going to reduce to now...with not one, but two children who will still be getting there full 11 hours of sleep each night and who will be rearing to go at 7:30am every morning. Ugh. I am not sure how I'm suppose to swing this season....seriously. How's it done?!?!
2. Tabitha. Holy moly. Girlfriend is attached to her mommy. Unlike Ransom, who-thanks to the craziness of our circumstances-had already learned the hard truths that Mommy was not the end-all for love and attention by the time Tabitha came along.
Tabitha has not learned said lesson. She's got some serious territorial issues to sort through and I have a feeling the fallout is not going to be pretty.
3. Colic. Ransom was not a happy baby. And sure, it was 5 years ago but you don't forget things like that. You just DO. NOT. FORGET. the screaming. So much so that in a lot of ways I fear the possibility of colic more than actual labor. ( Because labor does not last for months) . I am praying every moment that I think of it, that Justice will NOT be a colicky baby. I know there are worse things in the world, but honestly, when it's happening to you, you'll be hard pressed to think of one.
So that's where we stand as I look the end of this pregnancy in the face. I am still in awe of how beautifully and completely the Lord has answered my "healthy pregnancy, healthy baby" prayers and I am trusting in Him fully that He will carry that through into Justice's life outside in the world! Here's to the last few weeks of being the parent to 'only' two kids! EEK!!! I can't wait to look back at this little list of "fears" in a few weeks time and laugh at them all....because whether it is these three things or-more than likely a whole new set of crazy....like say, BAT BITES , we will somehow get through it all!