Don't freak out. We aren't ACTUALLY moving...but that's definitely how I'm feeling of late. I know that I am way behind on giving you a follow up from my last dramatic post. But here's what's happened in a nutshell. First off, God was good and reminded me of, well, just how blessed I really am...and he also gently reminded me of all those who are probably much lonelier than I am. But, also in the mix I got this great email from a friend, one of those friends everyone should have...the kind who know you so well and who've known you for so long they can pull out the laundry list of all the things that God has done before and stick it in your face. Anyway, she was kind enough to remind me that this is how I felt when I first moved to New Zealand. And its how I felt when I first moved back to Texas. And when I first moved to Washington. And when I moved to Kansas and locked myself in the trunk , or the time I moved back to Washington. Or when I first moved to Fort Benning....
Well, anyway since you see a pattern here, I was annoyed ( at first) because I was like WE DIDN'T MOVE!! I mean, its all well and good to feel alone and without friends and fellowship when you've just moved but WE'RE STILL HERE!!
However, it wasn't until several days later that another friend was visiting with us and he was talking about how God moves us so that we'll grow, that we'll spread out. So that we'll spread the gossip ( Acts 8:1)...and it hit me! Sure, we haven't physically moved, but we ARE starting a brand new chapter. A chapter where Brett's work is gonna be a 24/7 kind of deal, a chapter where our lives will look much much different from how they've looked up till now. And so, in that, it some how has helped me to think that we've moved again. That these feeling are normal and they are forcing me out of my comfort zone YET AGAIN. But, the hope in that is that community will once again be around the corner. I met today with my dear friend Melissa. Her husband also works on Kelley Hill and Brett and I have always known that we were "partners" in taking the Hill for Christ with Melissa and her Hubs...however, some how that's gotten lost in our busy busy schedule. But we're taking it back. Taking back our fellowship with one another, and hopefully in that we'll all be a little more encouraged in the Work we have set before us! God is faithful.
THANK YOU blog readers for your continued support, wonderful emails of encouragement and sometimes admonishment. I can always trust you to tell me the truth! Thanks :-)
August 29, 2011
August 24, 2011
A private thought
I'm about to write about something I don't fully understand. I've been trying to and I've decided maybe its just not meant to be at the moment and I should just write what I do know and we'll go from there.
I'm pretty sure last week I was depressed. Now, for those who I know who suffer from real depression I do not want to belittle or trivialize what is a real and true disease. So instead I'll just call it a serious Downer.
It had probably been coming on for a while though, because for the last few months my life has looked a bit like a horror film. People dropping like flies. Or should I say, people, fellowship any kind of anything. First, our Navigator community did some DRASTIC changing, changes that I will caveat by saying that I still ( even after what happened) believe in the fundamentals of...however, the result was that Community DISAPPEARED from our lives. Where we use to have Friday night BBQs-nada. where we use to have Chapel-nada. Where we use to have lunch after chapel-nada. Where we use to have Sunday night Searching the Scriptures Bible Study-nada. Where we use to keep track and know what was going on in the lives of the other leaders and laborers-nada. It went from weekly meetings, to every so often, to pretty much nothing. ( I'm leaving out a lot here, like the fact that a lot of people went out and started their very own small groups for the first time ever, and people who would never walk into a church or chapel were getting to hear the good news of Christ....this is why deep down I was positive and excited through this whole process...because I thought that ultimately the good was out weighing the bad...) , on top of that my friend Adelaide deployed (boo), my friend Amy moved ( boo),
and to be honest if I hadn't had walking with my friend Miranda in the mornings I wouldn't have seen anyone all week. And if it hadn't been during the summer where I had a trip to Texas, several visits from friends and family mixed it, then well....things would have probably come to a head even sooner. Because...the other major change that was going on was Brett's work.
I've already talked about this on my blog so I won't go on and on, but basically Brett's work took it up a notch. And last week it took it up an even further notch and he's FINALLY GETTING HIS COMPANY! This is super exciting! For those of you non-army types ( lots of you), basically Brett's going to be the company commander for about 100 guys. Large and in charge. He's going to be wonderful. So, to break that down though- he'll be going from an intense horrible job with horribly long hours to hopefully a more fulfilling, exciting job with equally, if not longer, hours.
And so....here I was. At the end of my rope. People I never would have expected this. I never expected to feel so utterly alone. Its not that I didn't have friends, or I didn't have people around. But I learned that I didn't just need human contact, I needed deeper communion. I needed a more spiritual connection that happened on a regular basis. I felt like we were drowning.
Anyway. I'm nervous about writing this. Nervous that it'll hurt someones feelings or make someone mad. But, I'm writing it anyway. I'm writing it because its ultimately its how I felt. That's why I'm calling it a Downer. Something that made me take naps every day. Something that made me cry, and I mean seriously cry three or four times ( for a non-cryer that's TONS). I mean, I was seriously taking pregnancy tests like they were going out of style. But ultimately I think it boiled down to the fact that we are not made to go at this alone. And I actually think that I, personally, am not even made to go at this life with just one or two people. I'm a village girl. I need a crowd of people in my life.
I want my crowd back.
I've been reviewing some of my old memory verses this week and I was in the car and I got to Hebrews 10:24-25. "Consider how you may spur others on towards love and good deeds. Do not give up meeting together as some or in the habit of doing, but encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
And, this is embarrassing to admit, but when I memorized this a long time ago I always thought I was memorizing for other peoples sake because I had never had a problem with that before!! Well, there I was in the car and I literally said, "oh." out loud...because that is EXACTLY what we, I had done.
And after I figured that out, I magically no longer needed a nap any more. Now I just want this fixed. Really really fixed.
Please pray for the Fort Benning community that I'm "suppose" to be involved in. One thing that really sealed the deal for me was thinking about Brett deploying again. When thinking about it I thought about how last deployment my Fort Lewis community/family seriously got me through that deployment. But when thinking about Brett deploying again all I could think was: "I'm going to be SO ALONE." Now, I know that's not going to be the case, and I know that God will take care of Ransom and I when the time comes, but the fact that I even thought that...that's trouble! So, praying and seeking the Lord and having great Hope in a community that I still very much believe in, that we WILL get back on track!
I'm pretty sure last week I was depressed. Now, for those who I know who suffer from real depression I do not want to belittle or trivialize what is a real and true disease. So instead I'll just call it a serious Downer.
It had probably been coming on for a while though, because for the last few months my life has looked a bit like a horror film. People dropping like flies. Or should I say, people, fellowship any kind of anything. First, our Navigator community did some DRASTIC changing, changes that I will caveat by saying that I still ( even after what happened) believe in the fundamentals of...however, the result was that Community DISAPPEARED from our lives. Where we use to have Friday night BBQs-nada. where we use to have Chapel-nada. Where we use to have lunch after chapel-nada. Where we use to have Sunday night Searching the Scriptures Bible Study-nada. Where we use to keep track and know what was going on in the lives of the other leaders and laborers-nada. It went from weekly meetings, to every so often, to pretty much nothing. ( I'm leaving out a lot here, like the fact that a lot of people went out and started their very own small groups for the first time ever, and people who would never walk into a church or chapel were getting to hear the good news of Christ....this is why deep down I was positive and excited through this whole process...because I thought that ultimately the good was out weighing the bad...) , on top of that my friend Adelaide deployed (boo), my friend Amy moved ( boo),
and to be honest if I hadn't had walking with my friend Miranda in the mornings I wouldn't have seen anyone all week. And if it hadn't been during the summer where I had a trip to Texas, several visits from friends and family mixed it, then well....things would have probably come to a head even sooner. Because...the other major change that was going on was Brett's work.
I've already talked about this on my blog so I won't go on and on, but basically Brett's work took it up a notch. And last week it took it up an even further notch and he's FINALLY GETTING HIS COMPANY! This is super exciting! For those of you non-army types ( lots of you), basically Brett's going to be the company commander for about 100 guys. Large and in charge. He's going to be wonderful. So, to break that down though- he'll be going from an intense horrible job with horribly long hours to hopefully a more fulfilling, exciting job with equally, if not longer, hours.
And so....here I was. At the end of my rope. People I never would have expected this. I never expected to feel so utterly alone. Its not that I didn't have friends, or I didn't have people around. But I learned that I didn't just need human contact, I needed deeper communion. I needed a more spiritual connection that happened on a regular basis. I felt like we were drowning.
Anyway. I'm nervous about writing this. Nervous that it'll hurt someones feelings or make someone mad. But, I'm writing it anyway. I'm writing it because its ultimately its how I felt. That's why I'm calling it a Downer. Something that made me take naps every day. Something that made me cry, and I mean seriously cry three or four times ( for a non-cryer that's TONS). I mean, I was seriously taking pregnancy tests like they were going out of style. But ultimately I think it boiled down to the fact that we are not made to go at this alone. And I actually think that I, personally, am not even made to go at this life with just one or two people. I'm a village girl. I need a crowd of people in my life.
I want my crowd back.
I've been reviewing some of my old memory verses this week and I was in the car and I got to Hebrews 10:24-25. "Consider how you may spur others on towards love and good deeds. Do not give up meeting together as some or in the habit of doing, but encourage one another and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
And, this is embarrassing to admit, but when I memorized this a long time ago I always thought I was memorizing for other peoples sake because I had never had a problem with that before!! Well, there I was in the car and I literally said, "oh." out loud...because that is EXACTLY what we, I had done.
And after I figured that out, I magically no longer needed a nap any more. Now I just want this fixed. Really really fixed.
Please pray for the Fort Benning community that I'm "suppose" to be involved in. One thing that really sealed the deal for me was thinking about Brett deploying again. When thinking about it I thought about how last deployment my Fort Lewis community/family seriously got me through that deployment. But when thinking about Brett deploying again all I could think was: "I'm going to be SO ALONE." Now, I know that's not going to be the case, and I know that God will take care of Ransom and I when the time comes, but the fact that I even thought that...that's trouble! So, praying and seeking the Lord and having great Hope in a community that I still very much believe in, that we WILL get back on track!
August 19, 2011
Replacing
Now that I'm no longer addicted to Facebook ( I'm back and feel like I have a healthy amount of distance ;-) lol ). I've replaced my addiction with Pinterest ( which I blogged about two days ago)....and yeah. I'm loving it in a BIG WAY.
I think the difference is Pinterest is officially inspiring me and not bogging me down making me feel like I should be doing better ( like most craft/design blogs tend to do to me). So all in all. IM. A. FAN.
In other news, I should be writing thank you cards for Ransom's b-day. RIGHT NOW.
I think the difference is Pinterest is officially inspiring me and not bogging me down making me feel like I should be doing better ( like most craft/design blogs tend to do to me). So all in all. IM. A. FAN.
In other news, I should be writing thank you cards for Ransom's b-day. RIGHT NOW.
Not for the faint of heart
Baby Einstein possibly created Ransom's first therapist talking point last night...
So, Brett being gone until all hours of the night, me fighting off fatigue, Ransom being cranky/clinging, and the can't-put-it-off-any-longer need to unload and reload the dishwasher, all came together yesterday evening and I put in Ransom's new Baby Einstein DVD: Baby Shakespeare
So, Brett being gone until all hours of the night, me fighting off fatigue, Ransom being cranky/clinging, and the can't-put-it-off-any-longer need to unload and reload the dishwasher, all came together yesterday evening and I put in Ransom's new Baby Einstein DVD: Baby Shakespeare
The creepy depiction of shakespeare-frog should have been a tip off
So, all was going swimmingly and I was putting away the last of the five million sippy cups when Ransom starts crying. And not, whiny-I-need-attention crying or this-is-boring-come-play-with-me crying, but SOMETHING-SCARED-ME crying.
So I hurry and scoop him up to console him and I rewind the DVD to see the culprit. ( and yes, I'm still holding my baby and so I'm probably about to re-live the earlier scared moment, never mind that...)
Anyway, this is what I see:
HOLY CHILD SCARRING BATMAN! This is seriously the "toys" they like to depict on this DVD?!?! Seriously?!?! I mean, I'm a grown woman and I'm going to have nightmares!!!
Anyway, I shake my head and Ransom and I start playing in the entry way ( the echo in there is excellent if you're 1 and you like the sound of your own voice....or if you're 27 and you've deliriously tired)...now, don't judge, but I forgot to turn off the DVD so its still pumping out the classical tunes and showing us pictures of random children and pretty-pretty things ( and every so often quoting a sonnet in a semi-creepy voice) when THERE IT IS AGAIN!!! THE EVIL EVIL MONKEY IS BACK!!!
And it just so happened that Ransom caught sight of the TV at just that moment and, if I wasn't sure before, I was DEFINITELY sure the second time when Ransom FROZE in the spot and stared at the TV in horror. His little eyes started to well up with tears before I whipped him around and distracted him with a truck going by outside the window. Ahhhh to be one and have that kind of attention span!
The moral of this story is stick to Praise Baby DVDs ( hahaha! I bet you thought I was going to say something like, "stick to reading" or something! hahah! You're funny!) ..I don't care if they try to woo you with Shakespeare and a child who can quote sonnets at the age of 2....there are some TWISTED people making Baby Einstein DVDs.
August 17, 2011
Side effects
Brett is working "9 to 9" shifts at work this week. I put that in parentheses because I have yet to see the fruits of that first "9"....its more like 6:30 to 9...but I guess that didn't have the same ring to it.
Anyway, this has caused me to return to very weird eating habits. aka. I eat mostly chocolate.
your traditional "meals" are out the window...but I AM considering making these cake mix blondies I saw on Pinterest.
P.S. I just joined Pinterest today. So don't know much about THAT...but I'm all about consolidating all the fun things I find on the internets...Do I have any readers who are fans? Tips on how to best use this particular resource?
Anyway, this has caused me to return to very weird eating habits. aka. I eat mostly chocolate.
your traditional "meals" are out the window...but I AM considering making these cake mix blondies I saw on Pinterest.
P.S. I just joined Pinterest today. So don't know much about THAT...but I'm all about consolidating all the fun things I find on the internets...Do I have any readers who are fans? Tips on how to best use this particular resource?
August 16, 2011
Napping
Its possible I have Mono.
My throat is sore and swollen, and I've had to take a nap every day for the last three days. And by had I mean, I seriously couldn't keep my eyes open. ( luckily my child takes a nap too...so that makes it a tiny bit easier) And I say Mono because I friend of ours has it, and we'd spent quite a bit of time with her before she was diagnosed.
Buuut, I'm pretending that this is just a weird cold and it'll all go away soon. After all, there is much to be done around here! I've got my fall consignment sale to get ready for....a baby shower to do a CRAFT project for ( honestly, this doesn't bode well...), plus Ransom's first year book to finish up by September 1st ( I have a Groupon that expires then). So, the next few weeks are busy busy and sickness is not an option.
And in the spirit of not being sick, here's a picture of my family and I at the wedding we went to this past weekend. ( we don't look sick at all..in fact, everyone looks quite nice).
My throat is sore and swollen, and I've had to take a nap every day for the last three days. And by had I mean, I seriously couldn't keep my eyes open. ( luckily my child takes a nap too...so that makes it a tiny bit easier) And I say Mono because I friend of ours has it, and we'd spent quite a bit of time with her before she was diagnosed.
Buuut, I'm pretending that this is just a weird cold and it'll all go away soon. After all, there is much to be done around here! I've got my fall consignment sale to get ready for....a baby shower to do a CRAFT project for ( honestly, this doesn't bode well...), plus Ransom's first year book to finish up by September 1st ( I have a Groupon that expires then). So, the next few weeks are busy busy and sickness is not an option.
And in the spirit of not being sick, here's a picture of my family and I at the wedding we went to this past weekend. ( we don't look sick at all..in fact, everyone looks quite nice).
August 11, 2011
It takes a village...
Throwing a first birthday party is difficult. The child is so young that really we might as well forget about them all together and focus on the parents since, lets be honest, the party is really about them. Buuuut, you don't want to make that too obvious and so you are left in a quandary.
I was faced with this quandary a month or so ago when planning Ransom's first birthday and I threw around all sorts of ideas-none of which I really liked. The only thing that kept coming back to me over and over again was the phrase "it takes a village". I have definitely felt that sentiment quite a few times during this past year when friends have cooked for us, babysat for free, listened while I moaned, given advice, gotten us out of the house for a much needed walk....sooo many things that have made a year in the life of an infant and WITH an infant possible....anyway, I wanted Ransom's first birthday to really be about the celebration of Community. The community that has loved us and loved Ransom this last year.
We don't really go to an official "church" like most people in the Western world have come to recognize it. We attend small groups where we share our Walks with Christ and our victories and struggles in doing so and we are a part of a much bigger community that knows and loves one another throughout the week....that being said, Ransom had no official "Church dedication", but in my mind his first Birthday was an unofficial one.
In the end I printed off a bunch of pictures of different people with Ransom. In the end I had over 40...and while that seemed like a lot, there were people that I was sad to realize I had never gotten a picture with Ransom. My neighbor Michelle, Amy B., Rolinda and Keri....honestly shocking! That being said, it was wonderful to see all the faces and all the wonderful people who have played a roll in Ransom's life this year.
So, my Mom and I strung up the pictures as a reminder of this past year with Ransom. And I hope that we do it again next year, and all the years after...so that one day Ransom will have hundreds of pictures of the people who have been a part of his life. A reminder of the heritage that has brought him thus far.
Also, if your interested...you can check out Ransom's Birthday Letter here.
August 09, 2011
Ransom
Today Ransom Nathaniel Wilson turns one.
And really I have so much so say, so much to wax eloquent about. How much he's changed, and yet how I can look at those first pictures of him and I can already see the personality that we've grown to know over the last year and I love him more. More than I even did those first few moments when we were just getting acquainted.
Ransom is a very talkative little boy and is currently having a very long and involved conversation with a remote control strategically placed at his ear ( his "phone"). So far the only words I can catch are "bye" and "papa"...but I'm assuming its about something serious and important because that's what his face portrays.
I can also thank Ransom's wonderful Aunt Amber and Uncle Tim for the fact that I have this time to blog, since Ransom is down right OBSESSED with the balls from the totally cool "gum ball machine" toy they got him for his birthday. Hours of entertainment. Hours.
I'll be writing a blog on Ransom's personal blog as SOON AS I CAN because I don't want to forget all that's going on in his little world...but let me just say this...this morning I just so happen to get to this section in my Bible reading....coincidence? I think not...
I'll be writing a blog on Ransom's personal blog as SOON AS I CAN because I don't want to forget all that's going on in his little world...but let me just say this...this morning I just so happen to get to this section in my Bible reading....coincidence? I think not...
The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Is 51:11
August 04, 2011
Speechless
I've officially lost my voice because of my cold. This is bad news because my Internet is down ( typing this the old fashioned way on my phone) and other than blogging the other things on my to do list required phone calls. *sigh*
Hey, surprisingly people have MISSED ME from Facebook!! Honestly with newsfeeds the way they are I figured no one would notice. But, it's nice to be missed and I'm actually looking forward to being back in the "know" after next week.... Im pretty sure there are a few weddings I need to attend via pictures. But my major concern is that I'll have missed something important... So if you know any good gossip that I need to know... Fill me in ;-)
Incidentally, is anyone else having problems with Yahoo?! I've kept my yahoo email for years even though I primarily use gmail. I have the yahoo one forwarded to google and all is well... Until last week when I started not getting notifications for things ( I used the yahoo address for ordering things online) and Brett got an email from some family who have been trying to reach me- apparently using that address. Long story short. I tired to login and it was a no go... Locked, beyond my abilities. Very strange. Anywho. If you have an old school yahoo email for me, go ahead and delete that baby. It's no longer valid.
I know this post is boring and very internet related so let me shift (Hahah) to another topic. Ransom. He's turning one on Tuesday. CRY ME A RIVER. Seriously people I am so beyond nostalgic at this point, country music is band and any Johnson &johnson advertisements banished from my sight or I swear I'll loose it all together... Anyway, get ready for some serious mushiness in the coming days. Babies. They getcha everytime.
August 02, 2011
Sick of it.
The next two weeks are really busy here in the Wilson household. Hayden is graduating Ranger School this weekend ( we are so excited about this amazing answer to prayer! He went straight through without recycling once!), we've had a house full of visitors the last few days with our dear friends the Woods in town. And next week we're preparing for my parents very short visit that coincides with Ransom's birthday...
So....
Of course, Ransom and I have gotten sick. He was beyond miserable yesterday and I've been feeling less than stellar today. It makes it EVEN MORE AWESOME that Brett will be working later than normal the next two days so it looks like I'll be pulling myself off the couch to Mommy it up with the champions of Suckitupness.
Anyway, I'm am TIRED of all this sickness going around and ready to get back into the swing of things! This is so frustrating.
So....
Of course, Ransom and I have gotten sick. He was beyond miserable yesterday and I've been feeling less than stellar today. It makes it EVEN MORE AWESOME that Brett will be working later than normal the next two days so it looks like I'll be pulling myself off the couch to Mommy it up with the champions of Suckitupness.
Anyway, I'm am TIRED of all this sickness going around and ready to get back into the swing of things! This is so frustrating.
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