Now, this I think will be a bit odd for my NZ readers, where they live in a country where central air and heat is not as common...or as powerful ;-)
HOWEVER, I KNOW at least Jordan will understand my moaning when i say....WHY do they have to make the air conditioner SOOOO cooooollllldddddd? Yes, I realize this is a hospital and they have to make it cold so there will be less infection and all that jazz, I also realize that is it hot outside and I should be happy its cold...but SERIOUSLY! I'm dying...
I realized as I was hanging up a Mammogram ( yeah, I know...odd) that there are several semi-interesting ( interesting to ME that is!) things coming up:
Steph is coming to visit 24-31st of May!!!! I am soooo excited, and a little scared....I am going to count on people to "entertain" her whilest I am at work ;-)
Luckily she is one of those people I feel confident about throwing into a random situation and knowing that she will find a way to enjoy it...
I feel blessed that I have had THREE visits from friends this year!
I am "teaching" my mother's class tomorrow and monday...since I work half days I am doing it in two installments...her 6th and 7th period classes are "lucky" enough to have me tomorrow afternoon....so, what am I going to teach? Well.....Something about Shakespeare. I dont know what...I have just "thought" about it when I was trying to sleep, so looks like I am going to have to spend some quality time at Java Jacks this afternoon on my laptop doing some research....OOOOooooOOOOOooo
PS. I am a bit nervous about getting up in front of my mom's classes...especially with my expert mother being there...watching me....seeing if I can cut it!
Buuuut, I think it'll be good for me, I've always wanted to know if I could teach a class...and while this is just a small taste...its a start.
May 12, 2005
lighten up, wont you?
Yeah, I had NINE emails in my inbox this morning...wooooo! that excites me, but for some reason felt kinda down...weight....but THEN I read a really fun, almost light hearted blog of a friend and i felt MUCH better.
Sometimes I am TOO serious.
So, to myself:
lighten UP!
Sometimes I am TOO serious.
So, to myself:
lighten UP!
May 10, 2005
the phone call...
Have you ever felt someone so near and yet them be physically so far away?
Have you ever felt someones fears? Felt someones pain? Felt it as though it was your own?
I hold the phone up to my ear wondering who will be on the other end.
"Hello?"
Immediately I know the voice. I smile without realizing it.
My voice rises to a higher pitch as I say their name with glee.
But even as I say it, my heart is feeling heavier....I am worrying about them....I dont ask what is wrong right away, it just doesnt seem right. Besides. I already know.
Sometimes it helps me to remember that that love I feel for those the Lord puts on my heart first comes from Him. It is only a tiny drop in the bucket of His love for them....
You lead me through each day, your love it covers me.
When I feel afraid, your love it covers me
Restorer of my soul, your love it covers me.
Your presences makes me whole, your love it covers me
You are the King of Glory, you're the Lord strong and mighty
King of Glory enter in.
*****
The above phone conversation has happened more than once this week....and it has happened figuratively with even more dear ones.
I am blessed to have such dear friends....I am blessed that the Lord love covers all....
Have you ever felt someones fears? Felt someones pain? Felt it as though it was your own?
I hold the phone up to my ear wondering who will be on the other end.
"Hello?"
Immediately I know the voice. I smile without realizing it.
My voice rises to a higher pitch as I say their name with glee.
But even as I say it, my heart is feeling heavier....I am worrying about them....I dont ask what is wrong right away, it just doesnt seem right. Besides. I already know.
Sometimes it helps me to remember that that love I feel for those the Lord puts on my heart first comes from Him. It is only a tiny drop in the bucket of His love for them....
You lead me through each day, your love it covers me.
When I feel afraid, your love it covers me
Restorer of my soul, your love it covers me.
Your presences makes me whole, your love it covers me
You are the King of Glory, you're the Lord strong and mighty
King of Glory enter in.
*****
The above phone conversation has happened more than once this week....and it has happened figuratively with even more dear ones.
I am blessed to have such dear friends....I am blessed that the Lord love covers all....
Just call me a princess
 | You scored as Belle. You are Belle!
Which Disney Princess Are You Most Like? (thorough!) created with QuizFarm.com |
drought after the rain...
I think the FIVE posts of yesterday leaves us with the only option of posting quizes today ;-)
 | You scored as Fundamentalist. Fundamentalism represents a movement in opposition to Modernism, stressing the highest importance on foundational religious tradition. Science has brought on corruption of society. God is real and is watching. Scripture leaves little room for interpretation; man is God’s creation. About a quarter of the population in the U.S. is classified as Fundamentalist.
What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com |
May 09, 2005
Episode #5: Fellowshiping friends...
WOOOOOOO! My new record for lots of post, one day....
hehe...so yeah, I know they have all been sorta different, but all really important to me...and i am kinda fearful that people wont read the first few "episodes" because I've had so many today! Buuuut, this is an important one so its last...
which is lucky because I JUST had some new editions to these thoughts...
about friends ( again!)
I was having a really great catch up with Penny on the phone last night...I miss her! And we were discussing what this year has taught us thus far...obviously there were lots of things, but we boiled it down to God teaching us about "the basics" in our relationship with Him. Penny said something interesting about how last year she would have felt that friends were essential to her walk with God, but that now she was learning they arent....that it is an individual thing that is only helped by friendships.
I had to agree with her on this one! And I think by the end of the conversation we were definitely eye-to-eye on how both of US had been "weened" off of close conversing with friends about our spiritual lives at every single step.
Yup, last year it wouldnt be uncommon for me to be asked by three separate friends how my spirital walk was going...to pray with three more and to have long involved conversations about God-stuff with friends...all in just one day...Sunday's being even MORE so! But, I think we can all agree that is something special, something that doesnt happen throughout a lifetime. But, instead, it is seasonal.
Afterall one of my all time favorite verses is when Jonathan comes to David when he is in hidding and encourages him in the spirit...I love it because it reminds me of what those two friends must have once had, everyday, constant fellowship...but even after that season was over, the Lord still used Jonathan in David's life when he needed it..
I think that the lesson Penny was talking about is an important one because it not only showed her how influencial good friendship can be to ones faith, but also how important it is to be able to stand if those "columns that we lean on" are suddenly taken away...
its important to build up that "solitary" relationship with Him. So that through whatever season.. we can have assurance that He is strong within us....
But, lets go back for a second, lets go back to the benefits of fellowshiping friends-Sam mention in his latest postgo read it about such fellowship...and its something I have been thinking about a lot lately myself...ever since reading a tiny book about Revival in China...the missionary that wrote the book talked about how many times she was in constant prayer with other missionaries that she met and lived with...that they spent days and days together constantly seeking God, constantly talking about the need for revival. It seemed that every time she mentioned such times of fellowship, times of great revival followed....In fact, when I thought about it...it seemed that ALL the times of revival I have heard about it, they have been the direct result of groups of people gathering to pray about it....
THIS is why I am such a fan of prayer groups...why 1PM prayer STILL holds such a place in my heart...this is why, just as Sam said, I long for such times.. I know they are there in my future.
And my goal, my delight is to rejoice in times of solitary fellowship with my King until such times come again.
hehe...so yeah, I know they have all been sorta different, but all really important to me...and i am kinda fearful that people wont read the first few "episodes" because I've had so many today! Buuuut, this is an important one so its last...
which is lucky because I JUST had some new editions to these thoughts...
about friends ( again!)
I was having a really great catch up with Penny on the phone last night...I miss her! And we were discussing what this year has taught us thus far...obviously there were lots of things, but we boiled it down to God teaching us about "the basics" in our relationship with Him. Penny said something interesting about how last year she would have felt that friends were essential to her walk with God, but that now she was learning they arent....that it is an individual thing that is only helped by friendships.
I had to agree with her on this one! And I think by the end of the conversation we were definitely eye-to-eye on how both of US had been "weened" off of close conversing with friends about our spiritual lives at every single step.
Yup, last year it wouldnt be uncommon for me to be asked by three separate friends how my spirital walk was going...to pray with three more and to have long involved conversations about God-stuff with friends...all in just one day...Sunday's being even MORE so! But, I think we can all agree that is something special, something that doesnt happen throughout a lifetime. But, instead, it is seasonal.
Afterall one of my all time favorite verses is when Jonathan comes to David when he is in hidding and encourages him in the spirit...I love it because it reminds me of what those two friends must have once had, everyday, constant fellowship...but even after that season was over, the Lord still used Jonathan in David's life when he needed it..
I think that the lesson Penny was talking about is an important one because it not only showed her how influencial good friendship can be to ones faith, but also how important it is to be able to stand if those "columns that we lean on" are suddenly taken away...
its important to build up that "solitary" relationship with Him. So that through whatever season.. we can have assurance that He is strong within us....
But, lets go back for a second, lets go back to the benefits of fellowshiping friends-Sam mention in his latest postgo read it about such fellowship...and its something I have been thinking about a lot lately myself...ever since reading a tiny book about Revival in China...the missionary that wrote the book talked about how many times she was in constant prayer with other missionaries that she met and lived with...that they spent days and days together constantly seeking God, constantly talking about the need for revival. It seemed that every time she mentioned such times of fellowship, times of great revival followed....In fact, when I thought about it...it seemed that ALL the times of revival I have heard about it, they have been the direct result of groups of people gathering to pray about it....
THIS is why I am such a fan of prayer groups...why 1PM prayer STILL holds such a place in my heart...this is why, just as Sam said, I long for such times.. I know they are there in my future.
And my goal, my delight is to rejoice in times of solitary fellowship with my King until such times come again.
Episode #4: DVD dream
Finally had a moment to sit down and start watching season 4 of the Gilmore Girls...I know, I know, you missed the constant references to the show, but dont worry! Its back in my life ;-)
Of course, it makes me miss... well, lots of people: Penny, because she was my first fan friend... Carmi because of the monumental season finale we watched together last year...Emma and Lydia, for the hours and hours and hours we spent watching season three together.
Awwww!
Anyway, Anna and I watched the last episode of season three again to give us a running start into this next season....I am glad we did, it had really been awhile! in fact, all I could remember was "the kiss" when infact there were lots of little petty things going on too...Anna said it was a "lesson on life" that it is the good "kisses" in life that we remember not the petty argument...
nice try at making Gilmore Girls so meaningful, Anna!
I, however, dont care how many life lessons I get out of the show...it is SUCH great distraction from life! SUCH fun!
Annnnnd, on DVD there are no ad breaks...you can go, with great ease, from one episode to the next...the one problem: its hard to stop
Of course, it makes me miss... well, lots of people: Penny, because she was my first fan friend... Carmi because of the monumental season finale we watched together last year...Emma and Lydia, for the hours and hours and hours we spent watching season three together.
Awwww!
Anyway, Anna and I watched the last episode of season three again to give us a running start into this next season....I am glad we did, it had really been awhile! in fact, all I could remember was "the kiss" when infact there were lots of little petty things going on too...Anna said it was a "lesson on life" that it is the good "kisses" in life that we remember not the petty argument...
nice try at making Gilmore Girls so meaningful, Anna!
I, however, dont care how many life lessons I get out of the show...it is SUCH great distraction from life! SUCH fun!
Annnnnd, on DVD there are no ad breaks...you can go, with great ease, from one episode to the next...the one problem: its hard to stop
Episode #3: Recipe Retard
Mother's Day....Sunday....Anna and I had spent many a moment in the past week planning it...we made the menu, we spent time shopping etc...and through it all I thought of my mother...
First off, Wal Mart is a NIGHTMARE. I hate it, and shopping there stinks, I had to actually call anna on my cell phone to ask where the cottage cheese should be.
But, the lesson I learned from going to the supermarket after a long day at work is that your feet HURT and you are TIRED. Poor mothers. My mother has gone supermarket shopping after work for yeeeears.
Second, my sister inherited one of my mother's funniest traits. A long standing joke in my family is that my mother will actually go into a store and come out and say, "they dont have any milk." And we allll know that Milk is a staple and ALL stores have milk unless it was during the dairy cow scare of 1998, which didnt really happen....or the time a friend that was living with my family had shaved his beard that he had forever and my mother didnt notice for days....so yes, unobservent... but funny.
So, my sister and I had a plan for my mother's mother'sday pressy....we had two pictures one of each of us receiving our diploma's at graduation from university...the great thing about the pictures are they are almost identical, they are captured at almost the exact same moment of shaking hands with some official person...we have similar goofy grins...all in all...cute pictures. But we needed to get the pictures sized and we needed a good frame. Perfect, two jobs...two daughters.
I was sent to get the pictures sized and Anna was off to Hobby Lobby to get the frame....
she returned unhappy...she couldnt find ANYTHING that worked. It was upsetting...we were both bummed...but on Friday I had a moment and so *i* met Anna and Hobby Lobby...after walking around for only a few moments I had collected about 4 frames that were varying in perfection....among them was a reeeally cool frame that had two sides and swivled around so that you could turn it and change which picture you had in the front...totally cool.
And totally funny how Anna hadnt been able to find ANYTHING.
Anna and I prepared Lunch for my mother...it was going to be great...it wasnt..my cake was as flat as.....something flat. And Anna's pasta was hard.
Boo! It was funny though...and we are going to try again next sunday- especially since Wednesday is her Birthday...hopefully we can follow recipes a little better next time! ( life lesson: Egg Substitute is NOT the same thing as Egg White Substitute)
First off, Wal Mart is a NIGHTMARE. I hate it, and shopping there stinks, I had to actually call anna on my cell phone to ask where the cottage cheese should be.
But, the lesson I learned from going to the supermarket after a long day at work is that your feet HURT and you are TIRED. Poor mothers. My mother has gone supermarket shopping after work for yeeeears.
Second, my sister inherited one of my mother's funniest traits. A long standing joke in my family is that my mother will actually go into a store and come out and say, "they dont have any milk." And we allll know that Milk is a staple and ALL stores have milk unless it was during the dairy cow scare of 1998, which didnt really happen....or the time a friend that was living with my family had shaved his beard that he had forever and my mother didnt notice for days....so yes, unobservent... but funny.
So, my sister and I had a plan for my mother's mother'sday pressy....we had two pictures one of each of us receiving our diploma's at graduation from university...the great thing about the pictures are they are almost identical, they are captured at almost the exact same moment of shaking hands with some official person...we have similar goofy grins...all in all...cute pictures. But we needed to get the pictures sized and we needed a good frame. Perfect, two jobs...two daughters.
I was sent to get the pictures sized and Anna was off to Hobby Lobby to get the frame....
she returned unhappy...she couldnt find ANYTHING that worked. It was upsetting...we were both bummed...but on Friday I had a moment and so *i* met Anna and Hobby Lobby...after walking around for only a few moments I had collected about 4 frames that were varying in perfection....among them was a reeeally cool frame that had two sides and swivled around so that you could turn it and change which picture you had in the front...totally cool.
And totally funny how Anna hadnt been able to find ANYTHING.
Anna and I prepared Lunch for my mother...it was going to be great...it wasnt..my cake was as flat as.....something flat. And Anna's pasta was hard.
Boo! It was funny though...and we are going to try again next sunday- especially since Wednesday is her Birthday...hopefully we can follow recipes a little better next time! ( life lesson: Egg Substitute is NOT the same thing as Egg White Substitute)
Episode 2: Revealings of gatherings
So, as you may know, if you read my blog on a regular basis...I was having a tough time in the past two weeks or so....I felt unwanted...unneeded....I also got super homesick for NZ. Now, I SAY also, but on Saturday night I was at a small gathering of friends and I realized how very connected those two things were. ( duh!)
How it was: In New Zealand I counted myself lucky that almost everyday I was surrounded by the best of friends...they were supportive, they were fun, they knew me and loved me and I knew and loved them. And there were SO many of them!
It was hard to leave. We've established that.
How it is: In the US my group of close friends is much much much smaller...down to one close friend that lives in the same town ( my sister). However, I made myself feel better by saying that at least I had about *counting* five people that I could for sure call on and do fun things with on a regular basis...I counted them as friends and I hoped that our friendships would grow. I was optimistic, was ready to start devoting time to those in the PRESENT....but then i felt myself being dropped like I was hot. ( I love that phrase!) I saw myself not being important enough to keep...I saw a friend disappearing. And while I KNEW we hadnt been that close to begin with...I had always figured we would become better friends...I had enjoyed good, seemingly genuine conversations, laughs....I had not seen THIS coming.
I hadnt been "rejected" by a friend since...well...since I was little. Ow. it hurts.
So, there I was, sitting in Java Jacks surrounded by very cool people...and I thought...but what about these? Will THEY decide its not worth it too? Will THEY get caught up in something "more important" too? I started to emotionally unattach myself RIGHT THEN.
I continued to laugh.
I continued to chat.
I continued to seem unaffected.
But it wasnt the same...and I knew that because that "friend" was there...that "friend" was laughing and chatting too....that friend treated me the same when we were together, but I knew they didnt really care.
ooooh.
So, then it hit. I had some things I needed to do: I needed to forgive. I needed to move on. I needed to restore hope...Hope that just because I lost the future of one friendship...these other friends wouldnt be the same. Maybe they would be different.
Maybe.
How it was: In New Zealand I counted myself lucky that almost everyday I was surrounded by the best of friends...they were supportive, they were fun, they knew me and loved me and I knew and loved them. And there were SO many of them!
It was hard to leave. We've established that.
How it is: In the US my group of close friends is much much much smaller...down to one close friend that lives in the same town ( my sister). However, I made myself feel better by saying that at least I had about *counting* five people that I could for sure call on and do fun things with on a regular basis...I counted them as friends and I hoped that our friendships would grow. I was optimistic, was ready to start devoting time to those in the PRESENT....but then i felt myself being dropped like I was hot. ( I love that phrase!) I saw myself not being important enough to keep...I saw a friend disappearing. And while I KNEW we hadnt been that close to begin with...I had always figured we would become better friends...I had enjoyed good, seemingly genuine conversations, laughs....I had not seen THIS coming.
I hadnt been "rejected" by a friend since...well...since I was little. Ow. it hurts.
So, there I was, sitting in Java Jacks surrounded by very cool people...and I thought...but what about these? Will THEY decide its not worth it too? Will THEY get caught up in something "more important" too? I started to emotionally unattach myself RIGHT THEN.
I continued to laugh.
I continued to chat.
I continued to seem unaffected.
But it wasnt the same...and I knew that because that "friend" was there...that "friend" was laughing and chatting too....that friend treated me the same when we were together, but I knew they didnt really care.
ooooh.
So, then it hit. I had some things I needed to do: I needed to forgive. I needed to move on. I needed to restore hope...Hope that just because I lost the future of one friendship...these other friends wouldnt be the same. Maybe they would be different.
Maybe.
One at a time: Events of a weekend.... Episode #1
Wow, It has been a few days since I have blogged I feel a bit overwhelmed with all the things I feel I have to share...the sad truth of it, is that things will probably not get discussed ( THIS is why I cant understand people that dont blog regularly!!! hehehe), things that have passed through my mind this week...some of which could be whole posts on their own!!!
So,thats what I think I'll do...look forward to SEVERAL posts today..
I worked this weekend, but the lucky thing about working on the weekends is that the only thing that REALLY suffers is sleep. I am usually finished by 11AM and if I am honest with myself ( which I am) I realize that that is about the time I would normally start doing things on a Saturday ANYWAY...and therefore I find I can have a pretty good day even with working! Sundays are sadly another story, and I usually miss the beginning of church...but at least I have been pretty lucky thus far and havent miss ALL of it!
On Saturday I went to an Eagle Scout Ceremony for Ben Cline with my mother. It was extremely cool
Yes, for those of you in NZ, dont feel bad if you dont know much about the Boyscouts of America.....I knew little/nothing going into this ceremony, what I DID know was all the incredible amount of work that goes into becoming an Eagle ( the top ranking) and what an honor it was....what I DIDNT know was how moving such little exerpts could be from the ceremony itself...
On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong;
mentally awake, and morally straight.
And THEN all these awesome laws that the BoyScouts are called to strive for...
TRUSTWORTHY LOYAL HELPFUL FRIENDLY COURTEOUS KIND OBEDIENT CHEERFUL THRIFTY BRAVE
CLEAN REVERENT
Very inspiring! So, besides the inspiration and how very impressed I was by Ben and his accomplishment I had great fun sitting with my mother on the back row. My mother is very naughty at most public events and often whispers and giggles...so it was gooding hanging out with her...
So,thats what I think I'll do...look forward to SEVERAL posts today..
I worked this weekend, but the lucky thing about working on the weekends is that the only thing that REALLY suffers is sleep. I am usually finished by 11AM and if I am honest with myself ( which I am) I realize that that is about the time I would normally start doing things on a Saturday ANYWAY...and therefore I find I can have a pretty good day even with working! Sundays are sadly another story, and I usually miss the beginning of church...but at least I have been pretty lucky thus far and havent miss ALL of it!
On Saturday I went to an Eagle Scout Ceremony for Ben Cline with my mother. It was extremely cool
Yes, for those of you in NZ, dont feel bad if you dont know much about the Boyscouts of America.....I knew little/nothing going into this ceremony, what I DID know was all the incredible amount of work that goes into becoming an Eagle ( the top ranking) and what an honor it was....what I DIDNT know was how moving such little exerpts could be from the ceremony itself...
On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong;
mentally awake, and morally straight.
And THEN all these awesome laws that the BoyScouts are called to strive for...
TRUSTWORTHY LOYAL HELPFUL FRIENDLY COURTEOUS KIND OBEDIENT CHEERFUL THRIFTY BRAVE
CLEAN REVERENT
Very inspiring! So, besides the inspiration and how very impressed I was by Ben and his accomplishment I had great fun sitting with my mother on the back row. My mother is very naughty at most public events and often whispers and giggles...so it was gooding hanging out with her...
May 07, 2005
MOTHER!
I almost cant wait till mother's day is over on Sunday...I have been asked three times by three different stores if I am a mother...on several occasions I have been tempted to say, yes...I DO want a red rose...yes I DO want free stuff from Wal Mart....
but do I really look like a mother!?!
but do I really look like a mother!?!
May 06, 2005
Do YOU have any to add?
Red: the best tasting lollies, ladybugs, lipstick in old movies,
raspberries, rubies, velvet curtains at the theatre, shoes in wizard of
oz, stop part of traffic light iceblocks, red wine at candlelight dinners,
roses and poppies, ribbon, wax seals on letters, nail polish, chaise lounges,
elmo, red carpets, evening dresses, apples, pencils, autumn leaves, candy
canes, flashing message light,strawberries, red mini coopers, valentines, red apples, tomato sauce
Blue: the sky, water of every kind, ink pens, baby boy clothes,
bluebells, paint, sapphires, tinted sunglasses, stained glass windows, hot flames,
pjs, colour of my wall, house coats, nemo fish, eye-shadow, hotmail account, bubbles,
Green: grass, Go, holly leaves at Christmas, kermit the frog, numbers
on clocks, emeralds, granny smith apples, leaves, shoots of plants, trees, grapes, avacodos, four leaf clovers,
Yelllow: the sun, daffodils and buttercups, fields of wheat, smilely
face stickers, dry summer grass, yellow brick road, post-it notes, flame,
gold, highlighters, lemons, sepia tone pictures, rubber duckies
Orange: jack o lanterns, oranges, autumn leaves, corn, harvest moon
Purple: capes, lavender, purple pokka-dotted monster, grapes, violets, theatre chairs
White: wedding dresses, daisies, snow, shirts, lace, clean empty sheets of
paper, clouds, candles, lightening, table cloths, sheets, blossom,
pearls, popcorn
Black: tuxes, little black dressses, mascara, strappy sandals, writing
on page, sheet music, black and white pictures/movies, top hats, All
Blacks, Pianos
raspberries, rubies, velvet curtains at the theatre, shoes in wizard of
oz, stop part of traffic light iceblocks, red wine at candlelight dinners,
roses and poppies, ribbon, wax seals on letters, nail polish, chaise lounges,
elmo, red carpets, evening dresses, apples, pencils, autumn leaves, candy
canes, flashing message light,strawberries, red mini coopers, valentines, red apples, tomato sauce
Blue: the sky, water of every kind, ink pens, baby boy clothes,
bluebells, paint, sapphires, tinted sunglasses, stained glass windows, hot flames,
pjs, colour of my wall, house coats, nemo fish, eye-shadow, hotmail account, bubbles,
Green: grass, Go, holly leaves at Christmas, kermit the frog, numbers
on clocks, emeralds, granny smith apples, leaves, shoots of plants, trees, grapes, avacodos, four leaf clovers,
Yelllow: the sun, daffodils and buttercups, fields of wheat, smilely
face stickers, dry summer grass, yellow brick road, post-it notes, flame,
gold, highlighters, lemons, sepia tone pictures, rubber duckies
Orange: jack o lanterns, oranges, autumn leaves, corn, harvest moon
Purple: capes, lavender, purple pokka-dotted monster, grapes, violets, theatre chairs
White: wedding dresses, daisies, snow, shirts, lace, clean empty sheets of
paper, clouds, candles, lightening, table cloths, sheets, blossom,
pearls, popcorn
Black: tuxes, little black dressses, mascara, strappy sandals, writing
on page, sheet music, black and white pictures/movies, top hats, All
Blacks, Pianos
I feel gross...
...and not just because I just got handed a red bag that was sorta squishy and only then found out it was a "breast specimen". EEEEEWWWWWW! I didnt sign on for this!
No, I also feel gross because I have a sore throat and I am tired and achey and all together bad feeling...
I also feel gross because I wrote a mean comment to a friend without really thinking...
I also feel gross because friends have been mean/bullying/ignoring me! boo!
I feel like I am back in High School....in a bad way
I also feel gross because my mother's mother's day pressy isnt turning out the way I had hoped!
*whimper*
No, I also feel gross because I have a sore throat and I am tired and achey and all together bad feeling...
I also feel gross because I wrote a mean comment to a friend without really thinking...
I also feel gross because friends have been mean/bullying/ignoring me! boo!
I feel like I am back in High School....in a bad way
I also feel gross because my mother's mother's day pressy isnt turning out the way I had hoped!
*whimper*
May 05, 2005
The Burdens of a Blogger...
Over the past year or so I have collected quite a few sites dedicated to myself...the first two because I actually wanted a blog...and the second two because I wanted to comment on OTHER people's blogs...*sigh*
My first blog was this one
followed by the one you are at now because I didnt like xanga...
then a few months ago I HAD to get one here
and then today...this one. Both because you cant comment on other peoples blogs unless you are a member.
Hopefully that is the end...I think I have covered all the "popular one"...its annoying though..and i feel stupid having all these empty blogs around...of course, I always post ONCE because I always hate it when I click on people's sites and there is nothing there....
My first blog was this one
followed by the one you are at now because I didnt like xanga...
then a few months ago I HAD to get one here
and then today...this one. Both because you cant comment on other peoples blogs unless you are a member.
Hopefully that is the end...I think I have covered all the "popular one"...its annoying though..and i feel stupid having all these empty blogs around...of course, I always post ONCE because I always hate it when I click on people's sites and there is nothing there....
May 04, 2005
Dear Abbey...
I recieved a really great email last night. Put so well...and since friendship seems to be on my mind today...
No man is an island and no-one can be completely sufficient
in themselves. We need people (especially friends) to help us, to cheer us
up when we are down, to send us mail, to make us laugh and laugh with, to
share things with (including dessert because as we all know, it doesn't count
when you share it), to give us a hug when there is nothing to say, to point
out when we are wrong, to sings songs with (especially when you can't sing
all that well), to loan you things, to inspire you, to provide different
points of view, to dress you up and make you believe that you are beautiful.
There are so may things that we need other people for and so many little
things that each of us are needed for. So unless you are a recluse, and you
are not, there are many, many people out there who need you, including me.
No man is an island and no-one can be completely sufficient
in themselves. We need people (especially friends) to help us, to cheer us
up when we are down, to send us mail, to make us laugh and laugh with, to
share things with (including dessert because as we all know, it doesn't count
when you share it), to give us a hug when there is nothing to say, to point
out when we are wrong, to sings songs with (especially when you can't sing
all that well), to loan you things, to inspire you, to provide different
points of view, to dress you up and make you believe that you are beautiful.
There are so may things that we need other people for and so many little
things that each of us are needed for. So unless you are a recluse, and you
are not, there are many, many people out there who need you, including me.
friends...forever.
So, I am listening to Lydia's first mix CD, "Some Songs for Life: Vol. 1"
You know, I am really a words person, and I think that is one reason music speaks to me so much. I love the words they express-emotions....emotions I often dont dwell on and yet speak such truths, so its good when I DO dwell on them...
Last night I had an AWESOME prayer time with Carmi over the phone....I really cant remember the last time I had such a good one-well, probably the last time I was with her! hehe....yeah, there is a lot to be said about praying with others...I have missed such prayer times with dear friends. It is a comfort to know that such times dont have to stop, that I will continue to be given such refreshing from these dear friends...friends that take the statement "friends forever" literally.
I know Lydia posted the lyrics to this song on HER blog...but IS so good...and it is how I feel about my friends at the moment...
Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief
When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home
Bebo Norman: Borrow Mine
So, thanks, Lyds.....
Thanks Carmi....
You know, I am really a words person, and I think that is one reason music speaks to me so much. I love the words they express-emotions....emotions I often dont dwell on and yet speak such truths, so its good when I DO dwell on them...
Last night I had an AWESOME prayer time with Carmi over the phone....I really cant remember the last time I had such a good one-well, probably the last time I was with her! hehe....yeah, there is a lot to be said about praying with others...I have missed such prayer times with dear friends. It is a comfort to know that such times dont have to stop, that I will continue to be given such refreshing from these dear friends...friends that take the statement "friends forever" literally.
I know Lydia posted the lyrics to this song on HER blog...but IS so good...and it is how I feel about my friends at the moment...
Take my hand and walk with me a while
Cause it seems your smile has left you
And don't give in, when you fall apart
And your broken heart has failed you
I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see
You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
'Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine
Take my love when all that you can see
Is the raging sea all around us
And don't give up 'cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know will not fail us
We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
help our unbelief
When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
he's coming to take us
Take us to our home
Bebo Norman: Borrow Mine
So, thanks, Lyds.....
Thanks Carmi....
May 03, 2005
a picture is worth a thousand words...
today I got a video that Emma put together for me ( with the help of special friends). It was bittersweet to see those dear faces again!
I also got a "mix cd" from Lydia....I am not going to listen to it until tomorrow...so I can really listen to it....
Lydia and I find such delight in music-seriously, every SINGLE time I listen to Delirious I think of her and EnHakkore ( which I read about in the Bible last night by the way...refreshing water to bring strength to the weary)...and when I hear...well, there are sooo many songs that remind me of Lydia. Seriously, we should get married-we would have our whole wedding covered in good, meaningful music.
I am looking forward to the cd.
I am watching the Two Tower (extended edition of course) . The Lord of the Rings are the most amazing movies....again and again they continue to bring goosebumps, tears, shouts of delight and surprise....
awwww....sooooo goooooood.
I also got a "mix cd" from Lydia....I am not going to listen to it until tomorrow...so I can really listen to it....
Lydia and I find such delight in music-seriously, every SINGLE time I listen to Delirious I think of her and EnHakkore ( which I read about in the Bible last night by the way...refreshing water to bring strength to the weary)...and when I hear...well, there are sooo many songs that remind me of Lydia. Seriously, we should get married-we would have our whole wedding covered in good, meaningful music.
I am looking forward to the cd.
I am watching the Two Tower (extended edition of course) . The Lord of the Rings are the most amazing movies....again and again they continue to bring goosebumps, tears, shouts of delight and surprise....
awwww....sooooo goooooood.
I didnt forget...
Well, I know its been a while but I had good ( selfish) reasons for not doing interviews right after I deleted my blog...I wanted "random" people to be able to know this was MY blog, and get to know ME before I started having interviews again....oh, who am I kidding...I just got busy and didnt have time for questions, but luckily I had Evan who kept hounding me...so here you go...
Evan's Interview:
1. I gather that you were a blog reader long before you became a blog writer...what made you finally take the plunge? Mrs. Jones started one, and I heard how easy it was to start, and then Candace started hers, and I knew that if she could do it, I could too.
2. You arent a very "regular" poster...so what IS your motivation to post when you do?
Either I'll be seized by sudden inspiration, or, if its been a real long time, I'll just write something weird just so I don't lose readers.
3. When looking over your blog I have noticed both poetry and "informative" blogs...what do you think makes you do one or the other? What MOOD are you in at the time?
My poetry usually comes out when I'm in an inspired mood and the "informative" blogs as you call them are usually when I'm just bored and all the things I need to do are hard, time-consuming and uncomfortable.
4. Dude, sometimes I dont fully understand what you are talking about...is that just because I am dense? Would you say that you try to be allusive on purpose?
Heh heh, no its not that your dense. Usually its just because my mind is full of random thoughts and they all rush out at once in a nearly undecipherable manner when I start writing. There was one a couple weeks ago when I was thinking about something specific that I didn't really want anyone to know about, so I wrote a purposefully confusing poem, just to see what everyone would think. As I suspected no one guessed correctly :)
5. Since I am so dense what advice would you give me to read your blog better?
Well, the only advice I can give is: try to think like a slightly disturbed teenager with a feverish, half crazed imagination, if you can do that you'll probably understand it better.
6. If a stranger came across your blog what do you think they would think of you? Would that be an accurate portrayl? Why?/Why not?
They would probably think that I was kind of wild, and pretty weird but that in the sea of nonsense that is my mind there were a few grains of good sense, and yeah, that would be about right.
Evan's Interview:
1. I gather that you were a blog reader long before you became a blog writer...what made you finally take the plunge? Mrs. Jones started one, and I heard how easy it was to start, and then Candace started hers, and I knew that if she could do it, I could too.
2. You arent a very "regular" poster...so what IS your motivation to post when you do?
Either I'll be seized by sudden inspiration, or, if its been a real long time, I'll just write something weird just so I don't lose readers.
3. When looking over your blog I have noticed both poetry and "informative" blogs...what do you think makes you do one or the other? What MOOD are you in at the time?
My poetry usually comes out when I'm in an inspired mood and the "informative" blogs as you call them are usually when I'm just bored and all the things I need to do are hard, time-consuming and uncomfortable.
4. Dude, sometimes I dont fully understand what you are talking about...is that just because I am dense? Would you say that you try to be allusive on purpose?
Heh heh, no its not that your dense. Usually its just because my mind is full of random thoughts and they all rush out at once in a nearly undecipherable manner when I start writing. There was one a couple weeks ago when I was thinking about something specific that I didn't really want anyone to know about, so I wrote a purposefully confusing poem, just to see what everyone would think. As I suspected no one guessed correctly :)
5. Since I am so dense what advice would you give me to read your blog better?
Well, the only advice I can give is: try to think like a slightly disturbed teenager with a feverish, half crazed imagination, if you can do that you'll probably understand it better.
6. If a stranger came across your blog what do you think they would think of you? Would that be an accurate portrayl? Why?/Why not?
They would probably think that I was kind of wild, and pretty weird but that in the sea of nonsense that is my mind there were a few grains of good sense, and yeah, that would be about right.
May 02, 2005
Here.
So I was reading THIS today. ( sidenote: BibleGateway.com is my new favorite website, getting the same verse in tons of versions and languages with the click of a button makes me happy!)
Anyway, that chapter in exodus which you obviously just went and read...really really speaks into my life right now. For one thing, my biggest fear has always been that I would be somewhere and it wouldnt be in God's Will. He wouldnt be there supporting me...and boo! that would be the WORST possible thing ever. hell, really.
So, yes, to say this last week has been a struggle would be to speak correctly...For one thing some feelings of uselessness really brought me down and so logically i wanted to LEAVE. For one thing, going somewhere new and/or different is literally the best of all escapisms and two, I felt that I wasnt doing anything HERE for good, and that surely somewhere else would prove better. *sigh*
I gotta admit I am not entirely out of the forest yet, but at least the trees arent as tall to where I cant see over them.
~~~~
Insecurities: We all have them.
Isnt it interesting to see how they show themselves? It is always easier to see them in others, and yet I am always shocked when I see them manifest themselves in my own life....how they just POP up and I just react accordingly! I like to feel needed. Dont we all? But, even worse is when we feel like we are needed and yet we arent WANTED. oooo! that one isnt cool either.
Anyway, that chapter in exodus which you obviously just went and read...really really speaks into my life right now. For one thing, my biggest fear has always been that I would be somewhere and it wouldnt be in God's Will. He wouldnt be there supporting me...and boo! that would be the WORST possible thing ever. hell, really.
So, yes, to say this last week has been a struggle would be to speak correctly...For one thing some feelings of uselessness really brought me down and so logically i wanted to LEAVE. For one thing, going somewhere new and/or different is literally the best of all escapisms and two, I felt that I wasnt doing anything HERE for good, and that surely somewhere else would prove better. *sigh*
I gotta admit I am not entirely out of the forest yet, but at least the trees arent as tall to where I cant see over them.
~~~~
Insecurities: We all have them.
Isnt it interesting to see how they show themselves? It is always easier to see them in others, and yet I am always shocked when I see them manifest themselves in my own life....how they just POP up and I just react accordingly! I like to feel needed. Dont we all? But, even worse is when we feel like we are needed and yet we arent WANTED. oooo! that one isnt cool either.
May 01, 2005
escapism
There is all sorts of things I SHOULD blog about...
there are all sorts of things I SHOULD be thinking about....
But instead, I am watching The Fellowship of the Ring.
I havent seen it in at least a year. Its wonderful.
there are all sorts of things I SHOULD be thinking about....
But instead, I am watching The Fellowship of the Ring.
I havent seen it in at least a year. Its wonderful.
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