The Downs

I've had this blog for many a year and one thing that I've always kept as my "rule" about blogging is that I would be honest.

This honesty has definitely cost me some things...most of all pride. Because it means that I rarely hold back from telling you about my moments of doubt or my stupid blunders ( especially if they're funny...you'll always hear about those!) or the pure unadulterated and usually not at all realistic fears that I might have on a day to day basis. I tell you about these things in my life so that you'll know...you'll know that I'm not perfect and hopefully then I can get across just how perfect the God that I am trying to follow really is!! Then when wonderful things happen, like Brett graduates Ranger School in one go, or we have a really adorable son who's happy and healthy...well, you won't just think that those things just happen. You'll instead know that those things are all completely due to the sovereign grace of God.

Or at least that's what I'm hoping.

Anyway, the last week or so I've been struggling with a major case of the "downs" as my blog has most CLEARLY reflected, as have my status updates on twitter and facebook. Ummm....yeah. Sorry about that! But, as the blog title denotes-this IS about MY day here!

But, a wonderful friend of mine reached down into the little pit that I had dug and was sitting in and pulled me up by own arm and spoke a quick reminder into my ear...a reminder that I am suppose to be living in JOY!

This kind of joy:

But, instead I've been caring waaaaay too much about what other people think. I've been focusing waaaaay too much on the things that aren't going according to my plan. Without paying heed to all the truly great things that we've got in our life. In a few days I will be posting another letter on my son's blog, and when I do it will be about all the wonderful things that I've come to love about him-even in just the last month...but sadly, there have been days where I have overlooked all those wonderful things because I've been too worried about his serious case of acid-reflux or I've been too caught up in what other people are thinking of my crying child when I take him out into public...this is truly a tragedy because I do not want to miss a second of this once-in-a-life time day. This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it!!

In the dark

I am currently, quite literally, in the dark. Sitting in a dark bedroom while the muffled voices of bible study carry on outside in the living room. Why am i in this dark room?! Because my dear son was screaming and finally I couldn't take it anymore and I came in here to feed him.
Once again a failure at taking my child to a social gathering ( on Friday night I took him to a bondfire for a grand total of ten minutes...those ten minutes were followed by an hour of out and out screaming).
I feel like I'm drowning.
Drowning mentally, drowning spiritually.
I guess we are going to have to start the process of trying to find a babysitter, but really I just feel like a failure.
Why couldn't I figure out a way to carry my infant around?!? Everyone else seems to have angel babies...I feel like this is somehow a reflection of my parenting. I'm sure it is.

Sweaty Pits Parent

There is NOTHING quite as awesome as the single mom excuse. I used it liberally while Brett was in Ranger School-mostly about things that required me to take Ransom places...like Chapel, Bible Study, Fun Nights, Parties...pretty much anything that was not the grocery store.

I told myself that it would be SO much easier with Brett around and so I would "wait until he got back" before making any strides to do any "extracurricular" activities.

But then Brett came back.

And it turns out that my child is still on a three hour schedule. He still eats for 45 minutes. He still needs an hour a half nap, that if he misses or gets cut short on -than the next nap is a MESS....and it, in fact, had NOTHING to do with being a single parent and it had everything to do with being a parent. period.

However, even with that realization about my child- I'm also coming to the realization that I DO really, really want to go to the Sunday STS ( STS-Searching The Scriptures) Bible Study. Its basically the equivalent of "church" for me...and I miss how it fed me. -turns out listening to sermons online...not the same thing. Because, I also really miss the fellowship of other believers.

So, I started to put out feelers ( aka I started to tell other people that I was "thinking" about going...), I wanted to put it out there to see if other people-particularly other mothers found it to be as daunting as I did...thankfully I have a sister who's awesome and told me that she too wished she could be a hermit. This was terribly helpful since I also told some other moms who's responses were much more along the lines of "What!?! You mean you haven't already gone to _(fill in blank with any out side house activity)____?! Me and my child have been doing ____ for WEEKS and its been easy-peasy."

THAT is not helpful. Because I know deep down in my heart that these other moms must think its hard too...but acting as though its not places seeds of doubt  that maybe I'm not the Awesome Mom I'd like to think I am ( ha!)....and, geez! Other Moms! Do really have to go laying seeds of doubt in my already doubt filled mind?!?! Ugg.


Anyway, so I'm realizing that I'm lazy...that its SO MUCH easier to stay home and stick to our schedule than it is to go out and have that schedule messed with...

But that confession being said, I'm trying to get myself geared up for the big "break out"...Ransom and I are going to go to STS if its that last thing we do and, yes, I do know that it probably WON'T be the last thing we do... I know that he'll live through it.

He may cry through the whole thing and my pits may get sweaty as I try to maintain a calm outward composure that will convince everyone else there that I'm cool with whatever....but ultimately we'll live through it and I feel like that's the important thing here....its allllll about living through these mini-events.

And....even though this all has to do with being a parent. I am SUPER-DE-DUPER glad that I am NOT having to do these little breakout adventures alone. Brett will be there. And, somehow, that WILL in fact make it easier. Even if my pits still get sweaty.

The Cloud

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 

Well, my dear friends...we did it! Brett's graduation was on Friday and it was truly a awe-inspiring day to see Brett receive his Ranger Tab ( from me!) 

It was really touching to see so many great friends come out to Brett's graduation-many traveling all night to get there in time! And then to think about all those who have supported and prayed us through these past three months. I'll hopefully have a lot more pictures once I get the ones my dad took at Graduation-but I did just want to share what I did this afternoon after all of our guests where gone and Ransom went down for his nap. 

Brett and I sat on the couch and I read all the letters that he received in Ranger School. Can I just say that the verse I posted above absolutely CAME TO LIFE looking at all those letters! 

Why?

Why is it that the last week can often be the hardest? Honestly, I have no complaints about the past two months...the Lord has blessed me greatly and I've learned a lot through the challenges and the blessings...but this week, this week I'm DONEZO!

Seriously, I am SO OVER not having Brett home. I'm SO OVER not having a normal routine. I'm SO OVER missing out Chapel and Bible Study because I can't manage by myself. I'm SO OVER being a single Mom. I'm SO OVER making house decisions, child decisions, car decisions and financial decisions all on my onesie.

Ok. So now I will answer my own question. I easily fall into this trap of, "oh! one week?!  I can do this! This'll be easy-peasy! God, I know you've been handling my life great up until now-but take a step back, I've GOT THIS."

Um. no. Abigail, you do not HAVE THIS.

And it is very clear that I'm going to need some extra-special Spiritual Help up until...well, really forever...because JUST because Brett get's home does not mean I'm not going to flip out about something new and need more help! hehe!
So, yes. As for this week....I'm not done needing the Grace of God to get through it all.

Oh. And today, Ransom, Emma ( she's my very last visitor before Brett's return...actually she's staying past his return!) and I spent THREE AWFUL HOURS at the Doctors trying to figure out why he is spiting up a lot ( more like THROWING up...as in projectile actions!) and waking up in the middle of his naps screaming in pain...I had taken him to the doctor on Friday but of course Ransom got there and started cooing and flirting with the doctors and nurses and therefore making a BIG FAT LIAR out of me ( not really, but they sent us home as if I was...) and so we had to go BACK again today...and while I didn't say anything I KNOW that the Doctors got the hint. They realized that this Mama right here was going to just KEEP COMING BACK...again and again and again until the realized that my sweet cooing baby was in need of some attention.
And so exam, blood work, ultra sound later and I finally had the acid reflux medicine that I had wanted all along. WIN.

Now let's pray that it starts to work. *sigh*

61 days

There will probably be many many posts like this one this week, because honestly since words are insufficient I will just beat them into submission trying to MAKE them sufficient...


BRETT GRADUATES RANGER SCHOOL ON FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Over 60 people prayed ( those are JUST the people I know of!!) . Eight people came to stay with me.  Five people made meals for me. Five people babysat my child 7 different times. I received eight packages in the mail and three cards. Countless facebook messages and some emails and texts too. And then there was all the support that Brett received....

Honestly, there are NO WORDS to describe the love and the support that we've received through this Ranger School process. In fact, blogging is SO insufficient. Here are some of the verses that the Lord blessed me with during these last 8 weeks! 

Is 33:2, O Lord, be gracious to us, we have waited for you. Be their strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

Job 23:10-12, But he knows the way that I take when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept my way and have not turned aside I have not departed from the commandment of his lip; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food. 

Ps 42:8, By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me. 

Ps 46:5, God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her when the morning dawns

Job 37:14 Stop and consider the wondrous works of God. Do you know how God lays his commands upon them?

Ps 52:8 I will trust in the steadfast love of the Lord forever and ever. 

Job 42:2 I know you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. 

Ps 55:16-18, But I call to God and the Lord will save me. Evening, morning and at noon, I utter my complaint and moan, and he heard my voice. 

Ps 55: 22, Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you, he will never permit the righteous to be moved. 

Ps 56: 3-4, When I am afraid I put my trust in you. In God who's word I praise. In God I trust I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Rev 4.11, Worthy are you, Our Lord and God. To receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they exist and were created. 

Ps 66.19, But truly God has listened he has attended to the voice of my prayer. 

Ps 69:12-13, But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord, at an acceptable time, O God in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness. Deliver me from sinking in the mire. 

Ps 71:20, YOu who have made me see many troubles and calamities, will revive me again from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and comfort me again. 

No end in sight

I've been meaning to post for days, but along with having my dearest friend Lindsay here ( why waste time blogging, when she's around?!) and my long lost friend Amy moving in LITERALLY within throwing distance( if you had a good arm) and Bethany returning for Round 2 of her visits... Well..normal days just haven't happened!
But the MAJOR reason there has been no blogging has been the return of Monmy Duties Extreme... Poor baby Ransom has been SERIOUSLY unhappy the last few days, which has made ME seriously unhappy! I'm still not entirely sure what was/is wrong with him ( projectile vomiting, fussiness, not sleeping..) but I'm praying like crazy that the end of it is near.

However, seriously, when I think about it- when I look at the lives of other Moms I know, I'm realizing more and more that you NEVER seem to reach a point of real normalcy.... Something always seems to be coming up to throw a wrench in your plans. I'd like to think that this is 3am talking ( the time that I'm writing this post) but I'm thinking sadly, no. I would, however, at LEAST like ONE WEEK where I feel like my child is sleeping and eating well, followed by ANOTHER WEEK of the same.. That's what I'd like.

Think ahead!

So, when you say something like, "Next week I'm not going to eat any sweets!" you should really think ahead and realize that on Tuesday you're going to have to take your son to the doctor and realize that the ONLY WAY to recover from that is ice cream.

I think the worst thing about the whole affair is that I think so much of Ransom's distress could have been prevented. Like, they could have been running on time and so my carefully planned out schedule that I made JUST FOR TODAY so that Ransom would be fed and awake would work. But NO...instead, Ransom was already dosing and fussy and really really needing a nap by the time the annoying lady came to give him his shots. And THEN she had to NOT have her act together and gave him one shot...and then waited forever doing WHO KNOWS WHAT while she got the other one ready...and my sweet little boy had already screamed and calmed himself back down. So this meant that with the second shot he was HYSTERICAL! She also gave him the liquid medicine first...the sweet stuff that probably would have helped calm him down from his Annoying Woman Induced screams, BUT NO.

And THEN...THEN they made us wait in the pharmacy for thirty minutes.
So, seriously once Ransom got home his little cries reached this high pitch that I have NEVER heard before. It was awful.

And so, he ate,  I gave him his tylenol and he's now taking an epic nap and I'm eating ice cream. We both deserve it.

Hard little life lessons

So, I had a big piece of humble pie this weekend....
I've basically decided-after being back home for about two hours ( so its possible I'll learn something later) that I should NOT have gone to the conference this weekend.

I mean, I honestly cannot figure out why I was there! I literally sat by myself for a majority of the weekend, because Ransom would NOT nap in his car seat ( go figure! Who would want to do that anyway?!?) and therefore I missed every session* because I was sitting up in an empty seating area while my child slept in a room nearby. Yeah. I would then be late for every meal because I was feeding Ransom first, and therefore I would show up-hand my kid over to someone for a short while, while I shoved food in my mouth. No good conversations with people there! The one possible saving grace of the weekend was that I got to lead a workshop with my friend Keri-and getting to prepare that workshop with her over the past few months has been REALLY great! But, to be honest she could have TOTALLY done it without me...and I think that's kind of why I feel humbled.
Was I really suppose to go to that Conference? If I'm honest about it, I didn't spend too much time praying about it at the time that it was first mentioned-I just went "business as usual" and at the time usual was to say "yes" to ministry opportunities...Now I am thinking that ministry opportunities equal my son...
Its hard to admit that I am so much more limited now-and while I wish that I could do everything-doing something as big as a conference without ever Brett there for help-it was silly.

BUT, on the plus side Ransom was an absolute DREAM CHILD for most of the weekend, including the car rides- seriously....LOVE this little boy!

*My wonderful super-hero of a friend, Marie took Ransom for the last session...along with her own four children. incidentally, she didn't go to ANY of the sessions-what an amazing person!

Mom ( or Dad!) Survey...

So, here's my Parenting Question for the day...

I am going to need to get Ransom up an hour ahead of schedule on Sunday and on Tuesday....should I just go ahead and get him up an hour early on Monday too? On one hand I do not want to confuse the kid more than I already am...on the other hand I don't want to start a trend.  So, to sum up...do you think I should or should not get Ransom up an hour early on Monday too.

Comment away!

units of time

There is this episode of Friends where Joey explains to Ross that if you don't work you have to divide your day into units of time...and you shouldn't do too many units in one day.

I took this very much to heart after having a baby...not because I wanted to spread things out, but because I literally COULDN'T HANDLE doing more than one "unit" a day...( i.e. taking a walk, going to the grocery store, going to the post office, cleaning the bathroom etc. etc.)

But, today, without even realizing it I did SEVERAL UNITS one right after the other...and its only 4pm!! So, what happened?!

7 hours of sleep happened!!!

YUUUUUSSSS! My good little baby slept like a champ last night. And therefore so did Mommy.

I hope that this will be a trend and will continue into this weekend- the weekend I like to call "Scare Abigail with a trip" weekend.

That's right, this weekend I am traveling with Ransom ( and several other ladies crammed in my car) to Toccoa, GA for the Navigator Fall conference ( that's a 3 and half hours drive...without a kid, in case you're wondering).
I will somehow figure out how to:
A.travel with my child.
B.pack all the appropriate STUFF that my child seems to need on a daily basis for a three day trip.
C.keep Ransom on a schedule so that he doesn't get cranky while at this conference.
D.go to meetings and also spend time with people at the conference.
E.LEAD a workshop that my friend Keri and I have been preparing.
F.not go insane.

I want to break out into hives just thinking about the logistics of this endeavor.

Things I love...

I am SO SO SO loving Autumn! And I'm loving the Autumn weather that we're having here in Georgia...Sunny and highs in the low 70s! 

Ransom and I took a walk with our friend Marie ( Ransom fell asleep) but I loved the sun and the good company ( and getting out of my house! haha!) 

Oh, and I love this little guy...

A machine

I am currently a feeding machine. I'm assuming Ransom is going through some sort of growth spurt ( or at least he BETTER BE) because the little dude has been waking up every three hours at night ( something I really thought he'd grown out of) and every two hours all day today to chow down....This has made me extra hungry ( this may or may not be in my mind...but whatever gives me the excuse to eat all these M&Ms I'm going with it).

In other, unrelated news, I have new neighbors. They have two daughters...or as I will call them from now on...two high pitched screaming banshees. I mean, seriously, people...the octave that little girls can reach when screaming-whether a happy scream, a mad scream, a sad scream or a "walking to the car" scream-it is all WAAAAAAY too much for my ears. I am annoyed. Which could also be directly related to my lack of sleep...and hunger.

So, in other unrelated news...I've put up Brett's new address...its highly possible that his Platoon and Squad ( and maybe even company) will change again since there is usually a reshuffle after each phase-but I feel like we can go with what we've got and it'll get to him, the mail people seem pretty good about getting him his letters :-)

Ok, also...( I won't say unrelated because I think we've established that this post is very "unrelated") I think I smell like sour milk. I've been smelling it off and on all day...and I think it may actually be ME! This is super embarrassing and now I must go take a shower before Ransom wakes up YET. AGAIN.

Bonus: I've added yet another tab at the top of the page, and "About Me" section which is really very self-involved. BUT, if you go read it-you maaaaay find a not-very-well-hidden Easter Egg. Or whatever they call them...but yeah, there's a little surprise in there. 

Same music...different tune

I am once again listening to the sound track of my child crying...but the Lord was TRULY merciful to me this evening and, somehow, I can handle it a little better now...

Just when I was really at the end of my rope ( seriously, I was having a hardcore inner monologue about how awful things where) when who was to call me on the phone?!?!

BRETT!!!!!!

Yay!! I got to talk to him for a whole five minutes and it just so happened to be a five minute period when his son was NOT screaming but smiling and cooing to himself so Brett was about to talk to his son and actually get some cute responses and NOT the screaming that I'm currently privy to...and OOOOOOH! Can I tell you how wonderful it was to hear his voice?!? AND on top of that Brett is infact moving on to the final stage of Ranger School as of tomorrow....ANNNNND on top of that if he passes the final stage then he'll actually be home earlier than I thought ( apparently they give them a few days before graduation to put on a little weight-probably so mothers everywhere do not file complaints with the federal government) and so I could see him as early as the 18th or 19th! AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Ok, lets stop a moment and realize just how weak I am...and how generous and merciful God is! I got off the phone with Brett and sat on my bed and told Ransom just how wonderful the Lord is that He is gracious and kind to his weak mother by letting her have a glimmer of hope JUST when I needed it!

You're invited!

To a Pity Party....

I'm throwing said party right now...the refreshments are Peanut M&Ms ( as luck would have it, I filled the bowl this afternoon...) and the soundtrack is Ransom going down for his nap-aka crying.

Let's get this party started!

First of all, I miss Brett. A. Lot.  And today it was strikingly clear when I went and penned airborne wings on Jaymon at his Airborne graduation. I know that BOTH of us would have rather had Brett be there doing that for him. I was a sad, sad substitute.

And it was also strikingly clear when a giant branch from a tree outside our house landed squarely on top of one of our cars...incidentally the car that I use everyday...the other car, the Prius- has low pressure in the tires and I haven't had a chance to take care of it since Brett left....anyway, so this giant branch landed on the car and did some damage to the passenger side of the car...nothing terrible, mostly just monitary damage ( you KNOW its gonna cost a million dollars to repair those dents and all that paint damage) and time damage ( you KNOW its going to be huge ol' hassle to get it appraised and then fixed with a baby in toe). And when it all comes down to it I just tired and grumpy about life and its times like these that you'd really like your husband there to commiserate with you.

But, as luck (?) would have it...its highly possible that Brett is parachuting into Florida tomorrow and thus starting the last phase of Ranger School...and that is SUCH good news, or at least it should be...if I wouldn't continually be a Debby Downer inside my head saying things like, "All these good things happening to us will surely end..."

Of course, having a giant branch fall on your car is not good...so maybe that'll take place of anything bad happening to Brett. ;-)

OH! And NONE of you said anything about my list of favorite posts...so BOO!

Ok. Parties over...I'll go do my best to turn off the soundtrack.

Cliff's Notes

So, tonight I discovered that I could add pages to my blog ( you're all probably saying something like, "duh!"... But let's bare in mind I'm still relatively sleep deprived, therefore slow.) and so I got very excited and decided to put together a list of "must read" blog posts. I've often lost sleep at night ( ha!) at the thought that someone might stumble upon my blog and, having not read the previous 1,800 and something posts ( no really... I'm THAT prolific!) they will not have any context clues on which to base this blog... How sad for them. And so, I am slowly making a little stock pile of posts that will give much needed perspective to this blog-the Cliff Notes- if you will...
So, go check it out and feel free to let me know if I've left out something good.

20/20 vision

So, first off...and this will have nothing to do with the rest of the post, but Ransom slept NINE HOURS LAST NIGHT!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! ( And with only one feeding in the middle...)
And this same child has been napping like a CHAMP all day!! Seriously, Sleep Training, I will SO write a glowing review of you if you asked...

Ok, now on to my post:

So, this afternoon I was headed out the door to make the loooong trek to Babies R Us to buy more bags for my Diaper Pail ( seriously, my child is the poopiest child ever...and this pail has been a LIFE SAVER!)-which incidentally, we did not make it to Babies R Us, because Ransom started crying soon after we left Fort Benning and I was faced with a HUGE, GIANT traffic jam, and so I took the nearest exit, made a big loop -came home and bought my diaper bags online...they will arrive on Friday and I will not have to have a screaming child in the car for any length of time. WIN.
Ok, wait, that's not where this was going...ok, right, I was headed out the door and I grabbed the mail and noticed a letter from Brett! YAY! And as I was grabbing the mail and heading to the car I heard the little beeping sound on my phone that lets me know I have a voice mail....and so that is how I got the WONDERFUL news from our dear friend Charlie, that Brett passed BOTH OF HIS PATROLS in the Mountain Phase of Ranger School!!! 
I was SO excited! And it made having to drive in a giant loop with a crying baby TOTALLY bareable. And so, when I got home from my totally pointless outing, I read Brett's letter-which he started with, "I'm pretty sure I didn't get a Go on my first patrol." And then he proceeded to tell me all the things he felt he'd done wrong over the last few days. But, you know what? I had already gotten the phone call from Charlie, and I ALREADY KNEW that each and every one of those mistakes that Brett had supposedly made had been covered up by Grace! And that's when I thought-I bet this is how God feels....I mean, don't get me wrong I am NOT equating myself to God, haha! But what I am saying is that how often am I bumming around, thinking how awful things are going ( for instance Ransom crying for days on end and me wondering if I was being a good Mom or if I was setting my child up for a life time of therapy) and God is shaking His head at me wondering when I'm going to remember that my life is covered by His Grace. That His mercy is FAR reaching...when am I going to have faith that He really DOES work all things for Good!?! And so it was kind of cool to have 20/20 vision of Brett's circumstances...to hear his perspective already knowing how it was going to end. But, maybe I need to have that kind of calm and peace going into ALL of our situations-since, its the same God working it all out-whether I know how or not!
So, in this instance it was nice knowing how the chapter ended, but I hope I have that same peace going into the Florida phase where I do NOT know the end result...

A baby and a bear's butt

So, it hasn't even been a WEEK yet of "sleep training" ( a.k.a torture for parents with ears) and things are already looking up for those who have to live with Ransom ( me).

Its actually pretty cute that I would say 65.9 percent of the time ( a percentage that I just made up because it sounded about right) when you put him down for his nap, all swaddled and with his pacifier, he immediately turns his little head and sticks it into the butt of his stuff bear and closes his eyes for about two seconds and then opens them up again as if to say, "nope! I'm not tired!! I won't be sleeping!" But, that two second snuggle with the bear butt is the dead give away that as soon as I walk away he's going to be out. And THAT'S SERIOUSLY WONDERFUL.

Incidentally, the bear butt thing...Ransom didn't come up with it on his own. I started sticking the stuffed bear up close to Ransom's face to "keep the pacifier in"-because that's what good mother's do....and now I think its actually part of our sleep ritual. hahaha!

Anyway, I wouldn't say we've got this sleeping thing down or this schedule thing down...but we're getting there and all the smiles and half laughs I'm getting from Ransom during his awake time is the sure sign that we're on the right track.

So, sigh....I'm sure I'm going to need another pep talk from one of you Mom's again in a few days when Ransom is screaming his head off for the fifty-millionth hour in a row...but I thought I'd take this moment  when Ransom DID go RIGHT DOWN for his nap with a sigh and a bear butt snuggle  to write a post...so I could look back at it and be reminded that while this whole parenting thing seems like a real shot in the dark most days- SOMETIMES it pays off.

Added Note: For those concerned, Ransom's bear is NOT cover his air passages..and it usually doesnt stay by his face for long ( he's a pretty active when he sleeps)-and don't worry I check on him and move it if it DOES seem to stay by his face longer than it should! :-)

A hard chocolate outer shell

An open letter:
I know it may seeeeem that I know what I'm doing, or strike that ( because it probably doesn't) or that I am confident in my parenting choices... But I'm not and I literally pray all the time that God would give me more wisdom and guidance, and shoot if He'd just send me a memo... Or even a status update would do... SOMETHING to assure me that I'm doing the right thing with my son....
This is all wrapped up in how much I miss Brett, at least then there would be two of us to blame for our bad parenting decisions. But, since it's just me, remember dear friends- I welcome your advice and comments, but tread lightly.... Under that hard outer shell I've got a layer that easily melts.

Fussy, Table for two

So, about a week ago I started to notice that Ransom was getting increasingly fussy when it came to going down for his nap or for bedtime. It seemed that no matter what I did he would fight sleep like it was going out of style and so he and I would spend most of the day struggling against each other in the hopes for him to catch a few winks.

Not a happy baby. Not a happy mommy.

And so we've begun "sleep training" basically the idea is that he'll learn how to go to sleep by himself and therefore he'll get MORE sleep and thus be a much happier baby and then I will be a much happier mommy.

At least that is the hopes. Things were really going well last night and up until this afternoon. In fact, he was doing so well that I noticed a marked difference in Ransom's attitude...he was a down right smiley baby! That's what I'm talking about! I don't think I've ever seen him smile so much! It was great fun!

And so as I listen to my little boy cry in the other room...with my phone on timer so that I can run in there as SOON as the timer says enough time has passed ( believe me this is HARD!), I believe that I am doing the right thing for him..he will ultimately be a happier baby and I so want that for him!

But this is hard, and its especially hard when I don't have my hubby around to help me through it-so it was nice that God reminded me of a verse last night to help me through...actually, Brett reminded me of the verse first-its actually the verse that he's memorizing while in Ranger School-so its kinda cool that its helping us BOTH.

Prov 3:12
because the LORD disciplines those he loves, 
       as a father  the son he delights in.