because of a play station.

Wow.
If there was ever a time to blog I suppose it should be right now.

Sitting in my parents guest bedroom a little after midnight. I feel like my life is in the oddest of places, I can't really sleep ( havent been able to sleep much for days..which is pretty normal with me and lifechanging times in my life)... Today was my Granddangy's funeral. My Papa did a wonderful job with the service. Everything he said was True and pointed to the Cross and to Jesus and to saving grace.
The Abt family was reunited for the first time in years which is just pitiful, that it takes the death of the patriarch for everyone to come together. But, I am grateful, I'm grateful for the fun I had reconnecting with my younger cousins. They're really quite fabulous...
I just realized of my twelve cousins on the Abt side. One is coming to my wedding. One.
I suppose it serves me right for getting married in the middle of summer. But sad, nonetheless. Anyway, I think my family is pretty special and great, and I'm sure everyone feels that way about there families, but I still wished several times today that Brett could have been there to meet them all.

It really hasnt fully set in that I will probably never return to the House on Janehaven Lakes. The pool where we all retreated to when Granddangy kept the house at a balmy 88 degrees in summer, the game table in the living room where I played literally THOUSANDS of games of cards and manopoly, the back bedroom where I slept hundreds of time under those peach colored comforters looking up at the coolest disney pictures ever that hung beside the bed....the kitchen table where I watched Grandmother put her make up on and where I sat to eat a good 15 thanksgiving dinners, the white couch were Granddangy always sat, bent over a cigerette giving his Words of Wisdom and watching old war movies. The attic room where my cousin Ryan and I were tortured by our older cousins in their "haunted house", the little "hidden room" upstairs that I thought was mine, but was probably just where Grandmother stored Christmas decorations, the grandfather clock in the living room that reminded us that we'd once again stayed up too late talking....

I'm tempted to go on, because even now I feel like its slipping through my fingers. I do hope that everyone, myself included, will make more of an effort to get together more often in the future. After all, these are the people that share these memories with me, and I would hate for our family to only be made up of memories, I'd like some present tense with them too.

So, Emma and Lydia are coming in to town tomorrow. I suppose this means that Wedding Party 2007 is officially beginning. It's incredibly hard to believe its all really here! In the past two days I've recounted ( in great detail, because that's how I roll) Brett's proposal twice. It seems like forever ago, and yet at the time the wedding seemed a far future thought.
And here we are.
How time does fly.

I am praying for beautiful times with my beloved friends, for I am truly truly blessed that I have four friends visiting from distant shores, and I feel like their time here should be considered more than just "Hey, look! We're here for your wedding!!"
These girls have shared some of my most 'defining moments' and I am glad God has found it best that they share this defining moment with me too.

So, tonight was officially my last night with just my parents. I must confess the last few weeks have not been what I would have expected, we've been FAR busier and FAR crazier than I think any of us would have liked. Tonight I was feeling kind of sorry for myself, thinking about how the past two years have been about a lot of things, but one of the most special things my time in nacogdoches has been about was spending time with my family, and I was so sad that tonight was pretty much it. From here on out, our little family unit, so to speak, will be brimming with extra members ( not necessarily a bad thing!).
But, then I was reminded that it would be far more important to have two solid weeks with my parents, and just my parents,if it hadnt been for two-times a week coffee dates at Java Jackes, or Thursday Sandwiches with Papa, or Sunday lunches. But, that's just it. I have been blessed with a wonderful close family, and I know that adding a few extra girls and one boy in the next two weeks is not going to make my time with them any less sweet. Its going to be very sweet.

I have now officially started crying. I figured as much, since I've been holding it together rather nicely all day, it seems only fitting to cry into your pillow by yourself at the end of a day like today.

thoughts and the like

I've been writing thank you notes. It takes me about an hour to write three. And I have found that I have a strange habit of holding my breath while I write. Odd, huh?
So, an hour and a half later-I'm totally out of breath.

I got a brandnew camera on Sunday. Mostly because I'm spoiled rotten. I've been having fun taking random pictures of things, but I'm looking forward to Friday when the real fun should begin ( Emma and Lydia arrive) . I'm going to be a picture taking crazy person.
Or just crazy. Depending on whether I'm taking pictures or not.

Lately I feel like I should be writing heaps and heaps, just to document how God has been taking care of everything, down to the tiniest detail. But, that's the thing about tiny details, it doesnt actually look that fantastical on paper, but believe me, the fact that I was able to reschedule an impossible to reschedue doctor's appointment so I could go to my Grandfather's funeral tomorrow. Well, things like that. Tiny Miracles are miracles nonetheless, and they remind you Who's in charge.
Or the fact that I'm so delighted that I get to live with my parents for a little while before getting married. I feel like every second I get to spend with my family is a completely fabulous gift right now. I feel like I just stumbled into the plan to live with them, and its turned out to be such an important detail. Dumb luck, also a tiny miracle.

I feel a lot like my camera right now, zooming in on tiny details that are usually just lost in the big picture. But, It seems to be those little details that are making life so special right now.




( My Papa holding his new tibet knife that he pretty much just carries around the house all the time, pulling it out at random times, saying "Isnt my knife cool?!")

thank you...

For your sweet words and especially for your prayers.

Totally how I feel about my stuff being in Sacramento for three days...

memory.

Last night, my father's dad, Frank Abt "Granddangy" past away in his sleep.

When I was little Granddangy would let me eat his Little Debbie's mini white powdered donuts when I went to visit him.
I could totally use a donut right about now.

"Faithful"

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
i wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for


When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
i still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,
knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want
~Brooke Fraser.

gone.

They came and took my things away today. Basically I only have what will fit in a rather large, boat like, suitcase. Three weeks and I will be getting married. I honestly can't wait. I dont think its NATURAL to be away from some one you love so much.
I just watched a terrible movie for anyone who's about to get married: Miss Potter. Not to ruin anything for you, but her fiance dies while she's away on holiday with her parents who insisted that they wait to get married. Its dreadful.
But, besides me crying, it was a pretty adorable movie, I recommend it because it documents a simple innocence that is so often lost these days.


I've been having a grand ol' time the past few days completing to do lists with my mother. I feel like I'm on vacation staying in my parents house. A vacation on which I do things like call the phone company and cancel my landline and go to the post office and change my mailing address...

Tomorrow I am going to clean out my apartment. I foolishly thought it wasnt going to take long, but then I remembered I'll have to do unagreeable tasks like clean the stove. ew. Ah well, at least it is for a very good cause. I am so excited that my apartment is going to be lived in by non-stranger! Ann Marie is fantastically perfect for my apartment among the trees! My prayers were TRULY answered when I asked that God would give me someone SPECIAL to live in my apartment! Is it strange that I find it comforting that something like that would work out?! I feel like me leaving is really SUPPOSE to happen...I mean, how else would Ann Marie decide to take a teaching job at NHS and move out of her house and get the perfect place to live?!

Yes, things are falling into their places.

All the things I lost sleep over...

...Were totally taken care of today. God is SO GOOD! Let me just tell you, that in a little under an hour and a half my six angels/friends ( Ryan, Josh, Thomas, Aaron, Anna and Katie) packed ALL my worldly belongings into the impossibly small space of 6ft by 9ft of truck. It should also be noted, while your gasping in delighted astonishment, that the truck did not get stuck when it was driving down my windy driveway, it did not pour down rain ( even though the sprinkles and lightening and dark clouds threated it.) and I did not have to leave anything behind because of lack of room!! SERIOUSLY!!!

I cannot tell you how realized and grateful I am.

And all day it has been really impressed upon my heart how unworthy of all the many blessings that God has given me, forgiveness for my nasty-sinful ways being at the tip-top of the list. There are really just know words for how taken-care-of and loved I feel... :-)

Just shut the door.

So, I'm about to leave my office. For the last time. I no longer have a key. So guess this is it. I'm not coming back.
Kinda anti-climatic. No one is even here for me to say good-bye to, however, the two boardmembers that I worked with the most both came by the office for work today so I did say goodbye to them....
Sad.

I also had TWO visitors to the office today for various things, which is kinda crazy. i never have visitors! It was also strange to think that I was giving them advice and telling them they could call the office any time, and yet I didnt know who would be helping them with any future questions or needs. meh. I feel like I'm giving up a baby or something.

In the past year I've learned a lot and I've grown a lot:
created a website, did lots and lots of data entry/data base creation, talked on the phone with elderly people for hours and hours, wrote 30 articles for the Daily Sentinel, overcame (some) my fears of asking for money face-to-face, wrote countless thank you letters and letters of recognition, planned and ran countless meetings, learned how to use quickbooks, learned about accounting and did monthly books and I helped raise the money and then give $55,000 worth of scholarships! That's pretty cool!


Yup, a lot of the things I've done I was VERY stressed out about in the process, but God was faithful to get me through every single one...AND pretty successfully! And once again, I am thankful for a job that was PERFECT for the season of life that I was in! I am continually delighted at how I have NO IDEA going in, just how great and perfect its going to be...but it ALWAYS is!!!

And so now...I leave.

take care of.

Life is at the weirdest spot right now. I’m currently packing, finishing up my job (tomorrow’s my last day! Tonight is my last board-meeting!) and trying to do last minute wedding organizations, preparing for a heap load of visitors, AND think about the future…

My mother has been a GOD SEND…she has been practically attacking my to-do list(s) with some sort of amazing force that I cannot even explain, but for which I am SUPER thankful for!! I’ve also been grateful for Brett and his family and how really fabulous they’ve been in helping me do all these annoying “pack up your life” tasks….and Ryan and Anna…they’re being great too! Oh, and all my wonderful friends who are going to come ( hint, hint) and help me move on Thursday evening ( starting at 5:30/6pm)…I feel very taken care of in the physical sense.
So, seriously, I’m lucky. I’m lucky because while life seems a TAD out of control, I also have a very real sense that someone is IN control. Yes, God has been so very present and comforting and teaching and reassuring and encouraging and reminding…and all those wonderful Father-God kinda things! …I feel very taken care on the not-physical sense too.

And, hey, look at that count down...I’m getting married really soon. Can you believe it?!

"I forgot to eat dinner"

Its impossible for packing to not be a horribly depressing task. My apartment is an empty shell of all the wonderful times I had there. And even more so, it is no longer "home". Its dreadful to not have a home. It really is.
At the same time, it makes me appreciate "homes" so much more...
I've moved in with my mother. Which I think will benefit both of us, since my father is still in China therefore she's all alone, and currently my bed is covered in boxes and old newspapers.

I am also very aware of God's grace today. He is faithful.

Brought to you by the letter B

I just got back from dropping Brett off at the airport. *sigh*
The good thing is that the next time I see him we'll be getting married, in like, ten days or something...ANNNNND I wont have to say good bye to him for, like, a long time. So that's fantastic.
However, that didnt make it any easier today.

I came home tonight to a kitten who was pretty excited about me being home. As much as I will NOT miss the "Hey, I'm awake, let's play!" at 3am or the horrible red scratches up and down my leg....I'm totally going to miss little Miss B.B....she definitely has a lot of personality, and Brett and I spent a lot of time lounging on my couch watching her attack things instead of packing. So, I suppose in the long run its good the kitty and I are parting ways soon...I reeeeeally need to get something things done.

I hope everyone is praying for this "moving thing"...because, honestly, there are way too many places for things to go wrong for my liking.

Life in boxes

I'm constantly being struck with "lasts". This season here in Nacogdoches is coming to a close. Its sad, but in a very happy kind of a way. I realize just how blessed I am and what wonderful times I have had and especially what truly wonderful souls I've had around me. I will miss so many people.

I'm trying to pack. Luckily, the wedding shower presents I got today, came neatly packed in boxes. So, you know, I'm half way there.

Amendments

So, Brett's flight was delayed. He's not getting in until 3am.
His wonderful brother Josh has stepped up to the plate and is going to the airport instead of me. But, now I'm praying hard for their safety on the road.

Its been a tough day on so many fronts. I just want to cry or throw up or something.

Sometimes it is so apparent that we live in a fallen world.

count down until...

It should be noted that it is ONE MONTH UNTIL THE WEDDING!!!
It is TWO WEEKS until Emma and Lydia arrive.
It is TWO WEEKS and FIVE DAYS until Brett and Tabitha arrive.
It is THREE WEEKS and TWO DAYS until Carmi arrives.


Oh, and in ten hours I get to pick Brett up at the airport for the weekend. Yay!

Exciting times ahead.

Nocturnally Nasty. And other complaints

So, at this present moment, I have a loudly purring kitten asleep in my lap. You would NEVER guess that this little soft ball of fluff is the one responsible for the SEVERAL large unsightly gashes on my legs....nope. She only gets violent at night.
*sigh*
Yes, being the mommy to this little kitten has been a tad painful, but its also been pretty fun. B.B. was VERY entertaining yesterday when she thought the giant garbage bag full of plastic supermarket bags ( which are perfect for packing books in by the way...we'll get to that in a sec.) was the BEST trampoline ever.. She would run...and jump high into the air to land smack dab in the middle of the plastic bags, where she would nestle for a while and purr loudly, then get back up, run, jump, rustle around in the bags...repeat. cute.

What isnt cute are the giant gashes in on my legs, hands and arms that she bite/scratched her way into me at various intervals last night, when she couldnt find anything else worthy of being attacked with her mighty viciousness.... Doesnt she know I'm getting MARRIED soon?! I look like an abused person.

I've been busy "trying" to pack. I hate packing. The moment the packing process starts I get depressed and stressed. my house is a wreck and its pointless to clean it, because I'm just going to pack it all up and create more messes. But, I've got one week today to have everything packed up and ready to go. Of course, that seeeeeems like plenty of time, but first we need to discount lots of time for travel ( airport time for Brett! eee!), shower time ( yay! these wedding showers are fun!!), work time ( last week of work, seriously stressing me out. too much to do. )....so I actually dont have as much time as I THINK I do to pack..

I'm also stressed because I'm worried about the moving truck getting stuck at my house ( basically I live on a muddy hill and with all this rain, its gonna be rough. So, if you think about it...pray that these "little afternoon showers" would stop for at least a week )...and I'm worried I will forget something, or wont have all the right packing equipment....do I need a ramp for the truck? What exactly IS an 4 by 8 piece of wood and why do I need two of them?? Do I need blankets for all my mirrors and glass tables?!
These are the things going through my mind...

But, I'm trying to use my sister's technique of telling myself that "this time next week it'll all be over"...It kind of works, at least it helps me not to feel toooo sorry for myself, after all, all the things that are major stressors right now , work and moving, will be OVER come next friday.

Then I think we should party.

Until then, dont except me to blog anything profound.

Yes, and did I mention that today at work, I was majorly focused ( somebody pat me on the back) and I told myself I wouldnt go to lunch until I came to a good "stopping point"....so now, lets take guesses of when that was?!
3pm.

That's right...six hours later I was finally at a "stopping point".

And this is why I never work particularly hard, it only leads to major sugar lows!

So, I came home to a really lonely cat, where I ate Special K cereal and wrote thank you notes. ( if anyone receives a thank you with milk on it...you know why....) for hours.

I know that one day in the future my life is not going to be this crazy....but at this present moment I can't imagine when that will be...

Chicken, running, head, off

Man, today's been super busy. I'm SO tired of being at work. I wanna quit. Today.
*sigh*
Only a few more days, and I still kinda want to leave with everyone still loving me, so I suppose I'll try to finish off all the remaining things for me to do.
But...
In about ten minutes I'm going home. Because I have a kitten who's probably lonely ( yes, I'm baby-sitting baby B.B. for the Kings while they are at their beach house....incidently, I wonder if the King family realized they just named their cat B.B. King.) I went home over my lunch break and she ran and sat on my feet and purred really loudly as if to say, "meeeh! I've missed having a person around to bite!"

I've got scratches all over my arms from her "love bites"...she's kinda into playing rough...at 6am.

Anyway, I'm going home to play with the kitten, and to fold newsletters. Yup, that's right...onnnnneeeeee laaaaaaaassssstttttt newsletter before I leave! Woo! And then...Never again.

Before I leave, however, I must leave you with one last thing: Katie (as in my "quasi-sister-in-law") has started a yummy new blog....so check it out and encourage herin her endeavors!

"you look so thin."

I'm sure the person that told me that yesterday had NO IDEA that it would impact my morning on such a profound level. As in, I would not get up to go for a run even though I made a fabulous new "let's get this party started" running play list for my ipod last night.

Yup, even though I wasnt even that tired when the alarm went off, I just wasnt feeling it. "And BESIDES someone told me I looked THIN yesterday!"
whether that is a true or not true is besides the point.
I was being lazy. darn it. It's friday afterall.

Maybe I'll run this evening instead.

Even though its suppose to be at least 100 degrees outside today ( for serious.)...

So, my father left for Tabet today...I hope he found the card that I left him. :-(
Yup, my father is going to Tabet for two weeks, there are all sorts of jokes one could make about him running away from all the wedding planning etc. etc. But we all know that's not true! Afterall, if there was ever a low-maintence wedding planning family it would me mine.
I was reading that annoying comic strip "For Better or Worse" today in the newspaper, and it was all about how this friends mother was running the girls wedding...it was awful. And I'm dreadfully thankful that I have SUCH a wonderful mother, who is as far away from the pushy mother-of-the-bride as she can be...

I'm currently trying to get all my work done by the 20th of June. I had orginally told my board that I would leave on the 22nd. But, in all honesty I can have everything that *i* think should be done by the 20th...and, hey, I'm MOVING on the 21st!!!
So, yeah, its not up for discussion. Besides, its crazy pills hot in my office.


..

Would anyone like to go see Ocean's Thirteen with me this afternoon or this evening?!
edit: Going to see Ocean's Thirteen at 8:15. Let me know if you'd like to join in!

No matter what is going on...

My Today


All the field of my Today
Is in shadow, passes from me;
No more can I sow in it;
No more can I grow in it
Anything of joy or sorrow;
It has passed away, away.
Lies before me my Tomorrow.

In me I hear voices say
As my field recedes in shadow:
"What seed didst thou sow in it?
What lans didst thou grow in it?
Will it bring forth joy or sorrow?"
O thou field of my Today,
How wilt thou appear Tomorrow?

Holy Lord, my poor Today
Cries aloud to Thee for pardon;
Take my new field, sow in it
What THou wilt should grow in it;
Let me not sow seeds of sorrow.
Holy Husbandman, I pray
Keep the field of my Today.



Amy Carmichael

Girl Crushes

For some reason I only get girl crushes on musicians. I mean, I still have a serious thing for Imogene Heap....she's SO cool. Her music is addictive, her style is unique, she's rediculously giant( she's super tall) yet feminine. Yup, larger than life, all the way.

And now, I'm really digging Regina Spektor....She's got fabulous music. And she has great style too. ( if I were to forget my great hatred for lipstick than I'd probably want to wear it after seeing her.) So, since I've been listening to her all morning ( her song Samson...listen to it, if you havent already), trying to not think about the inevitible sweat stains I'm probably getting since my office is crazy pills hot.

An open letter.

Deer Aron ( ore annie won alse),

Sense u sew kindley brout upp agen howl badley eye speel.

Eye no sum thymes Eye dew knot right write. Tis can ownly bee deskribed ass Abigail beeing, howl due u say it?, lacey. Tats write! Eye aim lacey!

Eye will off-tin right sum-tin n a madder of ceconds an knot sea tagging! Tats write! Eye due knot reed my oh-one bloog! Butt, their is know acuse four tis beehavor, sew two-day Eye mae ore mae knot due butter.
Sincurley,
ab

20/20 vision

Dont you just love how easily "one month, one week, one day" rolls off the tongue.
Probably not as good as "zero" days. But, I'll take what I can get.

I had lunch with Christa today. I've missed my Bible Study girls so much already. However, we luckily live in an age of communication and I can't wait to hear all about their future fun even if it'll be from afar.

Last night I found my journal from 2002, the year I found myself "wrapping up" my life in high school, trying to decide where to go to college, deciding to go to NZ, leaving my friends and facing the future. So, even though it was from my 18 year old perspective, I couldnt help finding a little consolation in the fact that hidesight has proved that huge life changes can turn out better then alright when God is at the helm. It was almost humerous thinking how stressed and worried I was at that time in my life, and how well things eventually turned out.

I mean, I would neeeeeevvveeeeeer be that way now.....

hehe.

sit very very still

...or your bellybutton will start to sweat.

My office has officially lost the good will of Nacogdoches High School ( aka. they have cut off the airconditioning in my building for the summer).
Its kinda hot in here. But probably not as hot as it WILL be in the next few weeks. meeh.

So, next week, I'm taking care of Amy's family's new kitten. B.B. ( I can't remember what B.B. stands for). I'm kinda excited. Kinda nervous.
I've never taken care of a KITTEN before, surely baby cats are harder than full grown cats, and they DEFINITELY need more attention. But, at the same time, I'm not allergic to baby cats ( they dont have the hair dander yet)...so for that I am grateful, because I DOOO love cats so much. :-(

It should also be noted that in two weeks I will offically be packing up my apartment. And therefore I will probably start mixing my usual "wedding disaster" dreams with "moving disaster" dreams just to make my sleeping life even MORE like my real life. hahaha.
But, seriously, I'm nervous. I'm nervous about the giant truck that will be coming to my house, and hopefully making it down my driveway. I'm nervous about the "wood planks" that i have to buy...and the possible "ramp" I'm going to need...all of these things are part of the very "for males to deal with only" category of my life.
And of course, Brett will be all up in Washington, being unhelpful there. And my father will be in Tibet ( yes, I know, my father is going to Tibet for two weeks....its crazy), being unhelpful there. So, I will be calling in all of my already used up favors from my handsome, talented, smart, generous friends to get this much needed and stressful task completed. *sigh*


( If you would like to be a part of the greatest, most satisfying party of the year: Prepare yourself for "Abigail moves into an 18 wheeler" Party to be held on June 21st-in the evening time...or whenever you can make it. Regrets only.)

thank you, thank you, thank you.

So, I've been at java jacks for about an hour and a half now...writing thank you notes. I finally had to stop because my hand was cramping up and my handwriting was becoming dangerously close to unreadable.

I'm kinda bummed because I forgot my headphones...and I'd SO much rather be listening to MY music than to the annoyingness that they are playing here. Come on people, you've got satellite radio. You have NO excuse for this badness.

But, this Java Shake is making up for it. man, they are SOOO good.....
I also ( literally) ate my words today about Cane's Chicken Fingers Resturant, today. I mean, I made huge fun of them when they opened because they ONLY sell chicken finger baskets, and I figured what kind of lame place only sells one product?! Turns out a place that knows how to make really fabulous dipping sauce.
So, I apologize Cane's, you may have no imagination and have really annoying radio advertisments, but you do know how to do ONE thing really well.

Yesterday I had "family time" with my parents and Ryan and Anna....we had really good Japanese food and then planned to watch a movie....which is where things kinda went down hill.
First, we voted on which movie to see ( slim pickings)...and Mom and I lost to everyone else who wanted to see Mr. Brooks...which turned out to be HORRIBLE.
To truly discribe to you how horrible I'd have to go into details-and i honestly like all of you too much to do that to you...so take my word for it. Dont SEE THIS MOVIE.

So, I walked out...leaving my family behind ( who apparently left about two minutes after me.), so I went into the movie, Knocked up, which I had heard was "the best comedy of the year"
After about ten minutes I can attest to the fact that if this is the best comedy of the year, and people enjoy this kind of low-brow humor than our society is truly going to hell in a handbasket. no lie.
Thus, once again I walked out of the theatre ( I was on a roll)...and finally ended up with the rest of my family to watch Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End for the second time. To be honest, I wasnt really THAT excited by this movie the first time I saw it, but strangely enough ( or maybe just in contrast to the two pieces of trash I'd just viewed) I really enjoyed it way more the second time. And, as an added plus we stayed till after the credits so I got to see the little "extra" at the very end...
So WILL there be yet ANOTHER PotC movie?! Only time and lots of money will tell. ;-)

Thus third times the charm.


And now, I'm back to my thank yous...